How Money Impacts Relationships

Avvo.com
2017 Avvo Annual Relationship Study
2017 Avvo Annual
Relationship Study
By Dr. Nika Kabiri,
Law & Society Analyst, Avvo

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About this study
Avvo conducts periodic studies of topics at the intersection of lifestyle and the law
to better understand the issues facing individuals engaging with attorneys and the
legal system. Given that divorce and family law are two of the largest and most
routine legal actions taken in the United States, understanding social and personal
issues around marriage and divorce is beneficial to understanding the legal
consumers Avvo serves.
The findings in this study are based on a non-probability online sample of data
collected using the Research Now panel. Data was collected in January 2017.
A sample of 2,307 U.S. adults age 18 and over were surveyed online. Data was
collected and weighted so as to reflect national distributions of gender, age, and
region, according to U.S. Census data. The margin of error is ± 2.04.
For attitudinal questions, respondents were asked to provide answers along a
7-point agreement scale. Top-3 and Bottom-3-Box scores are reported.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
For the question on relationship satisfaction, respondents were asked to select
their answer using a 0-10 point scale.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Disagree
Not satisfied
Neutral
Neutral Satisfied
Agree
Very satisfied

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Love and money
Marriage and happiness
Divorce
Love and divorce
Online dating
About Avvo
Table of contents
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How does money influence decisions in relationships?
Love and money

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More women (75%) than men (63%)
say dating doesn’t have to cost a lot
of money.
More men (38%) than women (24%)
say a lot of money is necessary
to make a serious relationship or
marriage work.
More people 25-34 say good relationships take money.
Percent of people in each age group who say that yes, making a serious relation-
ship work takes a lot of money:
Having money could mean money
matters more.
Percent in each income group who
say that yes, it takes a lot of money
to make a serious relationship work:
•• 27% w/ HHI less than $50K
•• 35% w/ HHI between $50-100K
•• 32% w/ HHI over $100K
Neither does a serious relationship
Does it take a lot of money to make a serious relationship or marriage work?
Dating doesn’t have to break the bank
Does dating have to cost a lot of money?
Does money make or break a relationship?
Most say it doesn’t have to.
Say yes
13%
Are neutral Say no Say yes
31%
Are neutral Say no
Gender Age Household income (HHI)
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
% 33% 45% 38% 25% 21% 24%
18% 69% 26% 43%

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say dating can be expensive.
have stayed in a relationship longer
than they wanted because it was
more affordable.
More people 25-44 say dating can be expensive.
Percent of people in each age group who say that yes, dating can be expensive:
More people with money think dating
is expensive.
Percent of people in each income
group who say that yes, dating can
be expensive:
•• 56% w/ HHI over $100K
Among divorced Americans
17% said disagreements about money contributed to the end of their marriage.
Money makes some Americans stick around
14% who have ever been in a relationship or married say they’ve stayed in a relation-
ship longer than they wanted to because it was more affordable than being alone.
9% who have ever been in a relationship or married say they’ve stayed in a relation-
ship longer than they wanted to because they had already spent a lot of money to
make it work.
Money can impact dating and marriages
Can dating be really expensive?
Though most say money doesn’t have to matter,
in reality, it actually does.
Say yes Are neutral Say no
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
% 49% 60% 57% 50% 51% 49%
53% 25% 22%

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More married parents (72%) than
unmarried parents (66%) think it’s
more expensive to raise kids when
the parents are apart.
Money is even more relevant when kids are involved.
Marital status
Most believe co-parenting apart is costly
Is it more expensive to raise children when the parents are apart? Those with
children said:
Household income (HHI)
More parents who make over $50K believe that raising kids apart is more costly
than raising them together.
Percent of parents who say that yes, raising kids is more expensive when the
parents are apart than when they’re together:
•• 23% w/ HHI over $100K
70% 19% 11%
“The cost of childrearing is an important factor in deciding
whether or not to divorce. People won’t usually stay with a
partner for money if they can leave and be happy. But throw
kids in the picture, and that can change.”
Insight
- Nika Kabiri, Law and Society Analyst at Avvo

