2. Assertiveness as a Basic Skill
Behavior Analysis
Leary’s Rose
Assertiveness
Becoming assertive
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3. Assertiveness as a Basic Skill
Ultimate excellence lies not in winning every battle,
but in defeating the enemy without ever fighting.
Art of War
“ 是故百战百胜 , 非善之善者也 ; 不战而屈人之兵 , 善之善者也
.”
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4. Facing difficult situation,
animals have two reactions:
FLIGHT 退让 Sub-assertive
behavior
FIGHT 攻击 Aggressive behavior
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5. Facing difficult situation,
human beings have more
responses:
FLIGHT 退让 Sub-assertive
behavior
FIGHT 攻击 Aggressive behavior
Assertive 果断 Assertive behavior
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6. Assertive behavior :
Aggressive and sub-assertive behavior are natural,
but assertive behavior is not automatic natural behavior.
It is a learnt skill.
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7. Three types of most common behaviors
Sub-assertive Assertive Aggressive
Take care of others’ Take care of self Take care of self
interest, without respect for interest with interest without
self respect for others respect for others
Be good (polite and Speak up what is Manipulating
helpful) for others, doing inside you. people
others a favor Willingness to Dominant,
Avoid conflict, make a have dialogue ignorance, arrogant
“nice” world …… ……
Do extra work
Do not speak up what is
inside
……
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8. 1. I’m OK - You’re OK.
Assertive/creative
I win - You win
Thoughts/beliefs:
Self-respect, and respect of others
Positive thoughts and beliefs about self and others
Believes that she/he is responsible for thoughts, feelings and
behaviors
Conflict is seen as an opportunity for transformation and change
Behaviors:
Feelings:
Use “I” statements
Self-confident
Make eye contact
Positive self-esteem
Comfortable and secure within selfListen to people directly
Aware of feelings Engage with others
Trusting of self and others Ask open questions
Connected to self and others Open body posture
Ask for feedback from others
Give positive and constructive feedba
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9. 2. I’m not OK - You’re OK.
Sub-assertive /passive
I lose - You win
Thoughts/beliefs:
Lack self-confidence
Lack self-respect
Feelings: Behaviors:
Feel insecure in self Hide from others
Feel miserable Avoid eye contact
Feel not worthy Close body posture
Feel insignificant
Do not hear positive feedback or give it
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10. 4. I’m OK - You’re not OK.
Aggressive/defensive
I win - You lose
Tho ug hts / b e lie fs :
Lack self-respect and respect for others
Negative thoughts and beliefs about self and others
Believe others are to blame
Conflict is seen as something to win and others to lose
Fe e lin g s : Be ha vio rs :
Lack self-confidence Blame others (language)
Negative self-esteem Avoid eye contact
Feel insecure in self Close body posture
Lack of awareness Interrupts, talk over or shout sometimes
Distrust of self and others Make statements rather than asking question
Disconnected from self and others Give negative feedback
Is overly critical and judging of others
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11. 3. I’m not OK - You’re not OK.
Manipulative/divisive:
I lose - You lose
Thoughts/beliefs:
Lack self-confidence
Lack self-respect and respect of others
Negative thoughts/beliefs about self and others
Suspicious and wary of others
See conflict as something destructive
Feelings: Behaviors:
Feel insecure in self Avoid eye contact
Feel resentful towards others Use negative language to talk about
feel undeserving of praise Self and others
Feel hopeless and depressed Do not hear positive feedback or give
it
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17. Behavior incites behavior
行为引发行为
“I-oriented behavior” “I-oriented behavior”
“we-oriented behavior” “we-oriented behavior”
“Up behavior” “Bellow behavior”
“Bellow ” “Up”
“Non-activity leads to action by itself.” ---Tao
“ 无为而无不为”—道德经
“ A good leader is the servant of his people.”---Tao
“ 善用人者为之下”
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18. Assertive behavior is:
Choosing your behavior, not merely acting
automatically on your feelings;
Balancing between your own interest and the
other’s interest.
Effective, problem solving
“ 故其有使失利 , 其有使离害者 , 此事之失 .”
