The document is a presentation by Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee on helping youth navigate conflict and bullying. It discusses distinguishing between conflict and bullying, types of bullying behaviors, gender differences in bullying, alternative forms of aggression, and provides advice on how to empower bystanders, intervene in bullying situations, and create anti-bullying policies and programs in schools. The presentation aims to help adults teach youth healthy ways to manage conflict and how to recognize, address and prevent bullying.

1. St. Matthew School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Beyond Sticks and Stones:
Helping Youth Navigate Conflict and Bullying
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

2. About Seattle Girls’ School
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3. Agenda
• Conflict versus Bullying
• Gender, Bias, Conflict, and Bullying
• Alternative Aggression
• What Can We Do?
• Questions
• Resources
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4. Definition of Conflict
• A clash between two
individuals or groups
• A disagreement or
argument about
something important
• Etc.
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5. When It’s Bullying
• Power is uneven
• Intent to harm
• Repeated and
sustained
• Efforts to hide from
adults
• Advocacy not
changing behaviors
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

6. Types of Bullying Behavior:
and common characteristics of their perpetrators
• Traditional Bullying
• Clueless Bullying
• Bully-Victim Alternation
• Popular Bullying
• Being a “Facebook Thug”
The agent generally has less empathy,
patience, caring, and forgiveness for others.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

7. Common Characteristics or Behaviors of
Youth Who Are Bullied
• They are more sensitive, unhappy, cautious,
anxious, quiet and withdrawn than other youth.
• They are generally insecure and non-assertive, and
react by withdrawing when targeted by other students
(rather than retaliating or asserting).
• They exhibit sudden change in behaviors: showing
signs of depression, not eating, cutting, letting
themselves go, losing interest in favorite things,
quitting teams, etc.
• They may be embarrassed to admit being bullied.
They may blame themselves or feel guilty.
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8. Gender Differences
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9. Brash
Troublemaker
Strong
Competitive
Physical
Silent
Clever
Mistake-Prone
Belligerent
Intuitive
Well-Behaved
Delicate
Cooperative
Emotional
Verbal
Pretty
Perfect
Nice
Gender Bias
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10. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

11. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

12. Special Considerations for Girls
Sexy --- Slutty
Powerful --- Bitchy
Smart --- Bookish
Cheerful --- Uncool
Confident --- “All That”
Athletic --- Jocky
Close to Friends --- Lesbian
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13. Special Considerations for Boys
Do Not Be Weak.
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Be so, and you will be likened to
a girl or you will be called gay.

14. Gender, Bias, Conflict, and
Bullying
• Source of Power
• Worst Labels
• Who Bullies?
• Who is Bullied?
• Social Collective
• Abuse and Aggression
• Outliers of Victims
• Signs of Cry
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15. Alternative Aggression
• Relational Aggression
• Indirect Aggression
• Social Aggression
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16. Relational Aggression includes acts that
“harm others through damage (or the
threat of damage) to relationships or
feelings of acceptance, friendship, or
group inclusion.”
Relational Aggression
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17. Indirect Aggression allows the
perpetrator to avoid confronting the
target directly, making it seem as
though there is no intent to harm.
Indirect Aggression
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18. Social Aggression
Social Aggression is intended
to damage self esteem or social
status within a group.
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19. Process Break
How are your children
experiencing conflict and
bullying? What are the
greatest pressures facing
them? What have you tried
so far to teach them about
conflict and bullying?
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20. So What? Now What?
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21. Distinguish Conflict and Bullying
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22. When It’s Conflict…
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23. D.E.A.R.
Conflict Resolution
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24. AIMS Conflict
Problem Solving
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25. When It’s Bullying…
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26. Bullying Intervention
• Know when it is
bullying
• Stand up for
yourself
• Ask them to stop
the behavior
• Seek healthy
support
• Tell an adult
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27. Empowering the Bystander
Many bullying programs center around
agents and targets. Why not address
the 60-70% who are bystanders?
• Keeps the focus away from blaming the
targets or agents.
• Cover backstage spaces where only kids
are allowed.
• Create a mass of empowered allies and
shift the balance of power
• Create a new path of least resistance.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

