Parent Map Bullying Workshop for Parents
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2 Hour Session delivered as part of the Parent Map Lecture Series. How are bullying and bias related? How does gender bias, sexism, and homophobia affect the ways boys and girls experience bullying/cyberbullying and harassment? How do young people identify bullies and victims around social factors like race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, and class? Gain practical methods and tools which can be used to prevent and combat this growing problem.
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Parent Map Bullying Workshop for Parents
- 1. Beyond Sticks and Stones: Understanding, Preventing, and Addressing Bullying Parent Map Lecture Series Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 2. About Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 3. Agenda • Cycles of Bullying and Bias • Gender, Bias, and Bullying • Conflict versus Bullying • Shared Language, Shared Goals • Empowering the Bystander • Advice for Parents • Questions • Resources Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 4. Bullying and Bias Repeating Cycles Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 5. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 6. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 7. Gender and Gender Bias Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 8. Gender Differences Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 9. Gender Bias Brash Intuitive Troublemaker Well-Behaved Strong Delicate Competitive Cooperative Physical Emotional Silent Verbal Clever Pretty Mistake-Prone Perfect Belligerent Nice Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
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- 11. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 12. Gender, Bias, and Bullying • Source of Power • Worst Labels • Who Bullies? • Who is Bullied? • Social Collective • Abuse and Aggression • Outliers of Victims • Signs of Cry Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 13. Alternative Aggression • Relational Aggression • Indirect Aggression • Social Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 14. Relational Aggression Relational Aggression includes acts that “harm others through damage (or the threat of damage) to relationships or feelings of acceptance, friendship, or group inclusion.” Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 15. Indirect Aggression Indirect Aggression allows the perpetrator to avoid confronting the target directly, making it seem as though there is no intent to harm. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 16. Social Aggression Social Aggression is intended to damage self esteem or social status within a group. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 17. It’s Too Big… Why Even Try? • Health and Safety • Psychological Pain • Academic Risk • Explosive Release • Long-Term Scars Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 18. Process Break How are your kids experiencing bullying? What are the greatest pressured facing your kids? What have you tried so far to talk to your kids about bullying? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 19. So What? Now What? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 20. Definition of Conflict • A clash between two individuals or groups • A disagreement or argument about something important • Etc. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 21. When It’s Bullying • Power is uneven • Intent to harm • Repeated and sustained • Efforts to hide from adults • Advocacy not changing behaviors Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 22. Bullying: Common Characteristics of Kids Who Bully • Their friends do what they want them to do. • They aren’t intimidated by other kids. • Their complaints about other kids are limited to the lame things they did or said. • They are often charming to adults. • They won’t (or is very reluctant to) take responsibility when they hurt someone’s feelings. • If they think they’ve been wronged, they feel they have the right to seek revenge. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 23. Bullying: Common Characteristics of Kids Who Are Bullied • They are more sensitive, unhappy, cautious, anxious, quiet and withdrawn than other youth. • They are generally insecure and non-assertive, and react by withdrawing when targeted by other students (rather than retaliating or asserting). • They exhibit sudden change in behaviors: showing signs of depression, not eating, cutting, letting themselves go, losing interest in favorite things, quitting teams, etc. • They may be embarrassed to admit that they are being bullied. They may blame herself or feel guilty. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 24. Advice for Parents: DON’T • Think “this is my fault.” • Belittle the problem. • Over-empathize. • Tell them what to do. • Become the Fix-It Parent. • Blame the bully OR the victim. • Tell them that being nice and kind will always lead to friends. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 25. Shared Language, Shared Goals Target of Bullying Agent of Bullying Bystander Ally Path of Least Resistance Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 26. What Can We Do for Girls? • Teach the difference between self-sacrificing and good. • Talk about or compliment something besides her looks. • Value the quality of her relationships, not the quantity. • Give her access to diverse women mentors. • Role-Play difficult conversations with her. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Rosetta
- 27. What Can We Do for Boys? • Teach the difference between strong and tough. • Talk about feelings and relationships. • Make it okay to be vulnerable. • Give him access to diverse male mentors. • Help them understand societal homophobia. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Rosetta
