1. South African traditional marriage customs: Lobola and polygamy
Submitted by Lana on Mon, 25/01/2010 - 14:27
Home
Marriages are considered sacred in most societies, and especially so in the tradition-steeped
continent of Africa. African weddings usually involve not just the coming together of the couple in
question, but their extended families and sometimes entire communities, although traditions vary
vastly across the continent. Traditional marriage practices in South Africa involve the customs of
lobola and polygamy.
Lobola: According to this ancient tradition, a man must pay a price to acquire the right to
marry a woman. The practice continues to be followed extensively in contemporary African
societies. Lobola involves a complex, formal process of negotiation between the families of the
bride and groom amid great ceremony, to arrive at a consensus on the price (traditionally paid in
number of cows) that the groom must pay the bride’s family.
Many modern couples opt for cash instead of cows for the sake of convenience. This money can be
used to help the bride set up her home; however, this is something that happens very rarely.
Surprisingly, African customary law has advocates even among modern, educated women in South
Africa, many of whom believe that it provides them protection without hindering them in any
significant way. In fact, women’s rights activists were among the greatest proponents of a new law
enacted in 2001 which recognises African customary law, in order to protect women living in
common-law unions and their children. Payment of the lobola, however, means that the bride is
paid for, and a divorce is not usually granted unless the bride’s family can repay the amount.
Often, the lack of the means for repayment may force women to stay in unhappy or abusive
marriages. Although customary laws enjoy predominance over constitutional rights in several
African countries, South Africa accords women strong constitutional protection.
Polygamy: The same law of 2001, distasteful as it may seem to most modern women in other
parts of the world, also recognises polygamy – even though it is something that fewer and fewer
modern South Africans practice. However, South African President Jacob Zuma’s recent marriage
for the fifth time has reignited discussion on the topic.
While the press has been rather indulgent, there is open disapproval from some quarters. South
Africa’s AIDS scourge is attributed largely to sexual promiscuity, and the President’s example
complicates the process of educating the public on the importance of single-partner sexual
relationships in preventing the spread of the disease.
In affirming gender equality as fundamental to South African democracy, the Constitution states
that should there be a contradiction between customary law and the Bill of Rights, the latter
should take precedence.

2. The practice of polygamy is in essence the practice of gender inequality. While all customary
marriages are required to be registered to ensure that each wife in a polygamous family has an
equal right to property, this still does not address the issues of neglect, or the transmission of
infections that polygamy may entail.
White South Africans are more vocally disparaging of the practice, especially so of the President’s
antics. Besides, in a country where only half the population is female, the acquisition by a man of
five or more women is also likely to create social imbalances by denying other eligible men
partners.
Image source: Media Club South Africa
Also see:
Polygamy is way for husband to cheat on his wife
Bride Price – An Alternative View Point
Lobola is sexist
http://www.southafricaweb.co.za/article/south-african-traditional-marriage-customs-lobola-and-
polygamy
How do Zulus explain polygamy?
By Elizabeth Diffin
BBC News Magazine

3. South African president Jacob Zuma, on a visit to the
UK, has been criticised by some in the British press
for having three wives. But while the practice raises
eyebrows in the West, how is it justified in his home
country?
Trade talks and his nation's hosting of the World Cup are on the
agenda for Jacob Zuma's three-day state visit to the UK. But interest
has mainly focused on his consort - ThobekaMadiba, the latest
woman to join his polygamous marriage.
In the UK, to be married to more than one person at a time is illegal.
But the Zulu ethnic group, of which Mr Zuma is part, practises
polygamy by tradition. This clash in attitudes dates from the 19th
Century, when white missionaries preached that conversion to
Christianity entailed divorcing one's "extra" wives, says
NdelaNtshangase, a lecturer in the school of Zulu studies at the
University of KwaZulu-Natal.
And British colonisers "pushed
[monogamy] down the throats of
black people" through taxes that
rose for each wife, and land
allocations with insufficient space
for polygamous family units, says
Mr Ntshangase.
However, polygamy in South President Zuma attributes his
Africa is still a fact of life for many. polygamy to the Zulu culture
While urban Zulu communities have found it difficult to uphold the
arrangement, those in the rural homelands have maintained the
tradition. Muslim populations and other cultural groups in South
Africa also practice polygamy.
While some in the British press have seized on Mr Zuma's attitudes
to marriage, he defends his private life as part of his culture.
"When the British came to our country they said everything we are
doing was barbaric, was wrong, inferior in whatever way," he told
Johannesburg's Star newspaper this week. "I don't know why they
are continuing thinking that their culture is more superior than
others."
So how do they explain the tradition?
Boy-girl balance
In southern Africa, the population skews slightly female, says Mr
Ntshangase, who says the male population is partly depleted by
"unnatural deaths" in war and other dangerous activities.