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“There is more equality in financial decision-making than there
is in actual earnings. This indicates a shift in family dynamics,
where the person making the money isn’t always the one
deciding how it’s spent.”
say they make more money than
their partners.
see themselves as mostly respon-
sible for making important financial
decisions for the couple.
The gender disparity in income is
more pronounced among younger
Americans:
•• Among those 18-34, 77% of men and
26% of women say they make more
than their partner.
•• Among those over 34, 65% of men
and 28% of women say they make
more than their partner.
But few see themselves with no control
Who in your relationship or marriage is responsible for making important financial
decisions that affect the both of you?
Most couples see a disparity in income
About half (46%) of American relationships and marriages involve a substantial
disparity in income (one person makes a lot more money than the other person).
•• 30% say they make a lot more money than their partner
•• 18% say they make somewhat more money than their partner
•• 18% say they make about the same amount as their partner
•• 14% say their partner makes somewhat more than they do
•• 16% say their partner makes a lot more than they do
•• 3% don’t know
Half of American couples have a primary earner,
but most say they can call the shots.
Gender Age Insight
Say they’re
mostly responsible
47%
Say there is
equal responsibility
48%
Say their partner is
mostly responsible
4%

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prefer to make more money than
their partner.
More people 25-34 prefer to make more money than their partner.
Percent of people in each age group who say that yes, they would prefer to make
more money than their partner:
More people with mid-level incomes
saythey’dprefertobethebreadwinner.
Percent of Americans who say that
yes, they’d prefer to make more
money than their partner or spouse:
•• 23% w/ HHI over $100K
Most don’t want to be the breadwinner
Would you rather be in a relationship where you make more money than your partner?
Being the primary earner in a relationship
isn’t generally desirable.
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
% 28% 41% 31% 18% 12% 15%
24% 36% 40%
“Traditionally we’ve thought that whoever makes the most
money in a relationship carries the most power. But in modern
relationships, being the breadwinner means carrying a heavy
burden, a burden many don’t want.”
Insight

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say they’d be uncomfortable footing
most of the bills.
Slightly more people 25-34 are uncomfortable footing most of the bills.
Percent of people in each age group who say that yes, they’d be uncomfortable in
a relationship where they’d have to pay most of the bills:
More money means more comfort.
Percent of Americans who say that
yes, they’d be uncomfortable paying
for most of the bills:
•• 51% w/ HHI over $100K
Breadwinners included
Among Americans who are in a relationship and who make more than their partners:
Would you feel uncomfortable in a relationship if you had to foot most of the bills?
Many want to share the bills
Among all Americans: Would you feel uncomfortable in a relationship if you had
to foot most of the bills?
Even primary wage-earners don’t want
to foot all the bills in a relationship.
Say yes Are neutral Say no Say yes Are neutral Say no
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
% 55% 63% 59% 55% 60% 55%
58% 20% 22% 51% 21% 29%

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More older people would refuse to marry someone with a lot of debt.
Percent of people in each age group who say no, they wouldn’t marry someone
with a lot of debt:
Household income (HHI)
Fewer lower-income Americans have an issue with marrying into debt.
Percent in each income group who say that they wouldn’t marry someone with a
lot of debt:
•• 62% w/ HHI over $100K
Most don’t want to marry into debt
Would you marry someone who has a lot of debt?
Debt can be a romantic turn-off.
Age
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
% 45% 55% 56% 54% 67% 70%
21% 21% 58%
“Younger Americans, and Americans with less income, may
be more familiar with debt, and therefore more comfortable
marrying into it. Prenups could be a way to overcome the
worry over marrying into debt.”
Insight

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Fewer women would want a prenup:
53% of women say they wouldn’t try
to get a prenup if they were about
to get married, compared to 40%
of men.
More younger people say that if they were about to get married, they’d get a prenup.
Percent of people in each age group who say that yes, if they were about to get
married, they’d get a prenup:
People with higher incomes may be
more likely to get prenups.
Percent of people who say that yes,
if they were about to get married,
they’d get a prenup.
•• 34% w/ HHI over $100K
Few get them
•• 4% of Americans who have ever married have gotten a prenuptial agreement.
•• 3% of Americans who have ever been in a relationship or married have been asked
for a prenup.
Many value prenups
If you were engaged to be married right now, would you get a prenup?
Though prenups offer financial protection,
few go through with getting them.
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
% 36% 39% 35% 21% 29% 28%
31% 23% 46%

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Why do people marry, and how is it working out for them?
Marriage and happiness

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Fewer 25-34 think marriage is about sharing your life; more 25-34 think it’s about
reaching your individual potential with the support of a life partner.
Percent in each age group who believe marriage is about each of the following:
Fewer people in the West think
marriage is about sharing your life
with someone you love.
Percent in each region who believe
that marriage is about sharing your
life with someone you love:
think marriage is about sharing your
life with someone you love.
Marriage is romantic, not practical
Which of the following would you say should be the primary reason for getting
married or committing to a life-long relationship? Among all Americans:
•• 79% say sharing your life with someone you love
•• 9% say reaching your individual potential with the support of a life partner
•• 5% say having and raising children
•• 4% say saving money
•• 2% say being like everyone else
•• 1% say other
For modern Americans, marriage is about
love and sharing, not kids or money.
Age RegionGender
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
Sharing your life with someone you love 77% 66% 78% 82% 82% 88%
Reaching your individual potential 11% 14% 6% 10% 9% 6%
Region NE MW S W
% 81% 83% 79% 73%
“Reasons for marrying could change in the future. As we
continue to place weight on the value of individuality, one
wonders if, in time, people will marry to reach their individual
potential more than they will marry for love.”
Insight

