Part of cultivating happiness is the development of meaningful interpersonal relationships. This presentation and workshop explores the ways in which relationships enrich our lives. It examines how can cultivate meaningful relationships that sustain happy lives.

1. The Happiness Project The First Church of Salem, Unitarian Workshop IV: CULTIVATING HAPPINESS IN AND THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS

3. Happiness is about Cultivating and Appreciating A Good Life

4. The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my “best self” 1 Make a new connection today

5. The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my best self 1 2 Reflecting on My Actions Make a new connection today

6. The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my best self 1 2 Appreciate : What is good about… this moment? Cultivate : How can I continue to improve? Reflecting & Appreciation

7. The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my best self 1 2 Reflecting on My Actions Welcome new attendees Appreciate : I was able to say “hello” to Jack and Phyl Cultivate : I was nervous; breathe more next time

8. Happiness is Work/ Contribution Health/ Self-Care Love/ Relationships Cultivation & Appreciation in Each Domain

9. Happiness is Work/ Contribution Health/ Self-Care Love/ Relationships Cultivation & Appreciation in Each Domain

13. Happiness is Work/ Contribution Health/ Self-Care Love/ Relationships Cultivation & Appreciation in Each Domain

14. II: CULTIVATING THE PRACTICE OF SELF-CULTIVATION (In Work and Life) Reflecting upon and Developing Your MINDSET Cultivating my best self Appreciation Reflection for Cultivation

17. Growth Mindset Ability is not a fixed thing; it is a set of skills that can be and must be developed

19. Ability Joe Fixedhead Criticism and Critical Feedback Joe, I think that the diagram you made may need a few changes.

20. Joe Fixedhead Criticism and Critical Feedback WAH!!! YOU DON’T LIKE MY CHARTS. YOU DON’T LIKE ME. WAH!!! DON’T YOU KNOW THAT I AM MY DIAGRAMS?

21. Incrementally Improving Irma TAKE TWO Irma, I think that the diagram you made may need a few changes. Hmm… What can I learn from this? Esteemed Boss

22. Happiness is Work/ Contribution Health/ Self-Care Love/ Relationships Cultivation & Appreciation in Each Domain

26. The Traditional View MY fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. YOUR fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. Before We Meet ME YOU

27. The Traditional View MY fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. YOUR fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. We Meet ME YOU Funny Good Provider Reads World News Looks like Brad Pitt Likes Chick Flicks Walking in the Rain Active Likes Football Reads World Wrestling Looks like the Pitts Likes Action Movies Walking Like John Wayne yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no Checklist Checklist Do some Independent Ratings

28. The Traditional View MY fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. YOUR fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. Make Independent Decisions ME YOU Funny Good Provider Reads World News Looks like Brad Pitt Likes Chick Flicks Walking in the Rain Active Likes Football Reads World Wrestling Looks like the Pitts Likes Action Movies Walking Like John Wayne yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no Checklist Checklist

29. The Traditional View MY fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. YOUR fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. ME YOU Funny Good Provider Reads World News Looks like Brad Pitt Likes Chick Flicks Walking in the Rain Active Likes Football Reads World Wrestling Looks like the Pitts Likes Action Movies Walking Like John Wayne yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no Checklist Checklist YES Make Independent Decisions

30. The Traditional View MY fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. YOUR fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. ME YOU Funny Good Provider Reads World News Looks like Brad Pitt Likes Chick Flicks Walking in the Rain Active Likes Football Reads World Wrestling Looks like the Pitts Likes Action Movies Walking Like John Wayne yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no Checklist Checklist YES Make Independent Decisions

31. The Traditional View MY fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. YOUR fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. ME YOU Funny Good Provider Reads World News Looks like Brad Pitt Likes Chick Flicks Walking in the Rain Active Likes Football Reads World Wrestling Looks like the Pitts Likes Action Movies Walking Like John Wayne yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no Checklist Checklist YES YES Make Independent Decisions

32. The Traditional View MY fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. YOUR fixed beliefs, values, feelings, attitudes, preferences, intentions, “traits”, etc. ME YOU Now we have a relationship And the independent bouncy ball process continues….

42. How Does Communication Happen? RECEIVER x-y-z a-b-c Decode message Translate to speech Transmit message SENDER Construct thought SENDER RECEIVER Transmit message Translate to speech Decode message Construct thought

55. 1. The Centrality of Love (It’s not what you might think)

58. Imagine a Treasured Vase

63. 2. Identifying Satisfying Relationships Me You Us

64. 2. Identifying Satisfying Relationships Me : What am I looking for in this relationship? You : What can I contribute to this relationship? Us : What we create together in this relationship? Three Questions

65. 3. Coordinating Interests Bowling, Motorcycles ‘n Republican Politics Opera, Bicycling, and President Barack Obama

67. 3. Coordinating Interests Bowling ! Opera ! Republican! Democrat Biking conflict! conflict! Motorcycle! daytrips! MAX TINA With Alice With Ralph With Norton With Trudy

68. 4. The Central Importance of Managing Conflict

75. 4. Managing Conflict: Working Toward Win-Win Solutions

76. I Win, You Lose Mother : “It’s raining out. Put on your raincoat.” Sarah : “I don’t want to wear my raincoat.” Mother : “I said for you to put on your raincoat. If you don’t put it on, no party Saturday.” Sarah : (Reluctantly putting on the raincoat) “ I hate this coat.”

77. You Win, I Lose Mother : “It’s raining out. Why don’t you go and put on your new raincoat.” Sarah : “I hate that raincoat. Everyone will laugh at me if I wear it.” Mother : “What do you mean? It’s a lovely raincoat. Please put it on for me?” Sarah : “I hate that coat; you can’t make me put it on” Mother : "(Exasperated) Allright then, you don’t have to wear it. But it’s such a nice coat!"

78. Compromise Mother : “It’s raining out. Why don’t you go and put on your raincoat.” Sarah : “I hate that raincoat. Everyone will laugh at me if I wear it.” Mother : “But it’s cold out and I don’t want you to get wet. Wear the coat” Sarah : “I’ll wear the coat but only from here to the bus. I’m not going into school wearing it.” Mother : "(Exasperated) Okay, at least you won’t get wet waiting.”

79. Win-Win Solutions Mother : “It’s raining out. Why don’t you go and put on your raincoat.” Sarah : “I hate that raincoat. Everyone will laugh at me if I wear it.” Mother : “I didn’t know you hated that coat! I want you to be warm and dry. Is there a way that you can be warm and dry and not have everyone laugh at you?” Sarah : “I like your blue raincoat. It’s really cool.” Mother : “What? That old and ugly thing? I can’t believe you actually like it.

81. Yes, but it takes effort , good will and eternal coordination .