How to be a great listener

Dr. Yahya K. Mohammed Ali
Medical Adviser and Trainer
Qualified Pharma.
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Yahya K. Mohammed Ali

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*Everyone wants to talk; few have the wisdom
or the skills to listen.
*The skill that makes people feel you’re a great
conversationalist is listening.
*Listening is one of the most valuable skills you
can develop if you want to be effective in
dealing with people.

*
*Listening skills are effective game-changers
with people of any age—from teenagers to
octogenarians!
*Few people achieve this level of expertise in
listening. It’s a skill that will draw people to
you and make them find value in being with
you.

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*Family and friends. Listening more and talking
less is the most effective strategy to avoid
breaks in these relationships. You will become
the go-to friend if you’re quick to listen rather
than quick to give advice.
*Your boss. Listening carefully to your boss
before taking action is wise. It is better to
understand her vision fully and to prove that
you heard her than to give a fast response that
may slightly miss the mark and disappoint her.

*
*Your customers or others you serve. Customers
often say that it is not the failed product or
service that angers them—it’s that they didn’t
feel the employee listened to what they said.
*Strangers and acquaintances. Until you know
someone better, you don’t know what will
motivate, interest, or even offend them. Spend
time listening while in the getting-to-know-you
phase.

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The Do’s of Listening

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*The most important sign of listening has nothing to
do with your ears, but with your eyes! Great eye
contact is a must.
*make listening noises. Ah, uh-huh, and mmm.
Subvocals are a powerful secret weapon in
demonstrating that you’re a responsive and caring
listener.
*Paraphrasing and repeating: People love to hear
their own words and comments coming back to
them
*Body language, particularly your facial expressions

*
*Be sure to take notes to capture facts and
further demonstrate that you’re paying close
attention.
*Keep your remarks brief and ask questions.
Asking a question says to conversation
partners, “You are so interesting and what
you’re saying is so important that I want to
know even more.”

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The Don’ts of Listening

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*Don’t fiddle with pen or papers, or use any
distracting gestures while you’re listening.
*Don’t relate everything to yourself. “The same
thing happened to me one time …” or “That’s
just like my old boss, he …”
*Don’t constantly check your phone or other
electronic device.
*Don’t be guilty of clipping.

*
*Don’t abruptly change topics when someone is
talking to you. This is like leapfrogging from
one lily pad to the next.

*
*Be sure to use the speaker’s name as frequently as
comfortable
*Whenever people approach or call, smile and greet
them warmly. (Yes, smile on the phone. People can
“hear” a smile.)
*Practice the art of embracing interruptions.
*When the conversation is over, say thank you
verbally
* Call a few days later to see how a situation turned
out.

Developing the Power of the Pause
*

*
*When your conversation partner says her last
syllable, wait one or two seconds before you
begin speaking.
*In many cases, she hasn’t really said all she
wanted to say!
*We jump in because we have been
scriptwriting.
*Scriptwriting is the habit of thinking of what
you want to say next while your partner is still
talking.

*
*Your partner will think you have found what
she says worthy of mulling over for a second or
two.
*When you begin speaking again, your partner
will feel you have first listened to what she
had to say and will listen more attentively to
you in return.
*Pausing feels awkward at first, but stick with
it.

The Art of Responding
*

*
*Respond to whatever is said, even if it appears
not to require a response.
*Most of the time, when your boss or your
spouse accuses you of not listening, what they
really mean is you didn’t respond in a way that
proved you were listening.
*I understand; I’m sorry; I can help you …; I
understand you’re upset and frightened, but …;
I don’t know, but I can find out; and let me
help you.

*
*One of the best responses is the open question.
You encourage the speaker to go on talking and
tell you even more.
*How did that come about?
* Tell me about …
*Describe …
*Would you like to talk about it?
*Let’s discuss it …

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*You cannot be a great listener if you only deal
with the facts of a conversation and not the
feelings.
*Every conversation operates on two planes at
all times: the text and the subtext.
*have you heard people say “I don’t mind” or “I
would be glad to” when they actually sound as
if they mind very much and are not at all glad?

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*Empathy is the intellectual identification with
experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or
attitudes of another.
*our brains actually experience what others
experience. When someone smiles at us, we
spontaneously smile. When someone screams in
pain, we cringe.
*Demonstrating empathy means you show your
partner that you feel her pain

*
*You can also show empathy when you
acknowledge the joy someone takes in her
accomplishment
*The hilarity someone felt when she viewed her
toddler doing something funny
*The emotions are of equal or greater
importance than the facts, so be sure to
include both in your response.

*
*Empathy statements are not difficult once you
practice
*You must be feeling very (FEELING WORD)
(Examples: frustrated, disappointed, excited,
upset, overjoyed, let down).
*Because (SUMMARIZE THE SITUATION)
(Examples: you don’t have an answer yet; you
won; I was late; this will be expensive).

*
*“You must be feeling frustrated because no
one consulted you before moving forward.”
*It doesn’t matter if you guess the feeling word
exactly right. In fact, in many cases, the other
person loves to come back and change your
feeling word like this:
*“Well, not exactly frustrated but certainly
doubtful about what to do next.”

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*Be careful not to choose feeling words that,
although accurate, might be unflattering to the
speaker.
*Although true, you wouldn’t tell the speaker in
the preceding example that she must feel
“threatened,” “petty,” or “snubbed.”
*No matter how you phrase empathy, your
conversation partners will appreciate your
trying

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*Listening skills can completely change the relationship
dynamics with anyone, from teenagers to
octogenarians.
*Paraphrasing give evidence that you have listened.
*Avoid clipping, or jumping in as soon as your partner
says her last syllable.
*Don’t underestimate the power of a pause after your
partner speaks.
*Responding is even more important than listening, as
it makes your partner feel listened to.
*Empathy statements must acknowledge the underlying
feelings, as well as the facts of what was said.

How to be a great listener

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