This manual is a part of a 3-day Executive leadership training that was given in the Sequoia Retreat Center in Northern California.

1. The change starts from me3
, now!
coaching
guidee3

2. What is it in a nutshell?
To get an idea of what to expect from E3
training
you simply need to know what the three e’s stand
for. The first e represents enabling. E3
training chal-
lenges the way people think and the way people
behave. It will enable them to make big changes to
their lives, both at home and at work. This in turn
leads us to the second e, which stands for “em-
powering”. By helping people take a closer look at
themselves and better understand their actions,
we believe you as trainers will empower your train-
ees to grow as individuals.
Inevitably, looking at the world and yourself differ-
ently can prompt some big emotions, which is why
the final e stands for emotional. We want people to
get emotional, to feel anew as well as think anew.
It might sound like a grand vision, but we believe
you need to aim high. Happily, as experience
shows, participants really do expand their minds
and learn how to unleash the enormous potential
in each and every one of us.
This book will help you to do that for yourself and
for the people you are training.
Why is it important for the individual and the
company?
Harri Oikarinen, Head of R&D Center Ericsson Fin-
land, says, “Some people believe changing a work-
ing culture takes years.They’re the ones who aren’t
ready to change themselves or to influence others
today.” A company, no matter how large, is only as
good as the individual within it. It’s for this reason
alone that it makes sense for us to do everything
we can to help individuals realize and utilize more
of their potential. If you love yourself, and love what
you do, people will love your work.That’s a fact.
e3
coaching
DAY 1
Day One is all about
examining ourselves as
individuals and how our
fixed patterns of thinking
and behaving affect our
lives.
DAY 3
Day Three we’ll bring all
this together and see
how we can influence the
direction of our own lives
and the lives of others.
DAY 2
Day Two is about the
world around us and how
we build stronger, more
productive relationships
with others.
E3
Coaching Guide 32 E3
Coaching Guide
coaching
guide
e3

3. How does it work in practice?
Our goals might be grand, but our
methods are incredibly practical.
We recommend that participants
have the chance to stay away
from the hustle and bustle of
working and daily life for 48 hours.
This gives you, and them, the
chance to fully focus. It keeps
people’s minds clear and bodies
relaxed, while helping participants
to bond with you and each other.
If this isn’t possible, try and find a
place as chilled out and private as
possible. Ideally, this should mean
no other companies or groups in
the same place. Imagine some-
where you’d like to relax and you
get a sense of the perfect loca-
tion.
What results should I expect?
Everyone is different and so is
every group.You will face different
challenges and enjoy different
successes.That said, by follow-
ing this guide and adding your
own personal touches, there are
certain key results you should
expect. Firstly, expect your ways
of thinking about the world to be
analysed and challenged.
Famed British Philosopher Sam-
uel Alexander said: “Curiosity be-
gins as an act of tearing to pieces
our analysis.”
The first step to getting partici-
pants truly engaged and genu-
inely curious about how they can
change their lives is self-reflection
and analysis. Once they have a
greater and more honest under-
standing of themselves, they can
better understand how to work
more effectively with their peers.
And from that stage comes the
ability to share that knowledge
and self-awareness with others.
Put simply, you should expect
yourself and your participants to
have a far greater idea of what
they need to do to make a real
difference in their lives as soon as
they walk out the door.
4 E3
Coaching Guide E3
Coaching Guide 5

4. E3
Coaching Guide 7
er whether there’s enough diversity in
gender, age, roles and energy levels.Too
little diversity can make the sessions more
challenging for everyone involved.
With the group and venue organized,
you’ll need to arrange transport. We sug-
gest a bus, so the participants don’t need
to get stressed out about traveling to and
from the venue.
Before the course kicks off, make sure
you have all the material you need, both
to run the course and to showcase the
relevant theories and philosophies.You’ll
find a wealth of helpful materials at the
back of this guide. It’s also worth remem-
bering that we always use flip charts and
pen to illustrate the models rather than
PowerPoint presentations. A standard
checklist is also always a good idea too.
One key element of the training is music.
This is used in a number of ways, to set
the mood, to demonstrate a point, to
inspire discussion and to give people time
to reflect and think about the issues that
have been discussed.
Last but by no means least, make sure
participants have an empty notebook and
pen waiting for them.They’ll have lots to
write down.
3
4
5
6
Firstly, as we’ve already mentioned, you
need a venue. Ideally this should be
an intimate, private place without any
distractions.To help the group bond, we
traditionally have a sauna or Jacuzzi in
the evening.The venue should also be
able to provide hearty food and be far
enough away from the office that people
can’t pop out to do some work. If you
need help, please ask your fellow trainer
for suggestions.
Once you’ve organized the venue, you’ll
need to send out an invitation to your
selected participants. It’s important to
think of the group dynamic when putting
together your participant list. Consid-
1
2
Practical preparations
Typically in E3
Coaching sessions, there’ll
be two of you doing the training. But be-
fore you can properly start, you and your
training partner need to take some very
concrete steps to help make your partici-
pants’ journey as easy possible.
1
2
3
4
First and foremost, go over
the material until you’re
totally comfortable with each
section. Remember to think
about examples to illustrate
your points and the best way
to structure your day. Make
your own notes and agree
with your partner on how
you’re going to divide the
days. Every training session
will be different, but having
a set structure will make this
unpredictability easier to
manage.
It’s important to discuss your
group beforehand with your
fellow trainer. If you know
the participants you’ll have
a better idea about how
best to inspire them and get
them involved in discussions.
If you’re not familiar with
them, you can look at their
demographic and discuss
approaches and story exam-
ples, which might encourage
them to contribute.
If you have a group with
many participants who
don’t know each other, think
of ways of making it easi-
er for people to introduce
themselves. For example,
you could prepare a pile of
pictures and have partici-
pants pick which one reflects
something in their life or
personality. With the picture
as an aid, they could then tell
something about both their
professional and personal
lives.
We’ve already talked about
the importance of music in
E3
coaching and that applies
just as much to you as to the
participants. Listening to the
right tunes can really help get
you in the right mood, too.
Mental preparations
Once you’ve sorted out the practical arrangements, you’ll
need to make sure that you’re also mentally prepared.
Every trainer has a different way of doing this, but there are
certain things each of us should do.
Getting
started:
What you
need before
you begin
6 E3
Coaching Guide
DAY 1: The
individual
A closer
look at our
own lives
8 E3
Coaching Guide
It all begins
with you
2
Setting
the stage
1
Stress
5
DAY 1
Energy
3
Body & mind
4
Creativity
6
Freedom
7
Happiness
8

