This is useful on how to make relationships much better and choosing the right partner. Everyone is free to use this.

1. LOVE,
INTIMACY, AND
COMMUNICATION

2. What is Love?
Love takes many forms. Love exists between parent
and child and between family members. Love
between friends involves concern for the other’s
well-being. Lovers may experience two additional
types of love: passionate love and compassionate
love.

3. Passionate Love
• It is also known as romantic love or infatuation
• It is a state of extreme absorption with and desire for another.
• It is characterized by intense feelings of tenderness, elation, anxiety, sexual
desire, and ecstasy.
• Generalized physiological arousal, including increased heartbeat,
perspiration, blushing, and stomach churning along with a feeling of great
excitement, often accompanies this form of love.
• Passionate love is the all-encompassing, earth sharing love of movies,
songs, and poetry also referred to as romantic love, infatuation, puppy
love, and obsessive love.

4. Compassionate Love
• It has a less intense emotion than passionate love.
• It is characterized by friendly affection and a deep attachment that is based on extensive
familiarity with the loved one.
• It involves a thoughtful appreciation of one’s partner.
• Companionate love often encompasses a tolerance for another’s shortcomings along with
a desire to overcome difficulties and conflicts in a relationship.
• This kind of love is committed to ongoing nurturing of a partnership.
• In short, companionate love is often enduring, whereas passionate love is almost always
transitory
• It can be difficult to evolve from romantic to companionate love due to models of love in
the media.

5. Love and Sex
• Sex in a compassionate relationship typically reflects feelings associated
with familiarity, especially the security of knowing what pleases the other.
This foundation of knowledge and sexual trust can encourage
experimentation and subtle communication. Sexual pleasure strengthens
the overall bond of a compassionate relationship. Although sex is usually
less exciting than in passionate love, it is often experienced as richer, more
meaningful, and more deeply satisfying.
• If a relationship is to continue, romantic love must develop into
companionate or conjugal love, which involves feelings of deep affection,
attachments, intimacy, and ease with the partner. Companionate love
includes the development of trust, loyalty, a lack of criticalness, and a
willingness to sacrifice for the partner.

6. Love at First Sight?
• Studies show that, at least among young,
predominantly white college students, men
are more likely to believe in love at first
sight. They are also more likely to believe
true love comes only once, lasts forever,
and overcomes obstacles such as religious
differences
• Partners who believe in “love at first sight”
become romantically involved more quickly
and have partners with less similar
personalitoes than those who don’t believe
in love at first sight (Barelds & Barelds-
Dukstra, 2007).

7. Falling in Love
Love is a complex human emotion that can be
explained, at least in part, by various psychosocial
interpretations of its origins. However, the answer
to why we fall in love also encompasses, to some
degree, complex neurochemical processes that
occur in our brains when we are attracted to
another person.

8. Chemistry of Love
• People caught up in the intense passion of blooming love often
report feeling swept away or feeling a kind of natural high.
• Such reactions might have a basis, at least, in part, in brain
chemistry. The initial elation and the energizing “high” that is
characteristic of passionate love result from surging levels of
three key brain chemicals: norepinephrine, dopamine, and
phenlethylamine.
• These chemicals are called neurotransmitters and allow our
brains cells to communicate with each other, and they are
chemically similar to amphetamine drugs; thus, they produce
amphetamine-like effects, such as euphoria, giddiness, and
elation.

9. Chemistry of Love
• The amphetamine-like highs and elevated sexual
arousal associated with new love typically do not
last—perhaps in part because the body eventually
develops a tolerance to phenlethylamine and related
neurotransmitters, just as it does to amphetamines.
With time, our brain simply becomes unable to keep
up with the demand for more and more
phenlethylamine to produce love’s special kick. Thus,
the highs that we feel at the beginning of a
relationship eventually diminish. This observation
provides a plausible biological explanation for why
passionate or romantic love is short-lived.