- 28. What Can Parents Do for All? •Help them develop strong interaction and social skills. • Provide opportunity/access to kids outside of school. • Encourage and help them to make informed choices. •Provide sanctuary, sounding board, and support. • Teach about all forms of diversity and inclusion. •Give them healthy outlets for their feelings. •Respect and nurture their true selves. •Try Teeter-Totter Parenting. •Be a listener, not a fixer. •Share your stories. •Affirm your kids. •Model the way. •Stay Involved. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Rosetta
- 29. Bullying Intervention • Know when it is bullying • Stand up for yourself • Ask them to stop the behavior • Seek healthy support • Tell an adult Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 30. Empowering the Bystander Many bullying programs center around agents and targets. Why not address the 60-70% who are bystanders? • Keeps the focus away from blaming the targets or agents. • Cover backstage spaces where only kids are allowed. • Create a mass of empowered allies and shift the balance of power • Create a new path of least resistance. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 31. Ally Skills • Don’t bully • Speak up when someone else is being bullied • Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that assumption make you silent • Ask questions to clarify and to educate • Don’t make the person who is bullying into someone who is getting targeted • Actively include those who are easily left out • If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an adult at school or at home • Keep the climate healthy Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 32. Teach Media Literacy • Choose media FOR youth whenever possible. • Engage in media WITH youth. • Teach them your values. • Guide how they spend their money. • Get to know their friends and the media they engage in. • Talk to other parents/guardians about media literacy. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 33. Teach Digital Citizenship • No Digital Conflicts! • The Face Test – would you say it to their face? • The Headline Test – would you want it broadcast? • The Digital Self – are you the same person online? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 34. Advice for Schools The Four Ps • Policy - A comprehensive anti-bullying policy that enumerates sources of bias and that includes alternative aggression. • Programming - Training for teachers and staff on bullying and bias. Support for teachers and staff in acting to combat bullying and bias. Self-esteem and conflict management programs for students. • Practice - Consistent and meaningful follow-through in dealing with acts of bullying and bias. Coverage of unsupervised spaces where bullying occurs most. • PEOPLE - Critical mass of people who are supportive AND active on all levels. EMPOWER THE BYSTANDERS! Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 35. Undoing Systemic Problems Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 36. Questions and Comments Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 37. Resources • Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the Gap,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003 • Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion • “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District, http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf • Joe Feagin, “The Two Faced Racism.” White Privilege Conference. Springfield, MA. April 2008. • Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) www.glsen.org • Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference. • Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org, http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html • Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine, http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=144307& Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 38. More Resources • “101 Ways to Combat Prejudice.” Anti-Defamation League http://www.adl.org/prejudice/default.asp • Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers, http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf • Hafner, Lauren. “Bullying Report: How are Washington State Schools Doing?” Safe Schools Coalition. December 2003 http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/bullyreport/bullyreport12-03.htm • “House Bill Report - SHB 1444, Washington State” Bully Police USA http://www.bullypolice.org/wa_law.html • “Ten Ways to Fight Hate.” Teaching Tolerance http://www.tolerance.org/10_ways/index.html • “Washington State School Safety Center.” Office of Superintendant of Public Education http://www.k12.wa.us/SafetyCenter/HarassmentBullying/default.asp Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 39. Gender Specific Resources • JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters • Pooja Makhijani, Under Her Skin: How Girls Experience Race in America. • John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on early gender differences in competition and play and “Love Lab.” • Mary Pipher, Ph.D., Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls • Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out. • Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Speaks Out. • Harriet R. Tenenbaum, “Gender Achievement Motivation,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003. • Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence • Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth. • Naomi Wolf, Promiscuities. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 40. Presenter Information Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee 6th Faculty and Professional Outreach Seattle Girls’ School 2706 S Jackson Street Seattle WA 98144 (206) 805-6562 rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org http://tiny.cc/rosettalee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Editor's Notes
- Introduction - Who Am I? Why This Workshop? Goals and Outcomes?
