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What is building confidence
& competence in your child?
Inter-subjectivity
 What is it?

 How can we apply it?
Social referencing
         What is it?
Affect Attunement
 What is it?

 How can we apply it?
Things we can work on:
 Praising

“Good Job”
  -Stop and think. Let‟s see how many times you can
  remember saying “Good Job” to the child.
  -Excessive praises can lead to children who are
  highly dependent upon other people‟s praising.
What can we do?
 Open ended questions.

 Ask them if they approve. (throw it back at them
  “engage in a game of socialized catch”)

*Mini Dialogue*
Things we can work on:
 Criticism
          -”You‟re so messy! You used too many colors and
paint!”
      -”You‟re so slow! Why can‟t you hurry up? Why
haven‟t you finished your lunch yet? I can‟t wait here all
day.”
      -”Why can‟t you be more like your
brother/sister?”
What can we do?
 Focus on the positive. (Acknowledge any
  accomplishments made.)

 Acknowledge that each child is different and do
  things differently.
Things we can work on:
 Attitude
       -Children can easily pick up signals and feed off
of your energy/attitude.
        -The way you see your child is easily picked up
by them. (ex: if you see them as incompetent then they
will reflect that.)
What can we do?
 Parent‟s are human. It is not like every parent decides they want to stress their
  child out today or “hmm I am going to take my anger out on my child today” or
  “hmm I am going to hurt my child‟s feelings today” we all make mistakes. What
  we can do is try our best to recognize those mistakes and learn from them. It
  is not a day and night process it is something that is going to take awhile. So:

 Recognize your stressors.

 Recognize your stress busters.

 If you come home from a long day at work and you just want to take a nap or
  take a small break, create some kind of respectful signal or phrase in which
  you set a time (ex: 30 mins) and the child is understanding of how you feel and
  use it for the entire family. For example: your family can use a simple phrase
  such as “I need some „Me Time‟”

 If you‟re getting to that point in which you start to get angry or anxious, leave
  the room and go breathe for a little, take 5 minutes to walk outside and admire
  nature. Then when you‟re calm go back inside and continue.

 It is important to see the child‟s positive attributes.
Dealing with children‟s
struggle
 P.A.U.L
    -Meet your new best friend P.A.U.L
    P: Patient
    A: Attentive
    U: Understanding
    L: Listening

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Confidence and competence

  • 1.
  • 2. What is building confidence & competence in your child?
  • 3. Inter-subjectivity  What is it?  How can we apply it?
  • 4. Social referencing  What is it?
  • 5. Affect Attunement  What is it?  How can we apply it?
  • 6. Things we can work on:  Praising “Good Job” -Stop and think. Let‟s see how many times you can remember saying “Good Job” to the child. -Excessive praises can lead to children who are highly dependent upon other people‟s praising.
  • 7. What can we do?  Open ended questions.  Ask them if they approve. (throw it back at them “engage in a game of socialized catch”) *Mini Dialogue*
  • 8. Things we can work on:  Criticism -”You‟re so messy! You used too many colors and paint!” -”You‟re so slow! Why can‟t you hurry up? Why haven‟t you finished your lunch yet? I can‟t wait here all day.” -”Why can‟t you be more like your brother/sister?”
  • 9. What can we do?  Focus on the positive. (Acknowledge any accomplishments made.)  Acknowledge that each child is different and do things differently.
  • 10. Things we can work on:  Attitude -Children can easily pick up signals and feed off of your energy/attitude. -The way you see your child is easily picked up by them. (ex: if you see them as incompetent then they will reflect that.)
  • 11. What can we do?  Parent‟s are human. It is not like every parent decides they want to stress their child out today or “hmm I am going to take my anger out on my child today” or “hmm I am going to hurt my child‟s feelings today” we all make mistakes. What we can do is try our best to recognize those mistakes and learn from them. It is not a day and night process it is something that is going to take awhile. So:  Recognize your stressors.  Recognize your stress busters.  If you come home from a long day at work and you just want to take a nap or take a small break, create some kind of respectful signal or phrase in which you set a time (ex: 30 mins) and the child is understanding of how you feel and use it for the entire family. For example: your family can use a simple phrase such as “I need some „Me Time‟”  If you‟re getting to that point in which you start to get angry or anxious, leave the room and go breathe for a little, take 5 minutes to walk outside and admire nature. Then when you‟re calm go back inside and continue.  It is important to see the child‟s positive attributes.
  • 12.
  • 13. Dealing with children‟s struggle P.A.U.L -Meet your new best friend P.A.U.L P: Patient A: Attentive U: Understanding L: Listening

Editor's Notes

  1. irma
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  3. Irma speaking. Mini dialogue: andrea- “Look mommy look at my drawing! Look at what I did!” Lisa- “wow I see that you worked very hard, do you want to tell me what you drew?” andrea- *pauses* “I drew a butterfly!” Lisa- “Wow I can see that, do you like your drawing?” andrea- “Yes I do a lot!” Lisa- “Then that’s what’s important, it is a nice picture.”
  4. lisa
  5. lisa
  6. andrea
  7. andrea
  8. irma