Motherhood - it's not a job
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The slide from the Keynote I delivered to Mumstock 2015. It reveals the eight key emotinonal roles mums seek to play in the lives of their families. Emotional roels that bradns would do well to understand and contribute to for greater success in marketing to mums.
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Motherhood - it's not a job
- 2. #mumstock Have your say Previously at Mumstock …
- 3. #mumstock Have your say 5 myths 5 revelations 5 tips
- 4. Myth #1 Motherhood defines mums
- 5. Myth #2 Mums are ‘practically perfect in every way’
- 7. Myth #4 Dads are sideshows in the parenting department
- 8. Myth #5 Motherhood is a life of unrelenting drudgery
- 9. #mumstock Have your say Marketing tends to see motherhood as a job, an activity, or a series of chores
- 10. No woman has a child because she wants another job
- 11. #mumstock Have your say “Brands are completely unaware of what parenting is all about – it’s about love, it’s about everything that you can’t buy not everything that you can.” Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15
- 12. #mumstock Have your say Cleaner Chef Entertainer Driver Carer/nanny First-aider Events organizer Accountant Source: Chessington World of Adventures, ‘Summer Holiday Mum: 23 Professions, 13+ Hour Days, 7 Days a Week’, August 2010 Gardener Waitress Personal shopper Chamber maid Teacher Counsellor Administrator Hairdresser Dental hygienist Dog walker Project Manager Artist Travel Agent Security Guard Interior Designer 23 Professions, 13+ Hour Days, 7 Days a Week
- 14. #mumstock Have your say 84% of mothers agree: “marketers treat motherhood as an activity, filled with things that I have to do and not a meaningful relationship with my kids.” Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15
- 15. An emotionally complex relationship not an activity
- 16. #mumstock Have your say Still less a job.
- 17. Motherhood is about being not doing
- 18. #mumstock Have your say Week long mobile ethnographies Quantitative study 1,022 mothers Online community
- 19. #mumstock Have your say Rebellious Fun Playful Creative Present Proud Inspired Special Understanding Cool Silly Happy Entertained Amazed Loving Trusted Important Impactful Helpful Knowledgeable Experienced Admired Supporting Respected Needed Comforting Safe Control Encouraging Talented Balanced Confident Strong Reliable Stability Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15
- 20. Safe HouseHero Rule Breaker Creative Partner in Crime Experienced Impactful Reliable Safe StrongEncouraging Successful Confident Cool Admired Rebellious Special Control Knowledgeable CoachFriend Stability Fun Silly Playful Entertained Proud Inspired Amazed Helpful Trusted Needed Respected Comforting Carer Happy Important Loving Accepted Present Impactful Fan Understanding
- 22. Carer Being there in the moment of need
- 23. Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15 “When you become a mum you realise that your kisses are ‘magic’ – they can make anything feel better.” #mumstock Have your say
- 24. Coach Being there when you aren’t there Coach Being there when you aren’t there
- 25. #mumstock Have your say Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15 “My son said to me ‘how do you know if a stranger is good or bad?’ And I tried to teach him how to use his gut instinct and the things he could look out for in order to tell.”
- 26. Hero Being who you want them to be
- 27. #mumstock Have your say Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15 “They won’t always remember the things that I taught them but they will remember the person I was.”
- 28. Safe House Being there at the end of the day
- 29. #mumstock Have your say Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15 “Your role is to help your child through their childhood, teenage years and beyond. I still really appreciate that my parents are there for me and would drop everything to help me if I needed it.”
- 30. Rule Breaker Partner in Crime Friend Fan
- 31. Friend Being on the same level
- 32. #mumstock Have your say Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15 “Sometimes you realise what your kids need most from you is just to be their friend.”
- 33. Fan Enjoying them and the mark they make
- 34. Partner in Crime Getting down and dirty
- 35. #mumstock Have your say Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15 “Generally being a knob seems to entertain my kids. I love that we laugh together all the time.”
- 36. Rule Breaker Being more than a hard arse once in a while
- 37. #mumstock Have your say Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15 “I love the look in my kids’ eyes when I let them break the rules – it’s like ‘What? Really?’ – lots of excitement and I like to do that for them sometimes.”