- 1. Stereotype - A preconceived or oversimplified generalization about an entire group of people without regard for their individual differences. While often negative, stereotypes may also be complimentary. Even positive stereotypes can have a negative impact however, simply because they are broad generalizations. The stereotypes we hold form the basis of our prejudices. 2. Prejudice - A conscious or unconscious negative belief about a whole group of people and its individual members. When the person holding the prejudice also has and uses the power to deny opportunities, resources or access to a person because of their group membership, there is discrimination. 3. Discrimination - Prejudice plus the power. Discrimination can take many forms, including racism, sexism, heterosexism, ableism, ageism, etc. Many acts of discrimination build up over time, perpetuated against one relatively less powerful social group by a more powerful social group, lead to a group of people being in a state of oppression. 4. Oppression - The systematic subjugation of a group of people by another group of people with access to social power, the result of which benefits one group over the other and is maintained by social beliefs and practices. Because oppression is institutionalized in our society, target group members often believe the messages and internalize the oppression. 5. Internalized Oppression - The "buying into" the elements of oppression by the target group. When target group members believe the stereotypes they are taught about themselves, they tend to act them out and thus perpetuate the stereotypes which reinforces the prejudice and keeps the cycle going.
- Real or Alleged Identity or Characteristics - A preconceived or oversimplified generalization about an individual without regard for the whole and complex person. A person ’s various identities are shaved down to “jock,” “sissy,” “geek,” “goth,” “slut,” “weirdo,” etc. These generalizations may be based on real aspects of the person or wholly made up by rumors and assumptions. These generalizations, when examined to the core, are often based on the person’s race, gender, class, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, ability, or age. The generalizations we make form the basis of our assumptions and stereotypes (prejudice). Assumptions, Stereotypes, and Labeling (Prejudice) - A conscious or unconscious negative belief about a whole group of people and its individual members. When the person holding the prejudice also has and uses the power (physical power – stronger and bigger, social power – friends, popularity, good reputation) to deny opportunities, resources or access (to friends, social occasions, self esteem) to a person because of their real or labeled group membership, there is mistreatment, rumors, and exclusion (discrimination). Mistreatment, Rumors, and Exclusion (Discrimination) - Prejudice plus the power. Discrimination can take many forms: isolating, hitting/tripping, verbally harassing/teasing, taking/hiding things, spreading rumors, sending hurtful emails, and more. Many acts of discrimination build up over time, perpetuated against one relatively less powerful social individual by a more powerful social individual or individuals, lead to condoned and widespread bullying and harassment ( oppression). Condoned and Widespread Bullying and Harassment (Oppression) - The systematic subjugation of a group of an individual by another group of people with access to social power. The bullying is widespread, performed by people who didn ’t dislike the person in the first place. There is a silence from most everyone that seems to make this bullying okay. This condoned and widespread bullying benefits the non-bullied over the bullied and is maintained by social beliefs and practices. Because oppression is accepted by the peer community, the target individual often believes the messages and gives in to self blame and shame (internalized oppression). Self Blame and Shame ( Internalized Oppression) - The "buying into" the elements of oppression by the target individual. The bullied person starts to believe the stereotypes they are taught about him/herself, and he/she starts to accept the discrimination and oppression passively. Bullied people blame themselves for what is happening, feel ashamed of themselves, and even act out in the way their peers expect them to be and thus perpetuate the stereotypes which reinforces the prejudice and keeps the cycle going.
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee John Medina - Talaris Institute Watching boys and girls play. Boys play together through competition (Oh yeah? I bet I can toss the ball higher than you!) Girls play collaboratively (Can you toss the ball as high as me? Let ’s try a little higher). Mix boys and girls (G-Wanna toss the ball? B-I bet I can toss the ball higher than you! G-You must not like me… B-What happened?) Rachel Simmons - Odd Girl Out Response to danger. Boys choose “fight or flight.” Girls choose “tend and befriend.” Males see aggression as a way to control their world, females see aggression as an end to relationships. Mary Pipher - Reviving Ophelia Boys see their failure in terms of external factors and see their success in terms of their ability. Girls see their success in terms of luck and hard work and see their failure in terms of lack of ability. Power Dead Even - women/girls will do anything to bring down another woman/girl to their level
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Cannot attribute all to gender differences. Gender bias plays a huge role. We socialize kids into these behaviors. What happens when boys display behavior on left? “Boys will be boys…” What happens when girls display behavior on right? “Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice!” What happens when gender behaviors don’t match gender expectations? Boys are pushed into sports, fights, getting dirty, building things, scientific investigation by adults and pushed down by peers with words like “Sissy, girl, pussy, fag.” Girls are told to play nice, share, be ladylike, punished harsher for fighting,complimented on looks by adults and put down by peers with words like “butch, jock, bitch, dyke.” Rachel Simmons - Odd Girl Out Ideal girl according to girls = very thin, pretty, blonde, fake, stupid, tall, blue eyes, big boobs, fit, expensive clothes, un-proportional, naked, trendy, popular, boyfriends, smiling, happy, helpless, talking on the phone, superficial conflicts, looks older, girlie, dependent, impractical clothes, manipulative, sex = power, rich, good teeth/clear skin, smart, perfect, romantically attached with someone with status. Anti-girl according to girls = mean, ugly, excessively cheerful, athletic, brainy, opinionated, pushy, dark features, not skinny, imperfections, promiscuous, professional, insecure, dorky, depressed/unhappy, masculine, serious, strong, independent, gay/lesbian, artsy, PMSish, unrestrained, egocentric, not social, hard to get along with, bookish.