4. "If you say it's one-to-one, you will have a big chunk of ladies who
aren't going to have husbands. What do you do with them then?"
But this gender imbalance argument holds no sway for
ProtasMadlala, an independent political analyst, who declares it
"unsophisticated".
Elders also use polygamy to warn young men that they could lose
out on love if they don't behave.
"In order to win a girl, you must be a good boy," says Mr
Ntshangase. "Responsible young men become responsible
husbands."
In Zulu culture, "every family
member must work for the
betterment of the family". And a
way to improve a family's status
and income is to add extra
members, he says, and adds that
additional wives can be
particularly advantageous in an
agricultural society.
And polygamy offers women a
degree of economic well-being
they might not otherwise attain,
says Mr Madlala. The president's most recent wife
"Polygamy fits into the socio- accompanied him on his state visit
economic inequalities we have. It gives [the wives] insurance of
sorts."
But the theory that polygamy favours equality for women holds little
water for Leslie MxolisiDikeni, a research associate at the University
of Pretoria.
"On paper there is total emancipation of women, but traditional
forms of polygamy are not allowing for that," he says. Even in so-
called equal polygamous marriages, there's innate gender imbalance
between the husband and his wives.
Spectre of Aids
Some of those who support polygamy believe a monogamous
system would mean more unattached women, who would then have
affairs with married men, says Mr Ntshangase. He claims that in a
polygamous marriage, a woman will share her husband instead of
getting divorced. "[Divorce] is another type of polygamous marriage.
It's just not happening simultaneously or concurrently."

5. But polygamy does not stop men
and women straying. South
Africans who are uneasy about
their president's lifestyle point to
the fact that he recently fathered
an illegitimate child, says Mr
Madlala.
Nor does it necessarily mean an Under apartheid, polygamy thrived in
end to separation - Mr Zuma has rural Zulu villages
already been through one divorce.
Even though polygamy is a part of its traditions, there is a new
reality that raises questions about whether this lifestyle has a place
in modern South Africa. More than 5 million people in South Africa
are HIV positive - the most of any country in the world.
"South Africa is almost the Aids capital of the world," Mr Madlala
says. "Our president is not really a good model."
Below is a selection of your comments.
Polygamy is the future not the past. Women get to share not only
one man but also a sisterhood with the other wives. One man is
more than enough. The women also get to share childcare and the
children grow up in a larger social group where there is less
likelihood of child abuse and neglect. I can see lots of advantages.
David Cadogan, Richmond
Polygamy is practiced more around the world than monogamy and
has been the case since modern humans evolved. The propensity to
mate polygamously can be broadly described as a cultural
preference but this is really due to many factors largely dependent
on the type of environment when these practices came about and
would have been genetically advantageous. While polygamy is not
as beneficial in evolutionary terms to women as it is men (unless the
woman is the first wife) I would not say this is an example of the
emancipation of women. It is too easy to be dismissive and overly
moralistic when it comes to practices which we are not used to.
Whether President Zuma treats each wife equally or well is beside
the point and is somewhat irrelevant to the fact that he practices
polygamy.
Suzannah Lipmann, London, UK
Why anyone would want more than one wife is beyond me, but
that's the way of life in some countries and who are we to tell them
they are wrong? Funny as it may seem but we are not always right

