Young people bear witness to challenging or traumatic events in current events, media, and our local communities. Their thoughts, feelings, and reactions enter school spaces whether we introduce conversations or not. We adults have a natural instinct to protect our children from harsh realities and yet prepare them to navigate this complex world - is it possible to do both? What are ways to talk about identity, difference, and justice in age appropriate ways? How do you reinforce school values without shutting down perspectives? How do you facilitate authentic and respectful dialogue across difference? Engage in these questions and more through this interactive session.

1. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Talking to Young People
About Sensitive, Complicated, and Heated Topics
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

2. About Seattle Girls’ School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

3. Agenda
 “Hard” Topics in General
 What’s Developmentally Appropriate
 Current Realities
 Young People’s Experience
 How to Talk to Youth
 How to Facilitate Conversations
 Questions and Answers
 Resources
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

4. What Brings You Here?
Please introduce
yourselves.
What are some of the
challenges you face in your
environment?
What skills or tools are you
looking for in today’s
session?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

5. “Hard” Topics in General
 Race
 Gender
 Class
 Religion
 Politics
 Sex
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

6. Developmentally Appropriate
Approaches and Talks
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

7. Early Awareness of Difference
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Age Signs
6 months Can discern racial feature differences
3 years Awareness of own and others’ gender.
Beginning awareness of gender roles
5 years Desire to categorize – self, others
Curiosity about meaning of differences
Aware of biases
7 years Can regulate biases versus behaviors
Starting to parrot adult messages
3rd grade Are aware of societal stereotypes
cross group play can increase
5th grade Have internalized stereotypical messages
cross group play can decrease

8. When They’re Little
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Theme: Trying to Understand the World
 Curiosity based questions about difference
 “Blurting out” of current understanding
 Find out what they’re actually saying/asking
 Find out why they’re saying/asking
 Answer their questions straightforwardly
 Model and coach humility, delight, and
curiosity about difference
 Be mindful of children’s media – it’s not
always good for kids

9. In the Middle Years
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Theme: Who Am I? How Do I Have Power?
 “Friendship Extinction Event”
 Identity search through grouping
 Good and bad cliques
 Open their horizons about identity
 Be steady through their rollercoaster
 Coach more, teach less

10. In the Later Years
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Theme: My Future Place in the World
 Gender and sexuality stereotypes
 Power play through social status
 The role of inclusivity in their college,
professional, and personal lives
 Charging them to “practice for the real thing”
 Define values and boundaries, then accept
that they will push
 Be their consultant

11. Reflection
What was useful or helpful
in how to talk with youth
about “hard” topics in
general?
What questions or
concerns still remain?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

12. Current Realities
 Political Polarization
 COVID-19
 Black Lives Matter
 Anti-Asian Violence
 Immigration, Detention Centers, Etc.
 Climate Change and Denial
 Rise in Homelessness
 Gun Violence
 And More…
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

13. Young People’s Experience
 Increase in Anti-Group Sentiment
 Increased Uncivil Discourse
 Rise in Sadness, Fear, and Anxiety
 Increased Acting Out
 And More…
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

14. How to Talk to Young People
About Current Events
 What have you heard?
 How do you feel?
 What questions do you have?
 How can I support you?
 Here are the school’s values.
 What positive action can you take?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

15. How to Talk to Young People
About Hate and Extremism
 Prepare Yourself
 Be Alert
 Listen
 Reassure
 Be Honest
 Share the School’s Values
 Take Action
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

16. How to Talk to Young People After
Personal Incidents
 “I want to help you feel strong.”
 Affection, correction, protection
 Emotions are always right; not all
action is always right
 Avoid either/or thinking
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

17. Reflection
What was useful or helpful
in how to talk with youth
about current events, hate
and extremism, or personal
incidents?
What questions or
concerns still remain?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

18. Helping Young People Talk to One Another
 Create Safety and Courage
 Express Feelings
 Generate Questions
 Share Facts
 Learn More
 Complicate Thinking
 Take Action
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

19. What About Group Conversations?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

20. Learning Zones
and Performing Zones
Learning Zone: You engage deeply in the areas of
weakness. You actively seek new information,
strategies, and feedback for adoption. You embrace
mistakes in this low-stakes environment.
Performing Zone: You showcase your areas of strength
(e.g. a competition routine). You engage in new
information, strategies, and feedback in relation to
your current thinking (e.g. PhD defense). You minimize
mistakes in this potentially high-stakes environment.
Make sure you know what zone you’re in SO THAT YOU
CAN MAXIMIZE THE BENEFITS OF THAT SPACE.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

21. Comparing Dialogue and Debate
 Dialogue is collaborative. Debate is oppositional.
 In dialogue, one listens in order to understand and find
meaning. In debate, one listens in order to find flaws and
to counter arguments.
 Dialogue reveals assumptions for reevaluation. Debate
defends assumptions as truth.
 Dialogue calls for temporarily suspending one’s beliefs.
Debate calls for investing wholeheartedly into one’s
beliefs.
 In dialogue, one searches for basic agreements. In
debate, one searches for glaring differences.
 Dialogue remains open-ended. Debate implies a
conclusion.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Adapted from Shelley Bennan, Dialogue Group, Boston Chapter, Educators for Social Responsibility

22. Singleton Compass
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

23. Polarity Thinking
Cognition marked by flexibility and
elasticity that enables individuals to
recognize and navigate the countless
opposing yet interdependent energies
that manifest in all life. Polarity thinking
transforms ‘either/or’ contrasts into
‘both/and’ formulations that allow for
mutually-satisfying, stable, and
predictable gains in personal and
professional life.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Caroline Blackwell, National Association of Independent Schools

24. Polarities, Not Binaries
 Equality and Equity
 Free Speech and Inclusive Speech
 Diversity and Inclusion
 Diversity and Unity
 Systems Work and Individual Work
 Calling Out and Calling In
 Heat (protests, disruption, opposition) and
Light (education, patience, collaboration)
 Safety and Bravery
 Accommodation and Assimilation
 Change and Tradition
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

25. Polarity Mapping
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Caroline Blackwell, National Association of Independent Schools

26. Engaging Across Differences
 Be willing to sit in the gray areas
 Be willing to be uncomfortable
 Be willing to be vulnerable
 Be willing to extend trust and earn trust
 Be willing to listen fully
 Be willing to continue the conversation
 Be willing to believe we need each other
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

27. Reflection
What was useful or helpful
in supporting young people
talk to one another?
What questions or
concerns still remain?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

28. Talking With Your Kids
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
 Be explicit about your values
 Be open about your own
struggles
 Don’t stay silent
 100 1-Minute Conversations
 Relationship Based
Interruption

29. Questions and Comments
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

30. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
tiny.cc/rosettalee
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)