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But married folks still prioritize happiness
78% of all married people say they’d rather be alone and happy than in a relation-
ship where they aren’t happy.
•• 82% of married women say this
•• 75% of married men say this
Age
Fewer married people 45-54 report being very satisfied.
Percent of married people in each age group who report different levels of satisfac-
tion in their relationships:
Most are satisfied in their relationships,
but being married could make one happier.
Age 18-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
Very satisfied 66% 61% 53% 62% 67%
Pretty satisfied 26% 26% 31% 25% 24%
Neutral 17% 11% 12% 9% 7%
Not satisfied 1% 2% 4% 4% 2%
Marriage could mean more happiness
More married than non-married people are very satisfied in their relationships.
Status Married Not married, in relationship
Very satisfied 62% 43%
Pretty satisfied 26% 38%
Neutral 9% 17%
Not satisfied 3% 3%

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Younger married people would be unhappy doing most of the housework.
Percent of people in each age group who say that yes, they’d be unhappy in a
marriage where they did more than half of the housework:
Many don’t want to do most of the housework
Would you be unhappy in a marriage where you did more than half of the house-
work (among married people)?
One path to marital bliss is to share the housework.
Age
Age 18-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
% 57% 43% 28% 32% 30%
Fewer in the Midwest, compared to the West and Northeast, would be unhappy
doing most of the housework.
Percent who’d be unhappy doing more than half of the housework:
Region
Region Northeast Midwest South West
% 41% 34% 39% 42%
40% 28% 32%
“Other research has pointed to inequality in household chores
as a trigger for divorce, especially where the woman is work-
ing full-time. Unresolved frustrations over division of chores
could have consequences for a marriage.”
Insight

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Percent who admit considering leaving their spouses (among married Americans):More married men (9%) than married women (5%) are definitely thinking about
breaking up with their spouse.
More married men (24%) than married women (11%) are somewhat or definitely
thinking about it.
More recently-married people are considering divorce:
Some are wanting to leave their spouses
7% of all married people say they are definitely considering breaking up with their
spouse; 18% say they are either definitely or somewhat thinking about it.
Some who are married are wanting out.
AgeGender
Length of marriage
Age 18-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
Definitely considering 16% 10% 4% 0% 2%
Definitely or somewhat considering 38% 24% 13% 6% 5%
Length of marriage (years) 0-5 5-10 10-15 15-20 20+
Definitely considering 19% 11% 8% 10% 2%
Definitely or somewhat considering 35% 31% 27% 20% 6%
Many think about divorcing for awhile
Regarding first divorce, time between deciding to divorce and actually starting the
divorce process (among divorced Americans):
Length (years) 0-0.5 0.5-1 1-2 2-3 3-4 4-5 5-6 6+
% 23% 12% 13% 15% 7% 5% 11% 14%

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What does divorce in America look like?
Divorce

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A snapshot look suggests few divorces at any time
4% of married couples are currently in the process of separating or getting a divorce.
This is a snapshot, which suggests that though yearly divorce rates are higher, at
any moment, 4% are going through the process.
Many divorces are quick
One in four divorces take less than a year from the beginning of the legal process
to the end.
Divorce rates are high, but a small percent of
married people are divorcing at any moment.
Length of process (years) 0-0.5 0.5-1 1-2 2-3 3-4 4-5 5-6 6-7 7+
% 19% 6% 12% 14% 8% 6% 18% 8% 10%
Age 18-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 64+
% 9% 5% 2% 1% < 1%
More younger people report currently
going through a divorce (among
married Americans):
More people in shorter marriages report going through a divorce.
Percent of current divorces by length of marriage:
4% of people with children, and 6%
of people with children living in their
home are getting divorced.
Age Years married Children
Length of marriage (years) 0-5 5-10 10-15 15-20 20+
% in process of divorcing 10% 9% 5% 2% 0%