6. and have no right interfering in other people's traditions. We may be
open to changing our whole way of life to accommodate every Tom
Dick and Harry who complains about everything we do but that's
because we are weak and pathetic. What we should do is stand our
ground and look after our own traditions. If foreigners don't like
what we do, they'll just have to accept the way we are.
Alastair, London
Why is it we consider Western culture the moral barometer to which
all other countries must adhere? The hegemony of Africa should
have ceased with the death of colonialism. Apparently our press still
believe themselves to be on a 'civilising' mission, akin to Victorian
missionaries.
R. Williams, Liverpool
It is a debate that is set to continue, especially in a country with
strong Christian bias. The "wrong" thing, as far as the law and
bigamy is concerned, is that a person can be prosecuted and sent to
jail for having more than one wife in the UK - even if the wives live
together and are completely happy with their situation and lifestyle.
However, a married man can have many affairs with multiple women
without his spouses' knowledge and, in the eyes of the law, he is
doing nothing legally "wrong".
Masu, Stockton
What concerns the South African taxpayer is not so much that the
president is polygamous - but who is paying for the 4 wives (one
divorced) and 20 children? Given that the president has a track
record of unfortunate financial mismanagement, it's doubtful that he
can afford his lifestyle on his salary. Where is the extra money
coming from?
Rob, Cape Town, South Africa
This is one more example of the British press/media creating a moral
panic, and the west in particular pushing their values on to the rest
of the world. The Aids issue is not due to lax moral standards per se
in third world countries, but as a result of lack of sufficiently
available medicines which are controlled by western pharmaceutical
companies and distribution of financial aid which is consistently
reneged upon by the wealthy west. Anyone in today's world who
supports their own cultural identity and practices should be
commended, not condemned. But that would not make good press.
Arthur Hassall, Manchester. UK
It is an interesting point that the missionaries in the 19th century
were encouraging people already in polygamous marriages to

7. divorce their 'extra' wives ... what happened to two "wrongs" don't
make a right?
Gareth, London
Polygamy is only legal in South Africa under certain circumstances.
Generally polygamy is only a choice for people who have a much
more rural/traditional upbringing. As a Christian I believe polygamy
is a wrong choice to make, but I also have to recognise and respect
that it is not my place to judge. As a republican I don't believe the
royal family is justifiable, but I have to respect that it is firmly
entrenched in British culture and would have to treat the royal family
with respect as the constitutional Monarch. Why can't British people
treat the South African Head of State with the same respect due him
as the legitimate and duly elected President of a sovereign state?
What is all the fuss about?
Gary Morrison
But what about the women? Are they only allowed one husband?
Surely, if women are only allowed one husband but men are allowed
several wives each, you would need more than a "slight skew" in the
population male : female ratio for there not to be very large
numbers of unattached men.
Helen, Berkshire, UK
I believe part of the origin of polygamy in Zulu culture was because
for a long time it was a warrior culture in which many men died. In
that circumstance, the man's brother would have to marry the
widow - so it was a way of ensuring women were provided for. It's
also very much a status thing. I have a Zulu friend with more than
one wife. It shows he can afford a large household (he has over 25
children) and because he's a member of the royal family, it's
expected of him.
Deborah, London
Polygamy is still part of Western culture, but there is a taboo on
speaking about it. Several of my friends are in polygamous
relationships where all partners are aware of the other people
involved - this is not the same as having an affair, or cheating. They
are not married, but that does not detract from the serious footing
of the relationships - which have in some cases lasted for several
years. Regarding the risks of Aids and HIV transmission - the Poly
practitioners I know are some of the most fastidious practitioners of
safe and protected sex. Moreso than many of the serial monogamy
practitioners I know, who will have a series of liaisons with people
whose names they don't even know and won't be able to remember

