I gave this presentation on Domestic Violence to a group of high school students, interacting with them on their thoughts and feelings regarding the subject and how it has impacted their lives and the lives of those around them. My hope is that it is a source of hope and insight for you!

1. Domestic Violence Tim Marcy, MABC, LPC Intern

2. What is Domestic Violence? What are some examples of each? http://www.whbw.org/what-is-domestic-violence?/

3. Intimidation Making her afraid by using looks, actions and gestures Smashing things Destroying her property Abusing pets Displaying weapons

4. Emotional Abuse Putting her down Making her feel bad about herself Calling her names Making her think she’s crazy Playing mind games Humiliating her Making her feel guilty

5. Isolation Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads and where she goes Limiting her outside involvement Using jealousy to justify actions

6. Minimizing, Denying & Blaming Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously Saying the abuse didn’t happen Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior Saying she caused it MDB: TOP 3 OBSTICLES TO ACCOUNTABILITY

7. Using Children Making her feel guilty about the children Using the children to relay messages Using visitation to harass her Threatening to take the children away

8. Economic Abuse Preventing her from getting or keeping a job Making her ask for money Giving her an allowance Taking her money Not letting her know about or have access to family income

9. Male Privilege Treating her like a servant Making all the big decisions Acting like the “master of the castle” Being the one to define men’s and women’s roles

10. Coercion and Threats Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her Threatening to leave her, to commit suicide or to report her to welfare Making her drop charges Making her do illegal things

11. So, What is Domestic Violence? In short, Domestic Violence (DV) is any use of the above-mentioned tactics/abuses in an attempt to gain Power and Control over one’s intimate partner, be they a girlfriend or boyfriend, wife, husband or fiancé. …And though physicalviolence is a part of the definition of DV, DVis not limited to physical violence!!!

12. WHY DO PEOPLE USE DV? TOP 3 REASONS: CHOICE!!! IT WORKS! LOW CONSEQUENCES

13. The Impact of DV How does DV impact Society? How does DV impact your state? How does DV impact your city? How does DV impact your school? How does DV impact you? What do you think? Any guesses?

14. Children and Teens Living in Violent Homes Focusing on Families and YOU: DV’s Tragic Impact Runaways Violence on Our Streets Food Addictions Sexual Assaults Date Rape Sexual Harassment Use of Pornography Teen Pregnancy Violence at School Truancy New Generations of Violent Families

15. If you love me, why do you:make fun of me?threaten me?hit me?try to control me? Ask yourself: How well do I know the person I like, the person I would like to date, the person I’m dating? Are they a violent person? Will they use violence against me? Are they already using violence against me? Am I allowing myself to see it for what it is, DV? What will happen if we break up? What will he do to me then? I’m scared.

16. SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

17. Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings Do you: feel afraid of your partner much of the time? avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated? wonder if you’re the one who is crazy? feel emotionally numb or helpless?

18. Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior Does your partner: humiliate or yell at you? criticize you and put you down? treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see? ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments? blame you for his own abusive behavior? see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

19. Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats Does your partner: have a bad and unpredictable temper? hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you? threaten to take your children away or harm them? threaten to commit suicide if you leave? force you to have sex? destroy your belongings?

20. Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior Does your partner: act excessively jealous and possessive? control where you go or what you do? keep you from seeing your friends or family? limit your access to money, the phone, or the car? constantly check up on you?

21. National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474 | 1-866-331-8453 TTY http://www.LoveIsRespect.org/

22. Healthy Relationships: A Snapshot http://pathwayscourses.samhsa.gov/vawc/vawc_4_pg7.htm

23. Detailed Equality Wheel http://pneumalifefoundation.org/?page_id=18

24. References Hope’s Door Battering Intervention and Prevention Program: www.hopesdoorinc.org Domestic Abuse Intervention Project: http://www.theduluthmodel.org/ Women Helping Battered Women: http://www.whbw.org/what-is-domestic-violence?/ HELPGUIDE.ORG: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm CSAP’s Prevention Pathways: http://pathwayscourses.samhsa.gov/vawc/vawc_4_pg7.htm Pneuma Life Foundation: http://pneumalifefoundation.org/?page_id=18