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A DICKENS OF
  A KEYNOTE
JAMES EDWARD GRAY II

•I   have been in the Ruby community a moderately long time

•Ihave written code, books, and other documentation, plus
 organized events

•Ihave now given a talk at every Lone Star Ruby Conference (if
 you will allow one by video proxy)

•I   am currently giving my first keynote address!
THE GHOST OF
KEYNOTES PRESENT
WHAT IS A KEYNOTE?
I USED KEYNOTE
 Image from http://www.apple.com/iwork/keynote/
15 MINUTES?
ASK LSRC
Image from http://lonestarrubyconf.com/
ASK LSRC
Everyone gets a keynote!
Image from http://lonestarrubyconf.com/
THE COLOR RED?
THE COLOR RED?
…the keynote address… is delivered
       to set the underlying tone
    and summarize the core message
or most important revelation of the event.




      Definition from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keynote
I’M RIGHT!
I’M RIGHT!
  The power!!!
THE GHOST OF
KEYNOTES PAST
 Photo from http://www.nomedojogo.com/page/2/
A STUDY OF
               GREAT KEYNOTES

• Speakers     tend to talk about what’s important to them

• They     relate personal anecdotes to our lives as Rubyists

• Such     speeches are usually light on code and heavy on ideas

• It’s   common to talk about the future

• The     goal seems to be to inspire the audience
BOOBS
WHAT IS
SHE DOING?
               Photo from
http://www.pregnancy-and-giving-birth.com/
HOW???
JUST EAT IT
Photo from http://eclipsstudios.blogspot.com/2008_10_01_archive.html
THE CABBAGE FIELD
Photo from http://rev-views.blogspot.com/2008/11/dvds-in-review-41-cabbage.html
IS THIS DANGEROUS?
Photo from http://www.playinghouseblog.com/2011/01/dubai-farmers-market.html
I GOOGLED IT
I GOOGLED IT

•Iknow it sounds weird but you can put cabbage leaves on
 your breasts and it will dry your milk out! I did it and it works.
I GOOGLED IT

•Iknow it sounds weird but you can put cabbage leaves on
 your breasts and it will dry your milk out! I did it and it works.

• Cool  cabbage compresses will reduce swelling quickly, and if
 left in place for long periods will help diminish milk supply. This
 method may be used instead of or in addition to removing
 small amounts of milk to reduce supply. Use fresh green
 leaves, cleaned and chilled, wrapped around the breasts.
 Change them about every two hours.
THE ORIGINAL
AUTHORITY
MAGIC
      WORDS
          scientific study
           double-blind
        placebo controlled
          peer reviewed
                  Study from
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10205435
THE PROCESS


• Question

• Think   critically

• Search   for evidence
THIS IS SKEPTICISM
WHAT DO SKEPTICS DO?
     Photo from http://rubyhacker.com/
I doubt that!



                      I doubt that!




WHAT DO SKEPTICS DO?
     Photo from http://rubyhacker.com/
THE TRAITS OF A SKEPTIC

• Questions   authority (respectfully, of course)

•A  questioning attitude of knowledge, facts, or opinions/beliefs
 stated as facts

• Suspended    judgement and systemic doubt

• Requires   all new information to be well supported by
 evidence
SKEPTICAL INTERESTS


• Common       brain malfunctions

• Conspiracy     theories and other myths

• Logical   fallacies
WHAT IS HYPNAGOGIA?
  Photo from http://ufoclearinghouse.webs.com/ufochreportingcenter.htm
WHAT IS HYPNAGOGIA?
  Photo from http://ufoclearinghouse.webs.com/ufochreportingcenter.htm
MYTHICAL CREATURES

• Bigfoot

• El   Chupacabra

• 911 “Truthers”

• Feng   Shui Experts

• Chiropractors
LOGICAL FALLACIES
LOGICAL FALLACIES

•I   know it sounds weird but… put cabbage… on your breasts
LOGICAL FALLACIES

•I   know it sounds weird but… put cabbage… on your breasts

 • Argumentum     ad Ignorantiam (appeal to ignorance)
LOGICAL FALLACIES

•I   know it sounds weird but… put cabbage… on your breasts

 • Argumentum     ad Ignorantiam (appeal to ignorance)

• Cool   cabbage compresses… for long periods… diminish milk
LOGICAL FALLACIES

•I   know it sounds weird but… put cabbage… on your breasts

 • Argumentum     ad Ignorantiam (appeal to ignorance)

• Cool   cabbage compresses… for long periods… diminish milk

 • Confusing   association with causation
LOGICAL FALLACIES

•I   know it sounds weird but… put cabbage… on your breasts

  • Argumentum     ad Ignorantiam (appeal to ignorance)

• Cool   cabbage compresses… for long periods… diminish milk

  • Confusing   association with causation

• Breast   Feeding Nazi: “Put cabbage on your breast to dry up”
LOGICAL FALLACIES

•I   know it sounds weird but… put cabbage… on your breasts

  • Argumentum     ad Ignorantiam (appeal to ignorance)

• Cool   cabbage compresses… for long periods… diminish milk

  • Confusing   association with causation

• Breast   Feeding Nazi: “Put cabbage on your breast to dry up”

