The document discusses common stages of social development from ages 0-14+, including self-awareness, parallel play, interactive play, transitory friendships, friendship clusters, best friends/generalists, cliques, and interest-based friendship groups. It notes that models of development have value but also limitations, and experiences cannot be defined by strict timelines. Later sections cover choices and actions, types of conflicts including direct aggression, relational aggression, indirect aggression, and social aggression. The document encourages thinking about one's own stage of development and how to apply this information.

1. Brighton School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Social Development
Common Stages and Your Responsibility
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

2. Social Development
Joanne Deak
• Self Awareness (0-2)
• Parallel Play (2-3)
• Interactive Play (3-6)
• Transitory Friendships (6-8)
• Friendship Clusters (8-10)
• Best Friends or Generalists (10-12)
• Cliques (12-14)
• Interest-Based Friendship Groups (14+)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

3. The Thing About Models
• All Models Have Some
Value
• All Models Have Some
Limitations
• Models Have Stages
and Timelines;
Experiences Do Not
• Models Can, However
Give Language to
Experiences
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

4. • Think about where you are
• Think about where your peers are
• Listen fully to “good and bad choices”
• Decide what you want to do
Choices and Actions
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

5. This is that delightful stage when you discover
the difference between yourself and others. You
may look at your hands like they’re strange
things apart from your consciousness, but then
you realize that you can control your hands and
your body and others cannot.
Self Awareness (0-2)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

6. This is a stage when you learn how to play by
yourself. If you learn to play with others, it’s
really only to watch what they do and mimic it in
your own play. In parallel play, having the exact
same toys is important, because you’re too self-
absorbed to know how to share or know that
sharing is even an option.
Parallel Play (2-3)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

7. This is a stage when you learn to interact with
others. You go through the clumsy steps of
realizing the consequences of selfishness,
kindness, communication, etc. with others.
Interactive Play (3-6)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

8. This stage begins the Baskin Robbins Years.
You have to taste every flavor in order to
discover which ones you like and which ones you
don’t like. You seem to drift from friend to friend,
and you have no particular preferences. You see
them equally for now, and each new flavor is
exciting and gets a different reaction. You are
open to spending time with anyone and
everyone.
Transitory Friendships (6-8)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

9. You start to discover that you like flavors with
nuts in them - pistachio, maple walnut, butter
pecan, almond mocha. It’s not that you don’t like
other flavors or don’t appreciate differences - you
just like these better. Your friendship cluster is
accepting and more fluid. Your cluster won’t
freak out if bubble gum ice cream approaches
you on the playground. You are exploring the
beginnings of real friendships and relationships.
Friendship Clusters (8-10)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

10. You realize that butter pecan is far away your favorite
flavor. Maple walnut comes pretty close, but nothing
else really compares. Your best friend is someone
you could spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with.
Several times, you’ve spent all day at school
together, you’ve gone home, and then you call your
friend right away. You start to understand how to act
in an intimate relationship.
But maybe you’re not built for a best friend.
Generalists never need this intimacy. If you are a
generalist, you are simply wired to appreciate all
flavors and keep social nets wide open.
Best Friends or Generalists (10-12)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

11. You’re getting close to peers and drawing away
from adults. Your friends sometimes even
replace the stability offered by the anchor of
adults. In this confusing time, it’s sure nice being
surrounded by others that look alike, talk alike, or
act alike. You can ask your clique for advice,
advise others, report back outcomes and hear
about theirs. You feel safe in your clique’s
cocoon until, one day, you are strong enough
and independent enough to stand outside of the
group, or somewhat alone.
Cliques (12-14)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

12. Your friends are based on shared interests,
passions, or philosophies. You can be genuine
friends with both boys and girls. Your groups are
non-exclusive, and you may belong to more than
one group. Some of your groups have cross-
over because of interest cross-over. This stage
feels like all the benefits of clusters and cliques
without the downside: acceptance, activity, and
social creativity, without insecurity, narrowness,
and meanness. You live in this social place for a
majority of your adult life.
Interest-Based Friendship Groups (14+)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

13. • What was new, interesting, or surprising?
• What stage(s) describe you today?
• How will you apply this information?
Debrief Conversations
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

14. Definition of Conflict
• A clash between two
individuals or groups
• A disagreement or
argument about
something important
• A natural, normal part
of life
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

15. When It’s Bullying
• Uneven Power
• Harm Intended
• Repetition
• Efforts to hide from
adults
• Advocacy not changing
behaviors
• NOT natural or normal
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

16. Direct Aggression
• Direct, Angry
Words
• Physical
Fights
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

17. Alternative Aggression
• Relational Aggression
• Indirect Aggression
• Social Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

18. Relational Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt relationships (or
threaten to hurt relationships) or make
someone feel not included or accepted.
Relational Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

19. Indirect Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt someone and but
you deny it somehow.
Indirect Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

20. Social Aggression
Social Aggression is when your
words/actions make someone feel bad
about themselves or feel like they’re
less popular in a group.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

21. Unhealthy Conflict and
Bullying Hurts Everyone
• Folks Who Are
Targeted
• Folks who Engage
in Targeting
• Folks Who Stand By
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)