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Feedback &
Photo by Ashraful Kadir [link]
Coaching, Part 1
October 19, 2015
Ed Batista
@ the Stanford Class Presidents
Photo:SethAnderson
Who am I?
Executive coach
Instructor & GSB alum
www.edbatista.com
HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
Photo:SethAnderson
Why feedback
matters to me…
Touchy Feely
Changed my view of myself
Impact on my professional path & life
Photo:SethAnderson
& why coaching
does, too
Started as a client
Changed my view of leadership
Impact on my clients & GSB s...
Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
Where are we
Today: Feedback as an interpersonal skill
Next time: Coaching as a leadership tool...
How will we
Discussion (~40 min)
Exercises & debriefs (~1 hr 15 mins)
Work as a group & in pairs
get there?
Photo by Chloe...
Concepts #1
Today’s headline
The simplest feedback model
Feelings
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
The headline
Feedback is stressful
So critique with skill
& express more heartfelt appreciation
Photo by Garry Knight [lin...
The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
Feelings
Disclosing feelings = vulnerable
But feelings  influence
And vulnerability  closeness
Comfort with discomfort
P...
Concepts #2
5 levels
Hierarchy of needs
Safety, trust, intimacy
Social threat
SCARF model
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
5 levels
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Richard Francisco
In what ways do we communicate?
Increasing levels of difficulty, ...
5 levels1: Ritual
2: Extended Ritual
3: Content
4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About Each Other
Photo by Rita Willa...
5 levels
5: Feelings About Each Other
Hardest
Riskiest
Most powerful for feedback
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Hierarchy of needs
Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link]
Abraham Maslow
What motivates us as human beings?
Hierarchy of needs
Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link]
Physiological
Safety
Love & belonging
Esteem
Self-actualization
Hierarchy of needs
Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link]
Parallels in groups & relationships
Hierarchy of needs
Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link]
Psychological safety, trust & intimacy
Experiments, risk-taking &...
Safety, trust,
Photo by Carly Lesser & Art Drauglis [link]
intimacy
Safety, trust,
intimacy
Safety = I won’t get hurt
Trust = I believe you & you believe me
Intimacy = We can make the privat...
Safety, trust,
intimacy
Feedback can create these qualities
But there’s a problem…
Can I give you
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
some feedback?
Feedback and
Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
social threat
Threat response
aka “Fight, flight or freeze”
Physiological
Photo by State Farm [link]
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat response
aka “Fight, flight or freeze”
Emotional
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat response
aka “Fight, flight or freeze”
Cognitive
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collabo...
Social threat
(Some) social situations ≈ Physical threats
Many times/day
Most common location?
Social threat
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Social threat
Physiological/emotional response plus…
Cognitive impairment
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration
Ph...
Social threat
Result?
Massive communication failure
We give feedback ineffectively
We receive it poorly
Photo by Heisenber...
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
SCARF model
SCARF model
David Rock
What social situations trigger a threat response?
How can we minimize the risk of social threat?
Ho...
SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
Use the model
When giving feedback…
Be mindful of status
Minimize uncertainty
Maximize auton...
Use the model
When getting feedback…
Cultivate in-the-moment awareness
Recognize our threat response
Manage our emotions
S...
Photo by Harsha KR [link]
Relationships
Relationships
John Gottman
What characterizes successful relationships?
Relationships
Feeling known by the other
A culture of appreciation
Responding to “bids”
Mutual influence
Read
More
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The net
David Bradford
How to improve communication?
How to minimize defensiveness?...
The net
Me You
Your
response
My
behavior
My
intention
What I know
Me
My
intention
My
behavior
What I don’t
You
Your
response
What you know
You
Your
response
My
behavior
What you don’t
Me
My
intention
Use the model
Intent ≠ impact
My intention doesn’t guarantee your response
Impact ≠ intent
Your response wasn’t necessaril...
Use the model
Stay on our side of the net
Focus on observed behavior
Disclose our response
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
Use the model
Result?
Lower risk of social threat
Less chance of defensiveness
Increased sense of fairness
To sum up
Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link]
To sum up
Build safety, trust & intimacy
Remember SCARF & the Net
Minimize social threat
Less stressful feedback
More lear...
Thank you!
Photo by Brett Casadonte [link]
www.edbatista.com
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Stanford Class Presidents, Session One: Feedback

In October/November 2015 I'm doing a two-part seminar on Feedback & Coaching with the Stanford Senior Class Presidents. This is my deck from Session One on Feedback.

