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Script Evaluation and Outline of Key Changes

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Script Evaluation and Outline of Key Changes

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Script Evaluation and Outline of Key Changes

  1. 1. 1 | P a g e Script Evaluation and Outline of Key Changes Script Draft 1 Evaluation The feedback I received from my tutor, Mr. Becker was that the format was excellent and the style was good. My choice of verbs, adjectives and adverbs created imagery and cinematic direction. The timing of the moral gauntlet needs to be right. In order for me to pursue this challenge, I will endeavour to rework the script in order to accommodate and incorporate this aspect. Some of the dialogue I had implemented did not contain punctuation at the end. I will rectify this aspect within my next draft. Mr Becker also pointed out that I had included character inner feelings, in the form of internal dialogue and these needed to be expressed and identified through the action. His valued point will enable me to produce a more coherent script. With reference to my characters, I had on occasion referred to Sweetah, the protagonist as the ‘female’ and Brandon as the ‘male’. I will therefore, eliminate these different identifications and refer to them by their character name, within the next script. Script Draft 2 Outline of Key Changes  Punctuation has been inserted at the end of each characters dialogue.  The name Sweetah has been referred to, accordingly throughout.
  2. 2. 2 | P a g e  The characters name ‘Brandon’ has been changed to ‘Logan’. I primarily used the name Brandon, because it was my actor’s first name and I had not given him a character’s name at that stage.  The young male character’s name ‘Logan’ has been referred to, accordingly throughout.  Internal dialogue has been corrected. The script remains the same until Logan exits the car yard. This whole end section of the script has been rewritten to give more impact and to incorporate ethical principles and lessons learned through the art of growing up. These aspects help to illustrate the awareness of the dangers of social, culture and peer pressure. The changes are as follows:  Logan searches in a vans glove department for contraception.  The yard owner notices Logan on his CCTV monitor and chases him off.  Logan does not return to the car yard, as he did in the first draft.  Sweetah now passes out in the back seat of the car, instead of having a lethal seizure.  Sweetah notices the yard owner and she discreetly vacates the car and the yard, instead of remaining in a silent and deadly state.  Sweetah searches for Logan back at the practice studio.  Sweetah sees Logan in the practice room, but does not make her presence known.
  3. 3. 3 | P a g e  Sweetah sinks away from the practice door and leans against the wall, reflecting on the current situation and back to her short-lived encounter with Logan.

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