How do friendships evolve over time? Why is middle school sometimes so challenging or dramatic? Find out progressions, what you can do, and more.

1. Milton Academy
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Social Life and Social Responsibility
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

2. About Seattle Girls’ School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

3. Social Development
Joanne Deak
• Self Awareness (0-2)
• Parallel Play (2-3)
• Interactive Play (3-6)
• Transitory Friendships (6-8)
• Friendship Clusters (8-10)
• Best Friends or Generalists (10-12)
• Cliques (12-14)
• Interest-Based Friendship Groups (14+)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

4. You realize that butter pecan is far away your favorite
flavor. Maple walnut comes pretty close, but nothing
else really compares. Your best friend is someone
you could spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with.
Several times, you’ve spent all day at school
together, you’ve gone home, and then you call your
friend right away. You start to understand how to act
in an intimate relationship.
But maybe you’re not built for a best friend.
Generalists never need this intimacy. If you are a
generalist, you are simply wired to appreciate all
flavors and keep social nets wide open.
Best Friends or Generalists (10-12)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

5. You’re getting close to peers and drawing away
from adults. Your friends sometimes even
replace the stability offered by the anchor of
adults. In this confusing time, it’s sure nice being
surrounded by others that look alike, talk alike, or
act alike. You can ask your clique for advice,
advise others, report back outcomes and hear
about theirs. You feel safe in your clique’s
cocoon until, one day, you are strong enough
and independent enough to stand outside of the
group, or somewhat alone.
Cliques (12-14)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

6. Your friends are based on shared interests,
passions, or philosophies. You can be genuine
friends with both boys and girls. Your groups are
non-exclusive, and you may belong to more than
one group. Some of your groups have cross-
over because of interest cross-over. This stage
feels like all the benefits of clusters and cliques
without the downside: acceptance, activity, and
social creativity, without insecurity, narrowness,
and meanness. You live in this social place for a
majority of your adult life.
Interest-Based Friendship Groups (14+)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

7. • What was new, interesting, or surprising?
• What stage(s) describe you today?
• How do these dynamics affect life here?
Debrief Conversations
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

8. Definition of Conflict
• A clash between two
individuals or groups
• A disagreement or
argument about
something important
• A natural, normal part
of life
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

9. When It’s Bullying
• Uneven Power
• Harm Intended
• Repetition
• Efforts to hide from
adults
• Advocacy not changing
behaviors
• NOT natural or normal
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

10. Direct Aggression
• Direct, Angry
Words
• Physical
Fights
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

11. Alternative Aggression
• Relational Aggression
• Indirect Aggression
• Social Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

12. Relational Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt relationships (or
threaten to hurt relationships) or make
someone feel not included or accepted.
Relational Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

13. Indirect Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt someone and but
you deny it somehow.
Indirect Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

14. Social Aggression
Social Aggression is when your
words/actions make someone feel bad
about themselves or feel like they’re
less popular in a group.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

15. Microaggressions
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Accumulated Impact
Regular, Frequent, and Pervasive
Based on Stereotype
Often Unintended

16. Unhealthy Conflict and
Bullying Hurts Everyone
• Folks Who Are
Targeted
• Folks who Engage
in Targeting
• Folks Who Stand By
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

17. • What was new, interesting, or surprising?
• What kinds of aggression do you express
or experience?
• How do these dynamics affect life here?
Debrief Conversations
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)