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DSST Stapleton Middle School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Battle Within the Sexes:
Gendered Ways We Fight
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
About Seattle Girls’ School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Agenda
• Disclaimers
• Conflict versus Bullying
• Gender Bias
• Gendered Ways We Fight
• A Different Way
• Questions
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Disclaimers and
Other Food for Thought
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Definition of Conflict
• A clash between two
individuals or groups
• A disagreement or
argument about
something important
• A natural, normal part
of life
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
When It’s Bullying
• Uneven Power
• Harm Intended
• Repetition
• Efforts to hide from
adults
• Advocacy not changing
behaviors
• NOT natural or normal
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Brash
Troublemaker
Strong
Competitive
Physical
Silent
Clever
Mistake-Prone
Belligerent
Intuitive
Well-Behaved
Delicate
Cooperative
Emotional
Verbal
Pretty
Perfect
Nice
Gender Bias
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Direct Aggression
• Direct, Angry
Words
• Physical
Fights
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Alternative Aggression
• Relational Aggression
• Indirect Aggression
• Social Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Relational Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt relationships (or
threaten to hurt relationships) or make
someone feel not included or accepted.
Relational Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Indirect Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt someone and but
you deny it somehow.
Indirect Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Social Aggression
Social Aggression is when your
words/actions make someone feel bad
about themselves or feel like they’re
less popular in a group.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Gender, Bias, and Bullying
• Source of Power
• Worst Labels
• Who Bullies?
• Who is Bullied?
• Social Collective
• Abuse and Aggression
• Outliers of Victims
• Signs of Cry
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Unhealthy Conflict and
Bullying Hurts Everyone
• Folks Who Are
Targeted
• Folks who Engage
in Targeting
• Folks Who Stand By
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
What CAN You Do?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
D.E.A.R.
Self Advocacy
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
D.E.A.R. Self Advocacy
• Describe – Describe actions or words without
judgment.
• Explain – Explain the impact of those actions or
words.
• Affirm – Affirm the person or relationship. Assume
positive intent.
• Request – Request different actions, request an
apology, etc.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool
• Voice – Each person has the opportunity to VOICE their feelings
and experience of the conflict using “I” statements. The other person
LISTENS before sharing their experience.
• Own – Each person takes ownership of their piece in the conflict.
“Here’s my contribution to the mess.”
• Mile – Each person “walks a mile” in the other person’s shoes
and tries to see the conflict from the other person’s perspective.
• Plan – Both people work together to make a plan for moving
forward. What can we do so this doesn’t happen again? What will we
do differently next time?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Words of Caution
• Pushing Behavior
• Outside Feelings
vs Inside Feelings
• Threatening with
Relationships
• No Joke Zone
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Apologizing and
Accepting Apologies
• Apologize for Real
• Accept for Real
• Don’t Accept Until
You’re Ready
• Move On Once You
Accept
When It’s Bullying…
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Are You Often
Targeted?Don’t Go At It
Alone
• Know it’s not right
• You deserve better
• Ask/Tell them to stop
the behavior
• Seek healthy support
• Tell an adult
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Are You Often Targeting?
Don’t Go At It Alone
• Know it’s not right
• You are better than
that
• Stop the behavior
• Seek healthy
support
• Tell an adult
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Bystander to Upstander
• Speak up when someone else is being bullied
• Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that
assumption make you silent
• Ask questions
• Don’t make the person who is bullying into
someone who is getting targeted
• Actively include those who are easily left out
• If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an
adult at school or at home
• Keep the climate healthy
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Not Taking it Digital
• No Digital Conflicts!
• The Face Test – would you say it to their face?
• The Headline Test – would you want it broadcast?
• The Digital Self – are you the same person online?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Questions and Comments
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Inclusive Communities
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

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DSST Stapleton Gendered Ways We Fight

  • 1. DSST Stapleton Middle School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Seattle Girls’ School Battle Within the Sexes: Gendered Ways We Fight Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 2. About Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 3. Agenda • Disclaimers • Conflict versus Bullying • Gender Bias • Gendered Ways We Fight • A Different Way • Questions Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 4. Disclaimers and Other Food for Thought Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 5. Definition of Conflict • A clash between two individuals or groups • A disagreement or argument about something important • A natural, normal part of life Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 6. When It’s Bullying • Uneven Power • Harm Intended • Repetition • Efforts to hide from adults • Advocacy not changing behaviors • NOT natural or normal Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 8. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 9. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 10. Direct Aggression • Direct, Angry Words • Physical Fights Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 11. Alternative Aggression • Relational Aggression • Indirect Aggression • Social Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 12. Relational Aggression is when your words/actions hurt relationships (or threaten to hurt relationships) or make someone feel not included or accepted. Relational Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 13. Indirect Aggression is when your words/actions hurt someone and but you deny it somehow. Indirect Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 14. Social Aggression Social Aggression is when your words/actions make someone feel bad about themselves or feel like they’re less popular in a group. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 15. Gender, Bias, and Bullying • Source of Power • Worst Labels • Who Bullies? • Who is Bullied? • Social Collective • Abuse and Aggression • Outliers of Victims • Signs of Cry Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 16. Unhealthy Conflict and Bullying Hurts Everyone • Folks Who Are Targeted • Folks who Engage in Targeting • Folks Who Stand By Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 17. What CAN You Do? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 18. D.E.A.R. Self Advocacy Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 19. D.E.A.R. Self Advocacy • Describe – Describe actions or words without judgment. • Explain – Explain the impact of those actions or words. • Affirm – Affirm the person or relationship. Assume positive intent. • Request – Request different actions, request an apology, etc. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 20. V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 21. V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool • Voice – Each person has the opportunity to VOICE their feelings and experience of the conflict using “I” statements. The other person LISTENS before sharing their experience. • Own – Each person takes ownership of their piece in the conflict. “Here’s my contribution to the mess.” • Mile – Each person “walks a mile” in the other person’s shoes and tries to see the conflict from the other person’s perspective. • Plan – Both people work together to make a plan for moving forward. What can we do so this doesn’t happen again? What will we do differently next time? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 22. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Words of Caution • Pushing Behavior • Outside Feelings vs Inside Feelings • Threatening with Relationships • No Joke Zone
  • 23. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Apologizing and Accepting Apologies • Apologize for Real • Accept for Real • Don’t Accept Until You’re Ready • Move On Once You Accept
  • 24. When It’s Bullying… Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 25. Are You Often Targeted?Don’t Go At It Alone • Know it’s not right • You deserve better • Ask/Tell them to stop the behavior • Seek healthy support • Tell an adult Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 26. Are You Often Targeting? Don’t Go At It Alone • Know it’s not right • You are better than that • Stop the behavior • Seek healthy support • Tell an adult Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 27. Bystander to Upstander • Speak up when someone else is being bullied • Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that assumption make you silent • Ask questions • Don’t make the person who is bullying into someone who is getting targeted • Actively include those who are easily left out • If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an adult at school or at home • Keep the climate healthy Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 28. Not Taking it Digital • No Digital Conflicts! • The Face Test – would you say it to their face? • The Headline Test – would you want it broadcast? • The Digital Self – are you the same person online? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 29. Questions and Comments Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 30. Inclusive Communities Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 31. Presenter Information Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee 6th Faculty and Professional Outreach Seattle Girls’ School 2706 S Jackson Street Seattle WA 98144 (206) 805-6562 rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org http://tiny.cc/rosettalee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)