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Startup
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
communication
Ed Batista
June 28, 2016
Startups as
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
human systems
Ed Batista
June 28, 2016
Intro + exercise 50 mins
Feedback skills + exercise 45 mins
Break 10 mins
Group norms + exercise 55 mins
Break 10 mins
Fee...
Who am I?
Executive coach
Instructor @StanfordBiz
Contributor @HarvardBiz
More at www.edbatista.com Read
More
Startups
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Startups as
human systems
Complex group dynamics
Communication = Survival
Feedback = Learning
Relationships matter
Read
Mo...
Startups as
human systems
Think about this team…
How are we communicating?
What’s working well? What’s not?
What feedback ...
The headline
Photo by Garry Knight [link]
Feedback is inherently stressful.
But candor is essential for survival.
So we ha...
The simplest
Photo by Ana Karanina [link]
feedback model
The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
Emotion
Photo by Jill M [link]
Emotion
Antonio Damasio, USC
What purpose do emotions serve?
Read
More
Emotion
Emotions evolved to support survival
Uncontrolled emotion can lead us astray
Emotion
Emotion
Emotion is integral to reasoning
Essential for efficient decision-making
Emotion
Victor Johnston, New Mexico State
“Discriminant hedonic amplifiers”
Boost signals in our mental landscape
This is ...
Emotions are
attention magnets
Photo by Garrett Mace [link]
Read
More
Emotion
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
Signifies importance
Captures attention
Not foolproof
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The net
David Bradford & Jerry Porras, Stanford
How can we avoid misunderstandings?...
The net
You Me
My
response
Your
behavior
Your
intention
What I know
Me
My
response
Your
behavior
What I don’t
You
Your
intention
You
What you know
Your
intention
Your
behavior
What you don’t
Me
My
response
Use the model
Focus on what we know
Avoid guessing at what we don’t
Help the other person via disclosure
When you do [X], ...
Can I give you
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
some feedback?
Why is feedback
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
so stressful?
Feedback and
Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
social threat
Read
More
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat response
Fight, flight or freeze
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat response
Physiological
Adrenaline & cortisol
Optimized for strength & speed
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat response
Emotional
Fear & anger
Primed for snap judgments
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat response
Cognitive
Negativity bias
Impairment & diminished capacity
Social threat
Photo by David Sim [link]
Some social situations ≈ Physical threats
Same response
Physiological
Emotional
Co...
Social threat
Photo by David Sim [link]
Result?
Communication failure
Significant implications for feedback
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
SCARF model
SCARF model
David Rock, NeuroLeadership Institute
What social situations trigger a threat response?
How can we minimize th...
SCARF model
Status
Photo by the National Guard [link]
SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Photo by Amy Ashcraft [link]
SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Photo by Charles Hoffman [link]
SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Photo by Don-Pixel [link]
SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness
Photo by JMTImages [link]
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
Use the model
Reframe the experience
Offering feedback ≠ Higher status
Emphasize choice & agency
Build the relationship*
Remember the Ne...
When giving
Avoid a threat response
Be mindful of perceived status
More certainty & autonomy
Build the relationship*
Remem...
Startups as
human systems
Think about your team…
When do you experience social threat?
When might you trigger it in someon...
The balcony &
Photo by Richard Leeming [link]
the dance floor
EQ and groups
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
EQ and groups
Vanessa Druskat (UNH) & Steven Wolff
What characterizes effective teams?
Read
More
EQ and groups
Participation, cooperation, collaboration
A problem: You can’t mandate behavior
Behaviors arise under key co...
EQ and groups
Mutual trust
Group identity (feeling of belonging)
Group efficacy (belief in value of the team)
Affected by ...
EQ and groups
Individual EQ
Emotional awareness
Emotion regulation (≠ Suppression)
Inward (my emotions)
Outward (others’ e...
EQ and groups
High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Create awareness of emotions
Help regulat...
A note on
Norma (carpenter’s square)
language
A note on
Norms are…
Aspirations (What we should do)
Prescriptions (What we must do)
Descriptions (What we actually do)
la...
Talking about
feelings
Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
Talking about
Affect labeling
Talking disrupts negative emotion
Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion
feelings
Re...
