A Matter of Consent
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This presentation was part of Embody's Safe Healthy Strong 2015 conference on sexuality education (www.ppwi.org/safehealthystrong). Embody is Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin's education and training programs. Learn more: www.ppwi.org/embody DESCRIPTION The issue of consent is often not addressed enough when providing sexuality education, even though it is a critical part of healthy sexual development and relationships. This workshop will explore why it’s important to address consent as part of comprehensive sexuality education. This will include developing a shared language to talk about consent in various situations. Participants will have the opportunity to practice talking about the topic of consent in sex-positive ways that include taking pleasure and various common scenarios into account. Participants will also gain knowledge and tools to make their own lessons, curricula, and workshops with clients more sex-positive. ABOUT THE PRESENTERS Margo DeNuccio is the Appleton-based Community Outreach Coordinator for Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin. A graduate of Marquette University, she began working with PPWI through the AmeriCorps program Public Allies, where she helped to create and manage a teen health promoter program that placed trained teen educators in two Milwaukee health centers to provide adolescent patients with one-on-one sexuality and reproductive health education. Currently, Margo provides programming and direct education in the Green Bay and Fox Valley regions. Most recently, she was a contributing author to the Center for Sex Education’s Sex Ed in the Digital Age, a two-volume set that includes structured lesson plans designed to equip educators and parents with skills that are necessary for meeting the challenges of the digital age. Molly Lancelot is thrilled to be back working for Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin (PPWI) in the role of Community Education Manger. She previously filled the roles of Community-based Educator and School-based Programs Coordinator with PPWI from 2004-2008. In those roles, she grew her knowledge base and formed lasting community relationships as an advocate and educator around the topic of sexuality education and reproductive health. During her previous tenure with PPWI, she served on the community committee to revise the K-12 Human Growth and Development curriculum of Milwaukee Public Schools. For 2008-2015, Molly worked at Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin’s Department of Community Health as a Program Development Specialist creating online health curricula for teachers to use in classrooms, from kindergarten through 8th grades. Additionally, Molly has volunteered as an advocate for survivors of sexual assault for 15 years. She has been an active volunteer with the Sexual Assault Treatment Center (SATC) program at the Milwaukee Aurora Sanai Hospital since 2004.
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A Matter of Consent
- 2. A Matter of Consent Thursday, June 4, 2015 THE UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN - MILWAUKEE JOSEPH J. ZILBER SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH Molly Lancelot Community Education Manager Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin, Inc. Molly.Lancelot@ppwi.org Margo DeNuccio Community Outreach Coordinator Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin, Inc. Margo.DeNuccio@ppwi.org
- 3. “…we realize that sexuality is a complex integration of biological, cultural, spiritual, social, relational, and psychological factors. Sexual expression is not only what occurs in the privacy of one’s own home, but goes to the core of how we relate to other people and how we feel about ourselves.”*
- 4. Name The organization/agency you’re with Have you talked about consent with you in sexuality education previously? Introductions
- 5. In order to understand consent, it is important to understand rape culture and how it impacts our society. • What is rape culture (brainstorm)? • What are examples of rape culture? • How does rape culture impact how we think about consent? Rape Culture
- 6. Examples
- 7. Examples
- 8. Examples
- 9. Examples
- 10. Examples
- 11. Copyright © 2015. Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin, Inc. Examples Robin Thicke - Blurred Lines Lyrics And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl/ I know you want it/ I know you want it I know you want it/ You're a good girl/ Can't let it get passed me You're far from plastic/ Talk about getting’ blasted/ I hate these blurred lines I know you want it/ I know you want it/ I know you want it/ But you're a good girl The way you grab me/ Must wanna get nasty/ Go ahead, get at me Nothing like your last guy, he too square for you He don't smack that ass and pull your hair like that Shake the vibe, get down, get up/ Do it like it hurt, like it hurt/ What you don't like work
- 12. • Rape Jokes on Television https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO KKzSnyFT Copyright © 2015. Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin, Inc. Examples
- 13. Examples School dress codes “Disruptive clothing includes: • Halter tops/low cut tops • Tank tops or sleeveless shirts deemed inappropriate • High cut shorts • Revealing midriffs • Displaying poor taste • Displaying obscenity • Advertisement of weapon, tobacco, alcohol, or drugs • Promoting self-interest (100% white/black, etc.) • Improper exposure • Pajama clothing, including: pajama tops, bottoms and bedroom slippers • No chains on pants or wallets” Copied from a suburban Milwaukee high school dress code Copyright © 2015. Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin, Inc.