8. the following morning whether they even used protection.
Kate Jones, Lancaster UK
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/8549429.stm
Polygamy in South Africa
A president who promotes tradition
Jacob Zuma is still the old-style marrying
sort
Jan 7th 2010 | johannesburg| from the print edition
Knees up, MrPresident!AFP
DECKED out in a leopard-skin mantle and an animal-pelt loincloth together with white
designer sneakers, South Africa’s 67-year-old president, Jacob Zuma, celebrated his marriage
to his third concurrent wife (and fifth bride in all) in a grand Zulu ceremony attended by
some 3,000 guests at his family home deep in rural KwaZulu-Natal. His latest wife,
ThobekaMadiba, who calls herself a “socialite”, is the mother of three of his 19 officially
acknowledged children by at least seven women. At least one other presidential fiancée is
said to be waiting in the wings.
Some South Africans, three-quarters of whom profess to be Christian, are displeased. The
Reverend Theunis Botha, the white leader of the tiny Christian Democratic Party, has been
quoted disparaging the event as “a giant step back into the dark ages” of South Africa’s
supposedly superstitious, ancestor-worshipping past. But most South Africans, while

9. disapproving of multiple concurrent wives, enjoy their president’s unabashed embrace of his
Zulu origins, beliefs and traditions, of which polygamy is an accepted part, though people
practise it less and less, not least because it is so expensive.
Mike Siluma, a former editor of the Sowetan, a daily that is read mainly by blacks, points out
that South Africa is not the Western country so many take it to be, but a “dynamic
kaleidoscope of cultures, religions and traditions”. Many black South African Christians still
also worship their ancestors, he notes. Most weddings mix the traditional with the Christian.
Many people practise customary law alongside the Western kind and take traditional as well
as Western medicine. MrSiluma thinks the elevation of a Zulu from a peasant background to
the presidency of sub-Saharan Africa’s most sophisticated country may help revive some of
the mores and cultures that had been sadly fading.
In this section
A long war of the waters
Let my people stay
Not so terrible after all?
»A president who promotes tradition
Reprints
Related items
South Africa's president: Still on a rollSep 24th 2009
Related topics
Polygamy
Jacob Zuma
South Africa
Before MrZuma’s inauguration eight months ago people had fun speculating as to who of his
three wives would be the official First Lady. His shy first wife, known affectionately as
MaKhumalo, whom MrZuma first met 50 years ago?Or one of the younger ones? All three,
he determined, would be equal First Ladies. Each in turn has accompanied him on official
visits. “There are plenty of politicians who have mistresses and children they hide so as to
pretend to be monogamous”, says MrZuma. “I prefer to be open. I love my wives.”
His various paramours may not all be so easy-going. While MaKhumalo, whom MrZuma
describes as “wife, friend, sister and mother”, seemed happy to attend his latest nuptials,
NompumeleloNtuli, at 34 the youngest of his wives, apparently boycotted the festivities. And
MrZuma’s third wife, Kate Mantsho, a former airline employee who bore him five children,
committed suicide in 2000. His second wife, NkosazanaDlamini, mother of four of his
children, divorced him in 1998, citing “irreconcilable differences”, but has remained a trusted
political ally. After a decade as foreign minister, she now serves in his cabinet as minister for
home affairs.
Meanwhile, the indefatigable MrZuma has just completed an exchange of premarital gifts
with Gloria BongiNgema, who works for IBM in Johannesburg and has a young son by the
president. Eight years ago he also paid lobolo(bride wealth), the first step towards a

