1. Theology of the body for schools PSHE course on love and sexuality By Robert Colquhoun [email_address]
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Editor's Notes
Many people know what the Church teaches about sex and marriage, but they don’t know why the Church teaches it.
Pope John Paul defined love in different ways. He talked of love under three definitions: attraction, desire and goodwill. To love another person is to make a gift of oneself. John Paul II said that “Man cannot find himself apart from making a sincere gift of himself.” This is disinterested love. Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta “Spread love everywhere you go. First of all in your own home. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your fact; kindness in your eyes; kindness in your smile; kindness in your warm greeting.”
Role model. Young man, energetic alive to the world, zealous and enthusiastic.
When we discover true love, lust becomes boring. In the words of Josh Harris, “Lust would like us to believe that it can make us happy. If we just give it what it wants, it will stop pestering us and be satisfied. Lust is never satisfied, you can’t bargain with it and come out a winner. Lust hijacks sex. It wants to train your desires to delight in the thrill of the forbidden so that you lose your Godly appetite for what is good.”
What then is the difference between love and lust? Lust is not even a suitable alternative to love. When we discover true love, lust becomes boring. In the words of Josh Harris, “Lust would like us to believe that it can make us happy. If we just give it what it wants, it will stop pestering us and be satisfied. Lust is never satisfied, you can’t bargain with it and come out a winner. Lust hijacks sex. It wants to train your desires to delight in the thrill of the forbidden so that you lose your Godly appetite for what is good.” Lust is a disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure, sought for itself.
Some people might be abstinent because they have chosen to, others because they cannot get a date. It tells us little about the spiritual state of a person.
This great virtue gives us purity in mind, heart and conscience and prepares our souls for love. Only the chaste man and the chaste woman are capable of true love. This virtue gives us self control, spiritual strength and is a certain path to happiness. from the latin adjective ‘castus’ which means pure.
Alice von Hildebrand mentions in her classic book,The privilege of being a woman an amusing anecdote. She states, “Let us imagine how ludicrous it would be if all of a sudden a young person who seemed to enjoy a blooming health dropped dead; according to the laws of certain states, an autopsy must be performed on the corpse. How ridiculous it would be if, after hours of careful dissection of the dead person, the doctor would declare virginity to be the cause of her demise! Everyone know that this does not make sense. But we all know people who die young because they have abused sex and caught diseases that unforgiving nature has linked to these aberrations.” (p94-5).
The flesh is the hinge of salvation (Tertullian)
We are all mortal, and return to ashes. What is the meaning and purpose of our bodies?
Two become one. When we get married we take a number of vows and promises to our spouse. These wedding vows we swear to a marriage that is free (through our own personal consent), faithful (a promise of exclusivity), total (holding nothing back) and fruitful (open to the gift of new life). Without one of these indispensable attributes in a Catholic wedding, it would be questionable that a marriage took place. Who here has thought of their future spouse? Maybe they are nearby somewhere. Maybe they are in school right now. Maybe they are in this room. What about premarital sex? Is that free, faithful, fruitful and total? Let me think about this with my ex girlfriend... I've known you for all of 25 minutes...
Safe sex= absolute joke The message of so called ‘safe’ sex and ‘safer’ sex is devastating and dangerous. It is medically inaccurate and insulting to women. It generates a false sense of security encouraging risky behaviour and reduces the understanding of sex to purely genital. Sex has more consequences than a condom could ever protect against. The message of ‘safe’ sex is an absolute joke. Sex is not safe, but involves the complete gift of self to another person. ‘safe’ sex misleads people about the biological, spiritual and emotional effects of sex. Such a message is patronising and insulting to teenagers. Effectively, it communicates, “I have no confidence in you.” Being neutered by drugs is one way of repressing your fertility. When we set the standards high and if fact say: save sex until marriage, we give a new generation the confidence to believe in themselves and to live for something greater. There is no condom for the heart or the soul •Either we have control over our passions or they control us.