Stanford Class Presidents, Session One: Feedback

  1. Feedback & Photo by Ashraful Kadir [link] Coaching, Part 1 October 19, 2015 Ed Batista @ the Stanford Class Presidents
  2. Photo:SethAnderson Who am I? Executive coach Instructor & GSB alum www.edbatista.com HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
  3. Photo:SethAnderson Why feedback matters to me… Touchy Feely Changed my view of myself Impact on my professional path & life
  4. Photo:SethAnderson & why coaching does, too Started as a client Changed my view of leadership Impact on my clients & GSB students
  5. Photo by Alex Eflon [link] Where are we Today: Feedback as an interpersonal skill Next time: Coaching as a leadership tool going?
  6. How will we Discussion (~40 min) Exercises & debriefs (~1 hr 15 mins) Work as a group & in pairs get there? Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
  7. Concepts #1 Today’s headline The simplest feedback model Feelings Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  8. The headline Feedback is stressful So critique with skill & express more heartfelt appreciation Photo by Garry Knight [link] Read More
  9. The simplest When you do [X], I feel [Y]. feedback model Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
  10. Feelings Disclosing feelings = vulnerable But feelings  influence And vulnerability  closeness Comfort with discomfort Photo by Rebecca Krebs [link] Read More
  11. Concepts #2 5 levels Hierarchy of needs Safety, trust, intimacy Social threat SCARF model Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  12. 5 levels Photo by Rita Willaert [link] Richard Francisco In what ways do we communicate? Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning
  13. 5 levels1: Ritual 2: Extended Ritual 3: Content 4: Feelings About Content 5: Feelings About Each Other Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
  14. 5 levels 5: Feelings About Each Other Hardest Riskiest Most powerful for feedback Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
  15. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Abraham Maslow What motivates us as human beings?
  16. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Physiological Safety Love & belonging Esteem Self-actualization
  17. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Parallels in groups & relationships
  18. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Psychological safety, trust & intimacy Experiments, risk-taking & vulnerability Learning, self- awareness & change In groups & relationships…
  19. Safety, trust, Photo by Carly Lesser & Art Drauglis [link] intimacy
  20. Safety, trust, intimacy Safety = I won’t get hurt Trust = I believe you & you believe me Intimacy = We can make the private public Read More
  21. Safety, trust, intimacy Feedback can create these qualities But there’s a problem…
  22. Can I give you Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] some feedback?
  23. Feedback and Photo by Mykl Roventine [link] social threat
  24. Threat response aka “Fight, flight or freeze” Physiological Photo by State Farm [link]
  25. Photo by State Farm [link] Threat response aka “Fight, flight or freeze” Emotional
  26. Photo by State Farm [link] Threat response aka “Fight, flight or freeze” Cognitive Decision-making Problem-solving Collaboration
  27. Social threat (Some) social situations ≈ Physical threats Many times/day Most common location?
  28. Social threat Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  29. Social threat Physiological/emotional response plus… Cognitive impairment Decision-making Problem-solving Collaboration Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  30. Social threat Result? Massive communication failure We give feedback ineffectively We receive it poorly Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] Read More
  31. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF model
  32. SCARF model David Rock What social situations trigger a threat response? How can we minimize the risk of social threat? How can we create safety? Read More
  33. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Relatedness Fairness
  34. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] Use the model When giving feedback… Be mindful of status Minimize uncertainty Maximize autonomy Build the relationship* Play fair*
  35. Use the model When getting feedback… Cultivate in-the-moment awareness Recognize our threat response Manage our emotions Slow things down
  36. Photo by Harsha KR [link] Relationships
  37. Relationships John Gottman What characterizes successful relationships?
  38. Relationships Feeling known by the other A culture of appreciation Responding to “bids” Mutual influence Read More
  39. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] The net David Bradford How to improve communication? How to minimize defensiveness? How can we play fair?
  40. The net Me You Your response My behavior My intention
  41. What I know Me My intention My behavior
  42. What I don’t You Your response
  43. What you know You Your response My behavior
  44. What you don’t Me My intention
  45. Use the model Intent ≠ impact My intention doesn’t guarantee your response Impact ≠ intent Your response wasn’t necessarily my intention
  46. Use the model Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response When you do [X], I feel [Y].
  47. Use the model Result? Lower risk of social threat Less chance of defensiveness Increased sense of fairness
  48. To sum up Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link]
  49. To sum up Build safety, trust & intimacy Remember SCARF & the Net Minimize social threat Less stressful feedback More learning
  50. Thank you! Photo by Brett Casadonte [link] www.edbatista.com

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