HOW CAN YOU HELP A CHILD AND HIS/HER REJECTED PARENT? • Listen to the child, without negating what the child is saying, regardless of how outlandish it may be (that is the child's reality) and then encourage the child to hear the rejected parent's point of view. Appeal to the child's maturity by saying that is the way mature people handle conflicts. • Appeal to the child's intellect by encouraging him/her to carefully consider ideas or statements that are blatantly false or outlandish. STOP Undermining and interfering with a normal child-parent bond.

1. PARENTAL
ALIENATION
Undermining
andinterfering
withanormal
child-parentbond.
www.PAAwareness.org
WHATCANYOUDOIFYOUR
CHILDISBEINGALIENATED?
•Donotargueorgetdefensivewithyourchild,
itcreatesbadfeelingsandisnotlikelyto
changehis/hermind.
•Letyourchildknowthatyouhaveadifferent
understandingofthesituationandyouwould
bewillingtoshareyourperspectiveifandwhen
thechildisinterested.
•Continue,inanypossibleway,toletthechild
knowthathe/sheisloved.
•Controlyourownangerandstaycalm,
evenwhenhurtorfrustrated.
•Holdyourselftothehighestpossiblestandard
ofbehavior(donotgivethealienatingparent
ammunition).
•Workonimprovingyourownparentingskills.
•Alwayscall/pickupthechildatscheduledtimes,
andbethereevenifyouknowthechildwon't
beavailable.
•Createpositiveexperiences/memorieswith
yourchild.
•Providementalhealthtreatmentforyourself
andyourchildwithprofessionalsexperienced
withparentalalienation.
•Buildasupportnetworkwithfriends,family,
communityresources,andsupportgroups.
•Becomeeducatedandhelpothersinvolvedwith
yourchildtolearnmoreaboutparentalalienation.
•Attempttoworkconstructivelywiththeother
parent,eitherdirectlyorthroughmediation.
•Continuetoattemptpositivecommunication,
onaregularbasis,evenifthechildrejectsor
ignoresit.
WHATNOTTODO
•Donotignoretheproblem–itwillnotgoaway.
•Nevergiveuphopeandnevergiveuponyourchild.
HOWCANYOUHELPACHILD
ANDHIS/HERREJECTEDPARENT?
•Listentothechild,withoutnegatingwhatthe
childissaying,regardlessofhowoutlandishit
maybe(thatisthechild'sreality)andthen
encouragethechildtoheartherejected
parent'spointofview.Appealtothechild's
maturitybysayingthatisthewaymaturepeople
handleconflicts.
•Appealtothechild'sintellectbyencouraging
him/hertocarefullyconsiderideasorstatements
thatareblatantlyfalseoroutlandish.
•Pointouttothechildhowpersuasiveadvertising
caninfluenceaperson'sthinkingandtrytorelate
thattothechild'sthinkingabouttherejectedparent.
•Lookforbooksormoviesthatcanstimulate
discussionabouttheimportanceoftwoparents
andthesadnessofhavingonlyoneparent.
•Ifappropriate,inviteboththechildand
rejectedparenttothesamefunction,making
thechildawarethattherejectedparentisvalued
andappreciated.
•Lookforopportunitiestoprovidepositiveinput
aboutthetargetedparent.
Ifyouareateacher,counselor,coach,clergyman,
parentofthechild'sfriend,friend,orfamilymember:
Theinformationprovidedinthispamphletisbased
inpartonthefollowingworks:
Baker,A.J.L.(2007).Adultchildrenofparentalalienationsyndrome:
Breakingthetiesthatbind.NY:W.W.Norton.
Clawar,S.S.&Rivlan,B.(1991).Childrenheldhostage:
Dealingwithprogrammedandbrainwashedchildren.
Chicago,IL:AmericanBarAssociation.
Darnall,D.(1998).DivorceCasualties:Protectingyourchildren
fromparentalalienation.Lanham,MI:TaylorTrade.
Rand,D.,Rand,R.,&Kopetski,L.(2005).TheSpectrumofParental
AlienationSyndromePartIII:TheKopetskiFollow-upStudy.
AmericanJournalofForensicPsychology,23(1),15-43.
Warshak,R.(2001).Divorcepoison:Protectingtheparent-child
bondfromavindictiveex.NY:HarperCollins.
...extendingthroughtheyearsofchildhoodandadolescence
inhis[orher]relationswithbothparents,[achild]builds
upworkingmodelsofhowattachmentfiguresarelikelyto
behavetowardshiminanyvarietyofsituations;andon
thosemodelsarebasedallhisexpectations,andtherefore
allhisplans,fortherestofhislife.
