In October/November 2015 I'm doing a two-part seminar on Feedback & Coaching with the Stanford Senior Class Presidents. This is my deck from Session One on Feedback.

1. Feedback &
Photo by Ashraful Kadir [link]
Coaching, Part 1
October 19, 2015
Ed Batista
@ the Stanford Class Presidents

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Who am I?
Executive coach
Instructor & GSB alum
www.edbatista.com
HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees

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Why feedback
matters to me…
Touchy Feely
Changed my view of myself
Impact on my professional path & life

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& why coaching
does, too
Started as a client
Changed my view of leadership
Impact on my clients & GSB students

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Where are we
Today: Feedback as an interpersonal skill
Next time: Coaching as a leadership tool
going?

6. How will we
Discussion (~40 min)
Exercises & debriefs (~1 hr 15 mins)
Work as a group & in pairs
get there?
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7. Concepts #1
Today’s headline
The simplest feedback model
Feelings
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8. The headline
Feedback is stressful
So critique with skill
& express more heartfelt appreciation
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9. The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]

10. Feelings
Disclosing feelings = vulnerable
But feelings  influence
And vulnerability  closeness
Comfort with discomfort
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11. Concepts #2
5 levels
Hierarchy of needs
Safety, trust, intimacy
Social threat
SCARF model
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12. 5 levels
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Richard Francisco
In what ways do we communicate?
Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning

13. 5 levels1: Ritual
2: Extended Ritual
3: Content
4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About Each Other
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]

14. 5 levels
5: Feelings About Each Other
Hardest
Riskiest
Most powerful for feedback
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]

15. Hierarchy of needs
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Abraham Maslow
What motivates us as human beings?

16. Hierarchy of needs
Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link]
Physiological
Safety
Love & belonging
Esteem
Self-actualization

17. Hierarchy of needs
Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link]
Parallels in groups & relationships

18. Hierarchy of needs
Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link]
Psychological safety, trust & intimacy
Experiments, risk-taking &
vulnerability
Learning, self-
awareness & change
In groups & relationships…

19. Safety, trust,
Photo by Carly Lesser & Art Drauglis [link]
intimacy

20. Safety, trust,
intimacy
Safety = I won’t get hurt
Trust = I believe you & you believe me
Intimacy = We can make the private public
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21. Safety, trust,
intimacy
Feedback can create these qualities
But there’s a problem…

22. Can I give you
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some feedback?

23. Feedback and
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social threat

24. Threat response
aka “Fight, flight or freeze”
Physiological
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Threat response
aka “Fight, flight or freeze”
Emotional

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Threat response
aka “Fight, flight or freeze”
Cognitive
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration

27. Social threat
(Some) social situations ≈ Physical threats
Many times/day
Most common location?

28. Social threat
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29. Social threat
Physiological/emotional response plus…
Cognitive impairment
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]

30. Social threat
Result?
Massive communication failure
We give feedback ineffectively
We receive it poorly
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
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31. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
SCARF model

32. SCARF model
David Rock
What social situations trigger a threat response?
How can we minimize the risk of social threat?
How can we create safety?
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33. SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness

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Use the model
When giving feedback…
Be mindful of status
Minimize uncertainty
Maximize autonomy
Build the relationship*
Play fair*

35. Use the model
When getting feedback…
Cultivate in-the-moment awareness
Recognize our threat response
Manage our emotions
Slow things down

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Relationships

37. Relationships
John Gottman
What characterizes successful relationships?

38. Relationships
Feeling known by the other
A culture of appreciation
Responding to “bids”
Mutual influence
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The net
David Bradford
How to improve communication?
How to minimize defensiveness?
How can we play fair?

40. The net
Me You
Your
response
My
behavior
My
intention

41. What I know
Me
My
intention
My
behavior

42. What I don’t
You
Your
response

43. What you know
You
Your
response
My
behavior

44. What you don’t
Me
My
intention

45. Use the model
Intent ≠ impact
My intention doesn’t guarantee your response
Impact ≠ intent
Your response wasn’t necessarily my intention

46. Use the model
Stay on our side of the net
Focus on observed behavior
Disclose our response
When you do [X], I feel [Y].

47. Use the model
Result?
Lower risk of social threat
Less chance of defensiveness
Increased sense of fairness

48. To sum up
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49. To sum up
Build safety, trust & intimacy
Remember SCARF & the Net
Minimize social threat
Less stressful feedback
More learning

50. Thank you!
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www.edbatista.com