5. 8 E3
Coaching Guide
Top tips for
kicking off
in style
E3
Coaching Guide 9
Firstly, it’s important that everyone under-
stands they’re in a safe and trusting environ-
ment. Make sure they’re aware that while it’s
fine to discuss topics in general outside the
session, personal information shared in the
session remains in the session.
Make sure you and the participants have
a new empty notebook at the start of the
session. Not only is it great for recording and
drawing things, but it’s a great reminder of
how the session went and helps you to learn
during the session and afterwards. What’s
more, research has shown that writing things
down actually activates different parts of your
brain than that used for listening.
Be sure to highlight that you’re all in the same
boat and that you’re on the participants’ side.
In effect, ask them for permission to be their
coach. Be humble and reinforce how “we are
here to help each other grow”.
On the inside flap, make sure you write down
the structure of the days, so you have it firmly
fixed in your mind:
Quotes are a great way of kicking off any
discussion. Make a note of a few you think
might be useful and see how they work out.
Poems or song lyrics can also be great tools
for getting people to think differently.
Day 1: Our own life and our fixed thinking
patterns examined
Day 2: A detailed look at human interaction
Day 2: The necessity and reasons why we
need to learn and grow
Day 3: How to lead and coach ourselves
and others
1
2
3
4
5
DAY 1: The
individual
A closer
look at our
own lives
It all begins
with you
2
Setting
the stage
1
Stress
5
DAY 1
Energy
3
Body & mind
4
Creativity
6
Freedom
7
Happiness
8

6. 1.1 Discussion:
Why are we here?
In order for a company to
change and evolve, the
individuals must change and
evolve too.To showcase this,
draw a picture showing the
gap between people’s current
status and the status they
aspire to.
Tell the participants about our
belief that, in order to get radi-
cal improvement in everything
we do and think, we need to
move emotionally to next lev-
el. Ask them what they think
this means?
Ask them about the ways
the rapid changes happening
in the world today affect us.
How should we as individuals,
organizations and companies
evolve and develop? What are
the possibilities and what are
the challenges?
Discuss the different states of
a human being and whether
they consider themselves
frozen, sleeping, awake or
enlightened? Give examples
of how different philosophies,
such as Buddhism, focus on
the importance of enlighten-
ment.
Highlight how managing our
business is a “contact sport”,
in the sense that we all need
to be in contact with each
other to get better results.
Then ask them to give exam-
ples of how they do that.
10 E3
Coaching Guide
In the spirit of its radical
nature, we kick off the training
with a question that examines
the participant’s personal mo-
tives, asking them why they’ve
agreed to join the session. It is
this very first question, and the
answers it provokes, which will
help you make the rest of the
session unique.
There are many ways to help
kick start the discussion but
one thing you should keep
in mind is that the more you
give of yourself the more you’ll
gain.Your aim should be to
fuel the participants’ thinking.
The more fuel, the more ener-
getic and the more rewarding
the session will become.
1
2
3
4
5
5 easy ways to get a discussion
going
1.2 The difficulty
with dogmas
E3
Coaching Guide 11
What are dogmas and why they’re
all wrong
Now that you’ve discussed why
we’re all here, we want to take a
look at some of the established
models that try to explain reality
and the very nature of existence.
Our purpose here is to show we’re
not wedded to any one dogma,
but open minded about them all.
It’s important to tell the partici-
pants that we’re not there to tell
our truth or a single way of think-
ing about life. We’re there to share
stories that we’ve found meaning-
ful, and to hopefully also to hear
the participants’ stories. So how
do we begin?
A good way to prove our point
is to draw a picture about reality,
which shows that all theories and
models are simply a snapshot.
None of the models can present
reality as it really is. Plato’s Allego-
ry of the cave is great example to
get the discussion going.
Once you’ve presented some of
the models, highlight how differ-
ent people can have very different
views of the world.Take people
representing polar opposites, for
example Nelson Mandela and the
leaders of the apartheid, and ask
how people who view the world
from such different perspectives
can possibly co-operate.
“Tell me
a fact, and
I’ll learn.
Tell me
a truth, and
I’ll believe,
but tell me
a story and
it will live
in my heart
forever.”
– Indian Proverb

7. 1.3 Change
begins with
you
12 E3
Coaching Guide
Here’s five quotes
you might want
to use, alterna-
tively feel free to
use your own role
models.
wise men
on why
change is
important
Why you need more energy and
how to get it
Once you’ve established that
change is something to aspire to
and that people’s lives can only
change when they change as indi-
viduals, it’s time to talk about what
they need to do it. One key factor
is energy. Here are the five forms
of energy defined. Be sure to note
them down and give examples.
Matthew Syed:
Bounce: How Champions
are Made
tips for
reading:
“You must be the change you
wish to see in the world.”
Mahatma Gandhi
“To improve is to change, to be
perfect is to change often.”
Winston Churchill
“If you do not change direction,
you may end up where you are
heading.”
Lao Tzu
“Things do not change,
we change.”
Henry David Thoreau
“They must often change,
who would be constant in
happiness and wisdom.”
Confucius
1.4 Importance
of energy
E3
Coaching Guide 13
Physical:The ability to do what
you want and recover from it
Intellectual:The ability to learn,
absorb, apply, and create
Emotional:The ability to main-
tain constructive emotions
Spiritual:The belief and trust in
the non-rational
Social:The ability to cooperate,
tolerate, appreciate difference
The forms
of
energy
defined
Discussion: How energetic are you in everyday life?
After you’ve presented the different types of energy,
it’s time to have a discussion about how people
get energized in their everyday lives. Questions you
might want to ask include:
1
2
3
4
How do people around you impact on your
energy level? How do you impact on others?
How can you gain energy?
In which areas do you think you’re doing well
and in which areas do you think you need
improvement?
If you’re exhausted in one area, how can
you challenge yourself in another area to
balance the situation?
Success often comes from perseverance, and
carrying on when you want to quit. How do
you sustain your energy in difficult situations?
5

