Sad truth: You're hardwired to compromise on your ambitions. Here's one way to overcome that.

1. HOWTO
By Clarke Ching

2. I’ve just gotta show you this amazingly simple
thinking tool.
I learnt it, a couple of years ago, from my coach,
Antoinette.
It’s easy peasy to do AND It changed my life.
I mean that.
Let me show you…

3. A couple of years ago, while my family and I were
preparing to move from our home in Scotland to my
homeland, New Zealand, I realised I needed help
from a coach.
That might seem odd, given I coach people for a
living but I was 47 and, frankly, scared.
I needed help.

4. A friend recommended Antoinette (@acvross) who
runs withinsight coaching. She's based in
Edinburgh, like I was (but coaches people all around
the world).
I likedAntoinette before I'd met her because her
business name was a play on words.
I wish I'd thought of that.

5. In our second sessionAntoinette asked me to close
my eyes and describe what the “10 out of 10 version
of our return home looks like.”
I closed my eyes then started speaking.
I had no idea what would come out ...
0 105
10 / 10

6. I said, “Well, obviously, we’d move toWellington,
the capital city.”
“That’s where the work is. I’ll get a job there no
problem. And, so will my wife.”
“And, since we’ve already got a few very good
friends there, so it’s not like we’ll be starting entirely
fresh.”

7. “I’ll be able to go bike riding again, like when I lived
there during my 20s ...
Except, of course, back then, I was single and I lived
on the flat.
Now I’ve got a family we’d almost certainly have to
live up in the hills.
It’s not so easy cycling when you live up in the hills.”

8. “We’ll visit my parents more often.
That’s why we’re moving back.
They live in Nelson, in the South Island, across the
Cook Straight.

9. “We’ll visit my parents more often.
That’s why we’re moving back.
They live in Nelson, in the South
Island, across the Cook Straight.
It’ll be expensive for all 4 of us to fly
to there, of course, but we’ll probably
go back once every 2, 3 or 4 months.”
I must have frowned...

10. It’ll be expensive for all 4 of us to fly to there, of
course, but we’ll probably go back once every 2, 3
or 4 months.”
I must have frowned...

11. .. because Antoinette said, “Stop.”

12. I opened my eyes.
“That doesn’t sound like a 10 out of 10”, she said.
I thought a moment. “No, it doesn't.”
She said, “It sounds more like 6 or a 7 out of 10.”
I nodded.
She was right.

13. 0 105
10 / 10

14. I closed my eyes and started again, but this time I
didn’t compromise.
I went for the real 10 out of 10.

16. “We’ll move to Nelson, which is where I grew up.
It’s lovely there.
Sunny, most of the year.
We can even have BBQs in the middle of winter - if
we want.”

17. “And we can go swimming in the sea from November
through April.The girls will love that.”
“It’s a great place for cycling, all year round, too.”

18. “My parents live in Nelson, so we can see them
every week.The kids will especially love that.”
(My mum was sick.
That's why we were moving back.
(She's better now.)
(Thank you for asking.))
“And we can spend time with my brother and sister
and their families too.”

19. “But ...”, I said, realising this 10 out of 10 wasn’t the
easy option, “… I’ll still need to work.”
Presented with an obstacle, I set about solving it.
‘I can work inWellington. It’s an easy 30 minute
flight.’
I grimaced.
I didn’t want to be working away 5 days a week

20. So, presented with another obstacle, I set about
solving it.
“I’ll need to figure out how to work away 2 or 3 days
a week, and still make enough money to live.’
I nodded to myself.That thought transformed the
obstacle from a problem into a challenge.

21. “We could live very frugally. Or I could figure out
how to earn more money … ’
Hmm…
I knew the secret to earning more money was
having something scarce, that others wanted or
needed, and being able to sell it.
I had the former.

22. But - this is another obstacle - I wasn’t very good at
selling myself.
I said, ‘I’ll need to figure out how to feel
comfortable selling myself. I’ll need to figure out
how to charge fees that reflect the value I deliver,
not the hours I work.”
Hmmm …
I said, “I can do that.”

23. I opened my eyes then looked at Antoinette and
smiled.
She smiled back, “That sounds much more like a 10
out of 10.”
I nodded.
It did.
0 105
10 / 10

24. The 10 out of 10 is an ambitious goal, but it’s not
fantasy.
There are obstacles.
But when you list the obstacles out, there aren’t
that many, and all of them can be overcome with
the right motivation.
The pull of a “10 out of 10” is very motivating.

25. That’s the technique:
• close your eyes,
• describe your 10 out of 10,
• don’t compromise;
• list your obstacles then
• figure out how to overcome them.

26. My family and I are living our 10 out of 10 today.
In fact, it’s better than expected, but only because
we didn’t compromise.