"Why do I still feel like I love him?" "She is so awful; what makes me think she's ever gonna change?" "He abuses me constantly, but I still feel like I want to be with him." These statements have all been made to me repeatedly by people who are involved with toxic narcissists in relationships. So often, I hear my clients lament the loss of their narcissists - not the toxic person they currently know, but the person they thought they'd known - or the person they believed they were involved with. This has become such a regular thing that I thought it was time to address the issue for you here. Are you experiencing this painful part of the toxic narcissistic cycle? Are you tired of being gaslighted, tortured and generally manipulated by someone you thought loved you? Do you miss him or her even though they've destroyed your self-esteem, not to mention your life? If so, you might be experiencing cognitive dissonance due to the false image the narcissist initially presented to you - and this video can help you to begin to understand that it's REALLY not you this time. In this slideshow and in the attached video, I'll explain it all to you - very clearly and simply.

2. "Why do I still feel like I love him?"

3. "She is so awful; what makes me think she's ever gonna change?"

4. "He abuses me constantly, but I still feel like I want to be with him."

5. These statements have all been made to me repeatedly by people who are
involved with toxic narcissists in relationships.

6. So often, I hear my clients lament the loss of their narcissists - not the
toxic person they currently know, but the person they thought they'd
known - or the person they believed they were involved with.

7. This has become such a regular thing that I thought it was time to
address the issue.

8. Why There's So Much Confusion in Toxic Relationships

9. Essentially, because the narcissist hides behind a sort of "armor" that is
his or her "false self," he or she fools you from very early on.

10. Your first impression of the narcisst may have been a very good one;
that's because he or she showed you only the best parts of themselves
when you met - they constructed a series of qualities and traits that are
those they present to the outside world.

11. They make it very difficult to see who they truly are - you're stuck
deciding whether you've really got the sweet and charming love you signed
up for, or whether the wool was pulled over your eyes and the real him
or her is actually the toxic, abusive, insulting and manipulative narcissist
you're dealing with in real life.

12. Of course, this leads you to a serious kind of mental torture that causes
you to literally be at odds with yourself - we call that cognitive
dissonance. You're trying to recocile the illusion you were initially
presented with the person you have now got to deal with.

13. In a lot of cases, in order to cope with this mess, you start trying to
improve your SELF - to change for him/her. But in reality, you've done
nothing wrong and you're not the issue at all - you're just subconsciously
trying to uphold that initial impression you had of the narcissist - the
image of his or her false self during the inevitable devaluation phase.

14. By the time you get to the discard phase (also inevitable with a
narcissistic person - the cycle, like the beat, goes on), you'll be treated to
glimpses of the truly ugly face of the narcissist - the one that spews out
cruel and painful poison that causes you to lose all faith in yourself
faster than you can say boo.

15. And you see the coldness, the callous indifference that leads to what feels
like absolute torture to you.

16. While your first reaction is that everyone has a bad moment and this
can't be who they really are, the truth is that this is probably the closest
you'll come to actually seeing the narcissist's REAL self.

17. This is about the time you recognize that the amazingly charming or
engaging or otherwise awesome person you got involved with in the first
place is gone - and suddenly you see this horrible contempt that he or she
seems to have for you. And when you realize they felt that way all along,
your heart breaks a little more, if that's possible.

18. But what you have to realize here is that none of this is your fault. In
reality, narcissists are not capable of feeling genuine love or empathy for
anyone else - they just use people to meet their own selfish needs. Once
they exhaust one source of supply, it's on to the next.

19. Don't let yourself believe in the magical connection you once thought you
had - it was just a part o the whole narcissistic cycle - an illusion, just
like the narcissist's identity.

20. So now that you know all of this, what do you do with it?

21. You start picking up the pieces of yourself, and you begin the healing
process. You go forward, and you go no contact (or low contact, if you're
forced to deal with him/her - say at work or as a co-parent). You aren't
to blame - you were simply used as a pawn in the narcissist's game.

22. Okay, that's all I've got for today. What have your experiences been when
it comes to the narcissist in your life and his or her identity? Share your
thoughts and experiences with me in the comments section. Let's discuss
it.