8. 14 E3
Coaching Guide
1.5 Gaining a balance
between body and
mind
The fast pace of our modern
lifestyle means that many
people have lost their natural
connection to their body’s
way of working. Consequently,
we often interpret our body’s
signals in completely the wrong
way. For example, according
to research many people have
weight problems because
they are eating, when they are
actually thirsty. When you learn
things like this, it’s easy to see
why it’s so important to try and
regain our balance.
Discussion: Which is in charge, body or mind?
This is a great opportunity for participants to look
closely at their own lives and try to analyze which
takes precedent, body or mind?To help them decide,
here are some useful questions to ask them.
1
2
3
Is it the body’s natural desire for comfort and
rest that guides you, or is it your focused mind
that gets you to exceed your limits?
Can you think of any real life examples, in
which either your mind or body has overruled
the other?
Finland’s Aalto University studied the connec-
tion between the mind, body and feelings.This
picture highlights some of their conclusions.
What do you think of their theories?
E3
Coaching Guide 15

9. Daniel Kahneman:
“Thinking fast and slow”
Suggested
reading:
circleofcon
trol
Middle part
of the circle:
Things you can
influence but
not decide or
control
Inner part
of the circle:
Things you can
control
Outer circle:
Things you
cannot influence
decide nor
control
16 E3
Coaching Guide
1.6 How to control
mental stress
Discussion: What do you think of this model?
The great thing about the Circle of Control
is how easy it is to understand and how
easy it is for people to relate to. One great
way to kick off the discussion is simply to
ask for participants’ real life experiences.
Once they’ve talked about their personal
lives, you can direct the discussion towards
working life, with questions like this:
E3
Coaching Guide 17
3
4
A closer look at the Circle of Control
The outer part of the circle
The outer circle represents those things you
cannot influence, decide or control. A good
example of this is the weather. If you focus on
things you can’t control it leads to frustration,
apathy, depression. Move your focus away
from this part of the circle.
The middle part of the circle
The middle part of the circle represents those
things you can influence, but cannot decide
nor control.This would include things such as
whether you get promoted or not.Too much
focus on this part of the circle can lead to
anger, stress and burnout.
The inner part of the circle
The inner part of the circle represents those
things you can control.This include things
like what time you get up and how you spend
your free time. If you focus here you gain a
sense of freedom. However, you need to take
responsibility for your actions.
1
2
When working teams have more pow-
er and agility, how does it change the
middle and inner circles?
Which areas should you focus on,
both at home and at work, and in which
ones do you get most stressed out?
Where does stress come from? Is it
the fear of failing or something else?
How do you handle stress? Can you
lessen it by changing how you view a
situation using analytic, suggestive or
conditioning methods like athletes do?

10. 18 E3
Coaching Guide
1
2
Why do we have limitations and where
do we learn them?
To be creative we need to allow our-
selves to make mistakes, but why do we
fear making mistakes so much?
Discussion: Why do we find it so difficult to
just go crazy creative?
Useful questions to help open the discussion
might include things like:
A good way of showing how messing around can
provide unexpected results is by showing this video
by GeverTulley.
Once the participants have watched this,
it’s discussion time again.
“Life lessons through
tinkering”
1.7 Why creativity
matters and how
to enhance it
“Life lessons
through
tinkering”
– Gever Tulley
Unleashing our creativity
is essential to us growing
as individuals. Author Julia
Cameron tackles this idea by
introducing the Little Creator
and the Inspector. According
to her theory, there are two
internal forces at work,
the Little Creator and the
Inspector.
The Little Creator manages
our intuition, creativity and
sensitivity. The Inspector
controls our reputation
by fear, intelligence and
knowledge, and is extremely
aware of rules.
E3
Coaching Guide 19
1
2
All people are creative.
Creativity is diverse.
We are not creative in the same way.
Creative diversity has 4 key variables
which describe the differences in creativity.
1. Your creative level: This means your
mental capacity, the skills you have and
your experiences.
2. Your creative style: How your brain likes
to work? How do you prefer to approach
situations? In a structured or less struc-
tured way?
3. Your motives: What motivates you to solve
problems and change things? What makes
you put your energy into something?
4. Your opportunities: We see opportunities
differently. Which opportunities interest
and inspire you most?
There’s no ideal form of creativity.
4 Principles of Creative Diversity
3
4

11. Unleashing your creativity
has a lot to do with freeing
yourself of your inhibitions.
Of course that is easier said
than done, but there are some
simple questions we can all
ask ourselves.
1.8 How to
be truly
free
20 E3
Coaching Guide
Viktor Frankl:
“Man’s search for meaning”
Suggested
reading:
Viktor Frankl: “Everything can be taken
from a man but one thing: the last of
human freedoms – to choose one’s atti-
tude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one’s own way.”
J. Eloranta: “Never act outside the norms
of your tribe.”
You’d be surprised how simple it is
to analyze how much importance,
time and effort we should give to a
life issue. Ask your participants to
apply these three simple questions
to practically any issue and they’ll
be amazed by the results.
Ask yourself a question in regard to
a specific issue or life in general.
Discussion: How free are you right now?
Freedom is a concept, which can mean
different things to different people.The
most important question for us, though, is
what it means to our participants.To get a
better idea of how they view freedom as
a concept and in their lives, you can ask
questions like these:
What is freedom? What or who
is limiting yours?
Whose life are you living?
What type of things do you
have the freedom to choose?
What is this actually all about?
What do I really want?
What do I need to do in order
to get what I want?
1
2
3
questions
that will
change
your life
E3
Coaching Guide 21