The pill thins the lining of the uterus and prevents implantation. The pill can cause more than 150 biological changes in a woman according to the textbook of contraceptive practice. This can include gallbladder disease, headache, bleeding irregularities, ectopic pregnancy, yeast infection, changes to the curvature of the eye, excessive hair growth in unusual places, acne, and partial or complete loss of vision. (Contem. Obstetrics & Gynaecology, 1988; 19: 315-26). Research by Professor Erik Odeblad, Dept. of Medical Biophysics, University of Umeå, Sweden shows that the pill ages a woman's cervix twice as quickly. In other words, a 24-year-old woman who has been on the Pill since she was 12 (as is not uncommon) and is now married and wants to have children may be shocked to find that she has the cervix of a 36-year-old woman!
The birth control pill increases a woman’s chance of having breast cancer, cervical cancer and liver cancer. Chris Kahlenborn, MD, et al., "Oral Contraceptive Use as a Risk Factor for Premenopausal Breast Cancer: A Meta-analysis," Mayo Clinic Proceedings 81:10 (October, 2006): 1290-1302; Collaborative Group on Hormonal Factors in Breast Cancer, "Breast cancer and hormonal contraceptives: collaborative reanalysis of individual data on 53,297 women with breast cancer and 100,239 women without breast cancer from 54 epidemiological studies," Lancet 347 (June, 1996): 1713-1727; World Health Organization, "IARC Monographs Programme Finds Combined Estrogen-Progestogen Contraceptives and Menopausal Therapy are Carcinogenic to Humans," International Agency for Research on Cancer, Press Release 167 (July 29, 2005); Smith, et al., "Cervical cancer and use of hormonal contraceptives: A systematic review," Lancet 361 (2003):1159?1167; La Vecchia, "Oral contraceptives and cancer," Minerva Ginecologica 58:3 (June, 2006): 209-214. Birth control pills meddle with a woman’s immune system, making her more likely to contract certain STDs. Yovel, et al., "The Effects of Sex, Menstrual Cycle, and Oral Contraceptives on the Number and Activity of Natural Killer Cells," Gynecologic Oncology 81:2 (May, 2001): 254-262; Blum, et al., "Antisperm Antibodies in Young Oral Contraceptive Users," Advances in Contraception 5 (1989): 41?46; Critchlow, et al., "Determinants of cervical ectopia and of cervicitis: age, oral contraception, specific cervical infection, smoking, and douching," American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology 173:2 (August, 1995): 534-43; Baeten, et al.,"Hormonal contraception and risk of sexually transmitted disease acquisition: results from a prospective study," American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology 185:2 (August, 2001): 380-385; Ley, et al., "Determinants of Genital Human Papillomavirus Infection in Young Women," Journal of the National Cancer Institute 83:14 (July, 1991): 997-1003; Prakash, et al., "Oral contraceptive use induces upregulation of the CCR5 chemokine receptor on CD4(+) T cells in the cervical epithelium of healthy women," Journal of Reproductive Immunology 54 (March, 2002): 117-131; Wang, et al., "Risk of HIV infection in oral contraceptive pill users: a meta-analysis," Journal of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndromes 21:1 (May, 1999): 51-58; Lavreys, et al., "Hormonal contraception and risk of HIV-1 acquisition: results from a 10-year prospective study," AIDS 18:4 (March, 2004): 695-697. Because of its link to breast cancer, veterinarians stopped prescribing Depo-Provera for dogs. However, it's still being given to women, and is sometimes injected into male sex offenders in order to kill their sex drive. "The Case Against Depo-Provera," Multinational Monitor 6:2-3 (February/March, 1985); T.A. Kiersch, "Treatment of sex offenders with Depo-Provera," The Bulletin of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law 18:2 (1990): 179-187; "Assembly Bill 3339, "An act to repeal and add Section 645 of the Penal Code, relating to crimes." California State Senate, Amended August 20, 1996; 2005 California Penal Code, 645.