  • Argument    from authority
REMEMBER:
BE SKEPTICAL NOT CYNICAL
WHAT ABOUT RUBY?
WHAT ABOUT RUBY?
SKEPTICS MAKE
BETTER PROGRAMMERS
WE KNOW THIS
 Think about optimizations
PROGRAMMING FALLACIES
PROGRAMMING FALLACIES

• That   [language construct] shouldn’t be used because it’s [evil]
PROGRAMMING FALLACIES

• That   [language construct] shouldn’t be used because it’s [evil]

 • Argument     from final consequences (teleological)
PROGRAMMING FALLACIES

• That   [language construct] shouldn’t be used because it’s [evil]

 • Argument     from final consequences (teleological)

• [Some    tool] is better than [other tool]
PROGRAMMING FALLACIES

• That   [language construct] shouldn’t be used because it’s [evil]

 • Argument     from final consequences (teleological)

• [Some    tool] is better than [other tool]

 • The    toupee fallacy (counting hits and ignoring misses)
PROGRAMMING FALLACIES

• That   [language construct] shouldn’t be used because it’s [evil]

 • Argument     from final consequences (teleological)

• [Some    tool] is better than [other tool]

 • The    toupee fallacy (counting hits and ignoring misses)

• We   rewrote it in [language] and now it is [amazing]
PROGRAMMING FALLACIES

• That   [language construct] shouldn’t be used because it’s [evil]

 • Argument     from final consequences (teleological)

• [Some    tool] is better than [other tool]

 • The    toupee fallacy (counting hits and ignoring misses)

• We   rewrote it in [language] and now it is [amazing]

 • Confusing    association with causation
THE CULTURE OF TESTING
I TEST
Proof available upon request
THE ONLY WAY
WE ALWAYS DO IT
THAT’S HOW
THE EXPERTS DO IT
IS THIS STILL POSITIVE?
WHO DO WE WANT
  TO BECOME?
MY ANSWER:
I WANT US TO BE A CULTURE
THAT REASONS TOGETHER
ZED SHAW
*F* HIM!
*F* HIM!
Did I mention DHH?
WHAT’S NEXT?
THE GHOST OF
KEYNOTES FUTURE
Photo from http://www.flickr.com/photos/oreillyconf/4682679962/
OBIE’S KEYNOTE
  Image from http://lonestarrubyconf.com/
CHAD’S KEYNOTE
  Image from http://lonestarrubyconf.com/
TOPIC UNKNOWN
  Image from http://lonestarrubyconf.com/
REAL
SOFTWARE ENGINEERING
Glenn can and should give
 his Real Software Engineering talk,
essentially unchanged, at basically any
     conference that'll have him.
        It's a fantastic talk,
and it's just as valuable the third time
      you've seen it as the first.



   Ben Scofield to the RubyConf Organizers mailing list
GLENN’S JOKE
I do think software is…
   in some respects,
          a science.




Glenn Vanderburg in Real Software Engineering
MY JOKE
WE WANT MORE SCIENCE!
WE WANT MORE SCIENCE!
REFRESHER:
   THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD
• You    start by making observations

• This   leads you to form a hypothesis

• You    try to prove yourself wrong

• You    submit the idea for peer review

• We always go forward with the best understanding we
 currently have
BE OBSERVANT
A HYPOTHESIS
MUST BE FALSIFIABLE…
… AND MAKE USEFUL
PREDICTIONS ABOUT
    THE FUTURE
AIM FOR WRONG,
   NOT RIGHT
A JURY OF YOUR PEERS
KNOWLEDGE IS ALWAYS
  UP FOR REVISION
REAL SCIENCE


• It’s   messy

• It   doesn’t only happen in labs

• It’s   for everyone

• It’s   imperfect by definition, but self-correcting
Science is the best thing
that humanity has ever come up with.
          And if it isn't, then
        science will fix it.




           Bill Nye the Science Guy
WE ARE DOING SCIENCE
       Great news!
AGILE DEVELOPMENT
HELPS US MAKE PREDICTIONS
   ABOUT THE PROJECT
TESTING IS HOW WE TRY
TO PROVE CODE WRONG
GITHUB AND BLOGGING
  ARE HOW WE HANDLE
      PEER REVIEW
RECENT INSPIRATIONS


• Avdi   Grimm’s Vituous Code blog and Exceptional Ruby book

• Aaron   Patterson’s improvements to Rails

• GregoryBrown’s Ruby Mendicant University and Practicing
 Ruby essays
MY LATEST EFFORT
     http://rubyrogues.com/
MORE OF THIS, PLEASE!
MY HOPE:
THAT WE PUT THE SCIENCE
BACK IN COMPUTER SCIENCE
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
REIMAGINE
DOCUMENTATION
RDOC ISN’T ENOUGH
WHAT ABOUT
TUTORIALS OR Q&A?
YARD IS JUST RDOC++
WHERE’S THE RUBY
OF DOCUMENTATION?
EXPAND PAIRING
SYSTEMS ARE HUGE
PROGRAMMERS
 SPECIALIZE
BUSINESS NEEDS
    VERSES
  TALENT
WHAT IF WE COULD
SHARE A LOT MORE?
YOUR IDEA HERE!
ONE MORE THING…
YOU CAN HELP
   Science says so
ASCH PARADIGM
Image from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asch_conformity_experiments
75% CONFORM
TO WRONG IDEAS
BUT JUST
ONE DISSENTER…
YOU CAN CHANGE
 OUR COMMUNITY!
THANK YOU

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A Dickens of A Keynote

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