Irma speaking. Mini dialogue: andrea- “Look mommy look at my drawing! Look at what I did!” Lisa- “wow I see that you worked very hard, do you want to tell me what you drew?” andrea- *pauses* “I drew a butterfly!” Lisa- “Wow I can see that, do you like your drawing?” andrea- “Yes I do a lot!” Lisa- “Then that’s what’s important, it is a nice picture.”
Confidence and competence
What is building confidence& competence in your child?
Inter-subjectivity What is it? How can we apply it?
Affect Attunement What is it? How can we apply it?
Things we can work on: Praising“Good Job” -Stop and think. Let‟s see how many times you can remember saying “Good Job” to the child. -Excessive praises can lead to children who are highly dependent upon other people‟s praising.
What can we do? Open ended questions. Ask them if they approve. (throw it back at them “engage in a game of socialized catch”)*Mini Dialogue*
Things we can work on: Criticism -”You‟re so messy! You used too many colors andpaint!” -”You‟re so slow! Why can‟t you hurry up? Whyhaven‟t you finished your lunch yet? I can‟t wait here allday.” -”Why can‟t you be more like yourbrother/sister?”
What can we do? Focus on the positive. (Acknowledge any accomplishments made.) Acknowledge that each child is different and do things differently.
Things we can work on: Attitude -Children can easily pick up signals and feed offof your energy/attitude. -The way you see your child is easily picked upby them. (ex: if you see them as incompetent then theywill reflect that.)
What can we do? Parent‟s are human. It is not like every parent decides they want to stress their child out today or “hmm I am going to take my anger out on my child today” or “hmm I am going to hurt my child‟s feelings today” we all make mistakes. What we can do is try our best to recognize those mistakes and learn from them. It is not a day and night process it is something that is going to take awhile. So: Recognize your stressors. Recognize your stress busters. If you come home from a long day at work and you just want to take a nap or take a small break, create some kind of respectful signal or phrase in which you set a time (ex: 30 mins) and the child is understanding of how you feel and use it for the entire family. For example: your family can use a simple phrase such as “I need some „Me Time‟” If you‟re getting to that point in which you start to get angry or anxious, leave the room and go breathe for a little, take 5 minutes to walk outside and admire nature. Then when you‟re calm go back inside and continue. It is important to see the child‟s positive attributes.
Dealing with children‟sstruggle P.A.U.L -Meet your new best friend P.A.U.L P: Patient A: Attentive U: Understanding L: Listening