- 14. Examples
- 15. Examples
- 16. Examples
- 17. What we tell females vs. males about consent FEMALES MALES • “Use the buddy system.” • “Don’t leave your drink unattended.” • “Be sure to carry mace or a whistle.” • “Don’t walk alone at night.” • Traditional idea of men needing to be the ones to “take control” in dating situations. • Sexual activity is for them to initiate and move forward towards a ‘goal’. • Sports analogies. Examples
- 18. A complex set of beliefs that encourages male sexual aggression and supports violence against women. It is a society where violence is seen as “sexy” and sexuality as violent. In a rape culture, both men and women assume that sexual violence is a fact of life. This violence, however, is neither biologically or divinely ordained, but is in fact the expression of values and attitudes that can change. (http://craccum.ausa.auckland.ac.nz/?p=699) Rape Culture
- 19. The Numbers and Some Facts
- 20. Rates
- 21. 13.2 13.2 13.3 12.3 11.8 14.3 15.6 0 2 4 6 8 10 12 14 16 18 20 Total Male Female 9th 10th 11th 12th Percentage of students who were ever hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend during the past 12 months Milwaukee High School Survey 2011 (YRBS)
- 22. 24 35 11 12 0 5 10 15 20 25 30 35 40 Hit by boy/girlfriend* Forced into sexual activity* WeightedPercent *Statistically significant difference between students with same-sex and apposite-sex only contact with 95% CI: Wisconsin YRBS Injury and Violence Intimate partner violence among students with same-sex vs. opposite-sex only contact, 2007-2011 Same-Sex Opposite-Sex Comparison
- 23. • Out of every 100 rapes: –46 get reported to the police –12 lead to an arrest –9 get prosecuted –5 lead to felony conviction Sexual Assault
- 24. False Reporting • Approximately 293,000+ of reports of sexual assault nationally each year • FBI statistics report only 2-8% of these incidents turn out to be ‘unfounded’ or false. Copyright © 2015. Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin, Inc. • Same level of false reporting as other crimes (burglary, mugging, assault etc.) • Yet every report that makes news headlines is scrutinized, doubted, and questioned.
- 25. Let’s Duck!
- 26. Consent
- 27. ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT Showing strong excitement about agreeing to do or allowing something (sexual) While making a mutual, voluntary, informed decision between clear minded, of age individuals before any and every sexual act. Enthusiastic Consent
- 29. • Knowledge of consent • Understand the humanity of others • Healthy masculinity • Believe survivors • Bystander intervention Zerlina Maxwell’s “Five Ways”
- 30. • Education about Bodily Autonomy • Build Teens’ Self Esteem • Sex talks should include Enthusiastic Consent • Teach Respect for Individuals • Healthy Conceptions of Gender • Decision Making and Negotiating Skills • Give Concrete Examples of Consent Guidelines for Teens and Young Adults
- 31. • Males – Feelings of defensiveness – Having specific questions about what their responsibility is (“How many times do I have to ask?” “Why is it always my responsibility?”) Special Populations
- 32. • LGBTQ+ – Addressing violence, sexual assault and coercion within same-sex relationships. – Youth and young adults feeling compelled to say with abusive/controlling partners because “there isn’t anyone else.” – Rates of sexual assault in these communities. Special Populations
- 33. • Sexual assault, sex trafficking exploitation and trauma survivors – Giving “trigger warnings” when talking about consent and sexual assault. – Emphasizing it’s NEVER the victim’s fault. – Acknowledging it may take a while for survivors to feel ready for consensual sex or relationships. This is normal. Special Populations
- 34. • Sex Workers – The idea of “enthusiastic consent” may not have applied in their work lives. – Separating work vs. personal life relationships. – Recognizing sex workers can still be sexually assaulted. The word “no” still has meaning when they are working. Special Populations
- 35. • Using scenarios to allow individuals to talk through different situations and the lack or presence of consent in them. – Using scenarios that aren’t as “black and white” that cause participants to really think and discuss consent. Consent Activities and Resources
- 36. • Having participants come up with ways that they could give or ask for consent (both verbally and non verbally). – What are things you do without words to show that you like or are into something? Consent Activities and Resources
- 37. • Personal Bill of Rights sheet – Asking participants what they think of this list. – Are there any things on this list they haven’t thought of before? – Is there anything they would add to the list? Consent Activities and Resources
- 38. • Critiquing different video clips, advertisements or relevant news stories. • Tea video- comparing consent to offering tea –http://magazine.good.is/articles /tea-never-looked-so-good Consent Activities and Resources
- 39. • This American Life story- College males talk about consent –http://www.thisamericanlife.org/ radio- archives/episode/557/birds- bees Consent Activities and Resources
- 40. MADLIBS!
