Crucial conversations happen where the stakes are high, opinions vary and emotions run strong. These situations arise all the time in agile development teams. If handled poorly or ignored, crucial conversations can lead to misunderstandings, inaction or strained relationships. For an agile team, this can mean a missed opportunity to learn and adapt. In this workshop, we'll explore tools and techniques to help navigate these situations, engage in open discussion, speak persuasively - not abrasively - and help each other improve.

1. Crucial Conversations
in agile teams
Agile Cambridge, 4th October 2019
Chris Smith
@cj_smithy
Ask questions
whenever you
have them!

3. Crucial Conversations
Tools for talking when
stakes are high
Patternson, Grenny, McMillian,
Switzler

4. A Crucial Conversation is
A discussion between two or more people where:
1. stakes are high,
2. opinions vary, and
3. emotions run strong

6. Crucial
Conversations
in teams

7. Group work: When do crucial conversations
happen at work?
1. stakes are high,
2. opinions vary, and
3. emotions run strong

8. Crucial
Conversations
are sliding
doors moments

9. What are our choices for handling crucial
conversations?
• Avoid them
• Face them and handle them poorly
• Face them and handle them well

10. Open question:
What’s the impact
of handling these
conversations
poorly in teams?

11. What’s the impact
when we handle
these well in
teams?

12. We create a pool of shared meaning
We get all the relevant
information out into the open,
make better decisions
and improve relationships

13. agile teams make decisions and improve
based on the latest information

14. Retrospectives create a pool of shared meaning

15. Retrospectives create a pool of shared meaning

16. High performing teams are built on Trust and
Healthy Conflict

17. “A climate for
learning is
predictive of
performance
gains”
Generative cultures win!

18. TL:DR; Crucial conversations are really important

19. Why do we avoid crucial
conversations or handle
them poorly?

21. What’s happening when we avoid conversations
or handle them poorly?
• We react physically because biology
• When safety is threatened, we move
to silence or violence
• We act in self-defeating ways

22. Why? It's how we're built
From “The Chimp Paradox” by Prof Steve Peters www.chimpmanagement.com
1. The Amygdala
2. The Orbito-frontal Cortex
3. The Uncinate Fasciculus
4. The Dorso-lateral Pre-
frontal Cortex
5. The Ventro-medial Pre-
frontal Cortex
6. The Cingulate Gyrus

24. The Chimp Model: Our three separate brains
From “The Chimp Paradox” by Prof Steve Peters www.chimpmanagement.com

26. “Parked on a Highway…” by Michael, https://www.flickr.com/photos/msvg/ (CC BY 2.0)

27. The Chimp
• An emotional thinking machine
• Everyone has an inner chimp that thinks
independently and can hijack you
• Its aim is survival, so it is vigilant and
paranoid
• Features include the Fight/Flight/Freeze
response
• It is not good or bad, it is just a Chimp

28. The Human (You)
• A rational thinking machine
• Interprets information by searching for facts
and establishing truth
• Aims vary, but wants to live in peace and
harmony
• Features can include honesty, compassion,
self-control
• At work, we really want the human in charge

29. Crucial Conversation
scenarios

30. Pair work: Discuss some crucial scenarios
• Each person pick up a scenario card from the set on the
desk
• Pair-up with a neighbour and read your cards to each
other
• Discuss if you’ve ever been in a situation anything like
that before. If you have, how did it go?
• You have 5 minutes

31. Group work: Choose your favourite scenario
• Each pair chooses their favourite scenarios from
the two you have
• Select it based on whether you’d like to work on it further
• Form a group with everyone around your table
• Share the pairs’ favourite and then select a single
favourite scenario for the table

32. Five things to do when
conversations turn crucial

33. #1. Focus on yourself
The only person you can
directly control is yourself

34. #2. Give yourself time to think
Six seconds
might be enough
or you may need
to step away
from the situation

35. #3. Don’t make fool’s choices
Fool’s Choice:
• Choosing between honesty and keeping a friend.
Instead, Ask Yourself:
• How can I be 100% honest and 100% respectful?

36. #4. Separate facts from stories
See & Hear
Tell a
story
Feel Act

37. Group work: Tell a story that fits the facts!
• Using your table’s chosen scenario
• Name the antagonist in the story after a villain from a
film
• Tell a story that reflects poorly on the antagonist and
fits the facts
• Decide what your chimp might like to do
• You have 4 minutes

38. Challenge your story
Ask yourself, why
might a reasonable,
rational, decent person
do that?

39. Group work: Why might a decent person do
that?
• For your chosen scenario, speculate:
• Why a reasonable, rational, decent person might
have acted how they have in the story
• How “you” could possibly have contributed to the
situation
• You have 3 minutes

40. #5. Work out what you really want
Focus on what you really want
• For you
• For them
• For the team (or the relationship)
Then ask yourself, how would I act if I really
wanted those things?

42. Pair work: Work out what you really want
• For your chosen scenario, think about what you would really
want in that situation, avoiding silence or violence:
• For you
• For them
• For the team (longer-term)
• Then answer, how would I act if I really wanted those things?
• You have 4 minutes

43. How to have a
crucial conversation

44. Step forward and get into a dialogue

45. 5 things to do when stepping forward
1. Focus on yourself
2. Give yourself some time to think
3. Don’t make fool’s choices
4. Separate facts from stories
5. Work out what you really want

47. STATE your Path
Share your facts – “I noticed that…”
Tell your story – “It seems to me…”
Ask for others’ paths – “How do you see it?”
Talk tentatively – Avoid absolutes, stories != facts
Encourage testing – Make it safe to share paths
HOWWHAT

48. Talk Tentatively: Choose your words carefully
• Own your story, but reflect that you could be wrong
• Avoid absolutes to show that you are open to other
views:
• Rather than “The fact is…” use “In my opinion…”
• Rather than “It’s clear to me…” use “I’m beginning to wonder if…”
• Rather than “You should have…” use “You could have…”

49. Pair work: Prepare what you’d say in your
scenario
• In pairs, try using the STATE model:
• Share your facts – “I noticed that…”
• Tell your story – “It seems to me…”
• Ask for others’ paths – “How do you see it?”
• Talk tentatively – Avoid absolutes, stories != facts
• Encourage testing – Make it safe to share paths
• Write down exactly what you’d say
• You have 5 minutes, then we’ll share around your table

50. Other talking tools are also available

51. Active Listening
AMPP:
• Ask – “Is this what you meant?”
• Mirror – “You say you’re okay, but you seem upset”
• Paraphrase – “Let’s see if I’ve got this right”
• Prime – “Can you summarize what you meant?”

52. Care personally and
challenge directly

53. Crucial Conversations
in agile teams

54. TL:DR; Crucial conversations are really important

55. Crucial
Conversations
are sliding
doors moments

56. agile teams make decisions and improve
based on the latest information

57. Why we handle crucial conversations the way
we do

58. 5 things to do when conversations turn crucial
1. Focus on yourself
2. Give yourself some time to think
3. Don’t make fool’s choices
4. Separate facts from stories
5. Work out what you really want

59. How to have a crucial conversation
• Step forward and get into dialogue
• STATE your Path
• Share your facts – “I noticed that…”
• Tell your story – “It seems to me…”
• Ask for others’ paths – “How do you see it?”
• Talk tentatively – Avoid absolutes, stories != facts
• Encourage testing – Make it safe to share path
• Other tools are available

60. Further reading

61. More references
Further reading

62. Thanks!
I’d love your feedback, please ☺
Chris Smith
@cj_smithy