< 鬼谷子 : 决篇 >
果断行为作出 , 如果使自己失去利益 , 使他人遭受损害 , 这都是失败的行
为
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19. Organization effects of Assertive behavior:
Contribute to the wellbeing of organization
Make corporate culture richer
Save time, improve effectiveness and profit
Make clear organizational communication
More inventive and open to new procedures
Can judge easier because of open mind
Point out to the new global world in which China and its
organizations play a prominent role, boosted by Olympic
Games
Make the West and East meet each other with a completely
new vision and understanding for each other’s cultures
Not challenge the leaders but challenging the competitive
environment in which they work
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20. Personal Results of Assertive Behavior:
you feel good about yourself
other people know how to deal with you
reduce the level of interpersonal conflicts
reduce a major source of stress
feel free to express your feelings, thoughts and desires
know your rights
have a good understanding of the feelings of the other
person with whom you are communicating
have control over you anger
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22. Low status
Not taking space
No eye contact
Concentration on the other
No matching (non-verbal)
Restless and unnecessary movements
Touching the face all the time
Stammering and low voice
Shrinking yourself so that others won’t
feel insecure around you
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23. High status
Lot of space
Long lasting eye contact
Concentration on the self
No matching (non-verbal)
No movements
Poker-face
Loud and steady voice
Acting important so that others will feel
insecure around you
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24. Behavior Expert
Has great skill in raising and lowering
status
Can cope easily with any situation by
changing status
Can choose behavior assertively
Status is not what you are;
It is something that you do.
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25. ASSERTIVENESS 果断力
Assertiveness is the competency to choose
effective behavior according to one’s own
situation; during the process, one must sustain
his/her own interest and same time respecting
other’s interest, in order to reach a win-win
situation.
Assertiveness is a way of life, and a way of
doing business, based on mutual respect and
benefit.
It is all about winning without war.
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26. ASSERTIVENESS( 果断力 )
is a general science, which includes lots relevant competencies.
Confronting ( 应对矛盾的能力 )
Daring/Taking risks( 敢于承担风险的能力
Initiative: operating autonomously/proactively( 主动性 )
Autonomy ( 自主力 )
Authority, influence ( 影响力 )
Resistance to stress ( 压力管理的能力 )
Self Steering ( 自我驾驭能力 )
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27. Assertiveness has three phases:
Speaking up ( 敢于表达 )
Opening up ( 开诚布公 )
Standing firm ( 坚持立场 )
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28. Speaking up 敢于表达
The first basic phase is Being there . Communication starts with non-
verbal behavior, which goes through all phases:
Clothing/body: clean, without bad smell
Sit/stand/walk, body remains straight
Keep eye contact
Speak loud enough, change intonation
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29. Opening up 开诚布公
Put down mask after on the stage. “ 唯天下至诚 , 为能尽其性 . 能尽其
性 , 则能尽人之性 .”
saying yes or no, when we want to
ask favors and make requests
communicate our feelings and thoughts in an
open and direct way
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30. S ta n d in g firm 坚持立场
The highest stage: “Standing up for yourself without needlessly
offending other people”
You have the right doing anything as long as it does
not hurt someone
You have the right to maintain your dignity by being
assertive –even if it hurts someone else (provided
you are not intentionally trying to hurt them i.e.
being aggressive.
You have the right to make a request from someone,
as long as you recognize that the other person has
the rights to say no.
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31. Us in g “I” s ta te m e n ts
The word “I” is your personal visiting card for all different
kinds of relational situations.
I statement can be used to voice one’s own feelings and
wishes without expressing a judgment or blaming
Standing up for yourself starts by using the word “I”
Dispute resolution; conversation opener; constructive
criticism
State how one sees things and how one would like things to
be, without using inflaming language
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32. You Statements
show a lack of respect for the other person
put the blame on the other person
can feel insulting or judgmental
trigger defensive behavior
undermine the other person’s self-confidence
create resistance to change instead of
cooperation
can be interpreted as a disciplinary action
33. I-I-You feedback
by Marieta Koopmans
I I see/hear/read…
I I feel
You Involve the other person and ask:
Do you recognize/understand…?
Request what to be improved/changed.
34. Behavior Change( 行为改变 )
It is a complicated process, which takes long time.
Unfreezing Changing Freezing
（ old （ new （ new
habit ） behavior ）
habit ）固化
软化 形成
Through three ways:
through thinking ( 通过思考 )
through feeling ( 通过感受 )
through doing ( 通过行动 )
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