10. traditional marriage, to the family of SebentileDlamini, a Swazi princess. She is still waiting
her turn. http://www.economist.com/node/15213994
South Africa’s polygamous president
Carolyn Moynihan | 6 Jan 2010 | (2)
Email
tags :AIDS, marriage, South Africa,
If the family is the basic unit of society, and if South Africa President Jacob Zuma’s
family is any kind of model, prospects of his country finding its way out of disease
and chaos seem slight. President Zuma has just concluded a “traditional” (African
customary) wedding with his third concurrent wife.
Thobeka Stacey Mabhija (Madiba), a Durban socialite, married Zuma in a civil ceremony
a few years ago and has been living since then in the president’s homestead with second
wife, NompumeleloNtuli. Ntuli has borne him two children and Madiba three.
The woman described as his “first wife”, SizakeleKhumalo, known as MaKhumalo,
presumably also lives in the Zuma compound. She has no children and is extremely shy.
As eldest wife (she is in her sixties) she should be in charge, but an expert says that if
younger wives are better educated they can decide among themselves who will run the
show.
But wait, there’s more. According to this commentator there have been two other wives
and still there are two would-be brides waiting in the wings. Zuma is said to have had
about 18 children with various women.
Zuma once told a television interviewer: “There are plenty of politicians who have
mistresses and children that they hide so as to pretend they’re monogamous. I prefer to
be open. I love my wives and I’m proud of my children.”
One wonders how mutual these sentiments are within the clan he is building. In any
case, what sort of father can he be to his children? Furthermore, isn’t Zuma’s polygamy
giving quite the wrong example to a country that has the highest rate of HIV/AIDS
infection in the world? The government’s own AIDS programme encourages people to
sleep with only one partner, and he is presumably sleeping with at least three.
Opposition politicians say the president’s polygamy also creates a financial burden for
the country. Christian Democratic Party leader Rev Theunis Botha described the latest
wedding as “a giant step back into the dark ages” and said such ancestral practices were
keeping Africa in superstition and poverty. He implied that the churches were not taking
a stand against “ancestral worship” and all that goes with it.
Wonder what Nelson Mandela thinks about it all… Uh-oh. He has been married three
times -- but at least not concurrently, and his first wife is dead. Perhaps Archbishop
Desmond Tutu, who is monogamous, as one would expect, might have something to
say. Without a proper understanding of family life it is difficult to see how South Africa
can make progress.
Photo: President Jacob Zuma,seen with his three wives SizakeleKhumalo, right,
NompumeloNtuli, left, and ThobekaMadiba.
Photograph by: MIKE HUTCHINGSCredit: AP

11. http://www.mercatornet.com/family_edge/view/6339
Women reject polygamy, choosing divorce
Abdul Khalik, THE JAKARTA POST, JAKARTA | Mon, 02/02/2009 9:29 AM
A|A|A|
An increasing number of Muslim women are choosing to divorce their husbands rather than continue in a
polygamous marriage, data from national Islamic courts show.
The courts recorded that in 2006 there were nearly 1000 cases of divorce resulting from wives’ disagreeing with
their husbands marrying another woman, an increase from figures in prior years.
Director General for Islamic guidance at the Ministry for Religious Affairs Nasaruddin Umar said Sunday he
believed the number of divorce cases linked to disputes over polygamous marriages increased again in 2008 and
would continue to rise throughout 2009.
“There has been a significant increase in divorce because women have been rejecting polygamy in recent years,”
he said.
Muslim scholar SitiMusdahMulia said the data indicated Muslim women were becoming increasingly aware of
their rights and also more economically independent.
“The data shows women are now daring to fight for their rights and reject male domination. They are now saying,
'What is the point in continuing a marriage when I am miserable'", she said.
Siti, a lecturer at the State Islamic University in Jakarta, said women were becoming more independent and
educated, two factors leading to a greater sense of worth and place.
She said Muslim women were becoming increasingly aware of their rights and potential through the tireless
efforts of NGOs and women activists who have launched campaigns against polygamy.
“This is a good sign. Efforts by organizations to raise awareness surrounding women's rights has begun to pay
off, even with discussions surrounding polygamy seeing a revival among Muslims with the release of the movie
Ayat-ayatCinta (Verses of Love),” said Legislator NursyahbaniKatjasungkana of the National Awakening Party
(PKB).
Verses of Love, a film about the conditions experienced by women in polygamous relationships, was one of
Indonesia's blockbuster films last year. Along with millions who flocked to see it, President
SusiloBambangYudhoyono and Vice President JusufKalla, also made prominent appearances at cinemas to see
the flick.
Many high-ranking officials praised the film while activists accused it of acting as propaganda encouraging
polygamy.
Meanwhile, polygamy is on the rise across Indonesia.

12. The Legal Aid Foundation of the Indonesian Women's Association for Justice (LBH APIK) received 87 reports of
polygamy last year, up from 16 in 2007.
http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2009/02/02/women-reject-polygamy-choosing-
divorce.html