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Dealing with difficult people ppt
- 1. Group # 13Group # 13 M. Junaid Aftab 2013-pet-14M. Junaid Aftab 2013-pet-14 Syed Ali Zaib Naqvi 2013-pet-21Syed Ali Zaib Naqvi 2013-pet-21 Syed Hamza Shah 2013-pet-10Syed Hamza Shah 2013-pet-10 M. Haseeb Alam 2013-pet-20M. Haseeb Alam 2013-pet-20
- 2. Ever feel like you’re talking to aEver feel like you’re talking to a brick wall???brick wall???
- 3. Dealing with DifficultDealing with Difficult PeoplePeople
- 4. • Difficult People are…Difficult People are…
- 5. • Difficult People make you feel…Difficult People make you feel…
- 6. Interaction:Interaction: • Difficult people are everywhere. Maybe you’re one of them? Or maybe, everyone is difficult during certain moments of their life .
- 7. Types:Types: • The Hostile Co-worker or Boss • The Chronic Complainer • The Super-Agreeable • The Know-It-All Expert • The Pessimist • The Staller
- 8. The Hostile Co-worker or Boss • Aggressive, Unfriendly, Intimidating ….Aggressive, Unfriendly, Intimidating …. • Dealing with hostile people requires both tact and strength. Since persons who feel they have been wronged are more likely to be aggressive and violent, you should first try to be sure they have been dealt with fairly.
- 9. The Chronic Complainer • They are fault-finding, blaming, and certain about what should be done but they never seem able to correct the situation by themselves.
- 10. The Super-Agreeable • They are super nice and smilingly agree with your ideas until some action is required, then they back down or disappear.
- 11. The Know-It-All Expert • Know-it-all experts are of two types: 1. the truly competent, productive, self-assured, genuine expert. 2. the partially informed person pretending to be an expert. Both can be a pain.
- 12. The Pessimist • the person who always says, “It won’t work” or “We tried that.”
- 13. The Staller • a person who puts off decisions for fear someone will be unhappy. Unlike the super- agreeable, the staller is truly interested in being helpful.
- 14. The Core RulesThe Core Rules for Dealingfor Dealing with Difficult People.with Difficult People.
- 15. Rule #1 in Dealing with DPRule #1 in Dealing with DP • Don’t take DP personally. DP are equalDon’t take DP personally. DP are equal opportunity annoyers.opportunity annoyers.
- 16. Rule #2 in Dealing with DPRule #2 in Dealing with DP • Don’t try to change DP; it usually won’t work.Don’t try to change DP; it usually won’t work. You can only change the way you react to DP.You can only change the way you react to DP.
- 17. Rule #2 in Dealing with DPRule #2 in Dealing with DP • Don’t try to change DP; it usually won’t work.Don’t try to change DP; it usually won’t work. You can only change the way you react to DP.You can only change the way you react to DP. ““Managing Behaviors v. Fixing People.”Managing Behaviors v. Fixing People.”
- 18. Rule #3 in Dealing with DPRule #3 in Dealing with DP • The system (not you) needs to work at removingThe system (not you) needs to work at removing difficult people.difficult people. • You should know the art of smile and nod whenYou should know the art of smile and nod when all you wanted was to punch them in the face.all you wanted was to punch them in the face.
- 19. Rule #4 in Dealing with DPRule #4 in Dealing with DP • Don’t let difficult people suck you in or changeDon’t let difficult people suck you in or change you.you. (Don’t fight back, retaliate or try to beat DP at(Don’t fight back, retaliate or try to beat DP at their own game. They’ve been practicing theirtheir own game. They’ve been practicing their whole life; you’re a lowly amateur.)whole life; you’re a lowly amateur.)
