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Sentence Structure of
Technical Writing
Nicole Kelley
Program in Writing and Humanistic Studies @ MIT
2.671, Fall 2006

Lecture materials derived from The Craft of Scientific Writing © Michael Alley
and “The Science of Scientific Writing” by Gopen and Swan
“The fundamental purpose of scientific discourse is not
the mere presentation of information and thought but
rather its actual communication. It does not matter how
pleased an author might be to have converted all the
right data into sentences and paragraphs; it matters only
whether a large majority of the reading audience
accurately perceives what the author had in mind.”
--George Gopen and Judith Swan
The Science of Scientific Writing
Good Tech Writers Practice
•
•
•
•
•
•
•

Planning
Clarity
Brevity
Simplicity
Word Choice
Active Voice
Committing to
Writing as a
Process

Planning/
Rethinking

Writing

Revising

3
Planning: Before You Begin
Identify your audience and their expectations

Know your purpose

Know your material

Understand the writing task at hand

Organize your thoughts and materials

Budget adequate time to write, review, revise and edit
4
Clarity: Avoid Jargon
• Jargon: a vocabulary particular to a
place of work (abbreviations, slang)
• Audience familiarity with the topic
determines appropriate use of jargon
Ex. 1: For the first year, the links with SDPC and the HAC
were not connected, and all required OCS input data were
artificially loaded. Thus CATCH22 and MERWIN were not
available.
Ex. 2: Because some of the links in the computer
system were not connected the first year, we could
not run all the software codes.
5
Clarity: Define the Unfamiliar
• If you must abbreviate, define the term in its
first occurrence, and put abbreviations in
parentheses
Ex: Edgartown Great Pond (EGP) is a vital body of water.
Unfortunately, due to an unpredictable influx of saltwater,
the delicate ecosystem is in danger of destabilizing.

• Italicize first occurrence of unfamiliar
terms and define them right away
Ex: Retina is a light-sensitive tissue, found at the back of
the eye, that converts light impulses to nerve impulses.
6
Brevity: Use Words Efficiently
• Never use two words when one
word will do.
Ex. 1: The relationship between the nature of salt water to
fresh water in the Edgartown Great Pond that fluctuates
often is extremely important to everyone including
scientists, residents, and environmentalists on Martha’s
Vineyard.
Ex. 2: The fluctuating salinity of EGP concerns many
environmentalists, scientists, and residents.

7
Brevity: Less Is More
• Pare your language down to the
essential message you want to get across
to your readers:
Ex: Earthquakes can occur at predictable
intervals along a given fault segment.
Depending on the length and slip in each
mainshock, the exact interval can vary by a
factor of two. The southern segment of the
San Andreas fault has an interval of 145
years, plus or minus a few decades.
8
Brevity: Most Important First
• Place key information in the main clause
Ex. 1: Despite winning the game, the Patriots
made several errors in the first half.
Ex. 2: Despite making several errors in the
first half, the Patriots won the game.
Ex. 3: The Patriots won the game, despite
making several errors in the first half.
9
Brevity: Remove Redundancy
• Combine overlapping sentences when
possible
Ex. 1: Water quality in Hawk River declined in
March. This decline occurred because of the
heavy rainfall that month. All the extra water
overloaded Tomlin county’s water treatment
plant.
Ex. 2: Water quality in Hawk River declined
in March because heavy rainfalls overloaded
Tomlin County water treatment plant.
10
Simplicity: Use Details Wisely
• Specific details are desirable, but be careful
to balance detail with audience needs for
clarity—significance is more important.
Ex. 1: The average house in the area has a
radon level of 0.4 picocuries per litre.
Ex. 2: The average house in the area has a
radon level of 0.4 picocuries per litre, which
is considered low by the EPA [Lafavore,
1987]. Levels between 20 and 200 picocuries
per liter are considered high, and levels
above 200 picocuries per liter are considered
dangerous. For reference, the average radon
level in outdoor air is about 0.2 picocuries 11
per litre.
Simplicity: Use Details Wisely
• Many engineers want to provide as
much specific detail as possible, but this
can come at the expense of readers
understanding and their main point
Ex. 1: The number of particular hydrocarbon combinations
in our study is enormous. For example, the number of
possible C20H 42 is 366,319 and the number of C40H 82 is
62,491,178,805,831.
Ex. 2: The number of hydrocarbon combinations in
our study is enormous. For example, the number of
possible C40H 82 is over 60 trillion.