12. 1.9 Why happiness
is a choice
22 E3
Coaching Guide
The Dalai Lama said: “Happi-
ness is not something ready
made. It comes from your own
actions.”There are many defi-
nitions of happiness, but like
those of the Dalai Lama most
revolve around the belief that
you need to make the choice
to be happy.The question is,
what sort of choices do you
need to make? Here are three
simple rules to share with
participants, which can have a
profound and immediate effect.
What
exactly is
happiness?
super
simple rules
to a happier
life
The
Give up negativity
Focus on things that are in your control
Be honest to yourself, do what you like
Don’t expect or even try to be happy all the
time. Happiness doesn’t mean that you are
happy all the time.
Learn to be grateful
1
2
3
4
5
5
E3
Coaching Guide 23
Discussion: How do you make yourself
happier?
Everybody has their own way of trying to make
themselves happy and this is a great opportuni-
ty to get the group to discuss their own per-
sonal methods.To start the discussion, here are
some statements you can share and questions
you can ask.
Do you consider yourself happy?
Are you successful?
You can’t necessarily decide what will
happen in your life, but you can always
choose your attitude towards it.True or
false?
What is the relation between happiness
and success? Are they related? Which
one comes first?
1
2
3 4
5
To be honest to yourself and avoid hav-
ing to deal with past feelings later, you
should always face your feelings, both
negative and positive. Even when you’re
feeling negative towards something you
still can decide how to react to the situa-
tion.True or false?
One definition of success:You wake up in
the morning and go to bed in the evening
and in between you do something you
like. Does that describe you?

13. 1.10 What
have you
learnt
about
yourself?
me
24 E3
Coaching Guide
Reality:
Miracles happen only in dogma-free zone.
Energy:
People with energy succeed because they
have the power and persistence to get what
they want.
Focus:
You can save yourself from plenty of stress
and harm by focusing on the essential and
ignoring what harms you.
Dare:
Become the person you already are.
Attitude:
Weakness of attitude becomes weakness
of character. (Albert Einstein)
Choice:
Remember you have the power to decide
how you feel.
awe-inspiring
insights that
will change
your life today
1
2
3
4
5
6
Discussion: How do you feel about taking
control and full responsibility of your own lives?
E3
Coaching Guide 25
end of day 1:
6
DAY 2: Being
part of the
community:
Encountering
others and
personal
growth
26 E3
Coaching Guide
Love
2
Safety
1
Revelation
5
Enthusiasm
3
Miracles
4
Change
and crisis
6
Feelings
and motiva-
tion
7
Growth
8
Learning
9
Day Two
is about the
world around us
and how we build
stronger more
productive rela-
tionships.

14. DAY 2: Being
part of the
community:
26 E3
Coaching Guide
Love
2
Safety
1
Revelation
5
Enthusiasm
3
Miracles
4
Change
and crisis
6
Feelings
and motiva-
tion
7
Growth
8
Learning
9
Encountering
others and
personal
growth
Day Two
is about the
world around us
and how we build
stronger more
productive rela-
tionships.
E3
Coaching Guide 27
Day Two in a nutshell
During Day One you and the participants
looked at yourselves as individuals, now in
DayTwo it’s time to start discussing how
our behavior impacts those around us.
It’s important for you and the participants
to remember that the way we encounter
others can have a long-term impact on
our own wellbeing. What’s more, when we
better understand our own thinking, we
can build stronger relations with others
too.
Consequently, during DayTwo, try to
ensure people listen and learn from each
other via discussions on selected themes.
This will lead participants to share their
thoughts related to personal growth,
learning and building motivation.
By now you and the participants will
know each other a lot better. In Day
Two you’ll get even closer.To reflect
this newfound sense of camarade-
rie, choose an appropriately upbeat
song to kick start the day.
Kick off the day
with a song
Top tip:

15. 28 E3
Coaching Guide
Recap: A quick overview of Day One
Once the song has finished, start the day by
summarizing the main themes from Day One
and discuss how they resonated in the group.
This is a fantastic opportunity to gauge how
the coaching thus far as has affected the
participants. Of course, all groups are differ-
ent and have different needs and interests.
By getting feedback in this opening session
you can run the day on the fly and more easily
adapt the agenda for Day Two.
1
2
3
4
5
Ask what the participants learned
from yesterday.
Ask them to share their reflections
or feelings about Day One themes.
Share your own emotions with the
group and ask the participants
how they feel.
If you need to make the atmosphere
buzzier, you can also share one of
your own life stories.
Praise the group’s contribution and high-
light some interesting contributions.
for getting
the discussion
going
Tips
Often this discussion needs very
little encouragement. However if
you do need help, here are some
foolproof tips to get the discussion
going.
E3
Coaching Guide 29

16. 30 E3
Coaching Guide
The world
around us
– How
we
interact
with each
other
E3
Coaching Guide 31
Day Two is about the world around us and how
our interaction with it changes both us and the
people we live our lives with. With this in mind,
you and the participants will cover three topics.
How to build strong relationships
with others
What do we hide about ourselves?
How are we set in our ways of
thinking?
1
2
3
2.1 three questions
we’ll discuss today

17. “The quality
of our lives
is dependent
on the quality
of the lives
of our closest
ones.”
2.2 Why our quality of life
is dependent on others
The more we care for the happiness of others,
the greater our own sense of wellbeing. This
idea is nothing new, yet in the modern world,
where the primacy of the individual is celebrat-
ed more and more, it’s easily forgotten. One
very potent example of the power of we have
upon each other was demonstrated in 2010 at
the Museum of Modern Art in NewYork.
“The Artist is Present”, a 736-hour and 30-min-
ute static, silent piece, in which Marina Abram-
ović sat immobile in the museum’s atrium while
spectators were invited to take turns sitting
opposite her. On the first night, she was reunit-
ed with her ex-lover and collaborator Ulay, after
22 years. The video shows what happened next.
32 E3
Coaching Guide
questions
to ask4
1
2
3
How does this video make
you feel?
What does it take to really
know a person?
What kind of things can make
it easier or more difficult to
really know a person?
What really happened in
the video?
4
“The Artist Is Present” (2010)
This story is a powerful example of the effect
we have on each other, so feel free to use some
artistic freedom here when discussing it.
E3
Coaching Guide 33
Tell the story of how renowned Serbian-born
performance artist Marina Abramović, met
Ulay, but don’t reveal the details of the video
before people see it. This will help build up
the emotion when people view the clip.
top tip:

