Are you designing your professional relationships?
1. Are you designing your
professional relationships?
Presented by Alla Zollers
UX Consultant & Coach
alla@allazollers.com
@azollers
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
9. The Steps
1. Get out of your own way
Identify and manage your inner critics
2. Know your values
Discover what is important to you
3. Invite co-design
Explicitly design your relationship
4. Iterate
Continue to redesign the relationship on a
continuous and ongoing basis
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
10. All us have self-sabotaging inner voices that hold us
back. Their job is to preserve the status quo.
The Saboteurs have all the reasons ready why this plan
(whatever you are trying to do) is stupid, dangerous,
hopeless, or generally an ill-advised course of action.
Identify Your Saboteurs
We all have them.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
11. The #1 Saboteur
Presenting ... The Judge
The judge sabotages us by having us feel anxiety,
disappointment, anger, regret, guilt, and shame by
finding faults with 1) ourselves; 2) others, and 3) our
circumstances.
Thoughts:
What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with you?
What is wrong with my circumstance or this outcome?
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
12. Perfectionist
- If you can’t do it perfectly,
don’t do it at all
- I hate mistakes
Scarcity
- There is not enough _______
- More is better
- This is just the way it is
Pleaser
- I can’t disappoint other people
- To be a good person I should
put the needs of others ahead of
my own
Hyper-Achiever
- I must be the best at what I do
- I must be efficient and effective
Hyper-Vigilant
- When is the other shoe going to
drop?
- If I make a mistake, I fear everyone
is going to jump down my throat
Controller
- No one tells me what to do
- If I work hard enough I can control
the situation so it goes my way
A Few Good Accomplices ...
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
14. 5 Ways to Manage Your Saboteurs
1. Personify the Saboteur
2. Acknowledge the Saboteur
3. Give the Saboteur a job to
do or a place to go
4. Ask the Saboteur to get out
of the way
5. Physically represent the
Saboteur and put them away
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
16. Think of a special peak moment when your life was
especially rewarding or poignant. Look for values that
were being honored.
Discover Your Values
Think of a times when you were angry, frustrated or upset.
Look for values that were being suppressed.
Reflect back in your life to someone you have greatly
admired and describe their qualities. Listen for values.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
17. Now that you know your values ...
• Designing your relationships
• Job Interviews
• Vetting clients
• Managing Up
• Feeling fulfilled in your work and life
you can use that knowledge for...
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
19. Script ...
Can we go out to lunch together this week? I would
like to discuss how to work together ...
I recently learned a few things that are important to
me ... what is important to you?
When we work together, I would like it to feel
______ ... how would you like it to feel?
How do you want to behave together when things get
difficult?
What would really help our relationship flourish?
You can count on me for ______ ... what can I count
on from you?
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
20. Thank You!
I am available for ...
UX Consulting
Team Coaching
Individual Coaching
alla@allazollers.com
@azollers
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