- 20. Rule #5 in Dealing with DPRule #5 in Dealing with DP • Don’t try to merely appease DP.Don’t try to merely appease DP. • (DP will keep coming back for more;(DP will keep coming back for more; change the way you react to DP and yourchange the way you react to DP and your life will be better)life will be better)
- 21. A Basic Set of StrategiesA Basic Set of Strategies forfor Dealing with DPDealing with DP
- 22. A Basic Strategy for Dealing with DPA Basic Strategy for Dealing with DP 1.1. Start out by examining yourself.Start out by examining yourself. 2.2. Explore what you are experiencing with aExplore what you are experiencing with a trusted friend or colleague.trusted friend or colleague. 3.3. Approach the DP for a private discussionApproach the DP for a private discussion using an “I” message.using an “I” message. 4.4. It’s okay to confront the DP publicly.It’s okay to confront the DP publicly.
- 23. A Basic Strategy for Dealing with DPA Basic Strategy for Dealing with DP 5. Be direct but use the right tone.5. Be direct but use the right tone. 6. Deal with the issues and interests; not with6. Deal with the issues and interests; not with changing the person.changing the person. 7. Competitive people: treat the situation as a7. Competitive people: treat the situation as a sport (“win-win”).sport (“win-win”).
- 24. ““Accept what you can’t change.”Accept what you can’t change.” ““Try to understand these fallible humans.”Try to understand these fallible humans.” --Albert Ellis--Albert Ellis
- 25. ““He who controls others may be powerful, but heHe who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.”who has mastered himself is mightier still.” ——Lao-tzuLao-tzu
Editor's Notes
- Have you ever felt like you are talking to a brick wall? If so then you know exactly what to say when dealing with difficult people.
- People today have a short fuse—everyone is stressed. And when people are stressed, they can become difficult to be around.
- Not easily convinced, Pleased or satisfied …….We all have difficult people we need to deal with in our lives on a daily basis. While such characteristics may be exaggerations, you may find traits of them in a few of the people in your workplace, amongst your friends, or even a loved one. There exists every type of people in this world …. This is how it works !!
- Difficult people make us feel like we are handling a child ….They are difficult to handle that’s why they are difficult people …..They will annoy you, make you furious or in extreme cases violent. Difficult people give you the silent treatment or worse--they can be verbally aggressive
- It’s important to understand that there’s only one reason anyone behaves in an unacceptable manner: the person gets away with it! but what about difficult people. They are rude and aggressive all the time. who’s responsible for difficult people? The answer is anyone who tolerates them. Every time you give in to a difficult person, every time you choose not to confront him or her, you allow a difficult person to continue this rude behavior. That not means that you should give a high five or a punch in the face as the person infront of you can be your boss or wife as well… Either way, eventually you’ll need to work or compromise with a person that you think is difficult. Here are some useful strategies for dealing with difficult people and hopefully avoiding conflict!
- The hostile co worker or boss…the chronic complainer who complaints in every thing…..the super agreeable who has nothing to say except ok I ll go for it…..and a very common and famous type the know it all expert who thinks that he knows everything but in actual he knows nothing….the next type is the pessimist one who always bother about the dark side of things, the things which are not gonna happen. And last one is the staller who always attempts to make you repeat what you have just said.
- In addition, it would be wise to help them meet as many of their needs as possible without reinforcing their aggressiveness or discriminating in their favor. Likewise, avoid interactions with them that encourage intense emotions or threats of violence. Certainly do not interact with your angry “enemies” when they are drinking or carrying weapons. Say or do nothing that would incite more angeror, on the other hand, cause you to appear to be scared, weak, and a “pushover.” In most cases, strong retaliation against an aggressive person is the worst thing you can do. Nastiness begets nastiness. Hostility escalates. Threats of punishment may also work. Remember punishment is only effective while the punisher is observing — watch out for subtle rebellion. If you can divert the angry person’s attention to some meaningful task or a calm discussion of the situation, the anger should subside. Also, offer him/her any information that would explain the situation that upsets him/her. Point out similarities or common interests between him/her and the person they are mad at (you). Let him/her see or hear about calm, rational ways of resolving differences. Almost anything that gets him/her thinking about something else will help. The Institute of Mental Health Initiatives provide a brief list of ways to calm an angry person: reduce the noise level, keep calm yourself, acknowledge that the irate person has been wronged (if true) or, at least, acknowledge their feelings without any judgment, ask them to explain their situation (so you can tactfully correct errors), listen to their complaints without counter-attacking, explain your feelings with non-blaming “I” statements, show that you care but set limits on violence (“I’d like to work it out with you but I’ll have to call the police if you can’t control yourself”).