18. 34 E3
Coaching Guide
enthusiasm
love
safety
miracles
the
pyramid
of inter-
action
There are many different things, both per-
sonal and in the world at large, which help
or hinder us to realize our full potential. As
you’d expect, this subject has been widely
studied within psychology and there are
several different models, which try to cap-
ture the essentials.
One thing that these models all share is
the idea that if we can put all the nec-
essary pieces in place, together we can
make miracles. This sounds like a bold
claim so it’s necessary to go into greater
detail with the participants about how this
can happen.
To illustrate some key aspects that are
of utmost importance in all successful
interactions with others, you can use this
pyramid model. Be sure to write down
one layer at a time, and explain it, before
moving onto the next layer.
2.3 A closer
look at the pyramid of
interaction
E3
Coaching Guide 35

19. 36 E3
Coaching Guide
“The people
you
humiliate
won’t
pay for
your
dreams.”
2.4 Why we need
to feel safe
Once your basic needs have
been satisfied, the feeling
of safety is the basis for all
well-functioning relationships.
When you feel safe, you can
work on everything else. This
feeling of security goes hand
in hand with love. People don’t
want to get involved with you if
you make them feel like outsid-
ers or nervous. This destroys
any chance of working together
productively.
One way of looking at this is to
remember that you represent the
human side of your colleagues’
work environment, and they rep-
resent the human side of yours.
Consequently, how we act and
communicate influences others,
whether we want it to or not.
A good question to get partic-
ipants to illustrate this point is
to ask whether the atmosphere
gets better when they enter a
place or when they leave it.
E3
Coaching Guide 37
This discussion can really be
helped when you share some
of your own experiences with
the participants.
quick tip
Remember safety is the
base for all co-operation
and this should be empha-
sized in discussions.
top tip
Discussion: How do you
create a sense of secu-
rity amongst the people
around you?
questions
to kick-
start the
discussion5
3
How do you create a feel-
ing of safety around you
both at home and work?
What kind of things have
a negative impact on the
feeling of safety?
How do you retain your
own feeling of safety in
difficult situations?
1
2
4
5
Sometimes people feel un-
comfortable when other peo-
ple openly share their feelings.
For whom is this situation the
most scary and why?
What sort of positive and neg-
ative experiences have you
had in the office?
If you want to find out more about commu-
nicating in a way that will help you arrive at
solutions and be truly understood by other
people, read Marshall B. Rosenberg’s
Non-Violent Communication.
Suggested
reading:

20. 38 E3
Coaching Guide
2.5 let’s talk
about love...
The Beatles famously sang that
“love is all you need”, and while
this is a simplification of the reality,
it’s true that to be truly satisfied we
should be truly loved. Every single
one of us needs to feel a sense of
belonging and acceptance among
our social groups. There are, of
course, different forms of love.
“I’ve learned
that people will
forget what you
said, people will
forget what
you did, but
people will
never forget
how you made
them feel.”
– Maya Angelou,
American author and poet
Scott M. Peck:
“The Road Less Travelled”
Suggested
reading:
E3
Coaching Guide 39
Discussion: How can you show
unconditional love at work? What type
of love have you experienced at work?
There’s no doubt that unconditional love
benefits us all.Yet it’s not always easy to
show it or act upon it. In this discussion
try and find out why not. If you need help
getting things started, try these questions.
What sort of things do you do to
show you care for others in the best
possible way? How can that be ap-
plied to work life?
Would you be willing to feel discom-
fort for others’ sake if, for example,
you had to coach them in subjects
they’d benefit from but didn’t want to
hear about?
Love drives fear away. What do you
think of the following statement:
“If you care for someone, you cannot
win or lose the situation?”
1
2
3
Agape
spiritual, true
unconditional love
eros
romance, “physical”
passionate love
The different
forms
of love:4
These definitions came from Greek.
STORGE
affection such as
that which you felt for
family members
philiA
friendship, “mental”
love, brotherhood

21. If you really want to get yourself and
your team to the next level, there
needs to be both energy and
enthusiasm. Emotions are con-
tagious. When people are sad,
they spread sadness, when
they’re happy, happiness
radiates all around them.
To see this in action,
show your participants
this video of the
dancing guy, and
then ask them
whether they
have ever considered what kind of
emotions they spread to others.
Ask them what they think is impor-
tant in making a movement?
Do they have the courage to
be the first follower? And do
they love their colleagues
so much that they get joy
from supporting their
ideas as well as their
own?
40 E3
Coaching Guide
2.6 Living an
enthusiastic
life “Dancing guy”
Situational
Work you love
Pyramid of Success
Work you need to do
E3
Coaching Guide 41
2.7 Why miracles
are real and why
they matter
“What
a man
can be,
he must
be.”
Discussion: How do miracles
happen in your life? Have you
seen miracles in your work
environment? Can failure be
a miracle?
Look in the dictionary and
you’ll find that miracles are
defined in a number of ways.
The most commonly known
is “an effect or extraordinary
event in the physical world
that surpasses all known
human or natural powers and
is ascribed to a supernatural
cause.” However, another
definition is simply “a wonder
or marvel.” This is the miracle
we are talking about.
It’s in human nature to long
for miracles and once we
achieve them they can totally
change our lives. It’s impor-
tant for participants to realize
that in normal life a miracle
is a sudden positive devel-
opment towards something
better.

