Part 1: Current Realities, Barriers to Courage, Brave Conversations Part 2: Frameworks for Engaging in Brave Conversations: Learning and Performing Zones, Dialogue and Debate, Polarity Thinking, Points of Entry Part 3: Emotion Regulation

1. Germantown Academy
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Safe to Brave:
Engaging in Courageous Conversations
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

2. About Seattle Girls’ School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

3. Agenda
 Current Realities
 Barriers to Courage
 Brave Conversations
 Emotion Regulation and Resilience
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

4. Current Realities
 Political Polarization
 COVID-19
 Black Lives Matter
 Immigration, Detention Centers, Etc.
 Hate Groups and Hate Crimes
 Climate Change and Denial
 And More…
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

5. Engaging in Courageous
Conversations
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

6. Barriers to Courage
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
 All or None
 Echo Chambers
 Zero-Risk Bias
 Vulnerability

7. Safety Versus Comfort
Safety: I feel that, in this space, I am treated with dignity,
kindness, and respect. I can ask questions without fear of
judgment. I can voice my perspective and know that I will
be validated for the fact that that is my truth. Others may
challenge my ideas, but that challenge is in the spirit of
greater shared understanding and growth.
Comfort: I feel that, in this space, my reality will be agreed
with, validated, and unchallenged. I don’t have to explain
myself to be understood, and I don’t have to justify my
perspective, as everyone shares it.
True dialogue happens in an environment where everyone is
safe but not always comfortable...
SO THAT THEY CAN LEARN AND GROW.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

8. Moving Conversations
from Safe to Brave
 Controversy with Civility
 Ownership of intent and impact
 Challenge by choice – with reflection
 Respect in all its multiplicity
 Pointed challenges, not personal attacks
 Mindfulness of the true source of emotions
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

9. Reflection
What are barriers to
courage for you and
this community?
What could help this
community have
braver conversations?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

10. Tools for Brave Conversations
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

11. Learning and Performing Zones
Learning Zone
You engage deeply in the areas of weakness. You actively
seek new information, strategies, and feedback for adoption.
You embrace mistakes in this low-stakes environment.
Performing Zone
You showcase your areas of strength. You engage in new
information, strategies, and feedback only as they relate to
your current thinking. You minimize mistakes in this
potentially high-stakes environment.
Make sure you know what zone you’re in
SO THAT YOU CAN MAXIMIZE
THE BENEFITS OF THAT SPACE.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Eduardo Briceno, TEDxManhattanBeach

12. Dialogue and Debate
 Dialogue is collaborative. Debate is oppositional.
 In dialogue, one listens in order to understand and find
meaning. In debate, one listens in order to find flaws and
to counter arguments.
 Dialogue reveals assumptions for reevaluation. Debate
defends assumptions as truth.
 Dialogue calls for temporarily suspending one’s beliefs.
Debate calls for investing wholeheartedly into one’s
beliefs.
 In dialogue, one searches for basic agreements. In
debate, one searches for glaring differences.
 Dialogue remains open-ended. Debate implies a
conclusion.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Adapted from Shelley Bennan, Dialogue Group, Boston Chapter, Educators for Social Responsibility

13. Polarity Thinking
Flexible thinking that enables you to
recognize and navigate the countless
opposing yet interdependent forces
that manifest in all life.
Polarity thinking transforms ‘either/or’
contrasts into ‘both/and’ formulations
that allow for mutually-satisfying,
stable, and predictable gains in
personal and professional life.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Caroline Blackwell, National Association of Independent Schools

14. Polarities, Not Binaries
 Equality and Equity
 Free Speech and Inclusive Speech
 Diversity and Inclusion
 Diversity and Unity
 Systems Work and Individual Work
 Calling Out and Calling In
 Heat (protests, disruption, opposition) and
Light (education, patience, collaboration)
 Safety and Bravery
 Accommodation and Assimilation
 Change and Tradition
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

15. Recognizing Entry Points
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Glen Singleton Courageous Conversations

16. Engaging Across Differences
 Be willing to sit in the gray areas
 Be willing to be uncomfortable
 Be willing to be vulnerable
 Be willing to extend trust and earn trust
 Be willing to listen fully
 Be willing to continue the conversation
 Be willing to believe we need each other
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

17. Reflection
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
What does this
community do already
to engage in healthy
ways across
difference? What are
ways to improve?

18. Emotion Regulation
“Emotion regulation” is our ability to
effectively manage and respond to an
emotional experience. We unconsciously use
a variety of emotion regulation strategies to
cope with difficult situations many times
throughout each day. Healthy coping
strategies do not cause harm, and they can
help to diffuse strong emotions, often
allowing for a greater understanding of what
led to the emotional experience.
Rolston and Lloys-Richardson (2014)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

19. Phenomenon:
Lack of mindfulness about the true
source of our emotions and targeting the
wrong person, event, or source
Strategy:
Question, name, and express toward
the correct source
Inspired by From Safe Spaces to Brave
Spaces: A New Way to Frame Dialogue
Around Diversity and Social Justice by
Brian Arao and Kristi Clemens (2013)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

20. Phenomenon:
Cognitive Dissonance, the
“Perfectly Logical Explanation,”
and the Backfire Effect
Strategy:
Pause, listen, and remember that
mental models are made and
therefore can be remade
Raising Race Questions: Whiteness and Inquiry in Education
By Ali Michael (2014)
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/believe_clean
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

21. Phenomenon:
Classic Responses to Shame:
Moving Away, Moving Towards,
Moving Against
Strategy:
Hold back the primary response,
engage with vulnerability, seek
relationship and empathy
Brené Brown, Men, Women, and Worthiness (2012)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

22. Managing Our Reactions
to Our Emotions
All emotions are real and
correct, and they are not always
under our control. How we
behave when we experience
emotions is under our control,
and our actions can be correct
or incorrect.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

23. Reflection
What resonates, what’s
helpful, and what’s
missing about emotion
regulation?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

24. Inclusive Communities
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

25. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)