Learn to take immediate control of your anger through 'paradoxical intention' otherwise known as 'extreme should'.

1. Anger Management
In this short presentation, I want to share with
you a simple technique I discovered in the course
of my own struggle with anger. This is an easy to
learn technique, and highly effective in helping
you get an immediate handle on your anger.
It’s called paradoxical intention.
Available from Amazon books.

2. Anger is all about should and should not. Other drivers shouldn’t cut me off in traffic. Waiters should be
alert and attentive to customer needs. Airport security should treat people with more respect. In short,
other people should behave the way I think is right and proper. I should get more respect. When people
don’t behave as they should, when they do things they shouldn’t be doing, they are violating the rules. My
rules. But of course, my rules make sense. My rules are based on common sense and on what is right and
proper. And everyone knows what is right and proper. Or they should. It’s my job to correct them if they
don’t. My anger is meant to make the world a better place and it makes me angry that other people don’t
get that.
And so the spiral grows.
Anger is all about ‘should’ and ‘should not’

3. This is the first of four techniques I teach in my book. Not only is it amazingly simple to master, it’s fun to
practice.
Paradoxical intention is the deliberate practice of a habit or thought undertaken in order to identify and
remove it. Anger is the habit, should and should not are the thoughts.
But how can I tell myself I should stop saying ‘should’? You can’t really, so don’t try.
Instead of trying to stop the ‘should’ and ‘should not’ thoughts, you are going to play a game I call
Extreme Should!
Paradoxical intention

4. I used to travel a lot and airport security would really get me angry.
Now here I am again, going through security at the airport, practicing paradoxical intention.
Paradoxical intention
There should be a separate line for people with hats. Actually, there
should be separate lines for people with hats, people with kids, old
people, and people wearing white socks. There should be full
spectrum lighting in here. There should be some potted plants
around to make the place less sterile. The ceiling should be lower.
The tiles on the floor should have patterns. They should pipe in
some easy listening jazz. Actually, they should have headsets like
on the plane so you can listen to your favorite kind of music. They
should…
You see how it works? The more ridiculous the better. I am so busy
thinking up silly shoulds and should nots that I don’t have room for
anger. Taken to such extremes, my old ‘right and proper’ shoulds
and should nots seem ridiculous. Anger is no longer possible.

5. Now you try.
• Standing in a slow-moving queue at the supermarket checkout, at
the bank, in a government office.
• In a boring meeting.
• At a restaurant with not very good service.
• (your choice)
•
•

6. Paradoxical intention is one of four techniques I share in my book.
Download the book from Amazon and learn about these techniques:
Chapter 4: Taking control
• Mindful breathing
• Changing the dance
• Challenging assumptions
Chapter 1. The scope of this book
Chapter 2. Portrait of an anger junkie
Chapter 3. Your position on anger
Chapter 4. Taking control
Chapter 5. Two steps forward, one step back
Chapter 6. The anatomy of anger
Chapter 7. What anger does to your body and brain
Chapter 8. Anger’s cousins
Chapter 9. Our angry society
Chapter 10. Life without anger
Chapter 11. References and links

7. Being angry is like eating poison and
expecting someone else to suffer.
Free Yourself from Anger
Thank you for viewing.