Modesty: There is a difference between dressing attractively and dressing to attract. In her spellbinding book, Colleen Hammond describes what it is like to live life “Dressing with dignity.” She describes why this is so important for the moral upstanding of society and how culturally damaging the modern onslaught of immodest clothing is. When women wear suggestive clothing, men will finish the picture with their imagination. Men are visually stimulated, whereas as a generalisation women rely more on verbal communication and their feelings. Many women fail to realise the influence that wearing sexually suggestive clothing has on others. Modesty is closely related to mystery. Alice von Hildebrand has said that “To dress modestly is the appropriate response that women should give to their ‘mystery.’” When little is left to the imagination, the mystery vanishes because everything is flaunted. Things are veiled when they are thought to have great importance. Modesty helps to guard purity and the resplendent virtue of chastity, preserving mystery. Many believe that modesty in dress is far more attractive, dignified and classy. St Bernard of Clairvaux said, “How beautiful then, is modesty, and what a gem among virtues it is.” In a recent X Factor audition, Cheryl Cole berated a pop group for wearing too suggestive clothing, considering it tasteless. Modest dress helps to keep society healthy. Confucius knew that women are the moral root of society and the culture will only grow in proportion to the moral strength of its women. Cultures collapse if women, the moral fibre of society, do not put modesty into practice. The immodest trends that arrived in the twentieth century broke historical precedence. Fashion designers gradually developed more and more revealing dresses. When the bikini was first introduced, none of the models in Paris would wear it on the catwalks. The designer had to hire a nude dancer from the Casino de Paris. She had no problem about walking down the catwalk in this bathing suit! To be able to love your future spouse before you have even met them is something truly noble and honourable.
• The pinnacle of God's creation • Most beautiful thing in the world • Pope John Paul said, "God has assigned every man the dignity of every woman." • Ephesians chapter 6 "Husbands love your brides as Christ loved the Church." • A man who looks at a woman lustfully commits adultery with her in his heart. • Sirach 9:2 "Do not give yourself to a woman so that she gains mastery over your strength." • Purity is about wanting heaven for the women we love • Woman are a gift to be received not a goal to be conquered. • Every woman is somebody's daughter • Imagine your future bride • Real men empty themselves for the sake of their princesses. • Women are able to carry 2 or more souls in their body at the same time • You don't want to take your girlfriend further away from God. It's never to late to become the person you ought to be.
These are not minor faults, but they are signs of major issues that can be disastrous to a future marriage. If any one of these applies to him, end th relationship now.
Chesterton said: "Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God." Pornography e.g. porn on wedding night anecdote. Couple excited in honeymoon suite, wife says to husband how much she has been looking forward to this night and how wonderful it is going to be. After the romantic anticipation of both the man and the woman, the woman says “to prepare for this night I have seen hundreds of pictures of naked men.” Training the mind to see women to be constantly sexually available, physically flawless. This is an impossible demand! Pornography is the best training around for divorce. A coherent training in an marital unhappiness. Last Judgement – what did you do with you life? I first came across pornography when I was aged about 11 years old. It was the Sun magazine... so excited to find it, but amongst this trash I learnt how to treat women dishonourably.The real sign of the decline of a civilization is when women do not blush anymore.
It calls us to remember friendship and forget lust. Who will be laughing at your wedding?
Chastity brings superior health, happiness and hope. One young writer wrote, “the commandment to wait… promoted the greatest fulfilment in sex by paving the way for trust, emotional satisfaction, joy and passion unthreatened by mental battles. How good and intelligent the Creator is.” There is one method that is 100% effective against STDs, unwanted pregnancies and the physical, emotional and spiritual problems connected with pre-marital sex. The virtue of chastity protects the relationship we are in and helps us to be captivated by the beauty and pleasure of God’s way. True love waits and plans.
Be contemplative, love prayer, be coherent with your faith and generous in your service of brothers and sisters, be active members of the Church and builders of peace. To succeed in this demanding project of life, continue to listen to his word, draw strength from the sacraments, especially the Eucharist and penance. The Lord wants you to be intrepid apostles of his Gospel and builders of a new humanity.
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