The document discusses tools for navigating microaggressions and having courageous conversations about unintended hurtful comments. It defines microaggressions and provides examples of what people think and feel when receiving or witnessing them. The document offers guidance on self-advocacy when receiving microaggressions using the DEAR method of describing the behavior, explaining the impact, and requesting different behavior. It also provides suggestions for how to effectively intervene as a witness and how to listen and respond when told you caused a microaggressive impact. The goal is to have respectful and thoughtful discussions to build understanding and more inclusive communities.
Influencing policy (training slides from Fast Track Impact)
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Navigating Microaggressions Dialogue Tools
1. Polytechnic School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girlsâ School
Navigating Microaggressions:
Dialogue Tools for Ouch Moments
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
4. Debunking Some Myths
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ď§ All or None
ď§ Mistakes
ď§ Apologies
ď§ âTonsilsâ Theory
ď§ Vulnerability
6. What Are Microaggressions?
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Accumulated Impact
Regular, Frequent, and Pervasive
Based on Stereotype
Often Unintended
7. Speaking From the Heart
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8. What Weâre Thinking and Feeling
When Receiving the Microaggression
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Did that really
happen? Do they
realize? I want to
trust, but Iâve had
this happen so
many times before.
I am so stressed,
confused, hurtâŚ.
9. What We End Up Saying
When Receiving the Microaggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
That was so
offensive!
I canât believe
you did that!
11. Self Advocacy Through Microaggressions
ď§ Affirm the person or relationship
ď§ Describe the behavior without judgment
ď§ Explain the emotion/impact and your filters
ď§ Assume positive intent
ď§ Request or suggest different behavior
*** Key Points: timing, I statements, actions not
adjectives, inside feelings not outside feelings***
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12. Self Advocacy Through Ouch Moments:
An Example
I really appreciate having you as a friend. I
have so much fun with you, and I can tell you
anything. Earlier today, when I got my math
test back and I got 98%, I heard you say, âWell
of course you got a 98% - youâre Asian!â I was
pretty hurt when I heard that. I work hard in all
my classes to get good grades, but so many
people assume itâs because of my race. Itâs
sad that I donât get to own my hard work and
accomplishments like everyone else. Iâm
pretty sure you didnât mean for me to feel that
way. Can I ask that you please donât say
things like that anymore, where my good
grades have anything to do with my race?
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14. What Weâre Thinking and Feeling
When Witnessing Microaggressions
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I canât believe this
is happening.
Thatâs SO not
right. Should I
say something?
Am I butting in?
Would it help?
I am so upset!
15. What We End Up Saying
When Witnessing Microaggressions
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16. What Others Hear When We Say Nothing
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See? They
agree with me!
I am so right
about this.
No one sees or
understands. I
am alone.
18. NCBI Effective
Interventions Model
ď§ Reduce Defensiveness
â Tone
â Body Language
â Respect
ď§ Keep the Conversation Going
â Hear Them Out
â Ask Open-Ended Questions
â Set Aside Your Feeling for the Moment
â Dialogue
ď§ Build the Relationship
ď§ Stop the Behavior
ď§ Win an Ally
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19. Intervening in Microaggressions: Examples
ď§ Ask open ended questions
â âHe looked suspiciousâ
â âHow did he look? How was he acting? Why was that suspicious?â
ď§ Find out the experience motivating the comment
â âWhy canât they just speak English around here?â
â âIt must be hard not to understand what people are saying around you.â
â âIâm sick of my taxes paying for freeloadersâ
â âTell me more about about that.â
ď§ Use exaggerated humor to highlight whatâs going on
(use sparingly)
â âWhat do gay people think about this issue?â
â âIâm not sure â Iâll go ask. It may take me a while, since there are so many gay people.â
ď§ Join the person and do not make yourself superior
â âShe got that award because sheâs Black and female.â
â âYou know, I hear that a lot. Iâve been trying to figure out why we seem to think when a
Black woman gets recognized it must be because of âdiversityâ or âaffirmative actionâ
reasons rather than that she earned it.â
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20. Listening to the Real Message
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21. What Was Said During the Intervention
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Those words or
actions are
hurtful to me.
Please stop.
22. What We Hear During the Intervention
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You are a
bad, bad
person, and I
hate you!
23. What We Should Hear
During the Intervention
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You are basically a good
and decent person. As
with all of us, youâve
made a mistake, and you
may not know how that
mistake is impacting
others. I am going to
give you the gift of
perspective and
information so that your
intentions and impacts
match up.
25. When Youâre Told About
Microaggressive Impact You Created
ď§ Listen with full attention
ď§ Donât try to defend or respond right away
â Take deep breaths
â Acknowledge your feelings
ď§ Your mistakes donât define you
â Be worthy of their trust and gift
ď§ Prioritize the Impact over Intent
â Apologize for real
*** Moving through these moments with grace is
called shame resilience. Itâs a vital skill***
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
26. When Youâre Told About
Microaggressive Impact You Created:
Examples
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ď§ âI really appreciate your telling me this.â
ď§ âIâm so embarrassed that I did that.â
ď§ âIâm very sorry my words and actions made you
feel that way.â
ď§ âIâm pretty overwhelmed right now, and I donât
want to respond in a way Iâd regret. Do you think
you can help me come up with a better way to
handle that situation after I take a few minutes?â
ď§ âI wanted to go back to a moment I donât think I
handled very well⌠Can we talk?â
27. Final Words of Advice:
Recognize Your Triggers
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28. Find Your Bucket People
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34. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girlsâ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
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35. Final Questions or Comments?
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36. Resources
⢠Anti-Defamation League
⢠BrenÊ Brown
⢠Cross Cultural Connections
(www.CulturesConnecting.com)
⢠National Coalition Building Institute
⢠The Peopleâs Institute
⢠Stirfry Seminars
⢠Teaching Tolerance
⢠The Thiagi Group
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