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1 in 10 people say they’ve cheated
10% of people who have ever been married say they’ve cheated on a spouse.
Cheating drives most divorces;
disagreement about kids isn’t a big deal breaker.
“There is typically never one reason for a couple divorcing.
Cheating happens when people grow apart, and the inability
to communicate can accompany the inability to resolve
conflict. The causes of divorce are complex.”
Insight
More married men have cheated (among people who have ever been married).
•• 12% of men
•• 7% of women
Gender
Cheating is the primary reason for divorce
Why did you and your spouse divorce? Significant reason Primary reason
Someone cheated 42% 29%
We grew apart 32% 12%
We couldn’t communicate 29% 6%
We couldn’t resolve conflict 24% 6%
We fell out of love 24% 7%
We didn’t have shared vision for our future 22% 6%
One or both of our needs were unmet 20% 5%
The physical intamacy disappeared 20% 2%
We married for the wrong reasons 19% 9%
We disagreed about money 17% 2%
One or both of us lost our individual identities 9% 2%
We disagreed about how to raise kids 7% 2%
We had different religious or political values 5% 0%
We differed on whether we wanted kids/our own kids 3% 1%

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Age when first divorce was finalized: Years married before divorce: 51% of divorces involve a child
custody or co-parenting agreement;
49% do not.
•• 39% of those divorcing with children
said that agreeing on a parenting or
custody plan was difficult
•• 10% were neutral
•• 50% said it was not difficult
1 in 4 divorce more than once
Number of divorces in America:
•• 75% of all divorced people have gotten divorced only once
•• 19% twice
•• 6% three or more times
7% of all Americans are divorced and remarried.
5% of all Americans are divorced and in a relationship but not married.
Most divorces aren’t contested
Types of divorce (among divorced people):
•• 76% are uncontested
•• 22% are contested
•• (The rest didn’t know what kind of divorce they had)
What do most divorces look like?
And how many do people have?
Age Years married Children
Years 5 or less 6-10 11-15 16-20 21-25 26-30 31+
% 38% 21% 16% 12% 6% 4% 3%
Age < 31 35-44 45-54 55+
% 17% 18% 32% 34%

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Does being divorced make you less date-able?
Love after divorce

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Most single divorced people are women
•• 33% of all divorced people are single
•• 64% of divorced single people are women, 36% are men
1 in 4 report having multiple divorces
•• 25% of all divorced people have been divorced more than once
Most single and divorced people are women,
older, and in the South.
Most divorced, single Americans are older.
Percent of single, divorced people who fall in each age group:
Age
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
% 1% 4% 13% 22% 30% 30%
Most divorced, single Americans live in the South.
Percent of single, divorced people who live in each geographical region:
Region
Region Northeast Midwest South West
% 17% 22% 39% 22%

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Most aren’t dating
18% of divorced single people are actively looking for a romantic partner.
Some go online, most prefer offline
14% of divorced single people are using an online dating site to look for a
romantic partner.
•• 18% of divorced single people say online dating is a lot of fun
•• 23% say it’s useful in helping you get over your past relationship (as a rebound)
•• 23% say it’s a great way to meet someone with whom you can have a meaningful
and long-lasting relationship
But 57% say that the best way to meet a potential romantic partner for the first time
is not online but in person.
Most single divorced people aren’t dating;
those who are prefer doing it offline.
“Divorced people don’t date online because they’re in love
with the experience. They do it because it’s the best (if not
only) option for someone with a busy lifestyle, or for someone
with kids. If love at first sight across a crowded room isn’t
feasible, an online dating site will do.”
Insight

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Slightly more men (33%) than women
(28%) say they’d be uncomfort-
able dating someone who’s been
divorced.
More younger people would avoid dating divorced people.
Percent of people in each age group who say that yes, they’d be uncomfortable
dating someone who’s been divorced:
The biggest regional differences are
between the South and the West.
Percent in each region who are not
comfortable dating a divorced person:
Half will date someone who’s divorced
Would you be uncomfortable dating someone who’s been divorced?
Being divorced doesn’t have to cramp your dating style.
Gender Age Region
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
% 42% 44% 32% 21% 22% 23%
30% 21% 49%
Region NE MW S W
% 30% 30% 27% 35%

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are uncomfortable dating someone
with kids.
More younger people are uncomfortable.
dating someone who has kids:
Almost half are ok dating a single parent
Would you feel uncomfortable being in a serious relationship with someone who
already has kids?
Having kids doesn’t have to get in the
way of your love life - mostly.
Gender Age
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
% 44% 48% 38% 29% 24% 26%
34% 22% 44%
“Though most people are comfortable with kids, one in three
are not. This says a lot about how children can impact romance.
Many younger people aren’t ready to be parents, and some
people may want all of the attention.”
Insight

