Talking about topics like gender, race, sexual orientation, and class can raise anxiety for many people, and yet we must have the conversation in our schools, workplaces, organizations, and our personal lives in order to be more inclusive and to change the world for the better. What are the fears and common pitfalls that keep us from broaching courageous conversations? Gain practical skills for facilitating courageous conversations.
1. Horace Mann School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girlsâ School
Facilitating Courageous Conversations
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
5. Safety Versus Comfort
Safety: I feel that, in this space, I can ask questions without
fear of judgment. I can voice my perspective and know that
I will be validated for the fact that that is my truth. Others
may challenge my ideas, but that challenge is in the spirit of
greater shared understanding and growth.
Comfort: I feel that, in this space, my reality will be agreed
with, validated, and unchallenged. I donât have to explain
myself to be understood, and I donât have to justify my
perspective, as everyone shares it.
True dialogue happens in an environment where everyone is
safe but not always comfortable...
SO THAT THEY CAN LEARN AND GROW.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
6. Culture [consists] primarily of the
symbolic, ideational, and intangible
aspects of human societies⌠It is the
values, symbols, interpretations, and
perspectives that distinguish one
people from another.
James A. Banks
What is Culture?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
7. Dimensions of Identity and Culture
This model of identifiers and culture was created by Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman for NAIS Summer Diversity Institute,
adapted from Loden and Rosenerâs Workforce America! (1991) and from Diverse Teams at Work, Gardenswartz & Rowe (SHRM 2003).
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
8. Cultural Competency:
Many Models
Cultural competence is a set of
congruent behaviors, attitudes and
policies that come together in a
system, institution or individual and
enable that system, institution or
individual to work effectively in cross-
cultural situations.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Terry Cross
9. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
The Jones Model of Cultural Competence
Cultural Self-
Awareness
Cultural
Intelligence
Cross-Cultural
Effectiveness
Skills
Countering
Oppression
through
Inclusion
10. Moving Conversations
from Safe to Brave
ď§ Controversy with Civility
ď§ Own your own intent and impact
ď§ Challenge by choice â with reflection
ď§ Respect in all its multiplicity
ď§ No personal attacks, but pointed
challenges are okay
ď§ Be mindful of the true source of your
emotions
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
12. Fears and Anxieties that Keep Us
from Having Conversations
ď§ Offending
ď§ Losing Face
ď§ Tokenism
ď§ Professional Risk
ď§ Bursting the Bubble
ď§ Rocking the Boat
ď§ Conflict
ď§ Lack of âAuthorityâ
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
13. Pitfalls and Obstacles that Keep Us
from Conversing Again
ď§ Outbursts
ď§ Silence
ď§ Denial
ď§ The Good Talk
ď§ Teacher vs. Facilitator
ď§ Personal Attacks
ď§ The Quick Fix
ď§ Leadership Oppression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
17. Everyone Has Growth Zones
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Comfort Zone:
Reliance on you
already know and do
well
Zone of Proximal
Development â The
Growth Zone:
Mindful and strategic
change toward the
next stage of growth
Panic Zone:
Unrealistic demands
on yourself and
others
18. Common Scenario:
Disengagement
⢠Separating Oneself Physically
⢠Not Speaking
⢠Side talking, Checking Phone
⢠Dismissive Body Language
⢠Turning In Body Language
⢠âWell, I identify as ____, and I donât see how I
can relate to this topicâŚâ
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
19. Common Scenario:
Ranking Oppressions
⢠âIn this world, itâs so much worse being a
woman than a Person of Color.â
⢠âWe should talk about REAL problems like
immigration status. Ability doesnât matter as
much.â
⢠âYou come from so much wealth, what
problems could you possibly have?â
⢠âHow could I possibly have privilege if Iâm
Muslim?â
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
20. Common Scenario:
Reverse Discrimination
⢠âThere are so many ways women get special
treatment in the world â leadership programs for
women, STEM courses for girls, and men canât
say anything these days without being accused of
sexism.â
⢠âConversations about class privilege make me feel
guilty, so youâre making ME unsafeâŚâ
⢠âItâs so much harder for me to get into college as a
White person. People of Color have it so much
easier â how is THAT fair?â
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
21. Common Scenario:
Inclusion vs Assimilation
⢠âWe're all just here to get our education, not to
have some kind of Kum-ba-yah love-in.â
⢠âHow can we be inclusive to EVERYONEâS
culture? Donât we have to have some
standard for how we act at school or work??
⢠âWell, we can talk about inclusion here, but
how are we going to be prepared for the REAL
world, where not everyone thinks like this?â
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
22. Common Scenario: Colorblindness
⢠âHow could I be prejudiced? I have lots of
friends who areâŚâ
⢠âI treat everybody the same. I don't care if
they are brown, blue, yellow or purple.â
⢠âDoesnât talking about how different we are
just separate us and make problems
worse?â
⢠âWell Iâm just White, so I donât think about
race all the time like People of ColorâŚâ
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
23. Other Common Scenarios: Fear
⢠The role of and appropriate engagement
for people of privileged groups (i.e. White
people in conversations about race,
males in conversations about gender,
etc.) (fear of saying/doing the wrong
thing)
⢠The âprovocateurâ who likes to create
tension, drama, or conflict (fear thereof)
⢠Big eruption of emotions (fear thereof)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
24. Common Scenarios
⢠Disengagement
⢠Ranking of Oppressions
⢠Reverse Discrimination
⢠Assimilation vs Inclusion
⢠Colorblindness
⢠Fear
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
25. Framing and Talking Points:
Different Occasions, Different Skills
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
26. Develop Your Inner Credible Hulk
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
27. Equality vs Equity
Everybody gets a shirt versus everybody
gets a shirt that fits.
