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Hockaday Alternative Aggression

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Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee

Odd Girls Out. Queen Bees. Girl Bullying. Examine the cross-section of socio-emotional development, gender bias, and adolescence in the emergence of the “Mean Girl” phenomenon. What can we do to promote healthy relationship among girls and women?

Education
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Hockaday School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Seattle Girls’ School Sugar and Spice but Not Always Nice: Gender, Bias, and Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Agenda • Gender Differences • Gender Bias • Alternative Aggression • What Can We Do? • Discussions • Resources Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Disclaimers and Other Food for Thought Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Gender Differences Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Brash Troublemaker Strong Competitive Physical Silent Clever Mistake-Prone Belligerent Intuitive Well-Behaved Delicate Cooperative Emotional Verbal Pretty Perfect Nice Gender Bias Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Social Development Joanne Deak, Girls Will Be Girls • Self Awareness (0-2) • Parallel Play (2-3) • Interactive Play (3-6) • Transitory Friendships (6-8) • Friendship Clusters (8-10) • Best Friends or Generalists (10-12) • Cliques (12-14) • Interest-Based Friendship Groups (14+) • (Almost) Universal Acceptance (Seniors) Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Special Considerations Sexy --- Slutty Powerful --- Aggressive Smart --- Bookish Cheerful --- Uncool Confident --- “All That” Athletic --- Jocky Close to Friends --- Lesbian Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Process Break What’s new, interesting, thought provoking about the landscape of social development and gender norms/expectations? What have you noticed in your own experience? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
At the Crossroads Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Alternative Aggression • Relational Aggression • Indirect Aggression • Social Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Relational Aggression includes acts that “harm others through damage (or the threat of damage) to relationships or feelings of acceptance, friendship, or group inclusion.” Relational Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Indirect Aggression allows the perpetrator to avoid confronting the target directly, making it seem as though there is no intent to harm. Indirect Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Social Aggression Social Aggression is intended to damage self esteem or social status within a group. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Friends and Frienemies Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
When It’s Conflict • A clash between two individuals or groups • A disagreement or argument about something important • Etc. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
When It’s Bullying • Power is uneven • Intent to harm • Repeated and sustained • Efforts to hide from adults • Advocacy not changing behaviors Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Process Break How have you seen alternative aggression play out in your lives? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
D.E.A.R. Self Advocacy Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
D.E.A.R. Self Advocacy • Describe – Describe actions or words without judgment. • Explain – Explain the impact of those actions or words. • Affirm – Affirm the person or relationship. Assume positive intent. • Request – Request different actions, request an apology, etc. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool • Voice – Each person has the opportunity to VOICE their feelings and experience of the conflict using “I” statements. The other person LISTENS before sharing their experience. • Own – Each person takes ownership of their piece in the conflict. “Here’s my contribution to the mess.” • Mile – Each person “walks a mile” in the other person’s shoes and tries to see the conflict from the other person’s perspective. • Plan – Both people work together to make a plan for moving forward. What can we do so this doesn’t happen again? What will we do differently next time? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Ally Skills • Don’t engage in bullying behaviors • Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that assumption make you silent • Ask questions to clarify and to educate • Don’t make the person who is bullying into someone who is getting targeted • Actively include those who are easily left out • If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an adult at school or at home • Keep the climate healthy Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Undoing Gender Bias Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Questions and Answers Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Presenter Information Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee 6th Faculty and Professional Outreach Seattle Girls’ School 2706 S Jackson Street Seattle WA 98144 (206) 805-6562 rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org http://tiny.cc/rosettalee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Resources • Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the Gap,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003 • Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion • Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers, http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf • “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District, http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf • Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) www.glsen.org • Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference. • Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org, http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html • John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on theory of mind and power. • Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine, http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=14430 7&sn.ItemNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Resources • Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion • Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers, http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf • “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District, http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf • Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) www.glsen.org • Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference. • Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org, http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html • John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on theory of mind and power. • Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine, http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=14430 7&sn.ItemNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Gender Specific Resources • JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters, How Girls Thrive • Pooja Makhijani, Under Her Skin: How Girls Experience Race in America. • John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on early gender differences in competition and play and “Love Lab.” • Northwest Girls Coalition, Protective Factors for Middle School Girls - What can Parents Do? • Mary Pipher, Ph.D., Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls • Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out, Odd Girl Speaks Out, Curse of the Good Girl • Harriet R. Tenenbaum, “Gender Achievement Motivation,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003. • Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads • Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth. • Naomi Wolf, Promiscuities. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