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- Boys • Male Stereotypes & Homophobia • Physical Power • Worst Labels for Boys: Sissy, Fag, Wimp • Bully = Physical & Athletic Size and Power • Bullied = Smaller, Weaker • Social Collective = Gangs, Athletic Teams • Physical Abuse and Overt Aggression • Outliers of Victims = Powerful Boys of Color, Empowered GBT Boys • Signs of Cry = Fantasy Lone Wolf, Extreme Sports Girls • Gender Bias & Homophobia • Social Power • Worst Labels for Girls: Mean, Ugly, Dyke • Bully = Physical Beauty & Social Power • Bullied = Non-Mainstream Beauty, Few or No Friends • Social Collective = Cliques • Emotional Abuse and Relational Aggression • Outliers of Victims = Generalist Girls, Empowered Girls of Color • Signs of Cry = Isolated Damsel in Distress, Eating Disorders, Cutting Signs of internalized victimization can be different - boys: risky behaviors and physical pain risking activities like extreme sports and dangerous skateboarding. Girls: cutting
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Alternative aggression defines any behavior that expresses anger in ways other than direct words or physical aggression. It has been happening for years among girls, but only recently has the literature come more into the mainstream with books like Odd Girl Out and Queen Bees and Wannabes and movies like Mean Girls.
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rachel Simmons - Girls don ’ t want to express anger directly to the person that caused it for fear of losing that relationship. There are problems when direct confrontation happens. Because so many girls lack facility with everyday conflict expression of anger makes listeners skittish and defensive. The sound of someone upset feels like the first sign of impending isolation, a kind of social thunder echoing in the distance. Result: relational aggression - silent treatment. Not inviting someone. Stares and glares. I won ’ t be friends with you if …” Pretending the person isn ’ t there. Sabotaging a relationship.
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rachel Simmons - Plague of the “ sorry ” : perfunctory like “ bless you. ” Really means, I don ’ t want to lose you so let ’ s call truce. But incident is recorded in memory to bring up at a later fight. Plague of the “ I ’ m just kidding. ” “ Can ’ t you take a joke? ” Girl making comment is really taking a jab to release aggression but keeps the “ nice girl ” thing by saying she was kidding. The girl on receiving end is hurt but won ’ t say because she doesn ’ t want to be “ hypersensitive girl, ” someone no one likes. For boys who have other outlets for anger, one-up teasing each other is actually a joke. For girls who have no other outlets, joking takes on another meaning altogether.
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Can ’ t you take a joke? Gosh you are such an over-reactor. Eye rolling. Sarcasm. Mocking. Rumors - someone else does the “ dirty work ” in ruining the reputation and relationships of the target.