- Often they have a point — there are real problems — but their complaining is not effective (except it is designed to prove someone else is responsible). working with complainers involves, first, listening and asking clarifying questions, even if you feel guilty or falsely accused. There are several don’ts: don’t agree with the complaints, don’t apologize (not immediately), and don’t become overly defensive or counter-attack because this only causes them to restate their complaints more heatedly. Secondly, as you gather facts, create a problem-solving attitude. Be serious and supportive. Acknowledge the facts. Get the complaints in writing and in precise detail; get others, including the complainer, involved in collecting more data that might lead to a solution. In addition to what is wrong, ask “What should happen?” If the complainer is unhappy with someone else, not you, you may want to ask, “Have you told (the complainee) yet?” or “Can I tell __________?” or “Can I set up a meeting with them?” Thirdly, plan a specific time to make decisions cooperatively that will help the situation…and do it.
- Such people seek approval. They have learned, probably as children, that one method for getting “love” is by telling people (or pretending) you really care for and/or admire them. Similarly, the super-agreeables will often promise more than they deliver: “I’ll get the report done today” or “I’d love to help you clean up.” They are experts in phoniness, so don’t try to “butter them up.” Instead, reassure the super-agreeable that you will still like them even if they tell you the truth. Ask them to be candid and make it easy for them to be frank: “What part of my plan is okay but not as good as it could be?” Help them avoid making promises they can’t keep: “Are you sure you can have the money by then? How about two weeks later?” Tell and show them you value their friendship. Let them know you are ready to compromise because you know they will be more than fair.
- These angry, bitter people have the power to drag us down because they stir up the old pool of doubt and disappointment within us. So, first of all, avoid being sucked into his/her cesspool of hopelessness. Don’t argue with the pessimist; don’t immediately offer solutions to the difficulties predicted by the pessimist. Instead, make optimistic statements — showing that change is possible — and encourage the group to brainstorm leading to several possible alternatives. Then ask what are the worst possible consequences of each alternative (this gives the negativist a chance to do his/her thing but you can use the gloomy predictions in a constructive, problem-solving way). Also ask, “What will happen if we do nothing?” Finally, welcome everyone’s help but be willing to do it alone because the pessimist won’t volunteer.
- So, make it easier for him/her to discuss and make decisions. Try to find out what the staller’s real concerns are (he/she won’t easily reveal negative opinions of you). Don’t make demands for quick action. Instead, help the staller examine the facts and make compromises or develop alternative plans (and decide which ones take priority). Give the staller reassurance about his/her decision and support the effective carrying out of the decision.
- If you find yourself constantly feeling attacked or harassed, you may be unknowingly attracting the wrong people with your own actions.Examine any past “drama” in your life. What was your role in those situations? Try to look at it from another person’s perspective. Self-knowledge—an awareness of your own limitations and strengths—can make dealing with difficult people easier. Ideally, you and this difficult person would be able to set aside your differences and come to a compromise. Sometimes, this is just not possible.Step back and really examine the situation. Is it worth further stress trying to pursue a conversation with this person? Maybe another person would be able to handle the situation better.(Confront in Public) If things get really bad, you may need to have a frank discussion about the issue.Make sure to use “I” sentences. Keeping the conversation focused on your experience will make it seem less accusatory. [2] If you’re funny, use it to your advantage. Humor can help any difficult message come across better. (Right Tone)Remember the old saying, “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar”? A good dose of honey can go a long way in defusing a potential confrontation.When you remain pleasant and undisturbed, it makes it hard for the other person to continue being combative. Keeping yourself calm will often have a calming effect on others. Don’t go overboard with the honey. If you’re trying too hard, it will be obvious that you’re really just masking your true feelings.[1]
- So if you’re confronted with a difficult person, remember that if you can’t change them, you can at least change how you react and perceive them.