12
Language: Needless Complexity
Category

Example

Substitute

nouns

utilization
functionality
facilitate
finalize
aforementioned
individualized
firstly, secondly,
heretofore

use
feature
cause
end
mentioned
individual
first, second
previous

verbs
adjectives
adverbs

13
Language: Abstraction
• Avoid too many abstract nouns
Ex. 1: The existing nature of Mount St.
Helens’ volcanic ash spewage was
handled through the applied use of
computer modeling capabilities.
Ex. 2: With Cray computers, we
modeled how much ash spewed from
Mount St. Helens.
14
Language: Needless Words
(already) existing

never (before)

at (the) present (time)

none (at all)

(basic) fundamentals

now (at this time)

(completely) eliminate

period (of time)

(continue to) remain

(private) industry

currently (being)

(separate) entities

(currently) underway

start (out)

(empty) space

write (out)

had done (previously)

(still) persists

introduced (a new)
mix (together)
15
Language: Ambiguity
• Choose words whose meanings are clear
Ex. 1: T cells, rather than B cells, appeared as
the lymphocytes migrated to the thymus gland.
Ex. 2: T cells, rather than B cells, appeared
because the lymphocytes migrated to the
thymus gland.

16
Language: Ambiguity
• Order the words in your sentences
carefully
Ex. 1: In low water temperatures and high
toxicity levels of oil, we tested how well the
microorganisms survived.
Ex. 2: We tested how well the
microorganisms survived in low water
temperatures and high toxicity levels of oil.
17
Language: Ambiguity
• Do not overuse pronouns—particularly
“it” and “this”—because it is often difficult
to identify the antecedent
Ex: Because the receiver presented the
radiometer with a high-flux environment, it was
mounted in a silver-plated stainless steel
container.
Because the receiver presented the radiometer
with a high-flux environment, it was mounted in
a silver-plated stainless steel container.
18
Language: Weak vs. Strong
• Avoid too many “to be” verbs
“is” “was” “were” “has been” “have been”

• Avoid excess words, which slow
comprehension of the main point
made arrangements for

arranged

made the decision

decided

made the measurement of

measured

performed the development of

developed

is working as expected

works as expected
19
Active Voice: Strong Verbs
• Technical writers want to communicate as
efficiently as possible, and active voice is
more straightforward and is stronger than
passive voice
Ex 1: The feedthrough was composed of a
sapphire optical fiber, which was pressed
against the pyrotechnic that was used to confine
the charge.
Ex 2: The feedthrough contained a sapphire
optical fiber, which pressed against the
pyrotechnic that contained the charge.
20
Active Voice: Natural Sound
• When in doubt, read passages out loud to
determine the natural sound*
Ex 1: A new process for eliminating nitrogen oxides from
diesel exhaust engines is presented. Flow tube
experiments to test this process are discussed. A
chemical reaction scheme to account for this process is
proposed.
Ex 2: We present a new process for eliminating
nitrogen oxides from the exhaust of diesel engines.
To test this process, we performed experiments in
flow tubes. To explain this process, we developed a
scheme of chemical reactions.
*always defer to your professor, your journal, or your company style
21
guide for use of “I” and “we” in technical papers
Writing Is a Process
•

Good writing doesn’t
happen overnight; it
requires planning,
drafting, rereading,
revising, and editing.

•

Revised Draft
First Draft

Learning and improvement
requires self-review, peerreview, subject-matter
expert feedback, and
practice.