- 38. Safe HouseHero Rule Breaker Partner in Crime CoachFriend Carer Fan Being there in the moment of need Being there when you aren’t Being there at the end of the day Being who you want your child to be Being on the same level Getting down and dirty Enjoying them and the mark they makeBeing more than a hard arse
- 39. #mumstock Have your say Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15 A3. And how important would you say each of the following roles are in terms of being a mother? Base: 1000 Mums of children aged 0-17 76% 57% 71% 71% 47% 39% 47% 24% 22% 39% 27% 26% 46% 51% 47% 40% Carer Coach Role Model Safehouse Friend Playmate Audience Rule Breaker Not at all important Not very important Quite important Very important Hero Partner in Crime FanCoachCarer Safe House Friend Rule Breaker All roles are equal, though some are more equal than others
- 40. #mumstock Have your say Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15 A matter of time A1. Of all of the roles listed below, which do you spend most of your time doing as a parent? 34% 20% 15% 9% 9% 8% 4% 1% Carer Coach Role Model Safehouse Friend Playmate Audience Rule BreakerHero Partner in Crime FanCoachCarer Safe House Friend Rule Breaker
- 41. #mumstock Have your say Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15 Heroes and Partners A2. For each can you tell us whether this is something that you wish you could be doing more or less of? Base: 1000 Mums of children aged 0-17 15% 12% 16% 15% 15% 18% 13% 12% 44% 51% 54% 43% 47% 57% 53% 48% 37% 31% 26% 35% 34% 22% 29% 25% Carer Coach Role Model Safehouse Friend Playmate Audience Rule Breaker Much less A little less Same A little more Much more Hero Partner in Crime FanCoachCarer Safe House Friend Rule Breaker
- 42. #mumstock Have your say Source: Mumsnet/Saatchi & Saatchi research, 2014/15 Heroes and Partners A2. For each can you tell us whether this is something that you wish you could be doing more or less of? Base: 1000 Mums of children aged 0-17 15% 12% 16% 15% 15% 18% 13% 12% 44% 51% 54% 43% 47% 57% 53% 48% 37% 31% 26% 35% 34% 22% 29% 25% Carer Coach Role Model Safehouse Friend Playmate Audience Rule Breaker Much less A little less Same A little more Much more Hero Partner in Crime FanCoachCarer Safe House Friend Rule Breaker
- 46. #mumstock Have your say Functional roles Provider Home maker Doing A job Emotional roles Participant Rule breaker Being A relationship
- 47. Go play!
Editor's Notes
- Marketers seem to believe that motherhood is all consuming for women with children and an appropriate label for their lives- that motherhood defines mums. It may do for her but then she’s not exactly representative of British motherhood is she.
- From the evidence before us marketers seem to believe that every mother is desperately seeking perfection and looking to brands to help achieve this. Ever mum wants to be a good mum, but good enough is good enough for most mothers
- Marketers seem to believe that mothers are paragons of saintly virtue you have to treat with utmost care. Marketing mums don’t swear, they don’t have a little too much to drink, they don’t laugh at the same things as other adults and they don’t have sex – which is more than a little ironic. More than one client has briefed me insisting that the only comedy mums like is the Vicar of Dibley (that came off air in 2007!
- Ah yes. The bumbling dad. As a community we still seem to believe that we can curry favour with mothers by depicting their men as clowns at best and at worst part timers.
- Which brings us to the final myth for today. Marketers seem to believe that motherhood is a life of frazzled drudgery with the odd moment of saintly pride. Indeed this is the key way in which marketers pretend to ‘empathise’ with mothers.
- The truth is that motherhood is about being not doing. Sure there is one hell of a lot of doing involved and we aren’t saying otherwise. but the aim of every mum is surely to BE a good mother not to DO well at motherhood.
- Motherhood is not a job or a series of activities because motherhood is about being not doing. That’s where marketing gets it wrong. How then might we understand the many things mothers want to be in, the emotional rather than functional roles she wants to play? And to do so in such a way that enables marketers to better empathise and engage with them? That was the purpose of this research
- So here are what we are calling the eight emotional roles of motherhoood. You will see that they overlap considerably. This is because most activities mums are involved in aren’t about playing one simple emotional role, its more complex than that. For instance if you are nagging your 7 year old to clean their teeth you are both caring for their immediate needs and also coaching them with the sincere desire that one day they will simply go and clean their teeth. After all I did this morning and I didn’t need my mum to phone me up and nag me to. You will also notice that carer is the lynch pin of motherhood but hell that bit of the analysis certainly wasn’t brain surgery. Now its important that these are not misinterpreted as segments or archetypes. As we will see all mothers play all these roles almost all of the time. Although the expression of them changes with the age of your children.