Giving everybody some insulin in
equality. Giving only people who are
diabetic some insulin is equity.
What is âfairâ?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
30. Correlation vs Causation
Correlation: When income is averaged and compared, there
is a strong correlation between gender and income. This is
due to a myriad of historical, systemic, and economic factors that
impact men and women differently in the workplace.
Causation: When income is averaged and compared, there is a
strong correlation between gender and income. This must be
because women must not be as smart, hard-working, or
good with money as men.
Correlation: When folks are carrying umbrellas, they are
also wearing rain boots. This is because itâs raining.
Causation: Umbrellas make people wear rain boots.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
31. Where Weâre From vs Where Weâre Going
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Where We Come From: In the past, LGBTQ people were
openly discriminated against. Many LGBTQ people were
killed, fired from jobs, kicked out of families, etc. Weâve come
so far. Now, we have openly gay celebrities, politicians, and
other public figures. Equal marriage rights is now law of the
land. Most schools and workplaces have LGBTQ non-
discrimination policies. Why are LGBTQ people are so angry?
Where We Are Going: We still have LGBTQ people who are
discriminated against. News stories abound of LGBTQ people
killed, fired from jobs, kicked out of families, and more. We
have such a long way to go. Having public role models on TV
doesnât protect kids from bullying and harassment in the
hallways. Having nondiscrimination laws and policies donât
mean LGBTQ people receive fair treatment in practice Why
are straight/cisgender people are so complacent?
32. Expert Opinion vs Personal Opinion
Expert Opinion: An astronomy professor, widely published in
academic journals and books, with a national reputation in her
field, states that, according to the most current science, there
are 8 planets in our solar system.
Personal Opinion: Another person asserts that there are 9
planets because that is what he learned in school and from
his parents, he had a map of the sky in his bedroom as a
child, and everyone he knows agrees with him.
Expert Opinion: Experts in multiple fields validate the
existence, reality, and impact of microaggressions, stereotype
threat, racial anxiety, implicit bias, etc.
Personal Opinion: I think people should stop being so
sensitive and get over it. We live in a post-racial society. I
donât have a racist bone in my body.
Is everybodyâs opinion equally valid?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
33. Privilege
âPrivilege exists when one group has
something of value that is denied to others
simply because of the groups they belong
to, rather than because of anything theyâve
done or failed to do.â
[as described by Peggy McIntosh and quoted by Allan Johnson]
Privilege is SYSTEMIC. It drives the
systems that dominate our societies.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
34. Two Types of Privilege
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Unearned Advantage
an unearned entitlement
(i.e. things of value that
all people should have)
that is restricted to
certain groups
Conferred Dominance
bestowed control;
granted authority;
awarded power or
domination- Giving one
group power over
another
36. Situational Advantage
There are prime parking spots and seats
reserved for people with disabilities. People
with disabilities are often first to board
planes and other transportation vehicles.
These advantages are situational and do not
balance out systemic oppression.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
38. An Ally IsâŚ
âa person who is a member of the dominant or
majority group who works to end oppression in
his or her personal and professional life
through support of, and as an advocate with
and for, the oppressed populationâ
Washington and Evans, Becoming an Ally
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
39. An Ally IsâŚ
âSomeone who doesnât have to stand up for
someone else, who might even lose something
if they do, but they do it anyway because they
know itâs the right thing to doâ
6th Grade Student
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
40. Savior Complex
ď§ Centers on the âHelperâ and not the âHelpedâ
ď§ Centers on making the âHelperâ feel good about
themselves
ď§ Assumes that the âHelperâ knows what is best for the
âHelped,â often without even hearing from the direct
experiences of the âHelpedâ
ď§ Doesnât acknowledge deep injustices, where the âHelperâ
is privileged and the âHelpedâ are oppressed
ď§ Doesnât do anything to give power to the âHelpedâ
ď§ Does not create sustainable change â once the âHelperâ
stops doing what they are doing, so does the positive
change
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
41. Allyship and Solidarity
ď§ Centers on the âHelpedâ and not the âHelperâ
ď§ Centers on the âHelperâ fulfilling a societal responsibility
as the privileged
ď§ Assumes that the âHelpedâ knows what is best for the
âHelped,â and that the job of the âHelperâ is to assist the
âHelpedâ in meeting those needs
ď§ Acknowledges deep societal injustices, where the
âHelperâ and âHelpedâ are equal in dignity and unequal in
access through no fault or earning of each party
ď§ Results in the âHelpedâ becoming more powerful
ď§ Creates sustainable change where the âHelperâ becomes
obsolete because the positive change continues with or
without them
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
42. Developing into an Ally
Karen Bradberry, PhD
Active Passive Passive Active
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
44. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girlsâ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
45. Resources
⢠Anti-Defamation League
⢠BrenÊ Brown
⢠Cross Cultural Connections
(www.CulturesConnecting.com)
⢠National Coalition Building Institute
⢠The Peopleâs Institute
⢠Stirfry Seminars
⢠Teaching Tolerance
⢠The Thiagi Group
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)