What is the difference between everyday conflict and bullying?  How do boys and girls experience aggression differently?  How do identifiers like sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, ability, and socioeconomic status affect aggression?  Learn about different types of aggression and practical tools in responding to conflicts and bullying.  

1. Horace Mann School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Battle Within the Sexes:
Gendered Ways We Fight
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2. About Seattle Girls’ School
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3. Agenda
• Disclaimers
• Conflict versus Bullying
• Gender Bias
• Gendered Ways We Fight
• A Different Way
• Questions
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4. Disclaimers and
Other Food for Thought
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5. Definition of Conflict
• A clash between two
individuals or groups
• A disagreement or
argument about
something important
• A natural, normal part
of life
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6. When It’s Bullying
• Uneven Power
• Harm Intended
• Repetition
• Efforts to hide from
adults
• Advocacy not changing
behaviors
• NOT natural or normal
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7. Brash
Troublemaker
Strong
Competitive
Physical
Silent
Clever
Mistake-Prone
Belligerent
Intuitive
Well-Behaved
Delicate
Cooperative
Emotional
Verbal
Pretty
Perfect
Nice
Gender Bias
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8. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

9. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

10. Direct Aggression
• Direct, Angry
Words
• Physical
Fights
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11. Alternative Aggression
• Relational Aggression
• Indirect Aggression
• Social Aggression
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12. Relational Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt relationships (or
threaten to hurt relationships) or make
someone feel not included or accepted.
Relational Aggression
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13. Indirect Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt someone and but
you deny it somehow.
Indirect Aggression
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14. Social Aggression
Social Aggression is when your
words/actions make someone feel bad
about themselves or feel like they’re
less popular in a group.
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15. Gender, Bias, and Bullying
• Source of Power
• Worst Labels
• Who Bullies?
• Who is Bullied?
• Social Collective
• Abuse and Aggression
• Outliers of Victims
• Signs of Cry
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16. Unhealthy Conflict and
Bullying Hurts Everyone
• Folks Who Are
Targeted
• Folks who Engage
in Targeting
• Folks Who Stand By
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17. What CAN You Do?
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18. D.E.A.R.
Self Advocacy
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19. D.E.A.R. Self Advocacy
• Describe – Describe actions or words without
judgment.
• Explain – Explain the impact of those actions or
words.
• Affirm – Affirm the person or relationship. Assume
positive intent.
• Request – Request different actions, request an
apology, etc.
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20. V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool
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21. V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool
• Voice – Each person has the opportunity to VOICE their feelings
and experience of the conflict using “I” statements. The other person
LISTENS before sharing their experience.
• Own – Each person takes ownership of their piece in the conflict.
“Here’s my contribution to the mess.”
• Mile – Each person “walks a mile” in the other person’s shoes
and tries to see the conflict from the other person’s perspective.
• Plan – Both people work together to make a plan for moving
forward. What can we do so this doesn’t happen again? What will we
do differently next time?
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22. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Words of Caution
• Pushing Behavior
• Outside Feelings
vs Inside Feelings
• Threatening with
Relationships
• No Joke Zone

23. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Apologizing and
Accepting Apologies
• Apologize for Real
• Accept for Real
• Don’t Accept Until
You’re Ready
• Move On Once You
Accept

24. When It’s Bullying…
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25. Are You Often
Targeted?Don’t Go At It
Alone
• Know it’s not right
• You deserve better
• Ask/Tell them to stop
the behavior
• Seek healthy support
• Tell an adult
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26. Not Taking it Digital
• No Digital Conflicts!
• The Face Test – would you say it to their face?
• The Headline Test – would you want it broadcast?
• The Digital Self – are you the same person online?
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27. Questions and Comments
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28. Inclusive Communities
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29. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
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