Talking about
A group dynamic
Determined by group norms
Is it OK for us to talk about feelings here?
feelings
Startups as
human systems
Think about how you show up on this team…
How aware are you of your emotions?
How well do you re...
Group norms
Photo by jm3 [link]
We never… We always…
1. Spend time getting to know
each other personally.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
2. Regularly ask how others are doing.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
3. Share our thoughts and emotions
in the moment.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
4. Ask those who have been quiet
in a discussion what they think.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
5. Fully explore others’ resistance
to our decisions.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate
our own effectiveness.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling
in the group in the moment.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
1. Have clear ground rules for productive
behavior in meetings.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
2. Call out behavior that violates
those ground rules.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
3. Express acceptance of
others’ emotions.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team
and the emotions they generate.
Norms that help
...
We never… We always…
5. Use playfulness to acknowledge
and relieve stress.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
6. Express optimism about
the team’s capabilities.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
7. Provide others with positive
feedback in the moment.
Norms that help
regulate
Discuss with
What norms are working well?
What norms would we like to change?
Where do we agree? Where do we differ?
Photo...
Photo by Harsha KR [link]
Relationships
Relationships
John Gottman, University of Washington
What characterizes successful relationships?
Read
More
Relationships
Feeling known by the other
A culture of appreciation
Responding to bids
Mutual influence
A soft start*
Startups as
human systems
Think about your relationships here…
How are you investing in them?
What else might you do?
A soft start
Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]
Not like this
A soft start
Photo by Oakley Originals [link]
Like this
Begin with authentic positive intent
Emphasize mutual goals
A soft start
Defensiveness
Photo by Mario Emiliano Fernandez [link]
Defensiveness
Photo by Mario Emiliano Fernandez [link]
Stone & Heen, Harvard Program on Negotiation
What prevents feedback...
Defensiveness
Three triggers
Truth
Identity
Relationship
What can we do?
Read
More
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
Use the models
Reframe the experience
Offering feedback ≠ Higher status
Emphasize choice & agency
Build the relationship
Remember the Net...
When giving
Avoid a threat response
Be mindful of perceived status
More certainty & autonomy
Build the relationship
Rememb...
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The net
The net
You Me
My
response
Your
behavior
Your
intention
What I know
Me
My
response
Your
behavior
What I don’t
You
Your
intention
You
What you know
Your
intention
Your
behavior
What you don’t
Me
My
response
Use the models
Focus on what we know
Avoid guessing at what we don’t
Help the other person via disclosure
When you do [X],...
5 levels
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Richard Francisco, San José State
Increasing levels of meaning, value and risk
Read...
5 levels
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
1: Ritual
2: Extended Ritual
3: Content
4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About...
5 levels
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
5: Feelings About Each Other
Hardest
Riskiest
Most meaningful
Remember…
Challenge yourself
Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
Thank you!
Photo by Sharat Ganapati [link]
www.edbatista.com
@edbatista
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Ed Batista, Startup Communication (Startups as Human Systems), June 2016

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This is a condensed deck from a workshop I conducted with the team at a Bay Area startup. Topics include communication skills, feedback, and group norms.

Published in: Business
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Ed Batista, Startup Communication (Startups as Human Systems), June 2016

  1. 1. Startup Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] communication Ed Batista June 28, 2016
  2. 2. Startups as Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] human systems Ed Batista June 28, 2016
  3. 3. Intro + exercise 50 mins Feedback skills + exercise 45 mins Break 10 mins Group norms + exercise 55 mins Break 10 mins Feedback conversation 45 mins Closing 15 mins Agenda Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
  4. 4. Who am I? Executive coach Instructor @StanfordBiz Contributor @HarvardBiz More at www.edbatista.com Read More
  5. 5. Startups Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  6. 6. Startups as human systems Complex group dynamics Communication = Survival Feedback = Learning Relationships matter Read More
  7. 7. Startups as human systems Think about this team… How are we communicating? What’s working well? What’s not? What feedback would be helpful?
  8. 8. The headline Photo by Garry Knight [link] Feedback is inherently stressful. But candor is essential for survival. So we have to learn to be direct without triggering defensiveness.