- 41. How Would You Do It?
- 43. • CDC – www.cdc.gov – YRBS Milwaukee Survey , YRBS Wisconsin Survey. CDC – http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/cdc_nisvs_over view_insert_final-a.pdf National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. (pdf) • Ebony Magazine. http://www.ebony.com/news-views/5- ways-we-can-teach-men-not-to-rape-456#axzz2ifKrFnXC Article: 5 Ways We Can Teach Men Not to Rape • Everyday Feminism. http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/03/teaching-kids- consent-ages-1-21 Article on “Healthy Sex Talk: Teaching Kids Consent, Ages 1-21 . • Yes Means Yes! http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2013/04/01/teach- consent-but-what-good-is-teaching-consent/. Article: Teach Consent! (But What Good Is Teaching Consent?). • Learning Good Consent. Zine. Available online. http://www.phillyspissed.net/sites/default/files/learning%20 good%20consent2.pdf Resources
- 44. • Flash Lesson Plans. Resources for comprehensive sexuality education curriculum. • Vogelaar, Amy. Positive Encounters: Talking One- to-one with Teens about Contraceptive and Safer Sex Decisions : A Guidebook for Professionals. Morristown, NJ: Center for Family Life Education, Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey, 1999. Print. • Habeland, Nicole, and Deborah Rogow, eds. It's All ONE Curriculum: Guidelines and Activities for a Unified Approach to Sexuality, Gender, HIV and Human Rights Education. New York: Population Council In, 2009. Print. Available for free download. • Advocates for Youth. http://www.advocatesforyouth.org Resources
- 45. • Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault. http://www.wcasa.org/ • Wisconsin Coalition Against Domestic Violence. http://www.wcadv.org/?go=events • Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. http://www.rainn.org/ • Men Can Stop Rape. http://www.mencanstoprape.org/ • Men Stopping Violence. http://www.menstoppingviolence.org/ • Be smart, be well. A Dating Video Quiz: What’s Really Going On? http://www.besmartbewell.com/domestic-violence/teen-dating-abuse-quiz.htm • Xojane What we talk about when we talk about “fake rape”. http://www.xojane.com/issues/what-we-talk-about-when-we-talk-about-fake- rape Videos on consent and rape culture • Rape culture jokes on TV https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOKKzSnyFT • Talking about personal boundaries from Empowering young leaders to end sexual violence. http://whereisyourline.org/film/videos-psas/ • Blue Seat Studios Understanding Consent cartoon http://magazine.good.is/articles/tea-never-looked-so-good • This American Life Birds and Bees Consent story http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/557/birds-bees?act=1 • App for working against sexual violence. http://www.circleof6app.com/ Resources
Editor's Notes
- Not sex positive Contributes to the idea that victims are responsible The reverse of that is to show things that are positive – find a sex positive prevention ad Chris Brown revealed that he first had sex when he was 8; we don’t address impact of sexual violence on young men.
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOKKzSnyFT
- South Milwaukee http://www.sdsm.k12.wi.us/schools/high/student-dress-code.cfm This “distraction” standard for a dress code sets up a model in which the default student we are concerned about - the student whose learning we want to ensure is protected - is male. It presumes that female students are a distraction to male students’ learning, and therefore it’s young women’s actions that must be policed.
- This is an example of a campaign that was done well. It includes multiple examples of non-heterosexual couples.
- Another consent campaign that includes a non-heterosexual couple from Ohio State University.