28. Ally Skills
• Don’t bully
• Speak up when someone else is being bullied
• Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that
assumption make you silent
• Ask questions to clarify and to educate
• Don’t make the person who is bullying into someone
who is getting targeted
• Actively include those who are easily left out
• If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an
adult at school or at home
• Keep the climate healthy
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

29. Advice for Schools
The Four Ps
• Policy - A comprehensive anti-bullying policy that
enumerates sources of bias and that includes
alternative aggression.
• Programming - Training for teachers and staff on
bullying and bias. Support for teachers and staff in
acting to combat bullying and bias. Self-esteem and
conflict management programs for students.
• Practice - Consistent and meaningful follow-through in
dealing with acts of bullying and bias. Coverage of
unsupervised spaces where bullying occurs most.
• PEOPLE - Critical mass of people who are supportive
AND active on all levels.
EMPOWER THE BYSTANDERS!
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30. Starting Upstream…
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31. What Can We Do for Girls?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
• Teach the difference
between self-sacrificing and
good.
• Talk about or compliment
something besides her looks.
• Value the quality of her
relationships, not the
quantity.
• Give her access to diverse
women mentors.
• Role-Play difficult
conversations with her.
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32. What Can We Do for Boys?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
• Teach the difference
between strong and
tough.
• Talk about feelings and
relationships.
• Make it okay to be
vulnerable.
• Give him access to
diverse male mentors.
• Help him understand
societal homophobia.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

33. What Can We Do for All?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
• Help them develop strong interaction and social skills.
• Encourage and help them to make informed choices.
• Provide sanctuary, sounding board, and support.
• Teach about all forms of diversity and inclusion.
• Give them healthy outlets for their feelings.
• Respect and nurture their true selves.
• Be a listener, not a fixer.
• Share your stories.
• Affirm your kids.
• Model the way.
• Stay Involved.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

34. Teach Media Literacy
• Choose media FOR youth whenever possible.
• Engage in media WITH youth.
• Teach critical thinking skills analyzing media.
• Pay attention to the media they engage in.
• Talk to parents and guardians about teaching media
literacy.
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35. Teach Digital Citizenship
• No Digital Conflicts!
• The Face Test – would you say it to their face?
• The Headline Test – would you want it broadcast?
• The Digital Self – are you the same person online?
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36. Undoing Systemic Problems
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37. Questions and Comments
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38. Resources
• Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the Gap,”
Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003
• Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social
Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion
• Emily Bazelon, Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and
Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy.
• “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District,
http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf
• Joe Feagin, “The Two Faced Racism.” White Privilege Conference.
Springfield, MA. April 2008.
• Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network)
www.glsen.org
• Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference.
• Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org,
http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html
• Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of
Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine,
http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=14430
7&sn.ItemNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958
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39. Gender Specific Resources
• The Boy Game, short film and interactive website.
• JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and
Courageous Daughters
• Jackson Katz, Tough Guise
• Pooja Makhijani, Under Her Skin: How Girls Experience Race in
America.
• John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on early
gender differences in competition and play and “Love Lab.”
• Mary Pipher, Ph.D., Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent
Girls
• Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out, Odd Girl Speaks Out.
• Michael Thompson, Raising Cain.
• Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your
Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of
Adolescence
• Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth, Promiscuities.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

40. More Resources
• “101 Ways to Combat Prejudice.” Anti-Defamation League
http://www.adl.org/prejudice/default.asp
• Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers,
http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf
• Hafner, Lauren. “Bullying Report: How are Washington State
Schools Doing?” Safe Schools Coalition. December 2003
http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/bullyreport/bullyreport12-
03.html
• “House Bill Report - SHB 1444, Washington State” Bully Police
USA http://www.bullypolice.org/wa_law.html
• “Ten Ways to Fight Hate.” Teaching Tolerance
http://www.tolerance.org/10_ways/index.html
• “Washington State School Safety Center.” Office of
Superintendant of Public Education
http://www.k12.wa.us/SafetyCenter/HarassmentBullying/default
.aspx
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

41. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)