How do we learn about our various group identities like female, African American, Buddhist, homosexual, middle class, etc.? From whom do we learn the meaning of these terms? What messages have we internalized about ourselves and others? What are the differences that result in one person having a healthy self identity and another person experiencing own-group shame and hatred? Learn how we can instill positive self identity in our children and coach them to be positive influences on others' identities.  Together, we can co-create inclusive communities that work toward success for all.

1. Mercer Island Parent Edge
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
I Learned Who I Was When…
Parenting with Identity in Mind
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

2. About Seattle Girls’ School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

3. Agenda
 Identity Development
 How We Learn Who We Are
 Parenting with Identity in Mind
 Questions and Answers
 Resources
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

4. Disclaimers and
Other Food for Thought
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

5. Dimensions of Identity and Culture
This model of identifiers and culture was created by Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman for NAIS Summer Diversity Institute,
adapted from Loden and Rosener’s Workforce America! (1991) and from Diverse Teams at Work, Gardenswartz & Rowe (SHRM 2003).
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

6. Identity Development Models
• All Models Have Some
Value
• All Models Have Some
Limitations
• Models Are Linear;
Experiences Are Not
• Some Models May
Apply Across
Identities
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

7.  Innocence and Self Esteem
 Encounter and Self Doubt
 Assimilation to the Majority
 Immersion into Identity
 Emersion
 Integration
Identity Development:
Marginalized Identities
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

8.  Innocence and Self Esteem
 Encounter and Confusion
 Attempt to Reintegrate
 Re-Encounter and Guilt
 Acceptance and Action
 Immersion and Emersion
 Integration
Identity Development:
Privileged Identities
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

9. How Do You Support the
Identity Development Journey?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

10.  Identity Frames
 Intractability
 Positive and Negative Encounters
 Co-Authorship of Identity
 Identity Socialization
Identity and Cultural Inclusion
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

11. Early Awareness of Difference
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Age Signs
6 months Can discern racial feature differences
3 years Awareness of own and others’ gender.
Beginning awareness of gender roles
5 years Desire to categorize – self, others
Curiosity about meaning of differences
Aware of biases
7 years Can regulate biases versus behaviors
Starting to parrot adult messages
3rd grade Are aware of societal stereotypes
cross group play can increase
5th grade Have internalized stereotypical messages
cross group play can decrease

12. When They’re Little
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Theme: Trying to Understand the World
 Curiosity based questions about difference
 Find out what they’re actually asking
 Find out why they’re asking
 Answer their questions straightforwardly
 Model and coach humility, delight, and
curiosity about difference
 Be mindful of children’s media – it’s not
always good for kids

13. In the Middle Years
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Theme: Who Am I? How Do I Have Power?
 “Friendship Extinction Event”
 Identity search through grouping
 Good and bad cliques
 Open their horizons about identity
 Be steady through their rollercoaster
 Coach more, teach less

14. In the Later Years
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Theme: My Future Place in the World
 Gender and sexuality stereotypes
 Power play through social status
 The role of inclusivity in their college,
professional, and personal lives
 Charging them to “practice for the real thing”
 Define values and boundaries, then accept
that they will push
 Be their consultant

15. Talking With Your Kids
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
 Be explicit about your values
 Be open about your own
struggles
 Don’t stay silent
 100 1-Minute Conversations
 Relationship Based
Interruption

16. How to Talk to Young People
About Current Events
 What have you heard?
 How do you feel?
 What questions do you have?
 How can I support you?
 Here are our family’s values.
 What positive action can you take?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

17. How to Talk to Young People
About Hate and Extremism
 Prepare Yourself
 Be Alert
 Listen
 Reassure
 Be Honest
 Share Your Values
 Take Action
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

18. How to Talk to Young People After
Personal Incidents
 “I want to help you feel strong.”
 Affection, correction, protection
 Emotions are always right; not all
action is always right
 Avoid either/or thinking
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

19. Helping Young People Talk to One Another
 Create Safety and Courage
 Express Feelings
 Generate Questions
 Share Facts
 Learn More
 Complicate Thinking
 Take Action
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

20. Assisting the Identity Search
When It’s With You
 Provide environments
 Be accepting of identity plays
 Get to know their interests
 Encourage identity pride
 Aid healthy self esteem
 Verbalize your values
 Encourage growth mindset
 Ask questions
 Tell your story
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

21. Assisting the Identity Search
When It’s With Others
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
 Encourage resources for identity
development (affinity or support
groups, cultural clubs, language
classes, etc.)
 Get to know their peers
 Engage with their music, shows,
online activities, and movies
 Teach them about the “real world”
– for real
 Give them access to different
kinds of people

22. Taking it Home
 What did you learn today
that was new, helpful, or
thought provoking?
 What are some goals or
strategies you would like to
apply with your children?
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23. Questions and Comments
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24. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

25. Identity Resources
• Carlos H. Arce, “A Reconsideration of Chicano Culture
and Identity”
• Atkinson, Morten, & Sue, “Racial/Cultural Identity
Development Model (R/CID)”
• Mindy Bingham and Sandy Stryker, “Socioemotional
Development for Girls”
• Vivienne Cass, “Homosexual identity formation: Testing
a theoretical model”
• William Cross, Shades of Black: Diversity in African
American Identity”
• Anthony D’Augelli, “ Identity development and sexual
orientation: Toward a model of lesbian, gay, and
bisexual development”
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

26. Identity Resources
• Erik Erikson, “Eight Stages of Man”
• J. E. Helms, Various Publications on Racial and Ethnic
Identity Development
• Jean Kim, “Processes of Asian American Identity
Development”
• James Maricia, “Four Ego and Identity Statuses”
• Suzanne Kobasa Ouellette, “The Three C’s of
Hardiness”
• Jean S. Phinney, “Ethnic Identity in Adolescents and
Adults: Review of the Research”
• Ponterotto & Pederso, Preventing Prejudice
• Maria P. P. Root, Various Works on Multiracial Identity
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

27. Identity Resources
• Patricia Romney, Karlene Ferron, and Jennifer Hill,
“Measuring the Success of Diversity Directors in
Independent Schools”
• Pedro Ruiz, “Latino/a Identity Development Model”
• Chalmer E. Thompson and Robert T. Carter, Racial
Identity Theory
• Alex Wilson, “How We Find Ourselves: Identity
Development and Two Spirit People”
• Christine J. Yeh, “The Collectivistic Nature of Identity
Development Among Asian-American College
Students”
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

28. Miscellaneous Resources
• Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman, “Privilege and
Power,” Summer Diversity Institute, National Association
of Independent Schools, 2009
• Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, Nurture Shock
• Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education
Network) www.glsen.org
• Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference
• John Medina, Brain Rules, Brain Rules for Babies
• Johnnie McKinley, “Leveling the Playing Field and Raising
African American Students’ Achievement in Twenty-nine
Urban Classrooms,” New Horizons for Learning,
http://www.newhorizons.org/strategies/differentiated/
mckinley.htm
• Michael J Nakkula and Eric Toshalis, Understanding Youth.
• Claude Steele, Whistling Vivaldi.
• Shankar Vandatham, The Hidden Brain.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)