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Do You Speak Jackal or Giraffe? Designing Sustainable Relationships

Join this interactive session and discover the Empathy First method for peaceful teams. Whitney Hess, User Experience Coach, will show you how to apply Nonviolent Communication to everyday work conflicts we all experience. Find out if you're stuck in judgments and blame getting in the way of effective collaboration, and learn how to create better relationships with clients, colleagues, and yourself.

Emphasis will be on practical ways to give and receive empathy, and simple techniques that help us take responsibility for our own feelings and needs. All attendees will receive free handouts tailor-made for this audience.

Come to this session with prepared questions about the causes of conflict in the workplace. You can ask her anything! She will also share many of her own personal experiences and insights to guide and inspire you.

Takeaways:
- Exposure to the basics of Nonviolent Communication
- An understanding of how judgments, criticism and blame cause conflict and hurt productivity
- Clarity on why practicing empathy is important to effective teamwork
- A simple technique anyone can use to practice empathy for ourselves and others
- The desire to keep practicing, and an awareness of where to continue this learning

Do You Speak Jackal or Giraffe? Designing Sustainable Relationships

  1. 1. Do you speak Jackal or Giraffe? Designing Sustainable Relationships Whitney Hess whitney@whitneyhess.com whitneyhess.com @whitneyhess
  2. 2. @whitneyhess #sustainableux My boss hates everything I do ﬔey won’t let me do it the right way She never listens He gets in my way He derails every meeting  He doesn’t take me seriously  She’s a slacker I don’t get any credit  ﬔey don’t respect my authority  I always get shot down  She doesn’t have what it takes I am stuck I can’t do anything right
  3. 3. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Environmental EconomicSocial ViableBearable Equitable SUSTAINABLE
  4. 4. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Social sustainability is… the ability of a social system, such as an organization, 
 to function at a defined level of social wellbeing indefinitely thwink.org
  5. 5. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Social sustainability is… “a process for creating sustainable, successful places that promote wellbeing, by understanding what people need from the places they live & work” social-life.co
  6. 6. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Understanding what people feel and need = empathy
  7. 7. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Understanding what people feel and need = empathy including ourselves
  8. 8. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Empathy Practices User Research Usability Testing Empathy Mapping Simulators
  9. 9. @whitneyhess #sustainableux
  10. 10. @whitneyhess #sustainableux “Our world offers abundant resources for meeting needs: When human beings are committed to valuing everyone’s needs and have regained their skills for fostering connection and their creativity about sharing resources, we can overcome our current crisis of imagination and find ways to attend to everyone’s basic needs.” baynvc.org
  11. 11. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe
  12. 12. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe
  13. 13. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe
  14. 14. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe My boss hates everything I do ﬔey won’t let me do it the right way She never listens He gets in my way He derails every meeting  He doesn’t take me seriously  She’s a slacker I don’t get any credit  ﬔey don’t respect my authority  I always get shot down  She doesn’t have what it takes I am stuck I can’t do anything right
  15. 15. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe My boss hates everything I do ﬔey won’t let me do it the right way She never listens He gets in my way He derails every meeting  He doesn’t take me seriously  She’s a slacker I don’t get any credit  ﬔey don’t respect my authority  I always get shot down  She doesn’t have what it takes I am stuck I can’t do anything right
  16. 16. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe My boss hates everything I do My boss gives me lots of feedback
 on my work My boss asks me lots of questions about my work My boss requests many iterations and alternate solutions My boss attends every meeting I frequently solicit feedback from my boss and my colleagues I receive feedback even when I didn’t ask for it
  17. 17. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe My boss hates everything I do My boss gives me lots of feedback
 on my work My boss asks me lots of questions about my work My boss requests many iterations and alternate solutions My boss attends every meeting I frequently solicit feedback from my boss and my colleagues I receive feedback even when I didn’t ask for it OBSERVATIONS
  18. 18. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of feedback on my work, I feel…
  19. 19. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of feedback on my work, I feel insecure, anxious, ____________ FEELINGS
  20. 20. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of feedback on my work, I feel insecure, anxious, ____________ Because I value direction, learning and growth, but I also need ___________
  21. 21. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of feedback on my work, I feel insecure, anxious, ____________ Because I value direction, learning and growth, but I also need trust, support, space, ___________ NEEDS
  22. 22. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of feedback on my work, I feel insecure, anxious, ____________ Because I value direction, learning and growth, but I also need trust, support, space, ___________ I guess my boss feels _____________ FEELINGS
  23. 23. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of feedback on my work, I feel insecure, anxious, ____________ Because I value direction, learning and growth, but I also need trust, support, space, ___________ I guess my boss feels _____________ Because she needs _____________ NEEDS
  24. 24. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe My boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of feedback on my work, I feel insecure, anxious, ____________ Because I value direction, learning and growth, but I also need trust, support, space, ___________ I guess my boss feels _____________ Because she needs _____________ How can I tell her how much I value her ________ and ________, but also need trust, space and ________? What are other ways to share feedback that would meet her needs and mine? REQUESTS
  25. 25. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe Self-Empathy Empathy for Others Honest Self-Expression Self-Criticism Judgment of Others Blame and Shame
  26. 26. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe My boss hates everything I do ﬔey won’t let me do it the right way She never listens He gets in my way He derails every meeting  He doesn’t take me seriously  She’s a slacker I don’t get any credit  ﬔey don’t respect my authority  I always get shot down  She doesn’t have what it takes I am stuck I can’t do anything right
  27. 27. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe He derails every meeting He speaks at length in every meeting He introduces topics that aren’t on the meeting agenda Other people participate less when he is in the room We don’t agree to decisions before the end of the meeting He asks questions about decisions that have already been made He challenges others He changes his mind often OBSERVATIONS
  28. 28. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe He derails every meeting When he asks questions about decisions that have already been made, I feel _______, __________, _________ FEELINGS
  29. 29. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe He derails every meeting When he asks questions about decisions that have already been made, I feel _______, __________, _________ Because I value ________, but I also need _______, _________, _________ NEEDS
  30. 30. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe He derails every meeting When he asks questions about decisions that have already been made, I feel _______, __________, _________ Because I value ________, but I also need _______, _________, _________ I guess he feels _____________ FEELINGS
  31. 31. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe He derails every meeting When he asks questions about decisions that have already been made, I feel _______, __________, _________ Because I value ________, but I also need _______, _________, _________ I guess he feels _____________ Because he needs ____________ NEEDS
  32. 32. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe He derails every meeting When he asks questions about decisions that have already been made, I feel _______, __________, _________ Because I value ________, but I also need _______, _________, _________ I guess he feels _____________ Because he needs ____________ How can I tell him how much I value his ________ and ________, but also need _______ and ________? What are other ways to have him involved that meet his needs and mine? REQUESTS
  33. 33. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Jackal Giraffe Self-Empathy Empathy for Others Honest Self-Expression Self-Criticism Judgment of Others Blame and Shame
  34. 34. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Nonviolent Communication • All actions are attempts to meet needs • All needs are universal • All feelings point to needs being met or unmet • All conflicts are over strategies, not needs Assumptions Intentions • Separate observations from judgments • Care equally for everyone’s needs • Practice self-empathy • Commit to honest self- expression
  35. 35. @whitneyhess #sustainableux Today’s decisions will impact tomorrow’s possibilities
  36. 36. ﬔank you! Whitney Hess @whitneyhess whitneyhess.com whitney@whitneyhess.com Slides and handouts at 
 whitneyhess.com/sustainable/

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