•

Final Draft

There are no shortcuts;
practice makes perfect!
22
To summarize
• Plan your project before you begin
drafting.
• Understand basic qualities of good
technical writing; use the examples
presented to guide you in your writing
and revising process.
• Good writing is a habit that takes
time to develop; practice makes
perfect.
23
Questions?
• MIT Writing Center
http://web.mit.edu/writing/
• CI Instructor, Nicole Kelley, Mary Caulfield,
Lydia Volaitis, Thalia Rubio
Stata Center 32-083 x33039
Make an appt., email, or call directly
nkelley@mit.edu, lydiav@mit.edu,
trubio@mit.edu, mcaulf@mit.edu
(email preferred)
24

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Technical writing

  • 1. Sentence Structure of Technical Writing Nicole Kelley Program in Writing and Humanistic Studies @ MIT 2.671, Fall 2006 Lecture materials derived from The Craft of Scientific Writing © Michael Alley and “The Science of Scientific Writing” by Gopen and Swan
  • 2. “The fundamental purpose of scientific discourse is not the mere presentation of information and thought but rather its actual communication. It does not matter how pleased an author might be to have converted all the right data into sentences and paragraphs; it matters only whether a large majority of the reading audience accurately perceives what the author had in mind.” --George Gopen and Judith Swan The Science of Scientific Writing
  • 3. Good Tech Writers Practice • • • • • • • Planning Clarity Brevity Simplicity Word Choice Active Voice Committing to Writing as a Process Planning/ Rethinking Writing Revising 3
  • 4. Planning: Before You Begin Identify your audience and their expectations Know your purpose Know your material Understand the writing task at hand Organize your thoughts and materials Budget adequate time to write, review, revise and edit 4
  • 5. Clarity: Avoid Jargon • Jargon: a vocabulary particular to a place of work (abbreviations, slang) • Audience familiarity with the topic determines appropriate use of jargon Ex. 1: For the first year, the links with SDPC and the HAC were not connected, and all required OCS input data were artificially loaded. Thus CATCH22 and MERWIN were not available. Ex. 2: Because some of the links in the computer system were not connected the first year, we could not run all the software codes. 5
  • 6. Clarity: Define the Unfamiliar • If you must abbreviate, define the term in its first occurrence, and put abbreviations in parentheses Ex: Edgartown Great Pond (EGP) is a vital body of water. Unfortunately, due to an unpredictable influx of saltwater, the delicate ecosystem is in danger of destabilizing. • Italicize first occurrence of unfamiliar terms and define them right away Ex: Retina is a light-sensitive tissue, found at the back of the eye, that converts light impulses to nerve impulses. 6
  • 7. Brevity: Use Words Efficiently • Never use two words when one word will do. Ex. 1: The relationship between the nature of salt water to fresh water in the Edgartown Great Pond that fluctuates often is extremely important to everyone including scientists, residents, and environmentalists on Martha’s Vineyard. Ex. 2: The fluctuating salinity of EGP concerns many environmentalists, scientists, and residents. 7
  • 8. Brevity: Less Is More • Pare your language down to the essential message you want to get across to your readers: Ex: Earthquakes can occur at predictable intervals along a given fault segment. Depending on the length and slip in each mainshock, the exact interval can vary by a factor of two. The southern segment of the San Andreas fault has an interval of 145 years, plus or minus a few decades. 8
  • 9. Brevity: Most Important First • Place key information in the main clause Ex. 1: Despite winning the game, the Patriots made several errors in the first half. Ex. 2: Despite making several errors in the first half, the Patriots won the game. Ex. 3: The Patriots won the game, despite making several errors in the first half. 9
  • 10. Brevity: Remove Redundancy • Combine overlapping sentences when possible Ex. 1: Water quality in Hawk River declined in March. This decline occurred because of the heavy rainfall that month. All the extra water overloaded Tomlin county’s water treatment plant. Ex. 2: Water quality in Hawk River declined in March because heavy rainfalls overloaded Tomlin County water treatment plant. 10
  • 11. Simplicity: Use Details Wisely • Specific details are desirable, but be careful to balance detail with audience needs for clarity—significance is more important. Ex. 1: The average house in the area has a radon level of 0.4 picocuries per litre. Ex. 2: The average house in the area has a radon level of 0.4 picocuries per litre, which is considered low by the EPA [Lafavore, 1987]. Levels between 20 and 200 picocuries per liter are considered high, and levels above 200 picocuries per liter are considered dangerous. For reference, the average radon level in outdoor air is about 0.2 picocuries 11 per litre.