- Talking to boys about sex as baseball. Only one direction to move, competitive, opposing teams. Girls are taught ‘victim prevention’ rather then boys ever being taught NOT to rape someone! That sets up the standard perspective of Sexual Assaults being the fault of the victim, for not watching her drink, going somewhere alone with a date, drinking too much etc. We never teach boys to not let their friends take a drunk girl to an empty room at a party etc.
- People are surrounded with images, language, laws, and other everyday phenomena that validate and perpetuate rape. Rape culture includes jokes, TV, music, advertising, legal jargon, laws, words and imagery, that make violence against women and sexual coercion seem so normal that people believe that rape is inevitable. Rather than viewing the culture of rape as a problem to change, people in a rape culture think about the persistence of rape as “just the way things are.” (http://upsettingrapeculture.com/rapeculture.html)
- Nearly 1 in 2 women and 1 in 5 men experienced sexual violence at some point in their lives. (more than 53 million women and more than 25 million men in the US) An estimated 13% of women and 6% of men have experienced sexual coercion in their lifetime (i.e., unwanted sexual penetration after being pressured in a nonphysical way); and 27.2% of women and 11.7% of men have experienced unwanted sexual contact. Approximately 1 in 4 women and nearly 1 in 7 men in the U.S. have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner at some point in their lifetime. Stats for trans folks are much higher – CDC doesn’t record gender identity, so these numbers don’t meaningfully include them. In a nationally representative survey:1 • 42.2% of female rape victims were first raped before age 18. • 29.9% of female rape victims were first raped between the ages of 11-17. • 12.3% female rape victims and 27.8% of male rape victims were first raped when they were age 10 or younger. http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/sexualviolence/datasources.html
- http://www.wcasa.org/file_open.php?id=750
- Understanding there is already a low incidence of reporting of these crimes because of shame, guilt, fear, victim blaming. Examples: Emma Sulkowicz, carried mattress around Columbia university for 2 years, and to her graduation, after her rape complaint was dismissed for lack of evidence. She and 3 others accused same fellow student of sexual assault, he was found ‘not responsible’ by Columbia U and case dropped by DA. Her performance art piece “Mattress Performance (Carry That Weight)” http://www.carryingtheweighttogether.com/ "Jackie", the young woman at the center of Sabrina Erdely's "A Rape on Campus" article. On March 13, 2006 Duke lacrosse scandal alleged gang rape of a stripper, Crystal Mangum, where evidence to support the victims' claims could never be substantiated So, ‘unfounded’ doesn’t mean false! Means not enough evidence was able to be collected or witnesses couldn’t corroborate. Often the questioning victims of SA go through is invasive, embarrassing and can be re-traumatizing. Health exams are invasive and may not show physical evidence, even when collected right after reported assault. As a result, victims may ‘recant’ because they no longer want to go through the legal or medical process and because they just want to forget about the assault and try to forget about it. That doesn’t mean it never happened.
- Have everyone get up and form a circle. Ask – Can I have some volunteers? We’re just going to toss the duck around the circle – when you get the duck, pass it to someone else. This activity illustrates how consent works, what consent is and how it looks different for different people and in different situations. Non verbal consent Actions that show consent Asking out loud Duck is protected
- Jaclyn Friedman author of Yes Means Yes, coined the term “enthusiastic consent,” which flips the traditional lens with which we view consent on its head. She asks, “What if, instead of just the absence of ‘no,’ an enthusiastic ‘yes’ was required as a standard for sexual consent? “Consent is actually easy to figure out. You have to ask. It’s your job to ask. It’s not gendered. Women also have the responsibility to ask. And if you can’t tell, ask.”
- These are adapted from Zerlina Maxwell’s article in Ebony magazine. Knowledge of consent- the definition of legal consent and also good communication (Someone who is drunk, unconscious or sleeping cannot give legal consent. It’s not just about saying no, it’s making sure a person means yes) Understand the humanity of others- including those often marginalized (women, people of color, LGBTQ +, and gender non-conforming individuals) Teach people to express Healthy masculinity- We need to focus on the messages that men are getting and about how they relate to women. The messages that men get around masculinity from a young age are too often about violence and about exerting power and control. We need to challenge the definition of masculinity as inherently violent,” says Pandit. Teach the importance of Bystander Intervention- When we talk about bystander intervention, it’s more about simply intervening when you see someone doing or about to do something wrong, “It’s also about first calling people out for sexist jokes about women and girls. It’s not just the intervening act, it’s about all of the things that These are adapted from Zerlina Maxwell’s article in Ebony magazine.