22. 42 E3
Coaching Guide
j o h a r i w i n d o w
increasing
openness
aroma of
your houseliving room
atticbedroom
Known to self
Arena
Facade
Blind spot
Unknown
KnowntoothersNotknowntoothers
Not known to selffeedback 2.8 Why revealing
your true self can
make a difference
The Johari window is a technique created in 1955 by two
American psychologists, Joseph Luft and Harrington
Ingham. Its aim is to help people better understand their
relationship with themselves and others.
E3
Coaching Guide 43
Discussion:
After one day of E3
coaching,
how well do you think you know
this group?
How can you increase your
“living room” so you increase
openness and free up energy by
not needing to hide things?
How can you find your blind
spots by using feedback and
feed-forward as tools?
Introduce the Johari window picture
and discuss how you can increase
your “living room” area and find your
“blind spots”. Then try and list the
ways to do that.
top tip1
2
3

23. 44 E3
Coaching Guide
characteristics
of the connected5The
Are wholehearted
Have the courage
to be imperfect
1
2
3 4
5
Though these two groups
share certain characteristics,
people in the connected group
Discussion: What’s the difference
between feedback and feed-forward?
Did you know: The word courage comes
from the Latin Cor, which means heart.
So, tell the story of who you are with your
whole heart.
Brene Brown believes vulnerability is
central to shame, fear and the struggle for
worthiness. However, it’s also the birth-
place of joy, creativity, belonging and love.
Why you need to reveal your true self
One of our basic needs is to feel con-
nected with others. Simply put, we all
long to belong. This feeling gives our
lives purpose and meaning. Conse-
quently, shame is related to the fear of
not being good enough and worthy of
connection. In a study on shame and
vulnerability, author and scholar Brene
Brown identified two kinds of groups:
Those who have sense of worthiness
and believe they’re worthy of love and
belonging and those who wonder if
they’re good enough. Which group do
your participants belong to?
Are true to themselves
and behave not as they
think they should, but
as they really are
Embrace vulnerability
Have compassion for
themselves and others
“Believe me, the crown of life is not
the happiness, but the courage and
the ability to be true.” – Martin Buber
E3
Coaching Guide 45
Let ourselves be seen,
vulnerably seen
To love with our whole hearts
To practice gratitude & joy
To believe that we’re enough
Working from that place,
We stop screaming & start listening,
We’re kinder and gentler to others
and to ourselves.”
– Brene Brown
“The power of vulnerability”

24. 2.9 What have we
learnt so far?
46 E3
Coaching Guide
enthusiasm
love
safety
miracles
REVELATION
GROWTH
E3
Coaching Guide 47
Discussion: How do you feel about these ideas?
What have you taken away from the themes we’ve
discussed today?
things to
remember
about dealing
with others7
Deep connection is based on the ability to be
authentic, your true self.
Be the first one expressing your own vulnerability;
that makes it easier for the other person to follow.
You can learn to be loving by doing acts of love
and by showing genuine respect for others.
Commiting yourself to the wellbeing of others
will strengthen the connection.
The person you humiliate won’t pay
for your dreams.
There is a reason why we have two ears
and only one mouth.
Which one is most important to you:
Being right or being happy?
1
2
3
4
5
6
7

25. 48 E3
Coaching Guide E3
Coaching Guide 49
“It isn’t
necessary to
change.
Survival isn’t
mandatory”
– W. Edwards Deming

26. 50 E3
Coaching Guide
Now that we’ve established that
change is both good and necessary,
it’s time to help the participants learn
how to implement that change.
A way to begin is to ask them if their
past is a prison or a school? If it is a
lesson, you use everything you have
experienced as a tool for learning.
Each failure is an investment.
You forgive your past and let it go,
because living your life is like climb-
ing a ladder: you cannot move on
before moving off the previous step.
It is not only about growing and
learning something new but also
getting rid of and unlearning of
something old.
The certainty-uncertainty see-saw
Certainty and uncertainty are basic
human needs. These need to be in
balance. If there is too much uncer-
tainty, the need for certainty in-
creases and vice versa. In situations
of change, the need for certainty
often increases and we should do
everything we can to act upon that
need.
Discussion: What is your attitude
towards change?
2.10 How to change
learn and grow
Charles Duhigg:
“The Power of habit”
Suggested
reading:
E3
Coaching Guide 51
Human beings instinctively try to keep
things stable. Just think about working
life and how people resist job rota-
tion, changing teams, changing office
premises and even changing desks.
However, there are things we can do
right now to adapt easier to change.
Why we shouldn’t fear change
For most of us, change is something
that naturally causes discomfort, fear
and resistance. To overcome this, ask
yourself some questions. What is there
exactly to fear? What can happen?
Why do you have these fears? What-
ever the answers, we should remem-
ber that a crisis equals both risk and
opportunity, and focusing on the latter
is far more beneficial than focusing on
the former.
2.11 Why change
always meets
resistance
“They always
say time changes
things, but you
actually
have to change
them yourself.”
– Andy Warhol
A good time to ask the
participants what their
attitude to change is.
Top
tip:
Risk & Opportunity
Crisis =

27. You might find participants now ask
the question, “Why even bother trying
to change?” The simple answer is that
your standards define the quality of
your life. If you aim higher, your quality
of life will be higher.
The only way to grow is to enter your
discomfort zone. By staying there long
enough, you’ll actually enlarge your
comfort zone. Why? Because the only
thing that typically limits us is our belief
in what it’s possible to achieve.
That’s how you raise your standards,
but just as importantly, how do you
make them stay higher? To begin with,
you need to remember that each one of
us has more potential than we use and
that you need to choose your refer-
ence group carefully, as it defines your
accepted level of standards.
52 E3
Coaching Guide
2.12 How to get out
of your comfort
zone and why you
should try it
comfort
zone
discomfort zone
Things that are
EASY
How to increase
comfort zone
Miracles
happen
HERE
Things that are
POSSIBLE
E3
Coaching Guide 53
The Marshmallow Test
A good example of the Anthony Robbins
quote is the Stanford marshmallow exper-
iment, which was a series of studies on
delayed gratification. In these studies, a child
was offered a choice between one small
reward (often a marshmallow) provided im-
mediately or two small rewards if they waited
until the tester returned 15 minutes later. In
follow-up studies, the researchers found that
the children who were able to wait longer for
the preferred rewards tended to have better
life outcomes.
“The marshmallow test”
“If you don’t
set a baseline
standard for
what you’ll accept
in life, you’ll
find it easy to
slip into
behaviors and
attitudes or
a quality of
life that’s far
below what you
deserve.”
– Anthony Robbins

28. 54 E3
Coaching Guide
We all know how much our
hearts can sometimes rule our
heads. In fact, every single day
we experience how our feelings
drive our actions. However,
you can learn to take a short
break before acting upon your
emotions. During that break
you can choose how you react
and what you choose to do. In
effect, you’ll be channeling your
emotional energy in the right
direction.
The bestselling author Daniel Pink’s
research shows that motivation and
fulfillment are the consequence of
three things.
Gaining autonomy, i.e. you can
decide how, with whom and when,
etc. you do things.
Gaining mastery, i.e. you can
master and learn new things.
Gaining purpose, i.e. there’s pur-
pose in what you do.
1
2
3
sources of
motivation
Daniel Pink’s
3
2.13 Why
feelings matter
to motivation
E3
Coaching Guide 55
How emotion is created by motion
Good leaders and coaches are able to
associate and disassociate with other peo-
ple’s feelings whenever necessary. When
stepping into another person’s world,
you need to empathize with how they are
feeling. Ask yourself “What are they really
missing?” and see if you can give that
person what they need, whether it’s safety,
certainty, the feeling of being important or
the feeling of being unique. It’s important
to remember that what they need is not
necessarily what they want. When leading
and coaching you also need to be able to
step back out of their world so you can
also see the big picture.