  • 12. Simplicity: Use Details Wisely • Many engineers want to provide as much specific detail as possible, but this can come at the expense of readers understanding and their main point Ex. 1: The number of particular hydrocarbon combinations in our study is enormous. For example, the number of possible C20H 42 is 366,319 and the number of C40H 82 is 62,491,178,805,831. Ex. 2: The number of hydrocarbon combinations in our study is enormous. For example, the number of possible C40H 82 is over 60 trillion. 12
  • 13. Language: Needless Complexity Category Example Substitute nouns utilization functionality facilitate finalize aforementioned individualized firstly, secondly, heretofore use feature cause end mentioned individual first, second previous verbs adjectives adverbs 13
  • 14. Language: Abstraction • Avoid too many abstract nouns Ex. 1: The existing nature of Mount St. Helens’ volcanic ash spewage was handled through the applied use of computer modeling capabilities. Ex. 2: With Cray computers, we modeled how much ash spewed from Mount St. Helens. 14
  • 15. Language: Needless Words (already) existing never (before) at (the) present (time) none (at all) (basic) fundamentals now (at this time) (completely) eliminate period (of time) (continue to) remain (private) industry currently (being) (separate) entities (currently) underway start (out) (empty) space write (out) had done (previously) (still) persists introduced (a new) mix (together) 15
  • 16. Language: Ambiguity • Choose words whose meanings are clear Ex. 1: T cells, rather than B cells, appeared as the lymphocytes migrated to the thymus gland. Ex. 2: T cells, rather than B cells, appeared because the lymphocytes migrated to the thymus gland. 16
  • 17. Language: Ambiguity • Order the words in your sentences carefully Ex. 1: In low water temperatures and high toxicity levels of oil, we tested how well the microorganisms survived. Ex. 2: We tested how well the microorganisms survived in low water temperatures and high toxicity levels of oil. 17
  • 18. Language: Ambiguity • Do not overuse pronouns—particularly “it” and “this”—because it is often difficult to identify the antecedent Ex: Because the receiver presented the radiometer with a high-flux environment, it was mounted in a silver-plated stainless steel container. Because the receiver presented the radiometer with a high-flux environment, it was mounted in a silver-plated stainless steel container. 18
  • 19. Language: Weak vs. Strong • Avoid too many “to be” verbs “is” “was” “were” “has been” “have been” • Avoid excess words, which slow comprehension of the main point made arrangements for arranged made the decision decided made the measurement of measured performed the development of developed is working as expected works as expected 19
  • 20. Active Voice: Strong Verbs • Technical writers want to communicate as efficiently as possible, and active voice is more straightforward and is stronger than passive voice Ex 1: The feedthrough was composed of a sapphire optical fiber, which was pressed against the pyrotechnic that was used to confine the charge. Ex 2: The feedthrough contained a sapphire optical fiber, which pressed against the pyrotechnic that contained the charge. 20
  • 21. Active Voice: Natural Sound • When in doubt, read passages out loud to determine the natural sound* Ex 1: A new process for eliminating nitrogen oxides from diesel exhaust engines is presented. Flow tube experiments to test this process are discussed. A chemical reaction scheme to account for this process is proposed. Ex 2: We present a new process for eliminating nitrogen oxides from the exhaust of diesel engines. To test this process, we performed experiments in flow tubes. To explain this process, we developed a scheme of chemical reactions. *always defer to your professor, your journal, or your company style 21 guide for use of “I” and “we” in technical papers
  • 22. Writing Is a Process • Good writing doesn’t happen overnight; it requires planning, drafting, rereading, revising, and editing. • Revised Draft First Draft Learning and improvement requires self-review, peerreview, subject-matter expert feedback, and practice. • Final Draft There are no shortcuts; practice makes perfect! 22
  • 23. To summarize • Plan your project before you begin drafting. • Understand basic qualities of good technical writing; use the examples presented to guide you in your writing and revising process. • Good writing is a habit that takes time to develop; practice makes perfect. 23
  • 24. Questions? • MIT Writing Center http://web.mit.edu/writing/ • CI Instructor, Nicole Kelley, Mary Caulfield, Lydia Volaitis, Thalia Rubio Stata Center 32-083 x33039 Make an appt., email, or call directly nkelley@mit.edu, lydiav@mit.edu, trubio@mit.edu, mcaulf@mit.edu (email preferred) 24