Escaping the Drama Triangle - Christine Anna Rumawas
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People are basically afraid of changes, and transformation is creating changes. Usually there will be rejections from the people that effected in the transformation process This topic will share about how to deal with those rejections
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Escaping the Drama Triangle - Christine Anna Rumawas
- 1. ESCAPINGTHE DRAMATRIANGLE Christine Anna Rumawas https://annalogy.info The entire contents of the material conveyed, is the personal opinion of the speaker not what happens or the representation of the speaker institution / company.
- 3. Our Brain – dr. Daniel Siegel Watch the video of dr Daniel Siegel explaining more about this: http://bit.ly/SDB-BrainModel https://id.pinterest.com/pin/497366352596316568/
- 4. Kubler – Ross Change Curve https://masteringbusinessanalysis.com/mba154-change-leadership/kubler-ross-change-curve/
- 5. Karpman DramaTriangle ■ Stephen Karpman - 1968 ■ Known also as Dreaded DramaTriangle “Poor Me” “This is bad” “Here we go again ” FEEL POWERLESS “Poor him” “I must help” “I’ll fix this for you” LOOK AFTER OTHERS NOT HIMSELF “They’re all wrong” “I know the best” “They don’t get it” BLAME https://powerofted.com/the-drama-triangle/
- 6. WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT? as scrum master, coach, change agent, you name it!
- 8. Coaching Session ■ Make sure here you shift yourself from the DDT role
- 9. Active Listening Level 1 – Internal Listening Level 2 – Focused Listening Level 3 – Global Listening
- 10. Powerful Question - Remove the content from the coach - Allow the coachee to explore themselves - Open ended questions
- 11. Scale Of Awfulness 0 10 All things are fine Worst thing happen
- 12. Journey Line
- 14. Communicate
- 15. THE GOAL
- 17. The Empowerment Dynamic VICTIMTO CREATOR “Problem exists! BUT I have options”
- 18. The Empowerment Dynamic PERSECUTORTO CHALLENGER “Is my intention truly to help and challenge other?”
- 19. The Empowerment Dynamic RESCUERTO COACH “It’s better to teach how to do fishing than give them the fish!”
- 20. THE PERSONYOU SHOULD BE BETTERTHAN IS THE PERSONYOUWERE YESTERDAY
Editor's Notes
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwjVYDJUXs8 The palm area is where the reaction of Fear – Flee – Fight – Faint happen When something bad is triggered by spinal cord, goes to the brain stem, triggering the limbic (where amygdala is there), it will make the frontal cortex disengage. Our job as coaches is to make all the parts engage again. Understand why certain behavior happen
- When a person is in Frustration and Depression state, we cannot force them to accept any change. Our job as coaches to help them to shift to Experiment state
- Basically in every change, people usually fall into this kind of condition that we can map in the Drama Triangle It doesn’t matter which role you started Everyone can easily shift from one role to another In the end, everyone will end up as a victim Rescuer doesn’t need to be a person Rescuer make the Victim dependent on him, keep on helping without limit, not giving the bait, but giving the fish Move role: Example: RESCUER help the VICTIM, but never get appreciated Then when the RESCUER need help from the VICTIM and doesn’t get it, RESCUER said: “how come you don’t help me after all of the things I’ve done for you?” Here the rescuer turn into the PROSECUTOR In the end of the day, you will feel tired and you will say “However hard I tried, it’s always wrong. This doesn’t work!” Here you’re in the VICTIM mode. SPOT THIS ISSUE AND CHANGE! You don’t want to go round and round and round right?
- You need to help yourself first Understand in which role you’re playing in that drama triangle Understand what cause the rejections Understand that basically people are not rejecting YOU as a PERSON, They are trapped in their own FEAR of CHANGE They are in the FRUSTRATION or DEPRESSION state of Kubler Ross Diagram Join supporting group where you can share and get insights Later in the end of this presentation, you will see how you change your role from either victim / rescuer / prosecutor to other and better role.
- Level 1 Hearing the coachee But during the hearing, coach is thinking of his own experience that is related Or thinking of what other thing that I want to ask Think of what is the solution of the coachee issue Level 2 Hearing the coachee, tone and expression Start asking “How is this important for you? Level 3: Listen with awareness Awareness of the surrounding This is more than hearing, they hear, see, feel everything in the coachee and also around I call this hear with heart
- Examples: Coachee: This new way of work is suck Coach: What are the reason behind that statement? What are the things that we can do to make it better? How do you think the better way of work suppose to be? Is there any option that you can take to get out from the situation?
- In the coaching session, draw the scale of awfulness line. Then ask the coachee to think of what’s the worst thing in his life, and put it in number 100 Then ask the coachee to map his fear in the scale Guess what scale they will put! Most likely they will put the current condition in scale 3 – 5 Help them realize that what they currently face is actually not a big thing REMEMBER to use Active Listening and Powerful Question!
- Agree with the coachee on what is the starting point that both of you want to discuss Help the coachee to go through the moments, let him state which moment where he was happy and which are sad Help the coachee to remember what cause that feelings End point suppose to be current moment If he feels down, ask what can be done to help him feel better If he feels ok, ask what can be done to make that sustainable REMEMBER to use Active Listening and Powerful Question!
- During the coaching period, remember to celebrate small wins Don’t focus on big change, focus on baby steps Baby steps will reduce the pressure of taking big leaps Remember, baby steps not always forward, It can also backward Backward doesn’t always bad. Sometime you need to take a step back to move forward better.
- If you’re part of the transformation coalition, then communication is important for the whole organization Let them know why certain things change, what’s the reason behind it
- Shift DDT to TED It’s basically a mindset change
- So if you are currently a victim, a persecutor, a rescuer … Go change yourself Put your oxygen mask and coach others