Odd Girls Out. Queen Bees. Girl Bullying. When did we lose our sweet little girls? Examine the cross-section of socio-emotional development, gender bias, and adolescence in the emergence of the “Mean Girl” phenomenon. What can we do as parents, educators, and supporters to promote healthy relationship among girls?
1. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Sugar and Spice but Not Always Nice:
Gender, Bias, and Aggression in Girls
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
2. Agenda
• Gender Differences
• Gender Bias
• Alternative Aggression
• What Can We Do?
• Discussions
• Resources
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
8. Social Development
Joanne Deak, Girls Will Be Girls
• Self Awareness (0-2)
• Parallel Play (2-3)
• Interactive Play (3-6)
• Transitory Friendships (6-8)
• Friendship Clusters (8-10)
• Best Friends or Generalists (10-12)
• Cliques (12-14)
• Interest-Based Friendship Groups (14+)
• (Almost) Universal Acceptance (Seniors)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
9. Special Considerations
Sexy --- Slutty
Powerful --- Bitchy
Smart --- Bookish
Cheerful --- Uncool
Confident --- “All That”
Athletic --- Jocky
Close to Friends --- Lesbian
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
10. Process Break
Where are your students in the landscape
of social development and gender
norms/expectations? What have you
noticed?Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
13. Relational Aggression includes acts that
“harm others through damage (or the
threat of damage) to relationships or
feelings of acceptance, friendship, or
group inclusion.”
Relational Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
14. Indirect Aggression allows the
perpetrator to avoid confronting the
target directly, making it seem as
though there is no intent to harm.
Indirect Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
15. Social Aggression
Social Aggression is intended
to damage self esteem or social
status within a group.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
17. When It’s Conflict
• A clash between two
individuals or groups
• A disagreement or
argument about
something important
• Etc.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
18. When It’s Bullying
• Power is uneven
• Intent to harm
• Repeated and
sustained
• Efforts to hide from
adults
• Advocacy not
changing behaviors
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
20. Process Break
How have you seen alternative aggression
play out in your students’ lives?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
21. It’s Too Big… Why Even Try?
• It’s doesn’t affect everyone…
• How bad could it be…
• It’s not that big a deal…
• What about their studies…
• It couldn’t get any worse…
• They’ll get over it…
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
22. • Bullying 15-15-70
• Health and Safety
• Psychological Pain
• Academic Risk
• Explosive Release
• Long-Term Scars
It’s Too Big… To Ignore
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
23. Alternative Aggression:
Where Does it Happen?
Students report that alternative aggression happens in
the following areas:
55% during recess or break time
52% in the cafeteria
42% in the hallways
37% on the way home
36% in the restrooms
36% in the classroom
29% in gym class
25% in after school sports
17% in after school activities
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
24. Alternative Aggression:
Signs That She Might Be Aggressive
• Her friends do what she wants to do.
• She isn’t intimidated by the other girls.
• Her complaints about other girls are limited to
the lame things they did or said.
• She is charming to adults.
• She won’t (or is very reluctant to) take
responsibility when she hurts someone’s feelings.
• If she thinks she’s been wronged, she feels she
has the right to seek revenge.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
25. Alternative Aggression:
Signs That She Might Be Victimized
• She is more sensitive, unhappy, cautious, anxious,
quiet and withdrawn than other youth.
• She is generally insecure and non-assertive, and
react by withdrawing when targeted by other students
(rather than retaliating or asserting).
• She exhibits sudden change in behaviors: showing
signs of depression, not eating, cutting herself, letting
herself go, losing interest in favorite things, quitting
teams, etc.
• She may be embarrassed to admit that she is being
bullied. She may blame herself or feel guilty.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
26. Advice for Girls
• Know when it is conflict
and when it is bullying
• Engage in healthy
conflict
• Stand up for yourself
• Seek healthy support
when it is bullying
• Tell an adult (tattling
vs. reporting)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
28. D.E.A.R. Self Advocacy
• Describe – Describe actions or words without
judgment.
• Explain – Explain the impact of those actions or
words.
• Affirm – Affirm the person or relationship. Assume
positive intent.
• Request – Request different actions, request an
apology, etc.
Rosetta Eun Ryong LeeRosetta Eun Ryong Lee
30. V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool
• Voice – Each person has the opportunity to VOICE their feelings
and experience of the conflict using “I” statements. The other person
LISTENS before sharing their experience.
• Own – Each person takes ownership of their piece in the conflict.
“Here’s my contribution to the mess.”
• Mile – Each person “walks a mile” in the other person’s shoes
and tries to see the conflict from the other person’s perspective.
• Plan – Both people work together to make a plan for moving
forward. What can we do so this doesn’t happen again? What will we
do differently next time?
Rosetta Eun Ryong LeeRosetta Eun Ryong Lee
31. Process Break
In what ways have we prepared students to
discern conflict and bullying and taught them
the appropriate tools for dealing with both?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
32. Empowering the Bystander
Many bullying approaches centers
around agents and targets. Why not
address the 70% who are bystanders?
• Empowering bystanders keeps the focus
away from blaming the targets or agents.
• Empowering bystanders gives you a
chance at creating a new “cool.”
• Empowered bystanders can cover
“backstage spaces.”
• A mass of empowered allies shift the
balance of power.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
33. Ally Skills
• Don’t bully
• Speak up when someone else is being bullied
• Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that
assumption make you silent
• Ask questions to clarify and to educate
• Don’t make the person who is bullying into
someone who is getting targeted
• Actively include those who are easily left out
• If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an
adult at school or at home
• Keep the climate healthy
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
34. Advice for Schools
The Four Ps
• Policy - A comprehensive anti-bullying policy that
includes alternative aggression.
• Programming - Training for teachers and staff on
alternative aggression and gender bias. Support for
teachers and staff in acting to combat bullying and
bias. Self-esteem, conflict management, and allyship
programs for students.
• Practice - Consistent and meaningful follow-through in
dealing with acts of bullying. Coverage of
unsupervised spaces where bullying occurs most.
• PEOPLE - Critical mass of people who are supportive
AND active on all levels.
EMPOWER THE BYSTANDERS!
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
37. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
38. Resources
• Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the Gap,”
Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003
• Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social
Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion
• Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers,
http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf
• “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District,
http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf
• Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network)
www.glsen.org
• Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference.
• Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org,
http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html
• John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on theory of mind
and power.
• Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of
Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine,
http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=14430
7&sn.ItemNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
39. Resources
• Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social
Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion
• Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers,
http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf
• “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District,
http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf
• Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network)
www.glsen.org
• Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference.
• Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org,
http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html
• John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on theory of mind
and power.
• Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of
Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine,
http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=14430
7&sn.ItemNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
40. Gender Specific Resources
• JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and
Courageous Daughters, How Girls Thrive
• Pooja Makhijani, Under Her Skin: How Girls Experience Race in America.
• John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on early gender
differences in competition and play and “Love Lab.”
• Northwest Girls Coalition, Protective Factors for Middle School Girls -
What can Parents Do?
• Mary Pipher, Ph.D., Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent
Girls
• Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out, Odd Girl Speaks Out, Curse of the Good
Girl
• Harriet R. Tenenbaum, “Gender Achievement Motivation,” Learning and
the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003.
• Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter
Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence,
Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads
• Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth.
• Naomi Wolf, Promiscuities.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)