10. Chemistry of Love
• The continued progression from infatuation
to the deep attachment characteristc of
long-term loving rela4onships results, at least
in part, from the brain gradually stepping up
production of another set of
neurotransmitters called endorphins. This
morphine like, pain-blunting chemicals are
soothing substances that help produce a
sense of euphoria, security, tranquil, and
peace. Thus, they can cause us to feel good
when we are with a loved partner
• This could be another reason why
abandoned lovers feel so terrible after their
loss: they are deprived of their daily dose of
feel-good chemicals

11. Factors Affecting Love
Proximity
• Although people often overlook proximity, or geographic nearness, in listing factors that
attracted them to a particular person, proximity is on e of the most important variables. We
often develop close relationships with people whom we see frequently in our neighborhood, in
school, or at work.
• Social psychologists have offered a number of plausible explanations. One is simply that
familiarity breeds liking or loving. Research has shown that when we are repeatedly exposed to
novel stimuli— unfamiliar musical selections, works of art, human face, and so on—our liking for
such stimuli increases. Well, same is the case with people we see frequently.
• Another reasons why proximity influences whom we are attracted to is that people often meet
each other in locations where they are engaging in activities that reflect common interests. Work
and school are especially prevalent places where people connect with future in4mate partners.
These environments proved opportunities for repeated contacts. Many of us are reluctant to
initiate a relationship the first time or two we meet or interact with another person. However, at
work or in class, we come

12. Factors Affecting Love
Similarity
• Similarity is also influential in determining with whom we fall in love. Contrary to the old adage
that opposites attract, people who fall in love often share common beliefs, values, attitudes,
interests, and intellectual abilities. We also tend to pair romantically with people whose level of
physical attractiveness is similar to our own. This tendency to match physical attractiveness with
a partner might be related to our fear of being rejected if we approach someone whom we
perceive to be much more attractive than ourselves. We also tend to be attracted to people who
are similar to us in age, educational status, religious affiliation, personality characteristics, and
race and ethnicity.

13. Factors Affecting Love
Reciprocity
• Still another factor drawing us to a particular individual is our perception that the person is
interested in us. People tend to react positively to flattery, compliments, and other expressions of
liking and affection. This idea that we tend to respond kindly to others when they express liking
or love towards us is called reciprocity. Reciprocity can set in motion a further escalation of the
relationship: by responding warmly to people who we believe feel positively toward us, we often
induce them to like us even more. Furthermore, our sense of self-‐esteem is affected by the
extent to which we feel attached to and like by others. Knowing that someone likes us increases
our sense of belonging or being socially integrated in a rela4onship and hence bolsters our self-
‐esteem.

14. Factors Affecting Love
Physical Attractivenesss
• Despite the saying that beauty is only skin deep, experiments have shown that physically
attractive people are more likely to be sought as friends and lovers and to be perceived as more
likeable, interesting, sensitive, poised, happy, sexy, competent, and socially skilled than people of
average or unattractive appearance
• We all enjoy looking a something or someone whom we consider beautiful. Another factor is
that many people tend to believe that beautiful people have more to offer in terms of desirable
personal qualities than those who are less attractive. We might also be attracted to beautiful
people because they offer us the possibility of status through association. And perhaps beautiful
people, by virtue of having been treated well by others over the course of their lives, are secure
and comfortable with themselves, a fact that can translate into especially sa4sfying relationships
with others. Finally, evidence shows that people consider physical beauty an indicator of health
and that, other things being equal, we are attracted to healthy people.

15. Maintaining a Relationship
Satisfaction
Human relationships, in general, present many
challenges. One challenge involves building positive
feelings about ourselves. Another involves establishing
satisfying and enjoyable relationships with family,
peers, teachers, coworkers, employers, and other
people in our social network. A third challenge involves
developing special intimate relationships with friends,
and when we want them, sexual relationships. Finally
many people confront the challenge of maintaining
satisfaction and love within an ongoing committed
relationship.

16. Maintaining a Relationship
Satisfaction
Ingredients commonly present in a lasting love
relationship include self-acceptance, acceptance
by one’s partner, appreciation of one another,
commitment, good communication, realistic
expectations, shared interests, equality in
decision making, and the ability to face conflict
effectively. These characteristics are not static;
they evolve and change and influence one
another over time. Often they need to
deliberately cultivated.

