This document summarizes a communication workshop for company cofounders. It discusses establishing shared intentions and understanding different perspectives through active listening. It emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and emotional awareness in building effective team dynamics and a culture of appreciation. Specific guidance is provided around giving feedback, including focusing on behavior, sharing impact, and understanding other perspectives to have constructive discussions and strengthen relationships.
7. Self-Disclosure
Will I be less
liked,
respected,
influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant?
Will it further the
discussion – the
relationship?
Will others
use this
information
against me?
How will
others
see/assess/
judge me?
“What in
my ‘bubble’
should I
share?”
Self-Disclosure
9. Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top quartile
managers from bottom quartile managers
was strength of affection.”
--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”,
Kouzes & Posner
Authentic Leaders
12. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Effective Teams
1. Participation
2. Collaboration
3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to
Group EQ
“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004
13. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
“I’m starting to
feel defensive”
Inward
(my emotions)
Outward
(others’ emotions)
Emotional
Awareness
Emotional
Management
(“Regulation”)
“He seems to be
getting agitated”
• Take a deep breath
• “Could you give
me a sec?”
• Take a walk
“Are you ok?”
EQ (Individual)
14. High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms
determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Group EQ
18. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to stay on your side of the net
1. Focus on *specific, observable behavior*
“When you do [x]…”
2. Share the impact of that behavior on you (disclosure)
"I feel [y]…”
3. Ask about the other person’s intentions and perspective
“Can you tell me what’s going on for you?”
20. #1 Factor for Happiness
on the Job:
Feeling appreciated
-- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees
21. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityFostering a culture of appreciation
1. Create a space for it
2. Lead by example
22. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityReceiving Feedback
• Manage your own defensiveness
– Notice it
– Name it: “Affect Labeling”
• Goal is understanding, not winning
– “Can you tell me more about that?"
– Restate what you’ve heard to confirm understanding
• Gift mentality: Say “Thank you!”
23. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net:
When you do [x]…
I feel [y]…
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.
24. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
Work Product
– Timeliness, quality, quantity,
focus area
Communication & Management
– Too much/little
– Choice of format
– Email etiquette
– Language choices,
communication style with others
– Transparency of project status,
hiring/firing/promotions
Role Modeling & Presence
– What energy do you feel from this
person?
– How do they impact others?
– What do they model well?
– Anything you worry about?
– Arrival/departure times
– How they speak/listen/act/dress
25. Fostering a feedback-rich culture
• Train your team on giving/receiving feedback
• Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin
1:1s with two-way feedback)
– And set expectations of others to do the same
Introduce ourselves here
“as founders of this non-profit we’ve been doing this workshop w/ 500ish founders in the past 15months; first time w/ investors”
“We believe these skills help founders build more successful companies”
Our leaders matter
In addition to being financially successful, we think the way we run companies matters -- wiser, more compassionate leaders who are skilled in their relationships w/ themselves & others are important to the world, & SV needs to lead the way - not just in the tech we develop but in how we develop people
In our founder groups this where I usually talk abut how important building a team that brought out the best in each other was for me personally. But I will tell you guys, the real reason we are doing this work is because we believe that leaders matter. We believe we have entered a period where our biggest challenge as a species will be our ability to interact with each other wisely and manage the incredible power we are about to have. And in our corner of the world, you guys are the mentors for that next generation of leaders. So if anything we do here today is useful for you in your capacity as a role model and influencer of future leaders – that will make our day worthwhile.
***feelings & emotions
music has treble and clef
1. if you only have cognition and words without feelings, you don't have the full score, the full story
2. most of the time, people are "leaky" -- however they are feeling, they are emoting non-verbally. incongruence btwn words v behavior comes at the expense of credibility. therefore want congruence (so you dont want *only* thoughts or *only* feelings -- you want to communicate both)
3. "there's no room for feelings in business" -- is inspiring pple important in business? how do you inspire people without making them feel something?
important for motivation
Suppressing leads to lack of congruence – we are leaky.
“…highest-performing managers show more warmth and fondness towards others than do the bottom 25%. They get closer to people, they’re significantly more open in sharing thoughts and feelings than their low-performing counterparts.
Note that they also scored high on “thinking” and a need to have power and influence over others, but that didn’t distinguish them from the bottom quartile.
Awareness & Regulation
Within the group and with other groups (in relationship to other groups)
-rest of the workshop is on feedback & influence in 2 parts
Inarguably true
Disclosure -> empathy
Setting the Context for Feedback
Groundrules Discussion (What groundrules would help me be an effective participant in giving and receiving feedback)
Organize folks so that each person has two people they work with/know well
Give them time to plan feedback with each
Bring them back and do “speed dating” format feedback– two rounds so that every person has done it twice
Facilitator calls out time for switching
"Second conversation" about feedback
Complimentary feedback:
-Single biggest missed opportunity is building stronger relationships
We think positive things about our colleagues, peers, and loved ones all the time but don’t say them
Why do it?
-encourage the good stuff
-there is a relationship “bank account”- Gottman - ideal ratio of positive to negative interactions (5:1)
And you want that bank account to have something in it for when you do have critical feedback to give b/c the context of your relationship does matter for delivering tough feedback.
So let’s talk about constructive feedback