-JohnBowlby,Separation,Anxiety,andAnger

2. Aconflictedfamilydynamic
thatdrawsachildinto
sidingwithoneparent,
changingapreviouslygood
relationshipwithanow
rejectedparentinorderto
dobattle.Thechildmay
becomepreoccupiedwith
criticismsoftherejected
parent,whicharenormallyinconsequential,
exaggerated,orunfoundedinreality.Aparent
mayunderstandthetheoreticalimportanceofthe
otherparentinthelifeofthechild,butbelieves
hisorhercaseistheexception.
WHATISPARENTAL
ALIENATION?
Badmouthingtherejectedparent,suchas
•Speakingnegativelyaboutaparentto,orin
frontof,thechild.
•Inaccuratelyoruntruthfullytellingthechild
abouttherejectedparent,orsuggestingthey
areunsafeordangerous.
•Exaggeratingminorflawsintherejectedparent.
•Inappropriatelyconfidingadultinformationwith
thechild.
Interferinginachild’scontactwitha
rejectedparent,suchas
•Throwingoutgiftsandlettersfromthe
rejectedparent.
•Callingexcessivelyduringtimewiththe
rejectedparent.
•Earlypickupsorlatedropoffsfortimewiththe
rejectedparent.
•Forbiddinganyreferenceto,orphotosofthe
rejectedparent.
•Schedulingactivitiesthatcompetewithtime
withtherejectedparent.
•Monitoringorforbiddingcommunicationor
timewiththerejectedparent.
ALIENATION?WHYWOULDTHECHILD
BELIEVETHEALIENATINGPARENT?
•Thechildfeelstheneedtoprotectaparentwho
isdepressed,anxious,orneedy.
•Thechildwantstoavoidtheangerorrejection
ofthealienatingparent.
•Thechildhasunresolvedfeelingsaboutthe
rejectedparentandthedivorce.
•Maylackthecapacitytofeelguiltyabout
inconsiderateorcruelbehaviorstowardthe
rejectedparent,ortoforgiveanypastconflicts.
ALIENATEDCHILDRENMAYGROWUP
TOBECOMEADULTSWHO:
ALIENATINGBEHAVIORSINCLUDE:
•Havetroubletrustingothers.
•Havelowself-esteem.
•Havedifficultlysustainingintimaterelationships.
•Experienceshameforhurtingtherejectedparent.
•Sufferfromdepression.
•Engageinsubstanceabusetorelievethepain
ofparentalalienation.
•Aremorelikelytoexperiencedivorce.
•Aremorelikelytohavedifficultywithauthority
andthelaw.
•Experiencethelossof
theirownchildren
throughparental
alienation.
www.PAAwareness.org•ParentalAlienationAwarenessOrganization
Manipulatingachildtorejectaparent,suchas
•Withdrawinglove,inducingguiltforhavingfun
orfeelinglovetowardarejectedparent.
Underminingchild’srelationshipwiththe
rejectedparent,suchas
•Askingthechildtospyonorkeepsecretsfrom
therejectedparent.
•Forcingthechildtochoosebetweenparents.
•Creatingconflictbetweenthechildand
therejectedparent.
•Interrogatingthechildaftertimewitha
rejectedparent.
•Providingthechildwithinappropriateinformation
aboutfinances,marriageordivorceissues.
•Accusingtherejectedparentofcausingemotional
paintothefavoredparentthatthechildshould
helptoheal.
•Givingthechildparentaldecisionmaking
authority,iewhethertovisitwiththe
rejectedparent.
Underminingtherejectedparent’sroleinthe
child’slife,suchas
•Refusingtoprovidethechild’sinformation
(medical,educational,etc.),totherejectedparent.
•Notinviting/informingtherejectedparentof
importantevents.(awards,honors,graduations,etc)
•Refusingtoprovideotherswiththerejected
parent’scontactinformation.
•Rewritinghistorytoreducearejectedparent’s
roleinthechild’slife.
ANALIENATEDCHILDOFPARENTS
INCONFLICTMAY:
•Expressrelentless,unambiguoushatredtoward
therejectedparentandtheirsideofthefamily.
•Obsessivelyparrotsthefavoredparentwithout
regardfortheirownhistoricalexperiences.
•Refusetospendtime,visit,orcommunicatewith
therejectedparent.
•Holdnegativebeliefsabouttherejectedparent
thatareinconsequential,exaggerated,or
unfoundedinreality.