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Hockaday Alternative Aggression

  • 1. Hockaday School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Seattle Girls’ School Sugar and Spice but Not Always Nice: Gender, Bias, and Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 2. Agenda • Gender Differences • Gender Bias • Alternative Aggression • What Can We Do? • Discussions • Resources Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 3. Disclaimers and Other Food for Thought Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 4. Gender Differences Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 6. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 7. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 8. Social Development Joanne Deak, Girls Will Be Girls • Self Awareness (0-2) • Parallel Play (2-3) • Interactive Play (3-6) • Transitory Friendships (6-8) • Friendship Clusters (8-10) • Best Friends or Generalists (10-12) • Cliques (12-14) • Interest-Based Friendship Groups (14+) • (Almost) Universal Acceptance (Seniors) Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 9. Special Considerations Sexy --- Slutty Powerful --- Aggressive Smart --- Bookish Cheerful --- Uncool Confident --- “All That” Athletic --- Jocky Close to Friends --- Lesbian Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 10. Process Break What’s new, interesting, thought provoking about the landscape of social development and gender norms/expectations? What have you noticed in your own experience? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 11. At the Crossroads Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 12. Alternative Aggression • Relational Aggression • Indirect Aggression • Social Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 13. Relational Aggression includes acts that “harm others through damage (or the threat of damage) to relationships or feelings of acceptance, friendship, or group inclusion.” Relational Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 14. Indirect Aggression allows the perpetrator to avoid confronting the target directly, making it seem as though there is no intent to harm. Indirect Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 15. Social Aggression Social Aggression is intended to damage self esteem or social status within a group. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 16. Friends and Frienemies Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 17. When It’s Conflict • A clash between two individuals or groups • A disagreement or argument about something important • Etc. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 18. When It’s Bullying • Power is uneven • Intent to harm • Repeated and sustained • Efforts to hide from adults • Advocacy not changing behaviors Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 19. Process Break How have you seen alternative aggression play out in your lives? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 20. D.E.A.R. Self Advocacy Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 21. D.E.A.R. Self Advocacy • Describe – Describe actions or words without judgment. • Explain – Explain the impact of those actions or words. • Affirm – Affirm the person or relationship. Assume positive intent. • Request – Request different actions, request an apology, etc. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 22. V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 23. V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool • Voice – Each person has the opportunity to VOICE their feelings and experience of the conflict using “I” statements. The other person LISTENS before sharing their experience. • Own – Each person takes ownership of their piece in the conflict. “Here’s my contribution to the mess.” • Mile – Each person “walks a mile” in the other person’s shoes and tries to see the conflict from the other person’s perspective. • Plan – Both people work together to make a plan for moving forward. What can we do so this doesn’t happen again? What will we do differently next time? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 24. Ally Skills • Don’t engage in bullying behaviors • Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that assumption make you silent • Ask questions to clarify and to educate • Don’t make the person who is bullying into someone who is getting targeted • Actively include those who are easily left out • If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an adult at school or at home • Keep the climate healthy Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 25. Undoing Gender Bias Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 26. Questions and Answers Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 27. Presenter Information Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee 6th Faculty and Professional Outreach Seattle Girls’ School 2706 S Jackson Street Seattle WA 98144 (206) 805-6562 rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org http://tiny.cc/rosettalee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 28. Resources • Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the Gap,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003 • Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion • Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers, http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf • “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District, http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf • Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) www.glsen.org • Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference. • Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org, http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html • John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on theory of mind and power. • Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine, http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=14430 7&sn.ItemNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 29. Resources • Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion • Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers, http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf • “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District, http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf • Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) www.glsen.org • Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference. • Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org, http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html • John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on theory of mind and power. • Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine, http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=14430 7&sn.ItemNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  • 30. Gender Specific Resources • JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters, How Girls Thrive • Pooja Makhijani, Under Her Skin: How Girls Experience Race in America. • John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on early gender differences in competition and play and “Love Lab.” • Northwest Girls Coalition, Protective Factors for Middle School Girls - What can Parents Do? • Mary Pipher, Ph.D., Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls • Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out, Odd Girl Speaks Out, Curse of the Good Girl • Harriet R. Tenenbaum, “Gender Achievement Motivation,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003. • Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads • Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth. • Naomi Wolf, Promiscuities. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)