17. Maintaining a Relationship
Satisfaction
Maintaining frequent positive interactions is crucial
to continued satisfaction in a relationship. The saying
“It’s the little things that count” is especially
meaningful here. When one partner says to the
other “You do not love me anymore,” that often
means “You are not doing as many things as you
used to do that show me you love me.” These
behaviors are often small that the partners may not
really notice them. However, when couples do fewer
things to make one another feel loved, or when they
stop doing them entirely, the deficit is often
experienced as a lack of love. Continuing affection
and considerate interaction helps maintain a feeling
love.

18. Sexual Variety
Another important ingredient to preserving a
satisfying relationship might be sexual variety.
Many people have a strong desire to seek
variety in life’s experiences. They might
acquire an assortment of friends, each of
whom provides a unique enrichment to their
lives. Likewise, the might read different kinds
of books, pursue a variety of recreational
activities, eat different kinds of foods, and
take a variety of classes. Yet many of these
same people settle for routine in their sex
lives

19. Sexual Variety
Many people are quite comfortable with
established routines and have no desire to
change them. However, if you prefer to
develop more variety in your sexual
relationship, communication is critical. Talk to
your partner about your needs and feelings.
Share with him or her your desire to try
something different.

20. Sexual Variety
Even though time inevitably erodes the novelty
of a relationships, the resulting decline of
passion can be countered by introducing novelty
into patterns of sexual sharing. This can be
accomplished by avoiding routine times and
places. Instead of doing it in the same place and
at the same time, make love in places other than
the bed (on the laundry room floor, in the
shower, alongside a nature trail), and at various
times (in the morning, at noon, or in the middle
of the night when you wake up feeling sexually
aroused).

21. Sexual Variety
Some of the most exciting sexual experiences take place
on the spur of the moment, with little or no planning. It is
easy to see how such experiences might frequently
during courtship. It is equally apparent how they can
become distant memories after a couple settles into the
demanding daily schedule of living together.
Nevertheless, you may find that striving to maintain this
spontaneity will stand you in good stead as your
relationship is nurtured over months and years together.
On the other hand, planning for intimate time—sexual
and nonsexual—can also help maintain closeness. Make
dates with one another and consciously continue the
romantic gestures that came naturally early in the
relationship. Commit your energy and time to your sexual
relationship.

22. Sexual Variety
Do not let questions of what is “normal” get in the way of an
enriched and varied erotic life. Too often, people refrain from
experiencing something new because they believe that different
activities are “abnormal.” In reality, only you can judge what is
normal for you. Sexologists concur that any sexual activity as long as
it gives pleasure and does not cause emotional or physical
discomfort of harm to either partner. Emotional comfort is important
because discomfort and conflict rather than intimacy and satisfaction
can result if behaviors are tried too divergent from personal values
and attitudes.
Some partners find comfort and contentment in repeating familiar
patterns of sexual interaction. Others consider sex relatively
unimportant compared with other aspects of their lives and choose
not to exert special efforts in pursuing its pleasures.

23. Darker Side of Love
1) Jealousy
2) Compulsiveness-being in love can produce a sense of ecstasy, euphoria,
and a feeling of well‐being, much like a powerful drug. Researchers Peele
and Brodsky (1976) suggest that love addiction is more common than
most believe and that it is based on a continuation of an adolescent view
of love that is never replaced as the person matures.
3)Possessiveness- Trying to manipulate the partner in attempts to feel
worthy is a sign of low self‐esteem and can lead to stalking May require
help from a mental health professional. Abusive love relationships exist
when one partner tries to increase his or her own sense of self-worth or
control the other’s behavior through withdrawing or manipulating love.
Possessiveness indicates a problem of self-esteem and personal
boundaries and can eventually lead to stalking. Thinking about another
person with that level of obsession is a sign of a serious psychological
problem, one that should be brought to the attention of a mental health
professional.