This is a condensed slide deck from the seventh class of my Fall 2017 section of The Art of Self-Coaching at the Stanford Graduate School of Business.

1. The art of
Photo by Philip Leara [link]
self-coaching
Ed Batista
Class 7:
VULNERABILITY
Fall 2017

2. Spring 2016

3. Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
Small groups 40 mins
Vulnerability 15 mins
Meta-emotions 25 mins
For next time… 5 mins
Agenda

4. Empathy, shame
& embarrassment
Photo by Brandon Grasley [link]

5. Empathy, shame
Brené Brown, University of Houston
Edgar Schein, MIT
& embarrassment

6. Empathy, shame
Shame & embarrassment = I’m unworthy or flawed
Empathy = The antidote to these feelings
& embarrassment

7. Empathy, shame
Shame & embarrassment = Create distance
Empathy = Creates closeness
& embarrassment

8. Empathy, shame
Seeking help  Shame or embarrassment
(Any emotions that evoke vulnerability)
True for many forms of disclosure
& embarrassment

9. Empathy, shame
Our typical responses block empathy
1. “Look on the bright side”
2. “My problem’s worse”
3. “Here’s some advice”
& embarrassment

10. Empathy, shame
Instead…
1. Avoid judgments
2. Sense & validate emotions
3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement)
& embarrassment

11. Vulnerability
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

12. Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]

13. Crucible stories
Meaning-making
Mental models
Connections
Empathy

14. Vulnerability
Image by Public Domain Review [link]
myths

15. Vulnerability
Vulnerability = oversharing or weakness
I don’t do vulnerability
I can go it alone
myths

16. Vulnerability
So…
If vulnerability ≠ oversharing, what’s enough?
If vulnerability ≠ weakness, what is it?
How do we build boundaries & trust?
questions

17. Personal, but
not professional?
Photo by John Walker [link]

18. You can’t trust a
Photo by Yin [link]
predator

19. Examples of
1. Sharing an unpopular opinion
2. Standing up for myself
3. Asking for help
4. Saying no
(Brené Brown, Daring Greatly, p 35)
vulnerability

20. Shame breeds…
Disconnection
Blame
Fear

21. Translation
Photo by Robert Scoble [link]

22. Translation
Conform to the culture just enough
Effective vulnerability fits the context
It looks different for all of us, everywhere
How might you translate it into professional life?

23. Meta-emotion
Photo by Franco Folini [link]

24. Meta-emotion
John Gottman & Horst Mitmansgruber et al
How do we feel about how we feel?

25. Meta-emotion
Feelings (& thoughts) about our emotions
Yet another set of mental models

26. Meta-emotion
Discomfort with emotion 
Feelings themselves become triggers

27. Meta-emotion
Possible with any emotions
Particularly salient with vulnerability
Powerful counter-productive responses
(Suppression or denial, distance, acting out)

28. What can we do?
Photo by Lydia [link]

29. What can we do?
Lower the waterline
Act in the moment
Build capacity

30. What can we do?
Understand my meta-emotional response
Recognize it as a mental model
Challenge it when needed

31. To sum up
Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link]
Vulnerability can be a powerful lever
And a counter-productive force
Meta-emotions are key

32. To sum up
You’ll manage your vulnerability or you won’t
You’ll build a culture no matter what

33. To sum up
A classroom ≠ the real world
But underlying principles still apply
It’s up to you to translate them effectively

34. For next time…
Photo by funca88 [link]

35. Unhappiness
Photo by Jes [link]

36. Unhappiness
Subjective points of view
Stoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor Frankl
Which ones are most meaningful to you?

37. Unhappiness
Chödrön is a little out there
That’s why Burkeman Ch. 3 is an option
(Burkeman Ch 2. is required, not optional)

38. & a (short) story…

39. & a (short) story…
After doing the reading, complete the worksheet
Multiple sources of unhappiness
Be prepared to disclose one
You’ll have 25 seconds

40. Please note…
This exercise can be daunting
Please plan accordingly
Please be on time

41. Other items…
Slides will be posted on my site
Weekly assignment due Tuesday 9pm
Today’s 1:1s in B206 (the usual location)