29. 56 E3
Coaching Guide
If you look at true professionals
in any discipline, they voluntarily
go to places where they can learn
and grow the most, the discomfort
zone. It’s sometimes said that “The
teacher arrives when the student
is ready”. Put simply, you will get
opportunities when you are ready
to learn. Another often quoted
pearl of wisdom is that “Learning
starts when the teacher leaves,”
meaning that real wisdom comes
only from doing. If you don’t read,
it’s the same thing as not being
able to read.
However, to lessen the resistance
to change, we must respect the
fact that clever people will not
swallow without biting, that is, they
won’t simply accept just any new
information.
The question you should now ask
participants is “How can they
boost their learning?” And then
highlight how it really is never
too late, for example by playing
the “Never leave the playground”
video.
2.14 When and how does
a human being learn?
“Never leave
the playground”
E3
Coaching Guide 57
To learn, give yourself a wider perspective on the world.
Push yourself to the discomfort zone.
Learning is about solving bottlenecks.
The real truth is often hidden.
Your beliefs dictate how much you can learn and observe.
The real professionals go where they grow most rapidly.
Raising your standards, changing your beliefs and correcting
your strategy boosts learning.
Discussion: What is competence management really about?
Have choices you’ve made in your career helped you to grow
and learn?
important
truths
about
learning7
1
2
3
4
5
6
7

30. 2.15 Summary:
What have we
learnt so far?
58 E3
Coaching Guide
We
“When you
plant seeds
you might
not know
what they’ll
grow into,
but you do
know
how good
a quality
they are and
how many
you planted.”
things to
remember
about
learning and
teaching9
E3
Coaching Guide 59
Discussion: How do you feel
about these ideas?
Revealing yourself is a
prerequisite for growing.
It’s impossible to live a free,
creative life unless you reveal your
inner self to yourself and to others.
Your current life is a result of
your current beliefs.
We have more potential than
we use in reality.
If fear is part of your relationship
with others, you’ll never be able to
co-operate successfully.
1
2
3
4
5
Focus more on people’s potential
rather than their limitations.
We instinctively aim for our com-
fort zone, away from pain towards
pleasure.
The more you exert yourself, the
bigger your comfort zone gets,
the greater your abilities become
and the wider your possibilities
are.
It is the task of coaches and lead-
ers to push the employee into the
discomfort zone.
6
7
8
9

31. 60 E3
Coaching Guide
Tom Demarco:
“SLACK”
Suggested
reading:
E3
Coaching Guide 61
Day Three in a nutshell
DayThree is always special. It’s the
summary of the whole emotional expe-
rience of the group and, consequently,
you’ll need to tailor content based on
the previous days reflections and your
own experience. In the following pages,
you’ll find examples of the themes you
might want to discuss, but experience
tells us that the last day of every ses-
sion is very different.
An example of how Day Three might look:
1. Start with the Keating video,
how to influence others.
2. Discuss the process of responsibility.
3. Analyze the Golden Circle.
4. Talk about the challenges and benefits
of coaching.
5. Revisit topics which people were
enthusiastic about in Day One andTwo.
6. End with an appropriate video or story.
Recap: A quick
overview of the
days before
One good way to start
this day can be with the
“spot on” video, or with
a longer personal story.
Top tip for
kicking off:
DAY 3: How to effectively
influence your own
and other people’s
lives
62 E3
Coaching Guide
2
Keating video,
how to influence
others
1
Topic which
people had lot of
interest during
day 1 or 2
5
DAY 3
3
Coaching
4
Ending video /
story
6
Golden circle
Responsibility
process

32. DAY 3: How to effectively
influence your own
and other people’s
lives
62 E3
Coaching Guide E3
Coaching Guide 63
3.1 The 3 things
you need to do
to influence others
The ability to influence others is crucial to successful
leadership. It’s something you can teach your partici-
pants to do by following three simple rules.
1
Gain permission to
approach (and influence)
Here you can show the
Mr. Keating “I’m on your
side” video, which is rele-
vant for all three of these
rules.
2
Make contact
By this we mean
make sure you’re
on the same side
as the people you
influence.
3
Have something
valuable to give
When it’s clear you
have knowledge
and experience to
share, people listen.
2
Keating video,
how to influence
others
1
Topic which
people had lot of
interest during
day 1 or 2
5
DAY 3
3
Coaching
4
Ending video /
story
6
Golden circle
Responsibility
process
“I’m on your side”

33. 3.2 To be able to lead
others, you first need to
be able to lead yourself
64 E3
Coaching Guide
“A leader is best when people barely know
he exists, when his work is done, his aim
fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.”
Lao Tzu
“Leadership is the capacity to translate vision
into reality.”
Warren Bennis
“Before you are a leader, success is all about
growing yourself. When you become a leader,
success is all about growing others.”
Jack Welch
thoughts about
leadership5
“A leader is a dealer in hope.”
Napoleon Bonaparte
“The art of leadership is saying no, not
saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.”
Tony Blair
E3
Coaching Guide 65
They can move between association
and disassociation.
They can measure the things they
want to develop.
They can give immediate and accurate
feedback.
They can make people willingly take
action that they wouldn’t otherwise
necessary do.
They lead people rather than processes.
1
2
3
4
5
essential
qualities
of a winning
influencer
The
9
6
7
8
9
They don’t take themselves too
seriously.
They focus on things they have the
power to influence.
They know how to inspire change
by generating urge to change some-
thing better.
They motivate people by creating
feelings of success about things
that are important to them.