- Children experiencing bullying are more likely to have suicide ideation, experiment with drugs, participate in risky behaviors. Bullied students experience social loneliness, social invisibility, discomfort with parents and administrators who do not validate or understand their plight. Psychological pain registers in same area of brain as physical pain. We ’re not hypersensitive about physical bruises, we’re worried about long term psychological impact anyway. Same impact of physical bullying as indirect aggression. Students experiencing bullying often experience a sharp drop of focus and grades in school. Baumeister Studies on effects of social exclusion - drop of scores on academic tests. Baumeister studies also show that people who even THINK they are being socially excluded become less helpful and productive members of groups and become increasingly aggressive - school shootings are NOT a mystery when you look at the kids involved. Hundreds of grown women still carry the scars of bullying. Not a coincidence that muddle school years are among the most hated memories of people ’s childhood. Behavior in relationships later on very much reflective of how the woman travailed through her adolescence. Our sense of worthlessness follows us on a systemic level. Naomi Wolf - Women face isolation of male-dominated culture. Mass women ’ s culture found almost exclusively in magazines. Do and don ’ t tone of women ’ s magazines unimaginable in men ’ s magazines
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Source: Ophelia Project Relational Aggression Booklet
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Source: Ophelia Project Relational Aggression Booklet and Odd Girl Out
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rachel Simmons - Don ’ t blanket blame the bully. Don ’ t call the bully ’ s parents. Don ’ t overly empathize - think of her as a child learning to walk. Rachel Wiseman - Don ’ t be fooled by smooth approach of the bully – they know they can get you off their back by placating. Do not chastise the victim for not standing up for herself. Don ’ t freak out and threaten to call the school unless she asks for your help. Don ’ t tell her what to do. Joanne Deak - Parents = stop telling girls that nice and kind will lead to friends because it ’ s not true. If a girl is perceived as loyal, trustworthy, and respectful for others, she may or may not have a lot of friends in school. However, she probably will be recognized as a natural leader by other students, will find that girls and boys come to her to talk or for help with homework, and that people like her. Example: popular girls will often not be chosen for tasks like student rep – it ’ s the loyal, serious, trustworthy, and most likely to represent the needs of many. Don ’ t jump in too early or too often. Avoid the “ I want you to stop being her friend. ” Having a friend who talks you into doing bad things or talking behind your back does two important things. First, it forces a girl to figure out what to do in these situations and that adds to the bank of her coping skills. Second, it provides valuable information about human beings, which will add to her wisdom in making affiliation choices later. Pain and conflict sticks in the memory banks far better than parental words of advice.
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee U.S. advertisers spent $235.6 billion in 2009 (80% of countries in the world have GDPs less than this).
- 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee U.S. advertisers spent $235.6 billion in 2009 (80% of countries in the world have GDPs less than this).
- Policy - When schools don ’t have an explicit policy, teachers have no legs to stand on in dealing with these matters. Kids know it’s happening, teachers know it’s happening, but there is no real response when parents or students say “it’s just what happens at this age,” or “what’s the big deal?” Programming - As Gary Howard always said, “You can’t teach what you don’t know.” Give teachers support in learning about alternative aggression, how to recognize it, and what to do about it. Teachers and staff also need to stop repeating the cycle of gender bias unwittingly and punishing girls more harshly for acts of aggression or acting out in general. Students need support, too. If girls don’t know how to deal with conflict, they will resort to what they know and what is safer. Practice - Adults jump on kids “don’t say” “don’t do” but don’t always follow through with meaningful follow-up. These same things then get driven underground to be used when adults aren’t around. They become the very weapons of bullying, which occurs in spaces where there is less adult supervision. Swift and clear consequences must follow acts of alternative aggression, and further explanation and training must reinforce the policy and programming. Adults also need to commit to being more visible in unsupervised spaces like bathrooms, hallways, lunch rooms, etc. to increase safety for all kids from all forms of bullying.
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 04/13/12 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Final Tidbits: -teach first and refer to later. We have a tendency to see it happen & react with education. -there are times and places for interventions. What is important is that SOMETHING is done in the moment, and that there is ALWAYS follow-up -practice, practice, practice. The more clever, poignant, and effective language comes out on the third try :-) -Did you know that statistically, adults are more likely to comment on girls' looks and boys' skills? -Why do boys experience a big dip in self esteem as they enter elementary school and girls experience it as they enter middle school? -Why is bullying still most severe for boys when they are or are assumed to be gay? -How can we fully support our children no matter where they lie in the gender spectrum while protecting them from the pressures and bullying they face from peers should they not conform to gender norms? -Where is the balance between religious inclusivity and gender and sexuality inclusivity? -What if you believe in the "rightness" of certain gender and heterosexual norms?