- 1. Build teens’ self esteem. In middle school, bullying shifts to specifically target identity, and self-esteem starts to plummet around age 13. By age 17, 78% of girls report hating their bodies. Remark to them regularly about their talents, their skills, their kindness 2. Continue having “sex talks” with middle schoolers, but start incorporating information about consent. Ask questions like, “How do you know whether your partner is ready to kiss you?” and “How do you think you can tell if a girl (or boy) is interested in you?” This is a great time to explain enthusiastic consent. 4. Teach Respect for Individuals. If you overhear a kid say, “She’s a hot piece of ass” you could say, “Hey, I think she’s more than just an ass!” You can keep it jokey, and they’ll roll their eyes at you, but it sinks in. 5. Explain that part of growing up is having changing hormones, and that hormones sometimes make it hard to think clearly. 6. Mentor teenage and college-aged boys and young men about what masculinity is. 7. Explain that part of growing up is having changing hormones, and that hormones sometimes make it hard to think clearly. Sometimes that means our desire feels 8. honestly with kids about partying. 8. Keep talking about sex and consent with teens as they start having serious relationships. 9. Finally, teens are thirsty for more information about sexual assault, consent, and healthy sexuality. They want to learn, and they will find a way to get information about sex. If you are the one providing that information—lovingly, honestly and consistently—they will carry that information out into the world with them. http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/03/teaching-kids-consent-ages-1-21/
- Groups of all males may feel defensive in conversations of consent. They may feel they are being accused of being potential rapists. Of course we are not saying this about them, but the conversation about rape culture and how we already teach girls to ‘protect themselves’ means it’s fair to teach males to be careful not to make assumptions. Talking about sex as baseball. Only one direction to move, competitive, opposing teams. Porn as directions for sex, rather then talking to a partner about what s/he likes or wants. People vary, preferences vary, so you have to ask questions to find out what you each like and don’t like. Not a serial, predator rapist but the guy who wakes up the next day and asks “she was into that, right?” You don’t want to be on the end of her ‘not being into it’ and believing you raped her. Talking to sexual partners honestly, is hard. This American Life – 13.5 minutes story, conversation with college-aged males about consent @ Buffalo State (starts at 7 min). http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/557/birds-bees?act=1
- If you report a same-sex partner, are you denigrating your community? Or proving the people who believe LGBT to be a deviant lifestyle correct?
- If survivors and youth who have been sex trafficked are part of your population, you have to remember that consent may not have been a part of what they were ‘allowed’ to give previously. Their body, boundaries and desires were not of consideration in that situation. There can be a lot of shame, fear and guilt, as traffickers or pimps manipulate and coerce to build trust and dependence. Proactive Outreach for the Health of Sexually Exploited Youth (POHSEY) http://www.pohsey.org/ Support resources and my staff offer trainings
- Has anyone tried any of these? How have they worked for you? What works or doesn’t work well? Knowing the populations that you serve, are there any activities you anticipate working better than others? Margo will provide examples of scenarios (both good and bad ones).
- Examples may include moaning or making certain noises, smiling or looking a certain way, etc. You could also have participants brainstorm signs that a partner may not be into or consenting to a certain sexual activity.
- Margo will provide participants with the “Personal Bill of Rights” Sheet. Are there different activities you could do with this list? Any creative ways you could introduce it? Empowering young leaders to end sexual violence. http://whereisyourline.org/film/videos-psas/
- Using clips from shows such as “Two and a Half Men,” “Mad Men,” “How I Met Your Mother,” etc. Whatever pop culture reference that will resonate with your group. The Tea video may be good to use with groups that haven’t really thought about consent before or aren't’ entirely comfortable discussing sexuality or sex to begin with.
- The “This American Life” story centers around college age males learning about and discussing consent. It brings up questions that may be good discussion starters for groups (especially groups of males). Margo will provide a copy of consent madlibs.
- You have cards that say how would you say no in this situation; you each take a card – how would you give consent
- Good campaign working against rape culture – gender race neutral with examples of ways to ask for consent