This document summarizes a presentation on gender, bias, and aggression in girls. It discusses gender differences and biases, how adolescence impacts development, and types of alternative aggression seen in girls such as relational, indirect, and social aggression. It provides strategies for dealing with aggression, including empowering bystanders, conflict resolution techniques, and advice for schools to address these issues through policy, programming, practices, and empowering people. Resources on these topics are also listed.

1. Sugar and Spice but Not Always Nice:
Gender, Bias, and Aggression in Girls
ISACS Webinar
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
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2. Agenda
• Gender Differences
• Gender Bias
• Adolescence and Development
• Alternative Aggression
• What Can We Do?
• Resources
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3. Disclaimers and
Other Food for Thought
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4. Gender Differences
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5. Gender Bias
Brash Intuitive
Troublemaker Well-Behaved
Strong Delicate
Competitive Cooperative
Physical Emotional
Silent Verbal
Clever Pretty
Mistake-Prone Perfect
Belligerent Nice
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6. Adolescence
“Teenagers [are like] people
constantly on LSD. People on
acid are intense, changeable,
internal, often cryptic and
uncommunicative, and, of course,
dealing with a different reality.”
Mary Pipher, Reviving Ophelia
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7. Changes
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8. Social Development
Joanne Deak, Girls Will Be Girls
• Self Awareness (0-2)
• Parallel Play (2-3)
• Interactive Play (3-6)
• Transitory Friendships (6-8)
• Friendship Clusters (8-10)
• Best Friends or Generalists (10-12)
• Cliques (12-14)
• Interest-Based Friendship Groups (14+)
• (Almost) Universal Acceptance (Seniors)
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9. Special Considerations
Smart --- Bookish
Athletic --- Jocky
Sexy --- Slutty
Close to Friends --- Lesbian
Cheerful --- Uncool
Confident --- “All That”
Powerful --- Bitchy
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10. Process Break
Where are your students in the landscape of
gender norms and social development?
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11. At the Crossroads
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12. Alternative Aggression
• Relational Aggression
• Indirect Aggression
• Social Aggression
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13. Relational Aggression
Relational Aggression includes acts that
“harm others through damage (or the
threat of damage) to relationships or
feelings of acceptance, friendship, or
group inclusion.”
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14. Indirect Aggression
Indirect Aggression allows the
perpetrator to avoid confronting the
target directly, making it seem as
though there is no intent to harm.
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15. Social Aggression
Social Aggression is intended
to damage self esteem or social
status within a group.
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16. Friends and Frienemies
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17. Definition of Conflict
• A clash between two
individuals or groups
• A disagreement or
argument about
something important
• Etc.
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18. When It’s Bullying
• Power is uneven
• Intent to harm
• Repeated and
sustained
• Efforts to hide from
adults
• Advocacy not
changing behaviors
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19. Outliers of Alternative Aggression
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20. Process Break
How have you seen alternative aggression
play out in your students’ lives?
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21. Alternative Aggression:
Where Does it Happen?
Students report that alternative aggression happens in
the following areas:
55% during recess or break time
52% in the cafeteria
42% in the hallways
37% on the way home
36% in the restrooms
36% in the classroom
29% in gym class
25% in after school sports
17% in after school activities
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22. Alternative Aggression:
Signs That She Might Be Aggressive
• Her friends do what she wants to do.
• She isn’t intimidated by the other girls.
• Her complaints about other girls are limited to
the lame things they did or said.
• She is charming to adults.
• She won’t (or is very reluctant to) take
responsibility when she hurts someone’s feelings.
• If she thinks she’s been wronged, she feels she
has the right to seek revenge.
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23. Alternative Aggression:
Signs That She Might Be Victimized
• She is more sensitive, unhappy, cautious, anxious,
quiet and withdrawn than other youth.
• She is generally insecure and non-assertive, and
react by withdrawing when targeted by other students
(rather than retaliating or asserting).
• She exhibits sudden change in behaviors: showing
signs of depression, not eating, cutting herself, letting
herself go, losing interest in favorite things, quitting
teams, etc.
• She may be embarrassed to admit that she is being
bullied. She may blame herself or feel guilty.
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24. Advice for Girls
• Know when it is
bullying
• Stand up for
yourself
• Ask them to stop
the behavior
• Seek healthy
support
• Tell an adult
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25. D.E.A.R.
Conflict Resolution
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26. AIMS Conflict
Problem Solving
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27. Empowering the Bystander
Many bullying approaches centers
around agents and targets. Why not
address the 70% who are bystanders?
• Empowering bystanders keeps the focus
away from blaming the targets or agents.
• Empowering bystanders gives you a
chance at creating a new “cool.”
• Empowered bystanders can cover
“backstage spaces.”
• A mass of empowered allies shift the
balance of power.
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28. Ally Skills
• Don’t bully
• Speak up when someone else is being bullied
• Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that
assumption make you silent
• Ask questions to clarify and to educate
• Don’t make the person who is bullying into
someone who is getting targeted
• Actively include those who are easily left out
• If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an
adult at school or at home
• Keep the climate healthy
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29. Advice for Schools
The Four Ps
• Policy - A comprehensive anti-bullying policy that
includes alternative aggression.
• Programming - Training for teachers and staff on
alternative aggression and gender bias. Support for
teachers and staff in acting to combat bullying and
bias. Self-esteem, conflict management, and allyship
programs for students.
• Practice - Consistent and meaningful follow-through in
dealing with acts of bullying. Coverage of
unsupervised spaces where bullying occurs most.
• PEOPLE - Critical mass of people who are supportive
AND active on all levels.
EMPOWER THE BYSTANDERS!
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30. Undoing Gender Bias
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31. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
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32. Resources
• Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the Gap,”
Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003
• Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social
Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion
• Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers,
http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf
• “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District,
http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf
• Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network)
www.glsen.org
• Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference.
• Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org,
http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html
• John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on theory of mind
and power.
• Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of
Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine,
http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=14430
7&sn.ItemNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958
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33. Resources
• Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social
Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion
• Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers,
http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf
• “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District,
http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf
• Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network)
www.glsen.org
• Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference.
• Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org,
http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html
• John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on theory of mind
and power.
• Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of
Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine,
http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=14430
7&sn.ItemNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958
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34. Gender Specific Resources
• JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and
Courageous Daughters, How Girls Thrive
• Pooja Makhijani, Under Her Skin: How Girls Experience Race in America.
• John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on early gender
differences in competition and play and “Love Lab.”
• Northwest Girls Coalition, Protective Factors for Middle School Girls -
What can Parents Do?
• Mary Pipher, Ph.D., Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent
Girls
• Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out, Odd Girl Speaks Out, Curse of the Good
Girl
• Harriet R. Tenenbaum, “Gender Achievement Motivation,” Learning and
the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003.
• Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter
Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence,
Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads
• Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth.
• Naomi Wolf, Promiscuities.
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