- I’m going to kick off with the serious stuff. This is the group of emotional roles that we might normally associate with motherhood. A lot of these are about care, now and into the future and about the person that your child will become.
- Let’s start with Carer. This is about being there for your children in the moment that they need you, looking after them, protecting them. I’ve chosen Mr Wolf from Pulp Fictionto exemplify this role. Mr Wolf may seem a bit extreme but remember the role he plays, I do because we relaunched direct line using him. He sorts things out, tells it like it is, gets people out of trouble, stops them coming to further harm. Sure he talks sharp on occasion but don’t you when you are in your carer role.
- Another role and sadly another man to prove the case. Which tells you most of what you need to know about gender bias in popular culture. You are coaching when you are helping your kids in a way that extends beyond the moment. Often far into the future. It’s full of instruction but ultimately its about ensuring that your kids can stand on their own two feet.
- At last a female role model for our roles and how appropriate it’s for the hero role. Carrie is going to talk a lot more about this but safe to say that this is emotional minefield that is the lessons you teach your children. Not through what you say but who you are.
- When
- As of 9am today I haven’t been able to fid the right example from popular culture for fan. Maybe its because its actually really passive. Being a fan is about sitting back for a moment and just enjoying your children. After all that’s a really important reason for having them. It’s about laughing at their jokes, sitting through their tedious puppet show, brimming with pride as you read their school report or perhaps one day taking endless photographs at their graduation. You are so much the reason they have done all these things, but for the moment its not about you its about enjoying them.
- Being a partner in crime is about getting down and dirty with your kids. Its not about facilitating their play its about actively playing with and alongside them. We are going to come back to this big time in a bit.
- And finally and as we will see the poor cousin of the emotional roles – the rule breaker. You know in Mary Poppins the way that Mr Banks, the dad, is a bit of a hard arse. But by the end he has lightened up big time. That’s what rule breaker is about. It’s the opportunities you take show you aren’t just the parent that says no all the time. The opoprtunity to stop being the hassled hard arsed mum for a moment and to break your own rules.
- Ok lets simplify this a bit more. Let’s take off the emotional drivers and give you a better flavour of each role. Don’t worry because we are going to unpack each one.
- Because the reality is that very few brands and businesses actually seek to engage with mums on this basis. When we looked at Britain’s top 50 brands only a handful want to play in this space at all. And of those that do the vast majority are reluctant to stray from the tried and tested territory of the carer role. This is fine but it is the equivalent of clinging on to the edge of the ice skating rink in case you fall over. 10 of top 50 companies who are connecting to mums through one of her emotional roles: P&G Unilever Tesco Lloyds Bank McDonald’s Microsoft Boots John Lewis VW Beirsdoft Uk
- Because the reality is that very few brands and businesses actually seek to engage with mums on this basis. When we looked at Britain’s top 50 brands only a handful want to play in this space at all. And of those that do the vast majority are reluctant to stray from the tried and tested territory of the carer role. This is fine but it is the equivalent of clinging on to the edge of the ice skating rink in case you fall over. 10 of top 50 companies who are connecting to mums through one of her emotional roles: P&G Unilever Tesco Lloyds Bank McDonald’s Microsoft Boots John Lewis VW Beirsdoft Uk
- Yes there are brands confidently exploring the rich word of motherhood in all its glory and Carrie mentioned many of them, the reality is one of the reason that they are so famous is because there are so few. They are notable through both their potency and rarity. I’m sure that Roisin is quite happy that she is the only brand owner at scale that is working hard to help mums coach but I’d love to see more brands and brands up for this role. And while Nivea and Cif are both undertaking activity in the safehouse space I can’t think of a brand or business that has fully pinned its colours to this mast. Or a brand that’s seeking play in the rule breaker space beyond Persil. Each of these roles provides your brand and business with relatively uncontested territory in which to engage mums. And have enormous amounts of fun too boot.
- Mums don’t want you to help them do a job, they will let you to help them be everything they want to be. More brands spending more time helping mums spend more time being more of the mum they want to be. Now that’s a job that’s worth doing. Thank you. Carrie to introduce Poona.