  9. 9. The simplest Photo by Ana Karanina [link] feedback model
  10. 10. The simplest When you do [X], I feel [Y]. feedback model
  11. 11. The simplest When you do [X], I feel [Y]. feedback model
  12. 12. Emotion Photo by Jill M [link]
  13. 13. Emotion Antonio Damasio, USC What purpose do emotions serve? Read More
  14. 14. Emotion Emotions evolved to support survival Uncontrolled emotion can lead us astray
  15. 15. Emotion
  16. 16. Emotion Emotion is integral to reasoning Essential for efficient decision-making
  17. 17. Emotion Victor Johnston, New Mexico State “Discriminant hedonic amplifiers” Boost signals in our mental landscape This is why…
  18. 18. Emotions are attention magnets Photo by Garrett Mace [link] Read More
  19. 19. Emotion When you do [X], I feel [Y]. Signifies importance Captures attention Not foolproof
  20. 20. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] The net David Bradford & Jerry Porras, Stanford How can we avoid misunderstandings? How can we improve feedback?
  21. 21. The net You Me My response Your behavior Your intention
  22. 22. What I know Me My response Your behavior
  23. 23. What I don’t You Your intention
  24. 24. You What you know Your intention Your behavior
  25. 25. What you don’t Me My response
  26. 26. Use the model Focus on what we know Avoid guessing at what we don’t Help the other person via disclosure When you do [X], I feel [Y].
  27. 27. Can I give you Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] some feedback?
  28. 28. Why is feedback Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] so stressful?
  29. 29. Feedback and Photo by Mykl Roventine [link] social threat Read More
  30. 30. Photo by State Farm [link] Threat response Fight, flight or freeze
  31. 31. Photo by State Farm [link] Threat response Physiological Adrenaline & cortisol Optimized for strength & speed
  32. 32. Photo by State Farm [link] Threat response Emotional Fear & anger Primed for snap judgments
  33. 33. Photo by State Farm [link] Threat response Cognitive Negativity bias Impairment & diminished capacity
  34. 34. Social threat Photo by David Sim [link] Some social situations ≈ Physical threats Same response Physiological Emotional Cognitive
  35. 35. Social threat Photo by David Sim [link] Result? Communication failure Significant implications for feedback
  36. 36. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF model
  37. 37. SCARF model David Rock, NeuroLeadership Institute What social situations trigger a threat response? How can we minimize the risk of social threat? Read More
  38. 38. SCARF model Status Photo by the National Guard [link]
  39. 39. SCARF model Status Certainty Photo by Amy Ashcraft [link]
  40. 40. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Photo by Charles Hoffman [link]
  41. 41. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Relatedness Photo by Don-Pixel [link]
  42. 42. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Relatedness Fairness Photo by JMTImages [link]
  43. 43. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] Use the model
  44. 44. Reframe the experience Offering feedback ≠ Higher status Emphasize choice & agency Build the relationship* Remember the Net When getting feedback Read More
  45. 45. When giving Avoid a threat response Be mindful of perceived status More certainty & autonomy Build the relationship* Remember the Net feedback Read More
  46. 46. Startups as human systems Think about your team… When do you experience social threat? When might you trigger it in someone else?
  47. 47. The balcony & Photo by Richard Leeming [link] the dance floor
  48. 48. EQ and groups Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  49. 49. EQ and groups Vanessa Druskat (UNH) & Steven Wolff What characterizes effective teams? Read More
  50. 50. EQ and groups Participation, cooperation, collaboration A problem: You can’t mandate behavior Behaviors arise under key conditions
  51. 51. EQ and groups Mutual trust Group identity (feeling of belonging) Group efficacy (belief in value of the team) Affected by the group’s emotional intelligence
  52. 52. EQ and groups Individual EQ Emotional awareness Emotion regulation (≠ Suppression) Inward (my emotions) Outward (others’ emotions)
  53. 53. EQ and groups High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group Group norms determine group EQ Create awareness of emotions Help regulate emotions
  54. 54. A note on Norma (carpenter’s square) language
  55. 55. A note on Norms are… Aspirations (What we should do) Prescriptions (What we must do) Descriptions (What we actually do) language
  56. 56. Talking about feelings Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
  57. 57. Talking about Affect labeling Talking disrupts negative emotion Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion feelings Read More
  58. 58. Talking about A group dynamic Determined by group norms Is it OK for us to talk about feelings here? feelings
  59. 59. Startups as human systems Think about how you show up on this team… How aware are you of your emotions? How well do you regulate your emotions? What norms make this work easier or harder?
