Working with Individuals Affected by Homelessness: An Empathy-Driven Approach
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Working with Individuals Affected by Homelessness: An Empathy-Driven Approach
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Working with Individuals Affected by Homelessness: An Empathy-Driven Approach
- 1. Mini-Course
- 2. Ryan Dowd 1) Shelter Director 2) www.homelesslibrary.com 3) ALA Book
- 6. The Problems You Think You Have 1) Body odor 2) Sleeping/snoring in library 3) Talking to self 4) Fighting with staff 5) Etc…
- 7. Your Real Problem You are trying to use “Punishment-Driven Enforcement” with homeless patrons.
- 10. Three Parts 1) How homeless patrons are different than you 2) Psychological principles 3) Different tools for different stages of conflict
- 11. Homeless Individuals are Exactly Like You…
- 12. …Except How They Are Not
- 13. Homeless Individuals Grew Up Poor
- 14. Key Differences 1) Communication Style 2) Experiences 3) Worldview 4) Triggers
- 16. Communication Style Smaller Vocabulary More Non-Verbal
- 20. Reciprocity
- 22. Tools
- 28. Cup of Pennies
- 30. How to Stand
- 33. Talk Quieter
- 35. Breaking up a Fight
- 36. Conclusion
- 37. If you liked this… www.homelesslibrary.com
Editor's Notes
- When not writing books for ALA = ED of one of Hesed House, one of the largest shelters in Illinois Started volunteering at Hesed House at 13… Started working at the shelter 21 and…. Pulled pork story I wish I had received training like what you are about to…
- Three parts: Deep understanding of homeless individuals, particularly how they are different than you. I’m going to convince you that everything you’ve been taught about how to enforce the rules is wrong (especially when dealing with homeless patrons) I’m going to teach you a different way that is both more compassionate and more effective
- New paradigm Punishment-driven vs. empathy driven chart The key is HOW you enforce the rules
- Three parts: Deep understanding of homeless individuals, particularly how they are different than you. I’m going to convince you that everything you’ve been taught about how to enforce the rules is wrong (especially when dealing with homeless patrons) I’m going to teach you a different way that is both more compassionate and more effective
- Just like you Parents Hopes, dreams Hurts, disappointments Favorite movie Favorite food Etc.
- Just like you, except the way they aren’t. Those differences are important NOT STEREOTYPE (can’t describe everyone) Help you understand the differences to empathize and understand
- Most, grew up poor. Not surprising (systemic injustice is real) Culture of poverty Controversial Middle class lens is deemed correct Neither is inherently right or wrong Not all homeless grew up in intergenerational poverty Not every library staff grew up middle class
- Most, grew up poor. Not surprising (systemic injustice is real) Culture of poverty Controversial Middle class lens is deemed correct Neither is inherently right or wrong Not all homeless grew up in intergenerational poverty Not every library staff grew up middle class
- Different communication style speak differently than you. Formal register Casual register Cameron story – bugs bunny
- Not same as stupid By age 3, child from professional home has heard 30million more words than three year old in poverty In fact, 3 year old in professional household has larger vocabulary than adult in welfare household Particularly short on PREPOSITIONS and ADVERBS PROBLEM, SNAFU, CATASTROPHE Pay more attention to: Body language, Vocal inflection, Volume
- Different worldview View time differently = Shortened time horizon Who thinks about next week, year, retirement, 250 years from now 24 hours Crisis mode Hunger, danger (MASLOW’S HIERARCHY) problems: 1) hard to make plans 2) punishment over 24 hours
- But first: Psychology of voluntary compliance
- Emotional contagion Our emotions are LITERALLY contagious How they work THIS IS THE NEUROLOGICAL BASIS OF EMPATHY What this means: You can catch You can give Rule: NEXT SLIDE Rule #1 People are more likely to voluntarily comply if you share GOOD emotions.
- Reciprocity Examples: - Someone buys you a beer - Someone takes your shift Caveats: - Perceived, not actual - Negative stronger than positive by about a factor of 5 Results in “Reciprocity math” (5 x 5 x 5) Feuds, gang fights, wars, etc. If I could change one thing I would make it 1:1 The bible tried: Eye for an eye
- Psychology of relationship Dr. John Gottman Ratio of 5:1 positive to negative We think that one good thing cancels out 1 bad thing, but it’s not true… it takes 5 good things to cancel out 1 bad thing Think about that before you say something snotty. Building blocks of relationship: Compliments Questions Deeds Touch Four big killers of relationship: Criticism Defensiveness Stonewalling Contempt – convey they are worthless (single greatest predictor of divorce) Rule #4 People are more likely to voluntarily comply if you if you do five POSITIVE things before you ask.
- You have tools toolbelt Fire and water, punishment and empathy I’m going to teach you over 80… don’t try all at once Krissie and the cable company - Use as last resort because it limits options
- Solve problems as early as possible Next: chart
- Lead don’t follow Can’t push a string Whoever controls the tone of the conversation, controls the situation Don’t fight fire with fire. Fight with water NEXT: video wrong
- Lead don’t follow Can’t push a string Whoever controls the tone of the conversation, controls the situation Don’t fight fire with fire. Fight with water NEXT: video wrong
- Lead don’t follow Can’t push a string Whoever controls the tone of the conversation, controls the situation Don’t fight fire with fire. Fight with water NEXT: video wrong
- Lead don’t follow Can’t push a string Whoever controls the tone of the conversation, controls the situation Don’t fight fire with fire. Fight with water NEXT: video wrong
- Hands:<iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/250034241?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" width="640" height="360" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe><iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/250034241?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" width="640" height="360" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe> Not: Arms crossed Hands on hips Pointing Hands in fists Instead: Pockets Behind back Praying ninja or Contemplative DO NOT INTERLACE FINGERS
- Lead don’t follow Can’t push a string Whoever controls the tone of the conversation, controls the situation Don’t fight fire with fire. Fight with water NEXT: video wrong
- Hands:<iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/250034241?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" width="640" height="360" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe><iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/250034241?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" width="640" height="360" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe> Not: Arms crossed Hands on hips Pointing Hands in fists Instead: Pockets Behind back Praying ninja or Contemplative DO NOT INTERLACE FINGERS
- Hands:<iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/250034241?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" width="640" height="360" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe><iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/250034241?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" width="640" height="360" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe> Not: Arms crossed Hands on hips Pointing Hands in fists Instead: Pockets Behind back Praying ninja or Contemplative DO NOT INTERLACE FINGERS
- Lead don’t follow Can’t push a string Whoever controls the tone of the conversation, controls the situation Don’t fight fire with fire. Fight with water NEXT: video wrong
- talk quieter They will be louder Even absurd Next: 2 VIDEOS bad first
- Lead don’t follow Can’t push a string Whoever controls the tone of the conversation, controls the situation Don’t fight fire with fire. Fight with water NEXT: video wrong
- Breaking up a fight: 2 things to know: Must look willing to fight Don’t want to fight Most fights are peacocking – slow and loud Real fight = fast and quiet
- Breaking up a fight: 2 things to know: Must look willing to fight Don’t want to fight Most fights are peacocking – slow and loud Real fight = fast and quiet
- Breaking up a fight: 2 things to know: Must look willing to fight Don’t want to fight Most fights are peacocking – slow and loud Real fight = fast and quiet