34. 66 E3
Coaching Guide
top tips
that will
help you
coach better10
First thing is to ask for the permission
to coach.
Find out what is the most important
to the person you’re coaching.
Clarify first the vision and purpose.
Say out loud what you are observing, as
well as what you are sensing and hearing
between the lines (body language).
Be bold to challenge people.
1
2
3
4
5
Discussion: What needs to
change in your inner world?
6
7
8
9
10
Respect the fact that everyone
is unique with own experiences.
Summarize and reflect back
what you hear.
Help to identify what motivates
the other person.
Learn to understand non-verbal
hints and weak signals and active
listening.
Focus on the success of the other
person; it’s not about you.
E3
Coaching Guide 67
Coaching can mean different things to
different people – influencing, helping
others or even a service – but how
does the participant view it?
Discussion: What exactly is coach-
ing? Is it mentoring, facilitating or
leading?
3.3 Coaching
defined and
analyzed

35. why
how
what
68 E3
Coaching Guide E3
Coaching Guide 69
3.4 Golden circle:
The Martin Luther King
way to communicate
Simon Sinek is a British author
who has analyzed how great
leaders inspire action and why
some people are able to achieve
things, when others are not.
His simple theory is called the
Golden Circle and he believes it
shows a pattern found in all great
leaders. Simply put, they all think in
the same way, and it’s the opposite
of everybody else. When they influ-
ence people they use an inside out
way of communicating, asking why,
how and what.
Draw the picture of the Golden
Circle, explain and discuss.

36. Responsibility
Owning your ability and
power to create, choose,
and attract
Quit
G
iving
up
to
avoid
the
pain
of
Sham
e
and
O
bligation
Obligation
Doing what you have to
instead of what you want to
Shame
Laying blame onto oneself
(often felt as guilt)
Justify
Using excuses for things
being the way they are
Lay Blame
Holding others at fault for
causing something
Denial
Ignoring the existence
of something
step-by-
step
process*)
70 E3
Coaching Guide
*) rights registrated to
Christopher Avery
No one thinks about personal
responsibility when things go
well. However, when some-
thing goes wrong, no matter
how large or small the prob-
lem, The Responsibility Pro-
cess kicks in. The mind offers
“Lay Blame” as a reason. If
you accept blame as a suffi-
cient reason for things going
wrong, then you will act on
that blame. If you don’t accept
it, then your mind offers you
an excuse (Justify). And so on.
This means taking personal
responsibility is a step-by-
step process of refusing to act
on a series of irresponsible
thoughts that your mind offers
up.
Discussion: Do you take full
responsibility of your life and
your choices?
3.5 Why leading
others begins
by taking
responsibility
for yourself
E3
Coaching Guide 71

37. 3.7 An overview
of the whole
three days
3
1
2
3.6 How to lead
yourself so you
can lead others
Getting enlightened: Find out what it is that
you really want. What is your purpose in life?
Gaining commitment: Be committed to work
for your purpose. Are you ready to pay the
price?
Aiming for rebirth: Connect to your feelings
and deep emotions; examine your thinking
and behavior. Get ready to grow and learn
new thinking and behavior. Also be ready to
unlearn past patterns of behavior and beliefs.
Finding role models: Look for support from
others and set new standards for yourself.
Doing, doing, doing! Whatever it is that you’ve
decided to work for, you need to continue do-
ing it.You need to act in order to make things
a reality.
1
2
3
4
5
72 E3
Coaching Guide
The best way to look at the whole three days
is to start from the beginning again, asking
the same question about changing the world
and what that now means to the group. Try
to raise the discussion from within the group.
This will make the whole experience more
complete and emotional. Remember that we
are aiming for sustainable change for both
individuals and the organization.
In this final discussion, put
some people in the spot-
light and ask them to share
their thoughts.
Top
tip:
E3
Coaching Guide 73

38. 3.8 Ending
of the session
Write a letter to your-
self that will be sent
to you after 6 months.
In the future you
can read what you
planned to do and
reflect upon what has
changed.
www.futureme.org
List 4 or 5 characteristics,
which describe you.These
can be strengths but also
things, which you could
improve. Place these in the
“What I am today” column
and then title another column
“How I can be better tomor-
row” and list your thoughts.
Share a touching
story, which sum-
marizes the different
topics discussed
during the previous
couple of days.
There are a variety
of ways to finish the
session. Needless to
say, you know your
group best, but if
you’re stuck for ideas,
you could try these:
74 E3
Coaching Guide
Top tip:
Congratulations!You’ve made it to the end of the three
days. The question on most of the participants’ minds
now is what happens next. It’s important at this point
to remind them that learning really starts when the
teacher leaves. Simply put, what matters the most is
what they do next and how and why they change.
1 2 3
E3
Coaching Guide 75
”Shiny eyes”

39. thank
you!
76 E3
Coaching Guide
• Anthony Robbins: Awaken the giant within
• Brene Brown: Gifts of imperfection
• Charles Duhigg: The Power of habit
• Daniel Kahneman: Thinking fast and slow
• Daniel Pink: Drive
• David Novak: Taking people with you
• Eckhart Tolle: Power of Now
• Jim Collins: Good to Great
• Julia Cameron: The artists Way
• Marshall Rosenberg: Non Violent
Communication
• Martin Seligman: Flourish
• Michaly Csikszentmihalyi: Finding Flow
• Michaly Csikszentmihalyi: Flow,
The psychology of optimal experience
• Robert Cialdini: Influence
• Robert Fly: Iron John
• Robin Sharma: The monk who sold his Ferrari
• Robin Sharma: The saint, the surfer and the
CEO. A remarkable story about living your
heart’s desires
• Robin Sharma: Who will cry when you die
• Scott M. Peck: Road Less Travelled
• Syed: Bounce, The Myth of Talent and
the Power of Practice
• Tom Demarco: SLACK
• Viktor Frankl: Man’s search for meaning
tips for
reading:
E3
Coaching Guide 77

40. www.ericsson.com