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Startup
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
communication
Ed Batista
June 28, 2016
Startups as
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
human systems
Ed Batista
June 28, 2016
Intro + exercise 50 mins
Feedback skills + exercise 45 mins
Break 10 mins
Group norms + exercise 55 mins
Break 10 mins
Feedback conversation 45 mins
Closing 15 mins
Agenda
Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
Who am I?
Executive coach
Instructor @StanfordBiz
Contributor @HarvardBiz
More at www.edbatista.com Read
More
Startups
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Startups as
human systems
Complex group dynamics
Communication = Survival
Feedback = Learning
Relationships matter
Read
More
Startups as
human systems
Think about this team…
How are we communicating?
What’s working well? What’s not?
What feedback would be helpful?
The headline
Photo by Garry Knight [link]
Feedback is inherently stressful.
But candor is essential for survival.
So we have to learn to be direct
without triggering defensiveness.
The simplest
Photo by Ana Karanina [link]
feedback model
The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
Emotion
Photo by Jill M [link]
Emotion
Antonio Damasio, USC
What purpose do emotions serve?
Read
More
Emotion
Emotions evolved to support survival
Uncontrolled emotion can lead us astray
Emotion
Emotion
Emotion is integral to reasoning
Essential for efficient decision-making
Emotion
Victor Johnston, New Mexico State
“Discriminant hedonic amplifiers”
Boost signals in our mental landscape
This is why…
Emotions are
attention magnets
Photo by Garrett Mace [link]
Read
More
Emotion
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
Signifies importance
Captures attention
Not foolproof
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The net
David Bradford & Jerry Porras, Stanford
How can we avoid misunderstandings?
How can we improve feedback?
The net
You Me
My
response
Your
behavior
Your
intention
What I know
Me
My
response
Your
behavior
What I don’t
You
Your
intention
You
What you know
Your
intention
Your
behavior
What you don’t
Me
My
response
Use the model
Focus on what we know
Avoid guessing at what we don’t
Help the other person via disclosure
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
Can I give you
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
some feedback?
Why is feedback
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
so stressful?
Feedback and
Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
social threat
Read
More
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat response
Fight, flight or freeze
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat response
Physiological
Adrenaline & cortisol
Optimized for strength & speed
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat response
Emotional
Fear & anger
Primed for snap judgments
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat response
Cognitive
Negativity bias
Impairment & diminished capacity
Social threat
Photo by David Sim [link]
Some social situations ≈ Physical threats
Same response
Physiological
Emotional
Cognitive
Social threat
Photo by David Sim [link]
Result?
Communication failure
Significant implications for feedback
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
SCARF model
SCARF model
David Rock, NeuroLeadership Institute
What social situations trigger a threat response?
How can we minimize the risk of social threat?
Read
More
SCARF model
Status
Photo by the National Guard [link]
SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Photo by Amy Ashcraft [link]
SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Photo by Charles Hoffman [link]
SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Photo by Don-Pixel [link]
SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness
Photo by JMTImages [link]
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
Use the model
Reframe the experience
Offering feedback ≠ Higher status
Emphasize choice & agency
Build the relationship*
Remember the Net
When getting
feedback
Read
More
When giving
Avoid a threat response
Be mindful of perceived status
More certainty & autonomy
Build the relationship*
Remember the Net
feedback
Read
More
Startups as
human systems
Think about your team…
When do you experience social threat?
When might you trigger it in someone else?
The balcony &
Photo by Richard Leeming [link]
the dance floor
EQ and groups
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
EQ and groups
Vanessa Druskat (UNH) & Steven Wolff
What characterizes effective teams?
Read
More
EQ and groups
Participation, cooperation, collaboration
A problem: You can’t mandate behavior
Behaviors arise under key conditions
EQ and groups
Mutual trust
Group identity (feeling of belonging)
Group efficacy (belief in value of the team)
Affected by the group’s emotional intelligence
EQ and groups
Individual EQ
Emotional awareness
Emotion regulation (≠ Suppression)
Inward (my emotions)
Outward (others’ emotions)
EQ and groups
High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Create awareness of emotions
Help regulate emotions
A note on
Norma (carpenter’s square)
language
A note on
Norms are…
Aspirations (What we should do)
Prescriptions (What we must do)
Descriptions (What we actually do)
language
Talking about
feelings
Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
Talking about
Affect labeling
Talking disrupts negative emotion
Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion
feelings
Read
More
Talking about
A group dynamic
Determined by group norms
Is it OK for us to talk about feelings here?
feelings
Startups as
human systems
Think about how you show up on this team…
How aware are you of your emotions?
How well do you regulate your emotions?
What norms make this work easier or harder?
Group norms
Photo by jm3 [link]
We never… We always…
1. Spend time getting to know
each other personally.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
2. Regularly ask how others are doing.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
3. Share our thoughts and emotions
in the moment.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
4. Ask those who have been quiet
in a discussion what they think.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
5. Fully explore others’ resistance
to our decisions.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate
our own effectiveness.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling
in the group in the moment.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
1. Have clear ground rules for productive
behavior in meetings.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
2. Call out behavior that violates
those ground rules.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
3. Express acceptance of
others’ emotions.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team
and the emotions they generate.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
5. Use playfulness to acknowledge
and relieve stress.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
6. Express optimism about
the team’s capabilities.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
7. Provide others with positive
feedback in the moment.
Norms that help
regulate
Discuss with
What norms are working well?
What norms would we like to change?
Where do we agree? Where do we differ?
Photo by jm3 [link]
your partner
Photo by Harsha KR [link]
Relationships
Relationships
John Gottman, University of Washington
What characterizes successful relationships?
Read
More
Relationships
Feeling known by the other
A culture of appreciation
Responding to bids
Mutual influence
A soft start*
Startups as
human systems
Think about your relationships here…
How are you investing in them?
What else might you do?
A soft start
Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]
Not like this
A soft start
Photo by Oakley Originals [link]
Like this
Begin with authentic positive intent
Emphasize mutual goals
A soft start
Defensiveness
Photo by Mario Emiliano Fernandez [link]
Defensiveness
Photo by Mario Emiliano Fernandez [link]
Stone & Heen, Harvard Program on Negotiation
What prevents feedback from being heard?
What causes defensiveness?
Defensiveness
Three triggers
Truth
Identity
Relationship
What can we do?
Read
More
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
Use the models
Reframe the experience
Offering feedback ≠ Higher status
Emphasize choice & agency
Build the relationship
Remember the Net
When getting
feedback
When giving
Avoid a threat response
Be mindful of perceived status
More certainty & autonomy
Build the relationship
Remember the Net
feedback
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The net
The net
You Me
My
response
Your
behavior
Your
intention
What I know
Me
My
response
Your
behavior
What I don’t
You
Your
intention
You
What you know
Your
intention
Your
behavior
What you don’t
Me
My
response
Use the models
Focus on what we know
Avoid guessing at what we don’t
Help the other person via disclosure
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
5 levels
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Richard Francisco, San José State
Increasing levels of meaning, value and risk
Read
More
5 levels
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
1: Ritual
2: Extended Ritual
3: Content
4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About Each Other
5 levels
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
5: Feelings About Each Other
Hardest
Riskiest
Most meaningful
Remember…
Challenge yourself
Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
Thank you!
Photo by Sharat Ganapati [link]
www.edbatista.com
@edbatista

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