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Fewer people 45-54 are uncomfortable dating someone who’s been marred more
than once.
dating someone who’s been married more than once:
Most don’t prefer being the third spouse
Would you be uncomfortable dating someone who has been married twice or more?
Being divorced more than once might
make it tougher to date.
Age
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
% 65% 62% 55% 48% 56% 52%
56% 17% 27%
“For many of us, knowing that someone has married more
than once is a red flag. Many of us have had serious long-term
relationships that didn’t last but were just as meaningful as many
marriages. However, marriage carries different expectations.”
Insight

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Who does it, and do they think it works?
Online dating

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More Democrats (25%) than
Republicans (19%) have dated online.
More younger people have dated online; but still less than 1 in 3 have.
Percent of people in each age group who say that they have dated online:
1 in 4 have dated online
22% of all Americans have dated online at some point:
•• 6% of all Americans are doing so currently
•• 16% have dated online in the past but aren’t doing so now
Online dating isn’t for everyone: younger Americans,
and Democrats, do it most.
Age
“Online dating is about convenience. You can do it on the couch,
in your pajamas… or even at work. Like most anything else you
do online, dating is about evaluating as many options as pos-
sible with as little effort as possible. This doesn’t mean it’s not
romantic: love still happens. Getting there is just more efficient.”
Insight
The same % of men and women
report having ever dated online (22%).
Gender Political persuasion
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
In the past but not now 23% 23% 18% 17% 10% 8%
Dating online now 9% 8% 8% 6% 3% 3%

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More people in the West think online
dating is fun.
Percent of people in each region
who think it’s fun:
Fewer people in the Midwest think
online dating is good for a rebound.
Percent of people in each region
who think it’s great for a rebound:
Half who’ve done it have liked it
50% of people who have ever dated online say it is fun.
22% who’ve never tried it think it would be fun.
55% of people who have ever dated online say it’s useful for finding someone to help
you get over/rebound from your ex.
For some, online is better than offline
16% of all Americans believe that it’s better to meet a potential romantic partner online
than in person.
How do online daters feel about online dating?
Half enjoy it.
Region
Of those who have dated online:
•• More men (57%) than women (43%)
think it’s fun
•• More men (60%) than women (49%)
think it’s great for finding a rebound
Gender
Region NE MW S W
% 48% 42% 49% 58%
Region NE MW S W
% 57% 42% 59% 57%
“Online dating is stereo-
typically used for hook ups.
In reality, offline dating is no
different. Convenience is
what makes hooking up
online easier for those
with little time.”
Insight

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believe it’s great for finding a mean-
ingful relationship.
More younger people have met their current partner or spouse online.
Percent of people who met their current romantic partner or spouse online:
Online dating can lead to meaningful relationships
15% of Americans married or in relationships say they met their current relationship
partner or spouse online:
•• 11% of married people met their spouse online
•• 25% of people in relationships but are unmarried met their current partner online
60% of people who have ever dated online think online dating is a great way to
meet someone with whom you can have a meaningful relationship.
Many take online dating seriously.
And yes, sometimes it actually works.
Gender Age
Age 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+
% 23% 21% 21% 11% 5% 6%
“In a lot of ways, dating online puts you on the fast track to find-
ing the right person. You meet more people in a shorter amount
of time, learning about what you want in the process. It’s not
old-fashioned, but it can lead to old-fashioned love.”
Insight

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think the best way to meet a potential
life partner is not online but in person.
Few have ever used a matchmaker
Only 3% have ever used a professional matchmaker or relationship consultant to find
a romantic partner.
5% of Americans haven’t used but are considering using a personal matchmaker or
relationship consultant.
4% of Americans in relationships say that they met their current relationship partner or
spouse through a personal matchmaker or relationship consultant.
But most want to first meet a romantic partner in person
Among all Americans, 62% say the best way to meet a potential life partner is not
online but in person.
Professional matchmaking has potential,
though it’s not popular.
Age
“Professional matchmaking has yet to catch on, in part because it’s much more expensive and less
convenient than online dating. But also, with an expert, you give up some control, handing it over
to someone who barely knows you. Even when many of us choose partners poorly, we still want to
be in control of our romantic destinies.”
Insight

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About Avvo
Avvo has the country’s largest and most reliable online attorney directory. Avvo
lawyers answer questions about divorce, prenuptial agreements, and family law in
the company’s Q&A forum everyday and are featured in the Avvo directory, which
includes profiles on 97% of licensed attorneys in the United States. Attorneys are
also available to answer on-demand questions about divorce through Avvo Advisor,
which provides 15-minutes of legal counsel from a qualified attorney in your state
for $39.
For additional resources about marriage and divorce from Avvo, or to find a divorce
or family lawyer in your area, visit www.avvo.com.

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