  60. 60. Group norms Photo by jm3 [link]
  61. 61. We never… We always… 1. Spend time getting to know each other personally. Norms that create awareness
  62. 62. We never… We always… 2. Regularly ask how others are doing. Norms that create awareness
  63. 63. We never… We always… 3. Share our thoughts and emotions in the moment. Norms that create awareness
  64. 64. We never… We always… 4. Ask those who have been quiet in a discussion what they think. Norms that create awareness
  65. 65. We never… We always… 5. Fully explore others’ resistance to our decisions. Norms that create awareness
  66. 66. We never… We always… 6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate our own effectiveness. Norms that create awareness
  67. 67. We never… We always… 7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling in the group in the moment. Norms that create awareness
  68. 68. We never… We always… 1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings. Norms that help regulate
  69. 69. We never… We always… 2. Call out behavior that violates those ground rules. Norms that help regulate
  70. 70. We never… We always… 3. Express acceptance of others’ emotions. Norms that help regulate
  71. 71. We never… We always… 4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team and the emotions they generate. Norms that help regulate
  72. 72. We never… We always… 5. Use playfulness to acknowledge and relieve stress. Norms that help regulate
  73. 73. We never… We always… 6. Express optimism about the team’s capabilities. Norms that help regulate
  74. 74. We never… We always… 7. Provide others with positive feedback in the moment. Norms that help regulate
  75. 75. Discuss with What norms are working well? What norms would we like to change? Where do we agree? Where do we differ? Photo by jm3 [link] your partner
  76. 76. Photo by Harsha KR [link] Relationships
  77. 77. Relationships John Gottman, University of Washington What characterizes successful relationships? Read More
  78. 78. Relationships Feeling known by the other A culture of appreciation Responding to bids Mutual influence A soft start*
  79. 79. Startups as human systems Think about your relationships here… How are you investing in them? What else might you do?
  80. 80. A soft start Photo by Phil McElhinney [link] Not like this
  81. 81. A soft start Photo by Oakley Originals [link] Like this
  82. 82. Begin with authentic positive intent Emphasize mutual goals A soft start
  83. 83. Defensiveness Photo by Mario Emiliano Fernandez [link]
  84. 84. Defensiveness Photo by Mario Emiliano Fernandez [link] Stone & Heen, Harvard Program on Negotiation What prevents feedback from being heard? What causes defensiveness?
  85. 85. Defensiveness Three triggers Truth Identity Relationship What can we do? Read More
  86. 86. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] Use the models
  87. 87. Reframe the experience Offering feedback ≠ Higher status Emphasize choice & agency Build the relationship Remember the Net When getting feedback
  88. 88. When giving Avoid a threat response Be mindful of perceived status More certainty & autonomy Build the relationship Remember the Net feedback
  89. 89. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] The net
  90. 90. The net You Me My response Your behavior Your intention
  91. 91. What I know Me My response Your behavior
  92. 92. What I don’t You Your intention
  93. 93. You What you know Your intention Your behavior
  94. 94. What you don’t Me My response
  95. 95. Use the models Focus on what we know Avoid guessing at what we don’t Help the other person via disclosure When you do [X], I feel [Y].
  96. 96. 5 levels Photo by Rita Willaert [link] Richard Francisco, San José State Increasing levels of meaning, value and risk Read More
  97. 97. 5 levels Photo by Rita Willaert [link] 1: Ritual 2: Extended Ritual 3: Content 4: Feelings About Content 5: Feelings About Each Other
  98. 98. 5 levels Photo by Rita Willaert [link] 5: Feelings About Each Other Hardest Riskiest Most meaningful
  99. 99. Remember… Challenge yourself Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
  100. 100. Thank you! Photo by Sharat Ganapati [link] www.edbatista.com @edbatista

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